Tales of the Parodyverse >> View Post
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Post By
HH
In Reply To
CrazySugarFreakBoy!

Member Since: Sun Jan 04, 2004
Posts: 1,235
Subj: Right, I'll see what I can do.
Posted: Wed May 14, 2008 at 07:13:04 pm EDT
Reply Subj: You REALLY need to get a new e-mail. I sent my revisions to the piece you showed me TWICE already.
Posted: Wed May 14, 2008 at 05:47:45 pm EDT (Viewed 589 times)


> I'll repost my e-mailed comments below (highlight to read):
>
> I'd prefer you keep his identity vague, so that Wendy doesn't know who he is, or what his connection to her brother is. She doesn't have a history with him (yet), and I'd prefer his identity to be a bit more of a full-on dramatic reveal, later on (if I ever hear back from Champagne).
> Unlike Dream, Martin DOES have a secret identity (he works for Zone: Zero, after all), but that should be as easy as editing out all the mentions of his first name, and instead of Wendy saying, "my best friend's mom and wife," having her say, "a superhero's mom and wife."
> Second stylistic choice - instead of saying, "She's mine to keep forever and ever," have him simply say, "My prize." As far as he's concerned, she's more incidental than anything else - he might decide to play with her in some not-so-nice ways, or he might decide to let her go, but ultimately, it's about watching Dream squirm.
> In the end, he'll probably return her to her brother, if he's able, but only so he can say, "And now, you know what I CAN do, if I CHOOSE to." I think that's more in keeping with the Pertwee and Delgado dynamic between Dream and Martin.
> Nit-picks:
> Leslie, not Lyons, and the "T" In UltiMAX-TremeMan is capitalized.
> Other than that, roll with it.





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