Previous Post Adventures in Parodyverse:  Catch and Release Part 3     Yuki Shiro leaned back the chair at Jay Boaz’ desk dangerously, and listened intently.  She borrowed his office while he was not there, and invited Anna in to listen to what she had to say.     Anna sat across from Yuki in one of the visitor chairs in front of the desk.  Her head was lowered, and she sat almost hunched over, her entire body language saying that she was nervous and scared.     And watching from the couch, one hand dangling over its back, Chiaki Bushido watched the exchange silently.  Her sword was lying on the cushions next to her.     Finally, Yuki spoke up by saying, “I’m not surprised.”     Anna looked up, surprised.  “You’re...not?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“No.”  Yuki replied.  “It’s just the kind of thing SPUD would give you.  You were designed to destroy the Lair Legion, after all.  Your strength and speed, and the lasers would pretty much take care of all of us...except Hallie.  Since Hallie is highly portable, you had to be able to deal with her wherever she is in the mansion by disabling everything.  I always wondered what it would be.”     Then Yuki smiled when she noticed Anna’s confused expression.  “We’re all made the way we are, Anna, and we all have choices.  You made some pretty hard choices, and I’m proud of you.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Thank you.”  Anna whispered happily.     Chiaki commented, “I told you it wouldn’t be so bad.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“What about Jay?”  Anna asked Yuki.  “What if he--?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Oh he’ll probably freak out a bit.”  Yuki admitted.  “Then I’ll whack him on the back of the head, and he’ll deal.”     Chiaki chuckled a little bit, quietly, trying not to let anyone notice.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Don’t hit him too hard,”  Anna suggested, “His hats won’t fit anymore.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“She’s got your sense of humor,”  Yuki laughed, directing her comment at Chiaki.  “I wish Hatty was here to hear that part.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah, me too.”  Yuki replied.  “He’s taking care of personal stuff though, so he hasn’t been around lately.”     But then to cheer up Anna, she also made a suggestion about testing her abilities in Al B Harper’s lab. ---     Al B Harper was very excited to be testing Anna again.  Naturally, that meant Yuki Shiro was standing by to make sure he didn’t get too excited.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Maybe we shouldn’t be testing around all of this equipment.”  Anna worried as she looked at potentially millions of dollars worth of sensitive lab equipment and computers.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“It’s perfect.”  Yuki commented.  “To see if we can test you safely, that is.  Think of it as motivation.”     Anna sat down, wide-eyed with worry, in a chair in the center of the lab.     They tested her to see if she could disable one device in the room.  Then another.  Then multiple devices at once, without harming anything nearby.     She started to lose her worry when Yuki began to look enthusiastic about her performance.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“That was impressive, Anna.”  Al B Harper commented.  “As long as you have control of it, I’m not the least bit worried.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Me neither.”  Yuki added.     But the context of that comment would change dramatically soon after - Flapjack came into Al B Harper’s Lair Mansion lab to notify Yuki that Dan Drury was there to visit. ---     Sir Mumphrey Wilton entered Hatman’s office alone.  He took one look at Dan Drury, who was standing in the middle of the room, smoking a cigar, with one hand in his pocket.  He thought it was unusual that Drury didn’t bring anyone with him.     Yuki asked Mumph to speak to Drury for two reasons:  She thought he might be just intimidating enough, and she was worried she might end up hitting Drury in the face, which wouldn’t have helped matters much.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Have a seat.”  Sir Mumphrey offered.  “And could you please extinguish that?  Asil informs me that this is a non-smoking office.”     The old gentleman tried to remain serious, though it amused him that the last bit was spoken in a serenely calm but assertive tone that betrayed his more modern involvements.     Without comment, Drury put out his cigar, and sat leaned back in front of Hatman’s desk.     The old soldier didn’t smile.  He seemed more hesitant than usual.  “I thought I’d stop by in case you had any questions,” he said.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Chiaki and Anna told me all about what happened.”  Sir Mumphrey said.  “I have no reason to disbelieve their account.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’m willin’ to bet they didn’t tell you everything.”     Sir Mumphrey quickly rose to his feet.  “Now you listen to me, sirrah!  After what you’ve done to poor Anna, if I hear anything from you but the sound of your heels heading away from this place, by God, I’ll give you a thrashing your grandkids will tell tales about!”     Drury took the cigar out of his mouth and faced down the Lair Legion’s former leader.  “Fine, I’ll go.  But I’m not the kinda guy you want to make enemies of.”     Sir Mumphrey quickly corrected him.  “You’ve done a fine job of that without my help.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“By the way.”  Dan Drury quickly added, as he pulled a folded letter out of his jacket.  “You might want to read this after I’m gone,”  he said.  “Might be the last thing I get to say.”     Intrigued by what Drury said just before he walked out, Sir Mumphrey pulled out his reading glasses and put them on.  He unfolded the paper.  It was a copy of a very short letter that lacked an address, but was presumably aimed at the directors of SPUD, and written by Dan Drury.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Please consider this my resignation from my post, and from SPUD.  A very smart woman I met told me that I don’t feel.  I’ve been hearing her words every waking moment since.  I’ve been hearing the android’s wails as well.  I have to live with enough bad decisions already.  Therefore I cannot in good conscience continue serving the organization.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hrrmph.”  Sir Mumprey commented.  He looked up, and saw Anna standing in the doorway.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Thank you for standing up for me.”  she whispered.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Any sensible man with a conscience would have done the same.”  Sir Mumphrey replied.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You would be surprised,”  Anna said, “how little so many people think of me because I’m an android.”     Mumph walked over to Anna and gently took both of her hands.  “Anna, don’t let bastards wear you down.  Don’t ever.  You’re better than quite a lot of so called people I’ve met.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Thank you.”  she nodded, and gently let her hands slip free of his.  “What was in the letter he gave you?  I mean um...if it’s any of my business, that is.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Dan Drury appears to have tendered his resignation.”  Mumph truthfully told her.     Anna’s smile disappeared.  She looked confused instead.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“It appears you had quite an impact on his conscience.”  He chuckled loudly.  “If you’ll excuse me now, I have other work to attend to.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“No, go ahead.”  Anna quickly stepped out of his way, and watched him exit the office.  After he left, she picked up the letter and read it.  Could it be true?  Or was it a ruse to mislead?     She had to find Yuki, she knew the purple-haired Legionnaire was a detective.  She would be able to figure out the answer to that question. ---     Ã¢â‚¬Å“SPUD has been in turmoil for a long time now.”  Yuki replied in answer to Anna’s question.  “It’s been doing some weird stuff while it tries to justify its existence to the powers that be.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Why would he do what he did to me?”  Anna asked sadly.     Yuki smiled.  “Anna, you should know the answer to that.  He’s a military man, and central to their training is to always follow orders, or follow your directive.  It sounds like someone decided the purpose of SPUD is to balance out those with super-powers.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And...because I hang out with the Lair Legion,”  Anna finished, “Capturing me fulfills two objectives at once.”  She looked at Yuki, and her eyes widened.  “So it might not be his fault?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I believe a person is always responsible for their actions.”  Yuki replied with a shrug.  “Orders are not a good excuse.  But maybe Dan Drury never learned that.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“What do I do if he comes back?”  Anna asked.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Make him prove himself, of course.”  Yuki suggested.  “Or I will, if you prefer.”  Then she laughed.  “No, seriously...it’s up to you, Anna.  If he does come back, it will probably be hat in hand, looking for someone to forgive him.  If not...I’ll be kicking him out, maybe from a third floor window.”     Anna giggled.  “I’ll be more vigilant next time I go shopping alone,”  she promised.  “Just in case.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I wouldn’t mind going with you.”  Yuki offered.  “And maybe Chiaki would too.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Thank you,”  Anna replied, “But this is something I have to deal with.  I can’t be afraid to leave the mansion without a guard.”     Yuki raised an eyebrow.  “Don’t go all Hatman on me, Anna.  Sometimes you need a little help for a while.  Don’t be shy asking for it.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I promise.”  Anna said, “If I’m the least bit afraid I’ll ask.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Good.”  Yuki reached over and gave the android a one-armed hug.  “I feel like you’re part of my family.  I wouldn’t want to lose you.” TO BE CONTINUED?      -- Story written and copyrighted (C) 2010 by Jason Froikin, and may not be  --    reprinted without permission.   -- Yuki Shiro designed by Jason Froikin, based on designs by Masamune Shirow --  Liu Xi Xian and the Psychic Samurai are original design by Jason Froikin --  Lara Night is an original creation by Jason Froikin

Untold Tales of a Dead Planet (#337 tie-in)


    Luxury hotels on Apocalypse were very strange.  It was what you would get if you crossed a military barracks, a prison, and a casino.  Everything was rough, unpainted stone and metal, but the floor was covered by a cruel, ugly, casino-like carpeting that would find a better home in an office that nobody cared enough about to make it comfortable.  And the room had a solid sliding door and a balcony, but no windows.

    And yet the beds were soft, like pillows, and the room was cleaned spotless.  In the middle of the room was a small fire pit that mimicked the ones outside, all over the planet.  It was this odd mix of creature comforts combined with raw utilitarianism.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I feel like I’ve been sold again.”  Liu Xi Xian complained as she looked at the very plain food they were served.  Some kind of vegetable soup, and bread were all they dared eat - there were some dead and broiled creatures too, but none were brave enough to try it.

    The door to the hallway was locked.  It was only opened when someone delivered something.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You were in a place like this?”  Chiaki Bushio, the Psychic Samurai, asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Similar.”  Liu Xi replied.  “Except everything was painted red or black, there was no carpeting at all, and...I suppose it’s nice there’s a bathroom in here.”

    Being such a spartan design, there was no furniture in the room besides the beds.  The two of them, as well as Lara Night, and Anna, sat in a circle around the fire pit for warmth.  The room wasn’t heated otherwise, and Apocalypse was a cold, sunless planet.

    Liu Xi teased the fire higher, to warm the room up even more.  The others were grateful for the small display of her talents.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Rest up, he says.”  Anna grumbled to herself.  “This room is so scary and uncomfortable.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’ve slept in worse.”  Chiaki pointed out.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Where exactly have you done that?”  Liu Xi asked.  “You know, actually...we should all share secrets.  This may be our last chance...ever.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I spent a few months sleeping in a dormitory in Japan.”  Chiaki expanded on her comment.  “It’s pretty much like turning a closet on its side and sleeping on the floor in there.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yikes.”  Lara commented.  She was slightly claustrophobic, and made no secret of it.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“It was fairly common in Japan.”  the Asian said.  “Not so much now, among students at least.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“That doesn’t count as a secret, though.”  Liu Xi prodded further.

    Chiaki smirked and laughed, almost sounding a little shy.  She waited a moment before finally speaking again.  “I suppose I have a lot of secrets.  What would you like to hear about?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“What happened with you and Jay?”  Lara asked.  “Nobody explained that to me since I lost my memory.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“And I only got the short version.”  Liu Xi added.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Very well.”  Chiaki rolled her eyes and sighed.  “Ironically, since the topic is secrets...we kept too many from each other.  We still got along very well, but we didn’t realize we fell out of love, and had become friends.  What made it difficult was we were still making love fairly often, because it was still exciting.  It was very confusing, I suppose that’s why it took us a while to realize.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“How did he deal with you being a few years older?”  Lara asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Only two years.”  Chiaki replied almost icily.  “It wasn’t an issue, really.  What secret must you tell us, Liu Xi?”

    The Chinese girl bit her lip.  She knew it was going to be turned back on her sooner or later.  Fortunately, while prodding Chiaki she figured out what to say.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I killed two people.”  she whispered sadly.  “One...you probably know about, it’s legend.  The other was in suspended animation.  I killed her because I thought something she had could help me escape Comic Book Limbo.  I guess I have a lot of very big secrets.”

    Lara didn’t seem as horrified as she thought the blonde would be.  In fact, she seemed to be listening intently.  So Liu Xi continued with more.

    And she did say more.  “After Jay had something horrible happen to him...I think it was when he got pulled out of that dream...he hung out with me in my lounge at the Lair Mansion.  I gave him a really, really good kiss, thinking it would make him feel better.  Instead he was really embarrassed, and he stopped talking to me for a while.  I felt very stupid and angry at myself, and I have not attempted to kiss him or tease him since.  I still worry if he holds a grudge for it.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“That’s...a pretty good one.”  Lara commented.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“What about you?”  Chiaki turned on the blonde.  “You live with Jay.  I’m sure that has produced a secret or two.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hah, no such luck for you.”  Lara laughed.  “He told me all his stories from his dates, Chiaki.  I figured out that I can only really bond with him if I have no other interest in him whatsoever.  He keeps a pretty strong separation between himself and his girlfriends.  It’s like he lives two lives.”

    Chiaki looked puzzled.  “He bonded with me pretty well.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Maybe you never scared him.  Usually he’s besieged by fears.”  Lara looked directly at Liu Xi.  “Like him kissing you.  After just one kiss he already starts worrying about what happens if he ends up waking up next to you in the morning, or if he gets you pregnant.  Even with Zdenka, he kept worrying about what if she wanted to sleep with him.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“What about you and Dream?”  Liu Xi shot back.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Ugh.”  Lara leaned forward, slapping her palm against her forehead.  “People keep asking me that, and I don’t even remember it.”

    Chiaki asked, “Can you imagine why you might have slept with him?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah, I guess.”  Lara admitted with a sigh.  “If I was feeling really down, like crying maybe, and he was just so much fun that he made me smile and forget whatever happened.  Like going on vacation without leaving the room.”

    The Samurai shrugged, and leaned back.  “I suppose I might be tempted too.  Except I’m nearly as fearful as Jay, so I probably wouldn’t.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Really?”  Liu Xi asked.

    Chiaki nodded.  “I feel like I worked hard to get where I am, and it’s so easy to tumble recklessly into a fling and lose everything.  I’m not quite as bad as you say Jay is, but I do like to...test the waters more first.”

    Liu Xi sat up straight and pointed at herself frantically.  “Uh-huh.  I know all about reckless flings.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You’re very young, you’ll recover.”  Chiaki insisted with a laugh.  “You’ve only had a couple relationships...as many as I’ve had.  And you bounced back from both of them, quicker than I did.  And...Liu Xi, I really envy how you never feel awkward.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“What do you mean?”  Liu Xi asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Around Danny.  You lived with him for how long?  Managed to keep his hands off you.  And yet you aren’t at all awkward around him.  Or around Vinnie.  Jay and I, there’s still a lot of awkwardness.”

    Lara laughed.  “You have no idea what awkward is till you see me with my ex.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“And that just proves my point.”  Chiaki noted.  “How do you do that, Liu Xi?”

    The elementalist shrugged.  “I spent months being ashamed, and embarrassed, and scared, when I first came to Paradopolis.  All it got me was more abuse, and more losing people.  I’m done with it.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I think Liu Xi is the smartest one of all of us.”  Chiaki noted.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Because she’s not afraid anymore?”  Lara asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“No.”  Chiaki looked at the elementalist.  “Because she learns faster than all of us.  While we keep making mistakes, she moves on quickly.  She learns, she changes, she adapts.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“She learns spells, because her elemental gifts have been defeated so often.”  Anna contributed.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Exactly.”  Chiaki confirmed.  “I’ve built protection mechanisms for myself, so I won’t suddenly become dependent on someone else.  But that’s less adaption, and more necessity.  Otherwise, I’m still the same Samurai I was years ago.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I guess I could have learned more from my experiences, too.”  Lara agreed with a shrug.  “Instead I had to lose my memory and start all over again.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“That’s why she should join the Lair Legion.”  Chiaki kept her gaze fixed on Liu Xi.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’m no hero.”  Liu Xi protested.  “I just get myself in trouble, and need to be rescued.  Besides, they didn’t even ask me.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“They will,”  the Samurai insisted.

    Lara looked at her.  “You know this for a fact?”

    Chiaki shrugged slightly.  “That’s not how it works, Lara.  I don’t sense inevitabilities...that would be useless and frustrating.  I sense...likelihoods.  The future can always change, though, with only the slightest provocation.”

    Lara nodded and smiled.  “If it happens, I think she should take it too.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Me too.”  Anna contributed.  “I mean, if what I think means anything.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“It does, Anna.”  Liu Xi told the android.  “Because Lara and Chiaki are already heroes.  You’re like me, trying not to screw up too badly, or get killed.”

    Anna smiled at the compliment softly, but looked down and tried not to show it.
    
    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hey, that’s what I do every time I face something too big for me.”  Lara pointed out.  “I try not to screw up.  And god, can I screw up.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“What do you mean?”  Liu Xi asked.

    The blonde glanced at Anna before replying.  “I kinda...can wipe a small town off the Earth by accident if I’m not careful.  I mean, not that I can explode without warning or anything, but if...let’s just say if I use too much energy against something big, it’s gotta go somewhere.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I see.”  Liu Xi replied quietly.

    Chiaki nodded.  “I know you’ve had some minor martial arts and tai chi training.  Perhaps you should study some more advanced methods, since the energy within you is...quite above average.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I thought about it.”  the blonde agreed.  “But, you know...just practicing focusing energy can be kind of devastating.”

    Chiaki smirked and tried not to laugh.  “Yes, I suppose that could be a problem.”  Then the Samurai turned to Anna.  “How much sleep can you get by with?”

    Anna looked up, seeming a little confused, like she wasn’t really listening.  “Oh um...I’m kind of tired.  If I wasn’t I could probably stay up all night.  I am a light sleeper, though.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I sleep like a rock.”  Liu Xi commented.  “So if you need someone to watch for visitors it’s not going to be me.”

    Chiaki stood and walked over to the door.  She jammed a fork in next to the lock mechanism.  “There.  If someone opens the door, the fork falls and makes noise.  At least Anna and I will hear it.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Good.”  Lara said.  “Now we can get some sleep without being afraid.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“More afraid,”  Liu Xi pointed out.  “There’s always the fear of what that monster will make us do tomorrow--”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Let’s not think about that.”  Chiaki interrupted.  “Let’s think about home, about friends.  We will wish for it, and perhaps when we go to sleep tomorrow night our wish will be reality.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah.”  Lara agreed as she chose a bed.  “That sounds good.”

    Liu Xi nodded as she crawled into her soft bed as well.

    Anna looked over the other three as she approached her own bunk.  She whispered into the near darkness,  “Wherever you three are, I feel like I am home.”    


-- Story written and copyrighted (C) 2010 by Jason Froikin, and may not be 
--    reprinted without permission.  
-- Yuki Shiro designed by Jason Froikin, based on designs by Masamune Shirow
--  Liu Xi Xian and the Psychic Samurai are original design by Jason Froikin
--  Lara Night is an original creation by Jason Froikin