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Anime Jason 
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Subj: You just can't go wrong with Vizh car jokes.
Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 at 04:12:54 pm EST
Reply Subj: Adventures in Parodyverse - Creativity Part 3
Posted: Fri Dec 07, 2007 at 04:25:50 pm EST (Viewed 377 times)


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> Part 1
> Part 2
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> Adventures in Parodyverse - Creativity Part 3
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>     
>     Visionary was impressed at what he saw when Anna met him in the main hall of the Lair Mansion.  Rather than the pink and white racing suit she arrived in, which he thought was rather flattering anyhow, she wore a bright blue dress - matching her hair - that Hallie managed to find and have altered and delivered within hours.
>
>     He couldn’t help but wonder if Hallie had it in for him sometimes.  The dress was ordered for a very special occasion.  Being the only Legionnaire able to go out in public without attracting a crowd - usually not even a single person - he had tricked by Yuki into volunteering to take Anna out and show her the humanity of Paradopolis.
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You look beautiful,”  he said, giving her his best compliment.  He meant it, considering not only that her artificial body was a pleasingly perfect imitation of human, completely seamless and all, but also because he thought complimenting her might put off any chances of him dying horribly.
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Thank you.”  she picked up a purse that was probably empty, but Yuki gave her to carry anyhow.  “Shall we go?”
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Sure.”  Visionary replied.  He thought about mentioning where they had a reservation, but then he thought a good question was in order.  “Um...you can eat, right?”  he asked.
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yes.”  Anna nodded.  “Eating and drinking is essential to replenish my batteries and lubricate and cool my moving parts.”
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Oh.  Just like Yuki,”  Visionary noted.  “Not that I’ve been on many dates with her.  Well I’ve been on a couple...not really dates...but I don’t expect as much out of this date.  I mean, not that this is a date, and not that I expect what I got out of Yuki’s...umm...can you just blast me with those laser eyes now?”
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>     He was surprised when Anna laughed and shook her head.  He didn’t expect to see a military android with a sense of humor.  She took his hand and followed him outside.
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Is it true your testicles are sensitive?”  Anna asked.  She looked into Visionary’s horrified face, and her smile disappeared.  “I’m sorry, that’s an inappropriate question, but one I’ve been dying to ask.  You see, at the base, the men there obsessively try to pretend they aren’t hurt when they really are--”
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yes, very sensitive,”  Visionary replied hastily, afraid that she may have tests planned.  “Anyone who says different is lying.”
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Okay.”  Anna nodded.  “I’ll be more careful in the future.  Thank you for replying honestly.”
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Where did you learn to be so well mannered?”  Visionary asked.
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Movies.”  she replied.  “However I noticed a large gap between behavior in movies and what’s acceptable in reality.  I agreed to accompany you so I can learn more about it.”
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>     Visionary walked outside ahead of Anna and pointed his keychain at his ancient Ford Pinto, which only had a remote because Yuki had it ‘pimped’ as a present.  He cringed and pushed the button.  This time, the car quietly unlocked and then chirped once.  He breathed a sigh of relief.
>
>     He pulled on the driver’s side door, but it was stuck.  He pulled harder, and the door suddenly flew open and hit him in the face.  “Ow,”  he whined as he began to see swimming stars in his vision.  “Maybe we should take a taxi.”
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I will drive if you wish,”  Anna offered.
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You can drive?”  Visionary asked.  He thought about that for a moment, and came up with the conclusion that an android driving couldn’t be much worse than Kerry.  He handed Anna the keys.
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>     As soon as he got into the car he regretted his decision.  She was sitting in the driver’s seat pushing all the buttons on the remote.  “Try using the key,”  he said.  That only resulted in Anna pointing the key at the dashboard and pressing a nonexistent button at its end.  He took the key from her and stuck it in the ignition.
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Oh!”  she exclaimed.  “Primitive mechanical technology.”
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“That pretty much describes the entire car,”  Visionary pointed out.  He began to understand what Al B Harper meant about Anna having no software - she wasn’t pre-programmed with any of these skills.
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>     Anna started the engine, and the car filled with rap music so loud that Flapjack opened the door of the mansion to see what the ruckus was.  She froze, afraid that she did something wrong to cause it.
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Sorry,”  Visionary said as he quickly turned down the volume.  “Kerry borrowed this car last.”  He made a mental note not to check the back seat.  Ever.  He consoled himself with the thought that at least Anna didn’t blast the radio with lasers.
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>
> ---
>
>
>     It didn’t take them long to reach the restaurant.  They had to wait for their table to become available, so Visionary ended up standing in the entry and bar area fidgeting nervously.  Anna stood next to him, perfectly silent and patient.  He couldn’t help but wonder if she thought about anything while she was idle.
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“What’s on your mind?”  he asked.  He didn’t expect an answer - usually robots didn’t daydream.
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’m wondering where exactly home is for me,”  Anna replied.  “Back at the base where people treat me like equipment and are afraid of me, or with strangers who treat me like--”  She looked at Visionary, and then her eyes cast downward.  “--like a person.  Someone who can be trusted.”
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Wow,”  Visionary quietly exclaimed.  He wasn’t expecting something so deep.  “Well um...you’re welcome to stay with us till, you find your place in the world.”
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>     Anna smiled and looked a little embarrassed.
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“What’s taking so long for them to get us a table anyway?”  he asked.
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I will ask.”  Anna began to walk away, but Visionary held her hand.  He was impressed at how gentle her response was as she stopped, instead of simply dragging him along for a bit.  That was an improvement over Yuki.
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“No, that’s okay.  If they don’t seat us soon we’ll just go somewhere else.”  Visionary nearly tripped as he realized the hostess was standing right next to him when he said that.
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Your table is ready,”  the hostess announced through clenched teeth.
>
>     Dinner was fairly uneventful.  Visionary chatted with Anna about some of his experiences with the Lair Legion, and she listened.  She asked him and his family and learned about Maggie, Griffin, and Kerry.  He told her about Dancer, and Hallie and Miiri.
>
>     Finally around the time dessert arrived, Anna finally had a question.  “As we left CrazySugarFreakBoy! told you to make sure I put out.  What am I supposed to put out?”
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>     Visionary became flustered and fidgeted nervously.  “Well, when um...a man and woman go to a nice dinner as a planned date...sometimes it ends in...um...spending the night together.”  He paused, but she still didn’t completely understand.  “You know, a man and a woman in bed together?”
>
>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Oh.”  Anna made the connection.  Visionary was very, very thankful for that abstract computer brain of hers.  It negated the need for more embarrassing explanation.  “You weren’t expecting that from me were you?”
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“No, no, not at all,”  he replied quickly.  “I don’t even know if you’re able to...I mean if we’re able to.  Not that I want to.  I mean, you’re beautiful enough, but I don’t know you that well.”
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I am designed almost exactly as Yuki,”  she summarized, carefully implying the answer to Visionary’s question.  “I wouldn’t ask you to, however.  You’re much too embarrassed by the subject, and to be honest I wouldn’t have a clue what to do.”  She then thought for a moment and added, “Don’t tell CSFB!, he has an unhealthy fascination with my more mundane capabilities.”
>
>     Visionary laughed.  It was less the meaning of the sentence than the way it was phrased that made it amusing.  Anna followed the cue and laughed too.  “I hope it’s not rude to say this, but...you have such a wonderful personality...I hope it’s not a simulation.  It’s not, is it?”
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I don’t believe so,”  Anna replied.  “I suppose if it was I wouldn’t know it by design.”
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>     He smiled at that too.  It couldn’t be a simulation, or at least it was very unlikely, if she was able to be so introspective about it.  “Did you learn anything tonight?”
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yes,”  she replied.  “I learned a lot by watching people in the restaurant.  I learned a lot from talking with you.  I learned...that there is hope.  Hope is something I saw very little of at the base, there were only work and orders there.  I felt useful there...but out here I feel alive.”
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You know who to thank for that,”  Visionary prodded.
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>     Anna nodded.  “Yuki and Hatman.”
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>     Visionary’s smile disappear and he looked rejected.  Until he realized that Anna was smiling.  He didn’t expect humor from her.  “Oh, you were joking.”
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>     She laughed, and Visionary followed though the joke was at his expense.  When the two of them arrived outside, they didn’t notice Dan Drury with a bunch of soldiers surrounding Visionary’s car.
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>     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Uh-oh.”  Visionary said.
>
>
>
> TO BE CONTINUED
>
>
> -- Story written and copyrighted (C) 2007 by Jason Froikin, and may not be 
> --    reprinted without permission.  
> -- Yuki Shiro designed by Jason Froikin, based on designs by Masamune Shirow
> --  Liu Xi Xian and the Psychic Samurai are original design by Jason Froikin
> --  Lara Night is an original creation by Jason Froikin
>
>





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