Previous Post The sleek figure in red, white and blue lept off the rooftop, somersaulting through the air to bounce off a fire escape back towards the opposite side of the alleyway. There she grabbed a hanging clothesline with the intention of doing a full 360 degree rotation into a triple flip half-gainer landing in front of the collection of dangerous super villains lurking, unawares, below. Unfortunately for her well-planned choreography, the clothesline snapped, sending the patriotically garbed would-be gymnast arcing across the alley trailing mumu's and over-sized polka-dotted lingerie like some tacky polyester comet with a very un-rousing battle cry of "Eeeeeeeeep!" to land face first in the midst of the assembled scum and villainy. "Er... Ta-da...!" Mary Pfeffercorn announced dizzily as she struggled to extricate herself from a frighteningly large set of bloomers. "Lovely..." Grit the Granulated Man snorted. "The circus is in town." Velcro Vixen, Appendage Man, Razor Ballerina and Clonar joined him in surrounding the woozy figure. "Wait guys, it's just me..." the clinically insane clown woman assured them, struggling to her feet and snatching a bra off her head. "The one and only... Mary Prankstar!" "Gee, you don't say" Velcro Vixen answered flatly, giving the new arrival the once over. "What exactly are you supposed to be dressed as? Mr. Epitome's favorite intern?" Mary adjusted the bottom of her outfit, which in truth did little more than cover her own (and ride up considerably.) "Ha! No, it's my super-hero costume! Like it? I borrowed it from a friend of mine! Well, she's not really a friend... more like an arch nemesis... except that I only met her once, and I'm not really sure what her name is. But it's a good good-guy look, ain't it? Bit drafty though..." "I'm sure. So you're a hero now?" the field leader of the Purveyors asked mildly. "Well, heh... that's the scam, isn't it?" Mary grinned conspiratorially, giving Clonar a nudge in his side with her arm. "Ow" she noted, rubbing her elbow. "Anyway, I saw you all on TV in your spiffy new outfits and thought "Oooo! Oooo! I wanna play too!!!" She bounced on her toes in excitement. "I assume my invite just got lost in the mail or somethin', cause I know I move around a lot. Do you know how hard it is to find a rent controlled place in this city? I mean, it's downright criminal what they want you to pay! And then when you go and flush sticks of dynamite down your toilet and call the pushy, rent-collecting super in to fix it, suddenly *you're* the bad guy when it blows up and launches him into Edna Felderman's boudoir without his pants. I told him to pull 'em up before he started the plumbing work, but did he listen? Noooooooooooo." She scowled at the inherent unfairness of the universe. "It's not like Edna minded nursing him back to consciousness for those 45 minutes. At least, I think that's what she was nursing..." "Buy a clue, clown" Grit growled to avoid hearing any more. "You weren't invited because you're a screw-up who would ruin it for everybody." "Hey! I'm an alumnus! I'm a highly trained professional purveyor of... of..." She winced in effort. "Wait, I know this one... Peril!!! Yeah, that's it!! So how am *I* going to ruin it?" Velcro Vixen snorted in contempt. "You... undercover? Please." "What?" Mary argued hotly. "I could too do the secret identity thing... you don't know! I'm quite discreet when I wanna be! I defy you to come up with one good reason why I couldn't fool people!" Appendage Man rolled his eyes. "You're still wearing your same mask and face paint." "Well, this get-up didn't come with a new one" the clown-woman pouted, her arms crossed. "Besides, I figured the whole point of this particular outfit was to distract 'em with your gams." She lifted a leg to show them. "Do you know how much shaving I had to do to put this thing on? There's tape involved too, in places I don't usually approve of strip adhesive. How much more dedication to a new identity do you want?" "What's your hero name, then?" Grit asked. "Oh. Um.... Yeah." She screwed her face up in contemplation. "Hang on... just gimme a minute. Commando Clown? Loony Libertarian? American... er... Cheese?" She looked at the circle of villains around her. "You're going to kill me now, aren't you?" "Killeth" Clonar agreed. "Hey, Vickster... C'mon..." she wheedled, backing away only to find herself in the dead-end of the alley. "Is this about the time I replaced all of your birth control pills with Red-Hot Atomic Cinnamon breath mints?" Mary asked. "Cause if you step back a bit and look at it again, that was pretty funny..." The Purveyor smiled. "You know, when you put it that way... We really should make this fun." She and the others stepped back. "I think I'm going to let you have a running start." The red, white and blue clown girl perked up. "Really?" "Ha! No" Velcro Vixen answered as Clonar pulled the wall of the alley down to crush their annoying would-be teammate.

Except that Visionary has more people who want to kill him.