Adventures in Parodyverse: Precision Instrument, Part 2


    Previously:  Anna and Yuki discuss some of the android’s history, as it would apply in court.  Anna wins her decision, and is granted citizenship by Judge Nancy Connor, after motions filed by Arnie J. Armbruster.  The lawyer is then banned from her courtroom.


    Now


    It was about an hour after leaving court.  Hatman’s office was very crowded, as the entire Lair Legion was packed into there.  Normally, this kind of thing was declared a meeting, and done in the meeting room - but Anna felt more comfortable in this kind of setting.

    Yuki started out telling the group what they knew so far about Anna, mostly the same facts used in court.  But after that came more detail - things that were not necessary in court, but that the Lair Legion might be curious about.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Dr. Lia Anne Paul was a toy designer at Paradopolis U.”  Al B. Harper chimed in after Yuki spoke her piece.  “I’m surprised she’d design something like this, though.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“So you’re not angry that she and SPUD stole your body design patents?”  Yuki asked.

    He shrugged.  “Unfortunately while the patent office protects my work from being pilfered by civilians, the military is free to steal them.”

    Yuki shook her head.  “Whatever.  Anyway, apparently Anna was designed like me, only lighter and stronger with better alloys...like the high performance race car version of me.  That’s why she weighs so little.  And with multiple smaller batteries, which I’ve got to get someday...Al.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hmm?”  Al B Harper wasn’t paying attention.  He was reading something on his PDA.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Anna, tell Al why your software couldn’t be analyzed.”

    That made Al B Harper finally pay attention.

    Anna swallowed hard, feeling nervous with everyone staring at her.  “I...don’t have software.  Just very simple firmware.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Firmware.  Hehehe...”  Dreamcatcher Foxglove commented.

    The android ignored him.  “It just operates my body’s systems.  The rest is a chain of memories.  One to the next, and to each other.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“What’s your first memory?”  Al asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I...couldn’t move,”  Anna replied.  “But I could hear, and I could see.  Lia would talk to me, show me things.  Upload basic information to my brain, like languages.  I could see a television.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“That was likely before your head was attached to your body, or before your body interface had been linked up or calibrated.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Maybe.”  Anna responded weakly.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Al, we’re here so everyone can learn stuff, not just you.”  Yuki protested.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yuki, that’s how Anna learned to behave, to interact.”  Al pointed out.  “Just like an infant.  While Anna was helpless, Dr. Lia talked to her, nurtured her.  It’s the basis for her entire matrix of memories, and her personality profile.  I think I see how this all works now.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Well maybe I should summarize it in plain English, then, so everyone else can see.”  Yuki said.  “Anna has no behavioral software, she has firmware that controls her body and base instincts.  Shut up, Dream.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Awww.”  Dream protested.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“The reason she’s not very good for military or mass production use is she has to be taught, and properly.  Otherwise she’s about as useful as a human baby.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“And you know what’s the most interesting part?”  Anna finally brightened.  “Hallie started out as behavioral software, but I think she evolved into what I am, and discarded the software.  It’s still there, but I don’t think she uses most of it anymore.”

    Yuki and Al B Harper looked at each other.  “How did you know that?”  Yuki asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I saw a prototype of the software she had.”  Anna explained.  “But it doesn’t coincide with some of her behavior.  Some of what she does violates the basic rules of the software.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“That’s curious.”  Al noted.  “And...could you fix it for her?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“No, I’m afraid of damaging her.”  Anna replied softly.  “Maybe if I had a way to test it first.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hey Yuki, now she’s talking similarly to me.”  Al taunted his purple-haired friend.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah, right about now I’m regretting Anna’s behavior being regulated by learning.”  she said.

    As if to emphasize Yuki’s point, Al B Harper offered a raised hand to Anna, who high-fived him.  Then Anna laughed as Yuki rolled her eyes and moved away.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Something sure has changed with her.”  Visionary commented to Yuki while Al and Anna chatted.  “She’s more confident around us now.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“It’s because of us.”  Yuki told him.  “We always had confidence in her.  It’s finally setting in.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“There’s a problem though.”  Vizh noted more quietly.  “Did you notice Hallie isn’t here?  She’s kind of--”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I know.”  Yuki interrupted him curtly.  “This might set back the robot rights movement, and with my name, and my known hatred of the Machine Shop attached to it...”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah.”  the possibly fake man nodded.  “Anyway...just tell Anna to give Hallie some time to cool off, okay?  I think she’ll get past it.  I hope, at least.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Always the optimist.”  the purple-haired legionnaire laughed.  “I’ll talk to Hallie if you want.  After all, she may have to save Anna’s life someday.”

    Vizh stopped her.  “I already had two people speak on Anna’s behalf.  And there are no two better people for the job.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Who?”  Yuki asked.

    He smiled.  “My kids.  Magweed and Griffin.”


TO BE CONTINUED
    

-- Story written and copyrighted (C) 2010 by Jason Froikin, and may not be 
--    reprinted without permission.  
-- Yuki Shiro designed by Jason Froikin, based on designs by Masamune Shirow
--  Liu Xi Xian and the Psychic Samurai are original design by Jason Froikin
--  Lara Night is an original creation by Jason Froikin

...Does Anna need to learn things like a human, or can she have information downloaded to her, giving her a complete understanding of a foreign language in just moments? This story and others seem to say both.

Oh, and I wouldn't go around talking about "fixing" Hallie... I can't see that kind of talk being appreciated by her. She's very proud and protective of her code.

Looking forward to the next bit...



One note: It was Judge Nancy Connor in part one, not Judge Cooper. I think she might be referenced a few times as the debate goes forward, so let me know which you prefer to be used.

Commentary by Judge Nancy Connor

    
    July 4th, 1776, was one of the most frightening days in U.S. History.  It was the day our Declaration of Independence was adopted by our original thirteen colonies, asserting our independence from the exploitative regime of the British Empire.

    It was frightening, because it meant war with the world’s most powerful entity at the time.  It placed our United States of America in danger of being wiped out before it even began.  But we declared our independence anyhow, and we fought, and we persevered, and then thrived, eventually becoming one of the world’s premier powers.

    Without that Declaration, we would all still be subjects of the British Empire.  We would be unable to determine our own destinies, and be subject to laws of a foreign land.  Our trade, our work, our very lives molded by people who live far from us, don’t truly understand us, possibly don’t care.  

    It’s quite possible, even, that we would be living in fear.  Long before the Declaration of Independence, the British were afraid of us, of our power.  They passed laws to suppress us, to make sure we would never become powerful.  Those laws would no doubt still be in effect today, keeping us under the thumb of Great Britain, keeping us frightened and weak.

    The Declaration of Independence wasn’t a miracle, it was a first step.  The easiest step, in actuality, on a hard road to greatness.

    Granting an android citizenship was not intended as a revolution; it was intended as a protection, and to open discussion on a subject.  It was a first step.  I hoped that it would be met with intellectual curiosity, and thoughtfulness rather than fear.  It’s not a perfect solution; but neither is the U.S. Constitution.  Instead, it’s a decision that opens doors, and paves the way for us to live harmoniously with the technology developing all around us.

    Laws are being proposed in the U.S. at this very moment, to control and to suppress artificial Americans, to mute and bind them, so that they will never feel powerful.  The people sponsoring those laws are using fear to promote them.  

    Some of which are based on legitimate concerns that, by all means, should definitely be a topic of discussion - but others are simply designed to promote a reactionary removal of artificials’ privileges for the sole purpose of exerting absolute legal control over them.

    My answer to those proposing such laws is the following:  There should not be widespread granting of citizenship to all artificials; it should be handled on a case by case basis, starting with the ones who request it.  This one particular artificial who appeared in my courtroom appeared before me polite, well behaved, and articulate, as well as meeting all the legal requirements for citizenship.

    Should artificials be allowed to vote?  Another topic open for debate, and a topic I believe would have come up eventually anyhow.

    I believe this is an opportunity for Americans to be progressive and thoughtful; it disappoints me to see the recent backlash.  I ask only that you set aside your fears, open your minds, and see what happens.  The future is on its way whether we like it or not.  It’s up to each of us to choose whether to reject it fearfully, or embrace it heartily.

Judge Nancy Connor



-- Story written and copyrighted (C) 2010 by Jason Froikin, and may not be 
--    reprinted without permission.  
-- Yuki Shiro designed by Jason Froikin, based on designs by Masamune Shirow
--  Liu Xi Xian and the Psychic Samurai are original design by Jason Froikin
--  Lara Night is an original creation by Jason Froikin

It's conditional. Things like behavior and mannerisms and speech she has to learn. Languages she can download because that's more like a conditional translation matrix (like Babelfish, only with better grammar). But she won't be able to speak like a native unless she hears one speak and observes them.

Note that it can cause problems with some languages where volume and inflection are important, like Chinese. She probably didn't really didn't know how to speak it well enough to be understood until she observed Liu Xi doing so.





Harper started it!





I changed her name at one point for some reason or another, but forgot the summary.

Lemme tell you something, Judge Nancy, that day wasn't half as scary as October 12, 1982, when I faced Big Chief Thunderhead for the EWA Heavyweight Title. It was a sixty minute Iron Man No Holds Barred Steel Cage Match, and halfway through I was so covered in blood you would have thought I was the red man in the ring. WOOOOOOO!!











That's right! God bless the old US of A. Without her we couldn't have had two hundred plus years of freedom, liberty, and the right to waffle a person with a steel chair for the entertainment of others.

Note "The Natural Boy" said "person", not "robo sapien". You can't waffle a robot with a steel chair because THEY'RE MADE OF STEEL TOO! You need to hit them with something heavy, like the twin sledgehammers I use in my matches at the Robot Rumble every time I'm booked, which isn't often, BECAUSE THOSE CLICKING KLANKING COWARDS know if a real man like "The Natural Boy" Dick Spark got to compete on a regular basis he's make those ROBOT WRASSLERS obsolete. WOOOOOOOO!!!!!!





Wait, the British Empire still exists? I thought they folded in 1982 when I teamed up with El Hombre Giganto to defeat them for the EWA Tag Team Titles! The sun had to have set on the Britsh Empire: I went to Union Jack Dandy's funeral! He looked like a shriveled up apple doll in his casket. *sniffs* No one cares what happens to us old warriors when we leave the ring. No one at all. Woo.







You know what those robots should be afraid of? Me! I've wrestled on every continent on this planet, even the Lost One! That's right, I once held the Atlantis Heavyweight Championship back in 1979! Made King Mako submit to a Triple Hitch Leg Lock, which was amazing, BECAUSE KING MAKO DIDN'T HAVE ANY LEGS! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! So what do you think's going to happen when I put it on one of you fancy "robo sapiens"? You'll tap out quicker than Tommy Tune on speed!







You know what brings greatness, Judge Nancy? Training twelve hours a day, seven days a week, fifty two weeks a year for thirty four years like the "Natural Boy"! WOOOOOOO!!!! What "robo sapien" does that? If they want muscles, they just weld them on! If they want to learn a new move, like my dreaded Overhead Double Underhook Gutbuster, they can just download it off the Interweb. Robots don't know what it means to train, to strain, to hone the brain. They want everything handed to them. Just like The Tungsten Kid was handed the Robot Rumble Unreinforced Chassis Belt. IT WAS ALL POLITICS, TUNGSTEN KID, AND YOU KNOW IT! BUT THIS SUNDAY, I WILL GET IT BACK!








"The Natural Boy" Dick Spark has no problem living with technology, baby! I'm a toaster using, Camero driving, online shopping Sonuvagun! WOOOOOOO!!!!! But the "Natural Boy" don't open doors for anybody, least of all robots! Robots open doors for me! Every time I go to the Sprawlmart their electric eyes go WHOOOOOSSSHHHH! and I am given access to 45,000 square feet of low, low prices. Just the way our Creator intended. WOOOOOOO!!!!!!








And all "The Natural Boy" has to say to that is THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! Do we really want our vending machines and ATMs moving around and talking to us?!?! If I want a bag of Chipotle Flavored Cheese-Os I shouldn't have to hunt down and then ask some smarty pants contraption permission to get it. Keep robots where they belong! ESPECIALLY OUT OF THE WRESTLING RING! THE SQAURED CIRCLE IS A HOLY PLACE WHERE MEN PROVE THEMSELVES TO BE MEN! NOT MACHINES!!!








The only right a machine should have is what its warranty gives it. So says "The Natural Bo" Dick Spark. WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!







So just because this little robot gal minded her Ps and Qs you gave her citizenship?! Lady, that kind of thinking is so flawed it makes "The Natural Boy" want to vomit! Its worse than when Referee Wink Montosori disqualified me in my match against The Masked Monster back in 1978! That fool's judgement cost me a shot at the PNWWA Heavyweight championship! Wait, no, NOTHING WAS WORSE THAN THAT!! THE MASKED MONSTER WAS A STIFF WHO COULDN'T DRAW FLIES IF HE WAS COVERED IN HORSE PUCKY, AND THEY GAVE HIM A TITLE SHOT?! OUTRAGEOUS!







Here's "The Natural Boy's" contribution to that debate: PPPPPPBBBBBTTTTT!!!







Darling, this is what I think you need to do: shuck that robe, put on your best dress, and join me, "The Natural Boy" Dick Spark for a night on the town! Let me show you how a real man lives his life, before you try to give the same privliges to some transitor-brained junkpile. "Gone With the Wind" may be an old movie, but they still make Hallmark ornaments for it every Christmas! WOOOOOOO!!!!!

The "Woo." at the end had me cracking up.