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Rhiannon
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The Hooded Hood continues the sectional saga while folks continue the feedback

Subj: As brilliant as the story might be I am extremely glad that you didn't wake me up to tell me to read it.
Posted: Sun Mar 16, 2008 at 10:40:20 am EDT
Reply Subj: #326: Untold Tales of the Parodyverse: On Things (and People) That Go Bump In The Night - Complete
Posted: Sat Mar 15, 2008 at 08:49:48 am EDT


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#326: Untold Tales of the Parodyverse: On Things (and People) That Go Bump In The Night
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>

>
> Go straight to part 1: On the Transfer of Power
> Go straight to part 2: On the Completion of Old Business
>
> Previously: UT #325: On the Return of the Juniors (and On the Return of Caph)
> Characters in this story outlined in the Cast List
> Situation overview in A Caph Recap
> Glossary of Caphan terms in The Caph Lexicon
> Previous chapters at The Hooded Hood's Homepage of Doom.
> Descriptions of our regular cast at Who's Who in the Parodyverse.
> Locations explained in Where's Where in the Parodyverse.
>
>
***

>
> On the Transfer of Power
>
>     The House of Kiivan had been hastily refurbished, filled with lavish gifts from great lords who wanted their Emir to be very certain that they had supported him all the time of his exile. The Imperial Palace thronged with new-given slaves and furnishings and jewels. Ohanna kept the list of it, for there was as yet no time to appoint a Vizier or High Leman to record everything. She’d drafted Hacker Nine to keep the database.
>
>     There were all kinds of decisions to make and all kinds of people wanting to see the Emir. Lord Vaahir of Viigo placed himself squarely between the new-returned Prince and the office-seekers, his dour look and fearsome reputation sufficing to keep powerful lords at bay. Many remembered who it was that had slaughtered every last man of the House of Oodan.
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>     Kiivan closeted himself in his study with the great database of Caph, with Visionary and Vaahir and Losiira. Occasionally Caphans great and minor would be summoned then sent off with jobs to do.
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Who knew there was so much paperwork after you took over a planet?” Visionary sighed. “Lisa never mentioned it.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“There are many people vying for Prince Kiivan’s attention now,” Losiira noted. “Nobles who wish preferment, those who fear punishment for collaboration, those who demand justice or compensation for their losses. Senior slaves from the merchant guilds with urgent questions about supplying the stricken cities. Bards that wish to learn of the deeds of the Emir to satisfy the hunger of the crowds. Men and women seeking vengeance for the wrongs done them during the occupation. I have called for two dozen adminstrators from the Eunoch’s Guild to begin the prioritising.”
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“If it’s any help I can go outside and glare at the traitors,” offered Vaahir. “A reputation for wiping out whole Houses that annoy me can be useful sometimes.”
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“That’s great,” agreed the Emir. “I might actually take you up on that wiping people out thing if these desperate idiots don’t stop alternately fawning over me and treating me as if I was still three. Where’s Ohanna? She and I had a list of all this stuff worked out with the Librarians. Isn’t she done with the new ownership codifications yet?”
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“She’ll be ready soon,” Vaahir said evasively. “What do you want doing with the Caphans that sided with the Pigeonwarriors? To the mines?”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“We’ll give them their day in court,” Kiivan allowed. “For now use the Thonaggarian lock cages and see they’re guarded by somebody you trust.”
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“There’s a lot of diplomatic messages too,” worried Vizh, thumbing through the thick wad of scrolls from the offworld communications towers. “Everyone either wants a treaty from you or demands a tribute. A lot say you owe them money.”
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“If they took contracts with those who raided Caph then they can chase the Thonnagaraians for payment, and good riddance to those who helped with the oppression of my world,” answered Kiivan. “In fact find me a good galactic attorney and we’ll counter-sue for damages their trade caused to the planet.”
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And tell those worlds seeking tribute that we stand defiant,” added Vaahir.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Tell them that if they want to bother Caph they’ll need to talk to the Lair Legion first,” added Vizh quietly. “Or I can get them Mumphrey’s address. Or Donar’s.”
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>     Kiivan shot the possibly-fake man a quick, grateful smile and turned to the next pile of papers. Losiira laid a hand on it to prevent him taking them.
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“It is late now, Master,” Kiivan’s new house-mother noted. “And you will need to be sharp and ready for tomorrow’s high court.”
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I have all kinds of things I need to do before that,” the Emir protested. “That pile…”
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Pardon, Master,” Losiira bowed low, “but Mistress Ohanna said that you valued honesty and initiative amongst your slaves. And she asked that I be sure you do not use your strength unwisely, but husband it for when you will need it most.”
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>     The Emir of Caph looked up at the determined headwoman of his House. “Ohanna said that, did she?”
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’m sure your eminence would not punish a humble slave such as I for daring to care about his wellbeing,” Losiira manipulated expertly.
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>     Vaahir and Kiivan exchanged impressed glances at how well the pleasure slave could handle a master. “In the morning, then,” agreed the Emir. “I do feel a bit exhausted. Liberating planets and getting mortally wounded and initiating worldwide timejumps and restructuring societies is a lot more tiring than it looks.”
>
>     Losiira nodded understandingly. “I will light you to your chamber, Master,” she promised him. “And there you may regain your true self.”
>
>
***

>
>     Serooq, High Priest of Raathi, carefully touched his taper to the votive bowls and lit the scented oil. The glass containers each began to glow a different hue, painting the masjid with rainbow lights. He bowed to the glass image of the founder of his sect, and only then turned to meet his visitors.
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Well?”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“He means it,” Prince Laartroon of Laartros answered in a hushed but agitated tone. “Everything he said. The fines on the Houses that collaborated. The compensation courts for the dispossessed. The restrictions on offworld sale of chattels. He’s even sticking to that ridiculous revision of the Code of Ownership that he proposed.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I tried to talk to him,” added Lord Troovis of Troovis. “He wouldn’t listen. That damned Vaahir was there all the time, interposing himself between me and the Emir.”
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Of course he was,” snorted Laartroon. “He’s going to do very well out of this, is Vaahir. Warlord of Caph. The power behind the throne. Do you think he’s going to let the boy hear anything that isn’t to his advantage?”
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>     Troovis shook his head. “I tried to make Vaahir see reason. Offered him a very acceptable bribe. He threw me out. Me!”
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“The alien war chief was there too,” reported Laartroon. “Lord Viisionary. He said little but the Emir was very attentive to him. I wouldn’t be surprised if all those absurd notions have come from his head. Him and that Lair Legion he serves.”
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And from the wench Ohanna,” complained Troovis. “If ever a slave needed flogging back to her place…”
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“So Kiivan is serious in his intentions,” interrupted Serooq. “He seeks to alter the sacred traditions of our world, the right order of things. Whether these ideas are his own or those of others who control him does not matter. Only preserving that which should be.”
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“He’s too popular,” frowned Laartroon. “And well protected. Assassination would be problematic just now. The mob would rend anyone who attempted it.”
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>     Serooq looked down at the seething party in the courtyards of the city below, his lip curled with disgust. “He is Caliph and Emir, and his person is sacred,” he chided his visitors. “If he is leading our world astray it is our duty to guide him back to the right ways. If others whisper blasphemies in his ear then it is they who must be removed.”
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>     Laartroon and Troovis liked the sound of that. “How shall it be done?” asked Troovis.
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“There are means,” answered the cleric.
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“If his reforms fail – when his reforms fail – the boy will be exposed as a fool and a failure,” Laartroon noted. “The way will be open for him to receive… better advice.”
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And they shall fail,” promised Serooq. “Raathi has already shown me ways to make it so.”
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Has he now?” said Laartroon with a vicious little smirk.
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“He has, praise him. And the first such gambit may be the last we need.” The high priest gestured his conspirators closer. “It all begins at the Great Court hearings tomorrow…”
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>
***

>
>

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> On the Completion of Old Business
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>     Ohanna of Raael also worked late into the night, long after she had dismissed the flagging Zack Zelnitz to return to his kitchen refuge.
>
>     But as the second watch was beginning Ohanna found herself surrounded by Miiri and her tent-sisters, each carrying a small bowl of scented oil with a lit taper.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“What’s this?” Ohanna asked, taking a step back.
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You know what this is, little sister,” replied Miiri with a smile. “We’ve come to prepare you.”
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>     Ohanna looked nervously at the women. “Prepare me for what?”
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You know what,” Sayaana answered. “You know our customs. You called upon the Emir of All Caph. You claimed the rakka hoth of him, the salvation-quest. You demanded of him the rights of all Caph to be freed from the raiders who had taken them.”
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And he did that,” Losiira declared. “Nobody can deny it. Our world is alive and free because of it.”
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And there is not a soul alive on this world today who does not believe that he did it because of you,” added Luuma. “For you.”
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>     Ohanna conceded that with a little tilt of her head.
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And now the rakka hoth is redeemed,” Kaara noted. “And the Emir is owed a reward.”
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>     Ohanna found herself blushing. “Kiivan and I… we’ve been together for a long time. Friends. Rivals, even…” She glanced over at Philaana. “You will be the mother of his child, most valuable of the women of his harem…”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“But you are his best beloved,” the daughter of Ytirar answered. “We went to the Emir with joy to do our duty to him, and we are proud to be so honoured. But tonight and always his first thoughts will be for you. And when his hand reaches out in the darkness it is you he should find.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You he must find,” corrected Odoona, who was a romantic and a traditionalist.
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“If you want him to find you,” Miiri added to her younger kin. “But I think that you do. Or did you accept that ring of his just because it looked nice?”
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>     Odoona looked at the band on her finger. It was of gold, with an Earth diamond set upon it.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“There is an Earth custom,” Deeela explained to her tent-sisters, “wherein a man and a woman give themselves to each other to own forever. The ring is a sign of it. Kiivan was asking Sir Mumphrey about it.”
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Kiivan’s a smart boy,” approved Miiri.
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“He is a good man,” Noona declared. “And you should go to him, Ohanna.”
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“He’s still working,” Ohanna objected. “There’s so much to do.”
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Knowing when to stop your Master working is one of the great skills of a pleasure slave,” lectured Sayaana. “He must know rest and comfort so that he may be refreshed for tomorrow.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“But mainly it comes down to this,” Kaara said practically. “He loves you. You love him. You’re been burning for each other for so long that you don’t know how to begin now.” She gestured to the exiles. “That’s why we’ve come as your sisters. To help you. To prepare you. Now come and be anointed and garlanded, because you have a duty to perform; to Kiivan, to Caph and to yourself.”
>
>     Ohanna took a deep breath. Miiri shot her an encouraging smile.
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yes,” Ohanna said, the first tinges of a smile appearing on her lips. “Take me to my lord.”
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>
***

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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Ah,” understood Kiivan as the fringed curtain across his bedchamber was pushed aside and the girls entered with their candle-bowls, leading Ohanna of Raael. His throat was strangely tight as the young woman entered, her oiled body carefully painted by her sisters.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hello, Kiivan,” Ohanna greeted him. “I have come to give you thanks.”
>
>     Kiivan noted the mother from the bardic college amongst the retinue, beside Losiira and the other former exiles, and he realised that this was another official function.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I asked of you the rakka hoth” Ohanna declared, “the salvation-quest that is the right of every Caphan of their Emir, to save me and my world from those who would oppress it. I declare that that rakka hoth is fulfilled, by your body and blood.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And yours, Anna,” the Prince answered. “Make sure the ballads get that point very clear. The House of Raael has kept the treasures of Caph safe since time beyond telling, and its last daughter has excelled all the generations before by her loyalty and courage.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“About that,” Ohanna replied. “On the day that the invaders attacked, my father, Kiivas of Raael, bade me take charge of certain things which are yours by birth. I have brought them to you tonight, because now they are yours by right.”
>
>     Kiivan already had the sword of Gaath, first ruler of All Caph, slung by its scabbard at the head of his bed. Now the Prince realised that Ohanna bore with her the Sceptre of Korrvis. She carried the Orb of Truul and the first crown of the Caliphate on the B’Tari Codex that was the first record of lineage of the Houses of Caph. She wore the Xindii Vision Stones – and only the Xindii Vision Stones.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“These are yours to take,” Ohanna told him, laying the treasures of Caph at Kiivan’s feet. “All of them.”
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Well done!” proclaimed Miiri. “And now we all go get a nice cup of chak-lat and leave these two young people to their own ceremonies.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“But…” the bard-mother began to protest before Kaara and Noona hooked their arms around hers and led her to the door, “The ballad… it has to have an ending!”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Ohanna will brief you on the ending in the morning,” Deeela promised. “We’re all looking forward to hearing about it. But for now the Emir of Caph wishes to speak alone with his best beloved in all the world.”
>
>     There was a general exit of pleasure slaves. Only Ohanna remained behind, colouring nicely as she added the Xindii Vision Stones to the pile of treasures.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Well,” said Kiivan, smiling, “this is very different from the first time you shared my bed with me.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Then we were frightened children huddling for comfort,” Ohanna told him. “Now we are man and woman, and comfort is only part of what we desire.”
>
>     The Prince was suddenly uncertain. “You don’t owe me anything, Anna. You know that, don’t you? You really are free.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Our culture would say different, that you are owed everything I can give you. Ask the revered bard-mother out there how the story must end. But even if that is not the case, Kiivan, you owe something to me.” She held up her hand, where the diamond ring sparkled. “At least, as I understand Earth customs, this comes with certain duties and obligations, in its giving and receiving.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“It does,” the Prince agreed. “Ohanna, I love you.”
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“As I recall, you told that to all of Caph, at the exact moment when I needed to hear it most.”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And you?” Kiivan asked anxiously. “All our tales are full of the glorious moment where the hero proclaims his love for the girl, but we never wait to hear if…”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I love you,” Ohanna cut him short. “How could I not? You’re my best friend. You’re my match. Apart we’re both strange, incomplete, damaged creatures. Together we change worlds. And you want me.”
>
>     Kiivan nodded. “I want you. Come to my bed. Forever.”
>
>     They kissed then, an electric meeting of lips and minds.
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“There are certain things which are yours by birth,” Ohanna whispered hoarsely, holding him close. “But some are won only with your deeds. I have brought them to you now, because now they are yours by right.”
>
>     Then at last there were duties and obligations, there was giving and receiving; but those seeking more knowledge of such things are referred to the Caphan ballads which recount the occasion in lengthy detail.
>
>
***

>
> Next: On What Happened in the Kroth Barn
>
>
***

>
> Cast List:
>
>
> High Caphans of Rank:
>
> Prince Kiivan, Emir of All Caph, is the rightful heir to the Caliphate and liberator of his homeworld. He escaped when Caph was invaded by Thonnagarians, trained in different times and places, and returned just over an Earth year later having grown to adulthood to save his people.
>
> Ohanna of Raael is Kiivan’s constant companion, and as the Caphans would put it “his heart’s desire and best beloved”. She is younger sister to the exiled Caphan Miiri, and arguably the most extensively offworld-trained woman of Caph. Although Caphans have no such custom she is now Kiivan’s fiancée.
>
> Vaahir of Viigo is Caph’s greatest warlord, Prince Kiivan’s mentor and right-hand man in retaking Caph. Vaahir’s passion for the Lady Kaara of Jaaxa is celebrated in song and story.
>
> Serooq, High Priest of Raathi is one of the religious leaders of Caph, keepers of tradition and morality. Now that the Thonnagarian invasion is over he has been able to come out of hiding to lead the Caphan people in right ways.
>
> Prince Laartroon of Laartros was offworld at the time of the Thonnagarian takeover and therefore avoided the worst excesses of the occupation. He has returned now to reclaim his estates and stake his position in the new hierarchy of Caph.
>
> Lord Troovis of Troovis survived the reign of Prince Aarmis by being alternately stupid, subservient, absent, and stupid. He sees a future for himself in politics.
>
>
> The Lost Flowers of Caph: Nine Caphan pleasure slaves sold offworld to the Slimy Slaver Lovetoad and liberated by the Lair legion during the Transworlds challenge, now finally returned to the world of their birth. The nine are:
>
> Deeela, a daughter of Chieftain Ytirar by Iliia the Fair, She and her triplet siblings are sometimes called the Lost Jewels of the House of Kelinda after their abduction by raiders on the occasion of their vina drea (ceremony of bonding) to Laamis of Laamis. Deeela dreams of becoming a bard like her tent-sister Losiira.
>
> Sayaana, also one of three daughters born to the Chieftain Ytirar out of Illia the Fair. She is the best weaver and needlewoman of the group, and most accomplished at performing kelanath-sto.
>
> Philaana, younger sister to Sayaana and Deeela. She bears a child of Prince Kiivan, Emir of All Caph.
>
> Noona of Portaa. the older of two sisters sold offworld to the Slimy Slaver Lovetoad from the marketplace of Luutan. She is Losiira’s lover.
>
> Miiri of Earth, daughter of Prince Kiivas out of Ekooria of Damaar, is the most liberated of the Caphan exiles. When she was no longer owned by Visionary (a fiction anyway for the comfort of the rescued slaves) she returned to him as a lover and bore him twin children, Magweed (Naari) and Griffin. Miiri no longer wishes to be owned by anyone save herself.
>
> Odoona of Portaa. Noona’s younger sister, a romantic dreamer; she has an unspoken crush on Lord Visionary.
>
> Losiira of the Nine Songs is the oldest of the nine Caphan exiles, and the only one accredited by the bardic college. She had now been accredited as a slave-mistress and house mother, and has been awarded the rank of mistress of the House of the Emir. She also carries a child of Prince Kiivan.
>
> Luuma Swiftheels, famed for her athletic prowess, also carries a child of Prince Kiivan.
>
> Kaara of Jaaxa, last daughter of a murdered House, was ravaged and sold into slavery. The youth who strove to own her was Vaahir of Viigo, and his exploits to escape and save her are chronicled in the Tenth Caphan Saga in Untold Tales #202-212.
>
>
> Heroes From Earth:
>
> Visionary, possibly-fake man and headmaster of the Junior Lair Legion training programme, was formerly the accidental owner of nine Caphan slave girls, including Miiri who later mothered his twin children. His yellow coat is often mistaken on Caph for the saffron mantle of a powerful lord.
>
>
> Other People Mentioned
>
> Lisa Waltz, first lady of the Lair Legion, recently gained the cosmic post of Destroyer of Tales. Before that temporarily ruled the worlds of Technopolis and Apocalyspe.
>
> Sir Mumphrey Wilton was the formidable leader of the Earth coalition during the Parody War, and is not known for suffering fools gladly.
>
> Donar, Hemigod of Thunder is one of the Ausgardian pantheon, an old member of the Lair Legion and the League of Regulars with Visionary. He smites people.
>
>
***

> Original concepts, characters, and situations copyright © 2008 reserved by Ian Watson. Other Parodyverse characters copyright © 2008 to their creators. The use of characters and situations reminiscent of other popular works do not constitute a challenge to the copyrights or trademarks of those works. The right of Ian Watson to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the UK Copyright, Designs & Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved.






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