Special Bonus Interview:  National Morning Radio

The following is a transcript of a radio program aired Monday morning across publicly supported radio stations Paradopolis and the U.S.

    Female Voiceover:  “The word ‘hero’ is overused, especially super-hero.  A hero is someone who pushes themselves beyond their abilities, their responsibilities, their job to do something extraordinary.  Firefighters are heroes, they risk death from fire and smoke every day, run back into certain death and save a cat just so a child or a lonely eighty-year-old won’t have to endure the heartbreak of losing a pet.  I’m no hero, I’m just a person with extraordinary abilities.”

JEFF:  This is National Morning Radio, and it’s three minutes after the hour.  I’m your host, Jeff Rossmoyne, and I’m here as usual with my co-host, Karen Sizemore.  

JEFF:  Our guest this very early morning, looking tired, barely managing to keep awake courtesy of very strong coffee, is a person many of you have probably seen on television.  She’s simultaneously famous, but also relatively unknown.

(tired female laugh in the background)

JEFF:  Her name is Lara Night.  She helped the Lair Legion save the world on several occasions, and appears in commercials for Save the Homeless commercials across the East Coast.  Lara, tell us about the quote at the beginning of this broadcast.

LARA:  The truth is, I’ve always been nervous about being called a super-hero.  Where I come from, it’s a very overused description for anyone with abilities beyond baseline human.  And there are quite a lot of them.  Real heroes step outside their normal lives, go out of their way, sometimes put themselves in real danger, to help another living being.

KAREN:  And you come from another Earth, or so says the rumor.

LARA:  Yeah.

KAREN:  How do you do that?  End up here from another universe?

LARA:  By accident, at first.

(laughter in the studio)

LARA:  No, really.  I didn’t mean to end up here, I was trying to see how far I could go.  It was weird, I came to a stop and there I was at Earth again.  I thought maybe something was wrong...but it turned out to be a different Earth.

JEFF:  I can’t quite wrap my mind around how you can travel between universes at all.

LARA:  Ah, you must be a physics major.

(Karen laughing)

LARA:  The universe is kind of wrapped in blankets of energy.  Going from one to the other is like crawling under the blankets of your bed, and  you keep crawling, and when you come out you’re in a completely different bed.  Familiar, but not yours.  I use the blanket comparison because you don’t really see where you’re going until you come out.

KAREN:  The first thing that struck me about you when I saw you is your eyes.  They’re kind of like pale blue, but kind of not.  Like Daniel Craig, but much more intense.  I feel like I could see my reflection in them...were you born like that?

LARA: (laughs) I get that question a lot.  Yes, I was born with them.  I never really discovered why...I guess it’s a marking, maybe, like a birthmark only more obvious.

JEFF:  Let’s get into the real meat of this interview.

LARA:  I’m a vegetarian.

(laughter in the studio)

LARA:  No, not really, I just thought that would be funny.  Go on.

JEFF:  (still chuckling)  CrazySugarFreakBoy! is the new leader of the Lair Legion.  His first press interview did not go well.

LARA:  No, it didn’t.

JEFF:  He outlined three demands.  He wants anyone with any special abilities to be able to join the Lair Legion.  He wants the Lair Legion to be worked into regional divisions.  And he wants the Lair Legion to work proactively, without waiting for approval from governments or the United Nations.

LARA:  Yeah.

JEFF:  Doesn’t this sound a lot like an army?  What’s your take on this?

LARA:  Honestly?

JEFF:  Honestly.

LARA:  I think he’s ahead of his time.  He’s trying to drive a train into a tunnel that isn’t finished yet.  But no, it’s not like an army at all.

JEFF:  Why is it not like an army?

LARA:  Armies have a unified chain of command.  The Lair Legion has none.  It’s more like...a company, I guess.  Or a partnership.

JEFF:  I think I see what you mean.  Do you want any part of what he’s developing?  Are you going to apply for membership?

LARA:  No, I’m not going to apply.  I don’t live here full time, so I feel the Lair Legion can’t really depend on me.  I still like his idea, though, I just don’t think it’s the right time.

KAREN:  Why don’t you think it’s the right time?

LARA:  Where I come from, the governments of the world have started to embrace super-types.  Here they still make the government scared and paranoid.  That’s very dangerous for all involved.  Dream should really work on changing that first.

KAREN:  That makes perfect sense to me.  Why aren’t you leading the Lair Legion?

LARA:  Like I said, they can’t really depend on me, because I’m not here all the time.  And I’m terrible at dealing with politicians.  They make me angry.

JEFF:  And they won’t like you when you’re angry?

(Karen laughing)

LARA:  A comic book fan.  Dream would love you.

JEFF: (still chuckling)  So you’re afraid you’ll lose your temper with politicians?

LARA:  Yes, or I end up pissing them off.  It wouldn’t be the first time.  It’s part of the reason I semi-retired back home.

JEFF:  What about the rumors of the U.S. government hand-picking its own Lair Legion?

KAREN:  I’m interested in the answer to that one as well.

LARA:  (pause)  It’s more than just a rumor.  (sigh)  God, I think I just managed to piss off the politicians.

JEFF:  Last time I checked, the first amendment still applies to radio.

LARA:  Oh, I know, but...they have a tendency to retaliate.  Well, since I’m probably going to pay for this anyway:  Dream pissed off the powers that be with his new idea about the Lair Legion.  So this loud General came out of the woodwork with orders to replace the Legion’s roster with a government-approved one.  Naturally that means Dream is out, but some of the current members were approved.

KAREN:  This isn’t the first we’ve heard of this, but I’m glad you came out to confirm the rumors.

JEFF:  A lot of people aren’t going to be happy about this.

LARA:  Good.  Because really, the lawmakers, and even the military are supposed to be working for us, not the other way around.  They need a few angry people calling their offices about bad decisions.

JEFF:  You mentioned retaliation.  What kind were you referring to?

LARA:  You remember Special Resolution 1066 don’t you?  Without the public watching our lawmakers closely, they can pretty much aim laws at anyone by declaring them an enemy.

KAREN:  It sounds like you’re angry about a lot of things political.

LARA:  (laughs)  Yeah, I guess I am, because it’s all I can do.  When a person does something wrong to you, you can talk to them about it.  When politicians do something wrong to you, there’s no one to talk to.  It’s all just pointless rage.  Sure I could take it public, but there’s a limit to how well that works.

JEFF:  Like you’re doing now?

LARA:  (laughs again)  I guess so.  I mean, some people will listen to this show, or read the transcript, and they’d think, wow, this blonde chick really has her act together.  Other people will listen and think, wow, she’s freaking nuts and I’m afraid of her.  Stuff like this can work for you, or it can turn on you, and you really don’t know which till the newspaper editorials come out tomorrow.

KAREN:  What if it leads to you being offered a spot on the Lair Legion by the government?  Or even leading it?  Would you take it?

LARA:  Maybe.  I don’t really want it, but if it’s going to save the Lair Legion, I might.  I liked the way Hatman ran things, I learned a lot from him, and if I was asked to lead I’d probably run things a lot like he did.

JEFF:  Hatman has been all but invisible since he resigned.  Have you been in contact with him?

LARA:  Sorry, I can’t answer that.  He wants his privacy, and I wouldn’t be a very good friend if I didn’t protect it for him.

JEFF:  Fair enough.  Lara, you really are a blonde chick who has her act together.

LARA:  (laughs)  Thanks.

JEFF:  I have lots more questions for you, but unfortunately we’re out of time.

LARA:  I’d be glad to come back, if you can work me into your schedule.

KAREN:  That sounds good to me.  You’ve been a great guest.

LARA:  Thanks again.

JEFF:  You’re listening to National Morning Radio, with your hosts Jeff Rossmoyne and Karen Sizemore, our guest today has been Lara Night.  After a word from our sponsors, the morning news, before we hand off to your local affiliates.

KAREN:  Thank you for joining us this beautiful Monday morning.

(Break for sponsors and news)


-- Story written and copyrighted (C) 2010 by Jason Froikin, and may not be 
--    reprinted without permission.  
-- Yuki Shiro designed by Jason Froikin, based on designs by Masamune Shirow
--  Liu Xi Xian and the Psychic Samurai are original design by Jason Froikin
--  Lara Night is an original creation by Jason Froikin