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Saving the Future – Part 28 (first bit): Making the Future
Previously: The Void Scholar has kidnapped the population of Earth and replaced them with Space Fandoms. The Lair Legion has dealt with the Space Fandoms but hasn’t rescued the missing people.
The Void Scholar has captured the Juniors, to torture Harlagaz and Ham-Boy, dispose of Kerry, and wed Fashion Accessory. He has also manipulated Liu Xi and Danny Lyle to the point where they will breed to spawn the ultimate generation of the Scholar’s millennia-long campaign to use the powers of the offspring of the Celestian Madonna. The Lair Legion have travelled to his trans-temporal fastness to confront him.
Yo has rescued the Land That Common Sense Forgot from Comic-Book Limbo but has nowhere to put it. Lara Night has investigated the destruction of the Shee-Yar Imperium with Captain Shen-Rae of the Intergalactic Trading Alliance. Now they have the problem of defending an emptied Earth.
The Void Scholar seems to have won. Nothing can stop him now. Right?
Previous Chapters
The Hooded Hood's Homepage of Doom
Who's Who in the Parodyverse
***
ACT ONE: Home
Teresa pelted up the wet slope behind her house, making for the trees. Things in the shape of her family ran after her, hunting her.
“This way!†shouted something with the voice of her mother. The tones sounded different, harsher, raspier, without any trace of love. “An actual mortal that somehow avoided the shift! It’s all ours!â€Â
“Too late to transfer it now,†agreed her father. “That means we can kill it.â€Â
“Slowly,†agreed her brother.
Teresa scrambled into cover, trying to lose them in the trees. She needed somewhere to hide, somewhere she could catch her breath. She needed somewhere that she could summon up her gifts.
A great horde of birds gathered overhead; but they weren’t birds. They were looking for her.
There were animals in the woods, fieldmice and hedgehogs and rabbits and voles and all kinds of life. So many of them were no longer what they seemed. They had been replaced.
A fox leaped out at Teresa’s throat. She repelled it with her umbrella. It bounced back, yelping in surprise, and lost its stolen shape.
Now Teresa could see the enemy close up: wrinkled grey humanoids with great bat-wing flaps joining their arms and sides. They felt to be ancient, almost so old to be erased from existence. They had no real form of their own any more. They stole that of others.
She half-climbed half-slithered down an embankment, tearing her flesh on brambles, splashing into the cold wet brook. Evil fish watched her. She ran on, splashing through the ankle-deep water, knowing that if she stopped she would die.
The whole world was hunting her now.
They were closing on her. Every creature was a spy. Small birds flew at her eyes, slowing her. Rats lunged beneath her feet. The things in the semblance of her family caught up.
Teresa tried to call upon her gifts, but the panic got in the way. She knew that if she didn’t calm down she would die. That knowledge just made her panic worse. She sheltered behind her umbrella and tried to think.
The Space Fandoms closed in around her.
And screamed.
And exploded.
“What?†gasped Teresa, her eyebrows high. “I mean… what? Did I do that?â€Â
Nobody answered. The Space Fandoms had gone.
She was one of the last girls on Earth.
***
The population of the Earth was gone, the people, the animals, the larger fish of the sea. Across the world machines ground to a halt, driverless vehicles crashed fires went unchecked. And then silence.
In Paradopolis, ghost taxis shimmered through deserted streets. Automated systems changed traffic lights and ran the monorail and lit the streets at dusk. In the tunnels below, the ancient undead Vrykoulakas hissed with rage as his hunger mounted.
In the Mythlands the fey folk felt suddenly weak and could not say why, as if the source of belief in them had been suddenly mined away. The gateways back to the mundane lands were closed.
In the psychic realms the poltergeists and grues and emotion-feeders panicked, falling upon each other in cannibalistic rage now they were denied their grazing grounds.
Far lower than Vrykoulakas’ lair, and through many dimensions best not described, the sleeping Shabba’Dhabba’Dhu, Groper Out of Grossness, stirred uneasily in his eternal sleep.
And out in space this world was being watched keenly and closely by
intelligences greater than man's…
***
The Trading Alliance starship Heart of Light hovered in near-Earth orbit. Its captain Shen Rae was waiting impatiently for a biological analysis of some anomalies the ship had picked up.
“Did the S’Sox do something during their attack?†Lara Night asked worriedly. “Some kind of biological warfare on Earth?â€Â
“It wasn’t them,†the technician at the sensor array replied. “We’re picking up something else. Something odd. Hold on please.â€Â
Suddenly the entire array of warning lights flared red. Lara instinctively turned in a combat crouch, and realised that Shen Rae had done the same.
“Report,†the Capain ordered.
“The… the biosignatures on the planet…†the technician stammered. “I’ve just lost pretty much everything with a mass of over three kilos.â€Â
“Dead?†gasped Lara, straining with her own senses to verify things.
“Gone,†replied Shen Rae, reading data over the tech’s shoulder. “The entire population of Earth has disappeared.â€Â
“Well now,†said the Carnifex, coming up to stand beside her, “I wouldn’t say everybody.â€Â
***
“So our father has gone through an unstable dimensional portal to a place that doesn’t exist on the edge of oblivion to battle an all-powerful Lord of Comic-Book Limbo who draws power from every change to history that doesn’t make sense,†Griffin summarised as Hallie explained what was happening to the children who’d just emerged from their hidden Lair Mansion garret.
“Well, essentially, yes,†agreed the Legion’s resident A.I. “But I don’t want you to w…â€Â
“Cool,†admired Griffin.
“And tactically sound,†agreed Samantha Featherstone. “The Lair Legion has always been proficient at wreaking havoc on a villain’s homeground, and with CSFB!, the Shoggoth, and Dancer on the current roster, plus Yo somewhere in the background that’s one big payload of havoc. Have you heard from my grandfather at all?â€Â
“We got a brief message from Asil via the Intergalactic Order of Libraries,†Hallie revealed. “It seems that he’s on Plxtragar.â€Â
“That makes sense,†nodded Magweed. “Yo would be looking for somewhere to put those Lands That Common Sense Forgot. That’s a good choice.â€Â
“Er, yes,†agreed Hallie, slightly disconcerted by how well informed a trio of children could be when one read hearts, one read computers, and one read Lair Legion tactics manuals. “Anyway, that leaves us to protect the Mansion and to defend the empty Earth.â€Â
“Defend it from what?†questioned Samantha.
“Well, there are still undead out there,†Marie Murcheson revealed. “I’ve been discouraging them from approaching. I scare them.â€Â
“And all the lesser undead are simply staying away in the first place,†Grace O’Mercy added disingenuously.
“And Salieri Meng?†Sam asked casually. “I heard he was at home when the Space Fandoms revealed themselves.â€Â
Flapjack has gone to fetch him in a LairJet,†Hallie assured her. “He said it was a pleasure to hunch for an upcoming mad scientist of his calibre.â€Â
Samantha’s lips pursed in disapproval. “Well, I suppose he has to be stored somewhere,†she frowned.
Magweed watched her friend and exchanged a glance with Griffin.
“What about the space attacks?†Griff demanded, changing the subject. “I thought the LairSats had picked up some Z’Sox activity out past the moon.â€Â
“They seem to have changed their minds,†Hallie reported. “In any case, they’re off the grid for now.â€Â
“And those dimensional ripples from the Negativity Zone?†Magweed wondered. “This would be a bad time for Annihilatus to come calling.â€Â
“EEE have gone to poke wires at it,†Hallie promised. “I expect we’ll hear an explosion shortly. So there’s nothing to worry about… except the Lair Legion fighting to save the future against impossible odds beyond the boundaries of reality.â€Â
“Can we have dinner then?†asked Griffin. “Pizza?â€Â
***
“The Carnifex!†gasped Shen Rae as she realised there was a tall handsome rugged stranger beside her on the bridge. “Thank goodness!â€Â
Lara frowned. “You know the Carnifex?†she demanded. The strange visitor from another reality had met the Parodyverse’s supposed greatest hero before and she found him rather scary.
Shen Rae shrugged ruefully. “Everyone knows the Carnifex. We’ve not met, of course, but he’s a hero of renown even in our distant Trade Alliance. Now he’s here we’re very probably saved.â€Â
“What’s happened to Earth?†demanded Lara. “What the hell is going on?â€Â
“Hello again, Lara,†the Carnifex smiled. “So nice to see you again.â€Â
“What’s going on?†persisted Lara.
The Carnifex gestured to the blue orb on the main monitor. “Well, Lara, it looks like a villain called the Void Scholar has kidnapped the entire population of the planet and replaced them with spectral shapestealers called Space Fandoms. Some say they’re hybrid Hero Feeders. Others say they’re what’s left after a Hero Feeder has feasted. I think it’s worse than that.â€Â
“What could be worse than that?†demanded Shen Rae.
“I think they’re actually what became of the stolen population of Earth, a billion years after they were taken,†the Carnifex confided. “Spooky, eh?â€Â
“And what are you doing about it?†Lara challenged. “You’re supposed to be so mighty, so…â€Â
“But it’s not all about me, is it, Lara? There are other heroes too. Right now the Lair Legion has found a way to commit genocide on the Space Fandoms. Now all they have to do is save the future so the stolen population doesn’t become those monsters in the future.â€Â
“But that would be a paradox!†objected Shen Rae.
“And that would make the Void Scholar more powerful yet, since he draws his power from discontinuities,†agreed the Carnifex. “Bummer, eh? The Legion might be playing right into his hands.â€Â
“We detected a very odd holographic display earlier,†Shen Rae noted.
“Good, wasn’t it?†the Carnifex grinned. “Had me fooled for a minute. I thought the Legion really had been wiped out in a nuclear inferno. I was gutted.â€Â
Another thought came to Lara. “Carnifex, before we came to Earth…â€Â
“Mark, please. We’re old friends now, Lara. It’s best if we’re friends.â€Â
“Mark. We were in the Shee-Yar galaxy. Everything was dead. Every living thing.â€Â
The Carnifex nodded. “That’s right.â€Â
“You knew about that?†Shen Rae realised. “You had something to do with that?â€Â
“You defended the Earth when the Shee-Yar Imperium Guard attacked!†Lara remembered.
“Yes,†agreed the Carnifex. “Then I destroyed the Empire that had dispatched them. To send a message.â€Â
Shen Rae swallowed hard. “Message received and understood.â€Â
“You killed all those billions?†Lara said.
“I defended Earth. Next time I might have to go to extremes.â€Â
“But Earth’s being attacked right now,†objected Lara.
“And I’m keeping careful watch,†promised the Carnifex. “I’ll leave you to deal with the incoming S’Zox invasion. I’m going to rescue Zdenka Zarazoza, the Rabid Wolf, and see if she wants to go out for a drink sometime. Or a hunt. I’ve got to be off.â€Â
“You killed them all…†Shen Rae seemed to be having trouble with the casual way her guest dealt mass murder. But then the Carnifex glanced at her and something clicked and it all seemed perfectly normal. “Well, that’s that mystery cleared up, I guess. What a hero. Thanks, Carnifex.â€Â
“Call me Mark, Shen Rae. No need for thanks. I was just doing my job. Salvage what you want from the Shee-Yar. I’m not interested in them any more.â€Â
“And this Void Scholar?†demanded Lara.
“Don’t worry,†the Carnifex told her, so she didn’t. “Listen, I need to be going. Take care so nothing bad happens to you now.â€Â
“Bye, Mark!†Shen Rae called. “And thanks again for the Shee-Yar thing!â€Â
Lara almost didn’t join in with the praise.
***
“Hey!â€Â, shrieked Asil Ashling at the top of her voice, “Time Out!â€Â
The Hooded hood and Sir Mumphrey Wilton paused in mid tirade and looked at the angry young woman who glared at them with her hands on her hips.
“Let me summarise,†the Lisa-clone insisted. “Sir Mumphrey thinks you’re an interfering, maundering, manipulative rotter not fit to be wiped from humanity’s shoes, Hood. And HH thinks you’re a blinkered venomous narrow-minded old relic whose days are long past and who should shrivel up and die, Sir Mumphrey. I don’t subscribe to those viewpoints, by the way. But the point is you have to put your differences aside for the good of the Parodyverse.â€Â
“And give this blaggard another chance to use people’s misfortunes for his personal agenda?†thundered Mumphrey.
“Because the Parodyverse is always so grateful for my sacrifices while they laud murderous bigot empire-builders like this blowhard here?†demanded the Hooded Hood.
“Because I’m asking,†Asil answered. “No, I’m telling. I know you hate each other. I know you have your reasons. But right now the Void Scholar is winning and he’s laughing at you both. Are you really going to let him win?â€Â
The Hooded Hood and Sir Mumphrey fell silent.
“I thought not,†Asil continued. “Now you’re both very clever, very schemy, very resourceful men. The Hood’s probably foreseen all this years ago and put things in place to call on if it happens. Sir Mumphrey’s probably thought of a dozen cunning ways to pot the bounder into the pocket. So let’s sit down and decide what we need to do and then let’s go save the future. Please?â€Â
“I think not,†replied the Hooded Hood.
“Why not?†demanded Asil. “You have to…â€Â
“Because we already know what the plan has to be, m’dear,†Mumph told his amanuensis. “We just don’t want to do it.â€Â
“But we shall,†announced the cowled crime czar. “It begins now.â€Â
***
Next: Away
***
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***
Previous Chapters:
#1: “And just when did Danny find time to take over the Parodyverse?†by Dancer
#2: "Sometime you have to turn flammable again!" by Visionary
#3: That’s the Way the Story Goes by the Hooded Hood
#4: See No Evil by the Hooded Hood
#5: Whodunnit by the Hooded Hood, Visionary, Killer Shrike, and Jason
#6: Suspicious Behaviour by the Hooded Hood, Jason, Hatman, and CrazySugarFreakBoy!
#7: Accusation and Denial by the Hooded Hood, JJJ, Jason and L!
#8: The Final Solution by the Hooded Hood and Dancer
#9: The Land That Common Sense Forgot by the Hooded Hood
#9.1: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
#9.2: Chad and Ronnie by L!
#9.3: “In addition to cappuccino and personal hygiene these tribespeople have not yet invented underwear.†by Dancer
#9.4: Lone Lost Boy & Heroines Hanging Together by CrazySugarFreakBoy!
#9.5: From Dross into Gold by Killer Shrike
#9.6: Old Friends and New Allies by Visionary
#9.7: Taking a Swim by L!
#9.8: A Post-Swim Chat by L!
#9.9: Champagne and the Land That Common Sense Forgot by Champagne
#10: The Age of Villains by the Hooded Hood
#10.1: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
#10.2: The Baroness #55 by JJJ
#10.3: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
#10.4: Ewe Gotta Have Hart 1 by Killer Shrike
#10.5: Ewe Gotta Have Hart 2 by Killer Shrike
#11: An Age Undreamed Of by the Hooded Hood
#12: The New Lair Legions (And Other Heroes) by the Hooded Hood
#12.1: I Hate You by Visionary
#12.2: Champagne and the Tower of Laments by Champagne
#12.3: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
#12.4: The Hearing by Visionary
#12.5: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
#13: Exploring the Forbidden Valley, or Samantha Featherstone and the Crystal Goddess by the Hooded Hood
#14: Real Heroes by the Hooded Hood
#14.1: “I’d like to be clear that I’m a no-skewer zone, and have been since college.†by Dancer
#14.2: Catherine & the Danger Zone by L!
#14.3: “Do you know how much shaving I had to do to put this thing on?†by Visionary
#14.4: “Well we can’t just wait here till we find a use for Visionary. We’ll starve to death.†by Dancer
#15: Change and Decay by the Hooded Hood
#15.1: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
#15.2: Hazardous Chemicals by Killer Shrike
#16: One Moment In Time by the Hooded Hood
#17: Slaves of the Brain Eaters, Thralls of the Blood-Drinkers by the Hooded Hood
#18: Now Get Out Of That by the Hooded Hood
#18.1: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
#18.2: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
#18.3 Crossing Lines by CrazySugarFreakBoy!
#18.4 Shooting You With My Smile by CrazySugarFreakBoy!
#18.5: Funeral For a Friend by L!
#18.6: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
#18.7 Playing Both Ends by CrazySugarFreakBoy!
#18.8: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
#18.9: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
#18.10: Valued Employee by Visionary
#19: Probable Cause by the Hooded Hood
#20: Good Intentions by the Hooded Hood
#20.1: Very Special Guest Star by Hatman
#21: Points of View by the Hooded Hood
#22: Plot Points by the Hooded Hood
#22.1: Potholes In Memory Lane by Visionary
#22.2: Dancer’s Saving the Future Amnesiac Hallie Tie-in Special: “I’m pretty sure there’s two tongues involved in that. That is serious stunt kissing.†by Dancer
#22.3: Amnesiac Hallie Tie-in Special #2: "Don't get me started on how recursive the title and storyline is getting". by the Manga Shoggoth
#22.4: Potholes In Memory Lane Continues by Visionary
#22.5: Potholes In Memory Lane: You Can Call Him Al by Visionary
#22.7: Bridging the Gap by Jason
#22.8: Oh That Joey Z! parts 1-3 by Spaztic Child and the Hooded Hood
#22.9: Oh That Joey Z! part 4 by L!
#22.10: Oh That Joey Z! part 5 by the Hooded Hood
#22.11: Shining by Dancer
#22.12: Hard Knocks by Killer Shrike
#22.13 A Groovy Gal’s Upcoming Upgrade by CrazySugarFreakBoy!
#23: Don’t Give Up Now, It’s the Blockbuster Summer Action Episode by the Hooded Hood
#24: There Can Be Only One by the Hooded Hood
#24.1: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
#24.2: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
#24.3: Chad & Ronnie vs the World by L!
#24.5: Le Voyage dans la Lune Bibliothèque publique, Part 1 by L!
#24.6: Le Voyage dans la Lune Bibliothèque publique, Part 2 by L!
#24.7: Le Voyage dans la Lune Bibliothèque publique, Part 3 by L!
#24.8: Le Voyage dans la Lune Bibliothèque publique, Conclusion by L!
#24.9: Locks by Rhiannon
#25: Invasion of the Booty Snatchers by the Hooded Hood
#25.1: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
#25.2: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
#26: The Long and Winding Gloat by the Hooded Hood
***
Original concepts, characters, and situations copyright © 2008 reserved by Ian Watson. Other Parodyverse characters copyright © 2008 to their creators. The use of characters and situations reminiscent of other popular works do not constitute a challenge to the copyrights or trademarks of those works. The right of Ian Watson to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the UK Copyright, Designs & Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved. |
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Nice to see your daughter's Parodyverse character involved in the narrative.
Ongoing intriguing mysteries: The ghost taxis and the Carnifex's mental powers.
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