Tales of the Parodyverse >> View Post
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Post By
killer shrike

In Reply To
Hatman

Subj: Hatty lays the smack down!
Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2007 at 11:24:49 pm EDT (Viewed 1 times)
Reply Subj: Call of the Wild: After The War Part One
Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2007 at 09:41:07 pm EDT (Viewed 406 times)

Previous Post



    The silk sheets and goose down duvet kept the chill of the Candian night at bay, enveloping the Party Chairman in warmth that few in the impoverished nation of Candia had ever experienced. The leader of Candia slept the sleep of a man who believed in the security he employed to keep him safe.

    The sudden chill alerted him to another’s presence. He was hauled out of his bed and slammed into a wall before he could shout an alarm to his personal guard stationed just outside the door.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Don’t bother,” warned the masked man who was accosting him. “They’re all unconscious.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You are dead, interloper,” spat the Commissar, quickly gaining his composure.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Don’t feel dead,” he commented. He removed the black ninja mask and headband that hid his features to reveal a familiar face to anyone who owned a television. The Party controlled all 20 televisions in the entire nation of Candia.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hatman!” cried the Commissar. Of all the intruders he may have expected, the leader of the Lair Legion was not one of them.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“The one and only.” Hatman released the Candian leader and shoved him onto the bed. “I’m here about Zdenka.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You will return Zvesti Zdrugo to her people at once!” The plump man demanded, spittle flying from his mouth. “Is not for you to keep her from us!”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You mean keep her from you!” Hatman shouted back. “I know all about your plot to have her wed to you, after your plan for us to have super-powered pups failed.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You do not dare to interfere with the actions of our government,” snarled the Chairman. “I will see your American government bury you for this insolent attack!”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“It’s not my government Comrade, I’m Canadian. Secondly, do you really think that a petty dictator like you can possibly do anything to me? The Lair Legion defeated the Parody Master and saved the world. We’re doing pretty well in terms of popularity right now.” Hatman crossed his arms smugly. “And what politician would want to take us on with an election looming?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I will not stand for this!” The Commissar rose to his feet but Hatman pushed him back down.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“No, you’re going to sit there and listen, and if you keep your mouth shut long enough for me to say my piece then maybe I won’t overthrow your entire government and set up shop here myself,” hissed Hatman.

    The Party Chairman wisely remained silent. He had seen what Hatman was capable of when he battled Dr. Roentgen and helped save Candia from nuclear extinction.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You are going to uphold the divorce between Captain Mud and Zdenka, allowing Captain Mud to return to his wife and children. A happy national symbol is of benefit to your country I would think.”

    The Chairman began to speak before Hatman silenced him with a gesture. “No talking,” he warned. “Second, you will cease any aspirations you have to force Zdenka into a marriage with yourself. You will not even think about her unless it is for official business of a platonic nature, understand?”

    The Chairman was about to respond verbally when Hatman put his fist through the wall. The Candian noticed Hatman did it without the benefit of any cap and wisely remained quiet.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“And finally, know that if I get even an inkling that you’re stepping out of line, I will be back, with the Lair Legion.” Hatman pulled his Blue Jays cap from his belt and affixed it to his head.    He threw open the window as wings sprouted from his back, then turned to the frightened head of state. “And my friends have considerably less restraint that I do.”

    Hatman disappeared into the night as the Party Chairman sat there shivering. After a few minutes he picked up his bedside telephone.


To be continued


A fun little vignette that has our hero acting quite UnCanadian. I'm interested to see who the Commisar is calling, and whether or not Hatman's next stop is to see Zdenka.




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