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Post By
CrazySugarFreakBoy!

Member Since: Sun Jan 04, 2004
Posts: 1,235
In Reply To
HH

Subj: I apologize for snapping.
Posted: Wed May 14, 2008 at 09:04:05 pm EDT (Viewed 505 times)
Reply Subj: Right, I'll see what I can do.
Posted: Wed May 14, 2008 at 07:13:04 pm EDT

Previous Post

> I'll repost my e-mailed comments below (highlight to read):
>
> I'd prefer you keep his identity vague, so that Wendy doesn't know who he is, or what his connection to her brother is. She doesn't have a history with him (yet), and I'd prefer his identity to be a bit more of a full-on dramatic reveal, later on (if I ever hear back from Champagne).
> Unlike Dream, Martin DOES have a secret identity (he works for Zone: Zero, after all), but that should be as easy as editing out all the mentions of his first name, and instead of Wendy saying, "my best friend's mom and wife," having her say, "a superhero's mom and wife."
> Second stylistic choice - instead of saying, "She's mine to keep forever and ever," have him simply say, "My prize." As far as he's concerned, she's more incidental than anything else - he might decide to play with her in some not-so-nice ways, or he might decide to let her go, but ultimately, it's about watching Dream squirm.
> In the end, he'll probably return her to her brother, if he's able, but only so he can say, "And now, you know what I CAN do, if I CHOOSE to." I think that's more in keeping with the Pertwee and Delgado dynamic between Dream and Martin.
> Nit-picks:
> Leslie, not Lyons, and the "T" In UltiMAX-TremeMan is capitalized.
> Other than that, roll with it.


It turns out I'm not getting a tax rebate after all, since an old debt from the Navy, of which I was never informed, finally came to light this year, since this was the first year I've ever qualified to get money BACK from the IRS.



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