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| Tales of the Parodyverse >> View Post |
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Jessica Brahms tossed her keys onto the kitchen table as she rifled through her mail. She barely avoided stepping on her cat, Foghorn, Foggy for short, as the cat was seeking attention by rubbing up against her leg. She plopped down on the couch and Foggy meowed loudly. Jessica patted the spot next to her on the couch and the feline quickly snuggled in, gratefully accepting the scratch behind its ears. Junk. Junk. Bill. Sale at Bianca’s Dress Boutique, keeper. Bill. Junk. Jessica tossed the pile of mail onto the coffee table, and despite Foggy’s rather loud protest she stood up. “Honestly, you’re the loudest cat I know!†she said to her cat. She poured some food into Foggy’s food dish, which the cat quickly began eating. “I have to get ready to eat myself,†she told her cat. She had a date and only an hour to get ready. She only met her date the other day, but he had one of those faces you just trusted. He was polite, well-spoken, and cute. What did she have to lose? Plus it wasn’t every day she dated a superhero. Foggy was at the door to met her when Jessica got home. If the cat was surprised to see a brown-haired man follow her through the door, you couldn’t tell. Jessica didn’t normally bring men home with her on the first date, but if you couldn’t trust a member of the Lair Legion, who could you trust? “I’ll be just a minute,†she called to her date from the bathroom. “Take your time,†he called back. Foggy had decided he didn’t like the man Jessica had brought home and began to hiss at him. The Legionnaire picked the cat up by the scruff of its neck, tossed it into the kitchen and quietly closed the door. “Where’s Foggy?†Jessica asked as she re-entered the room. Her date turned to face Jessica, and a smile overtook his face. “In the kitchen,†he said. “I’m allergic to cat hair so I put him in there for now.†He looked the slim blonde in the lingerie over, and liked what he saw. A few quick steps closed the distance between the two, and he swept Jessica up into his arms and kissed her. She made no protest as he picked her up and carried her into the bedroom. “That was amazing!†Jessica purred as she stretched. The blonde traced her fingers down her partner’s chest. “Yeah, not bad at all,†he agreed, his arms folded behind his head. “Say, would you mind getting me a glass of water?†“No problem,†she agreed. She began to wrap the sheet around herself when he gently grabbed her wrist. “Leave it,†he said with a grin and a wink. Jessica giggled a little and complied. As she walked to the kitchen, she called back to the bedroom. “Do you want ice?†She opened the door to the kitchen, and was shocked when a blast of arctic air washed over her. Her kitchen was nowhere to be seen, and instead an arctic wasteland stretched out before her. “What the-?†she began to exclaim, but then her date was behind her. “Jay, what’s going on?†she asked him. She looked into his eyes, but the warmth was gone and his expression was cold and wicked. “Well, I need a place to stay for awhile,†he explained, gripping her shoulders to keep her from running. “And even though you’re a tasty piece of ass, I can’t have you blabbing to the Lair Legion where I am.†He threw her through the door and she landed in a snowbank. Her lips were quickly turning blue, and she didn’t have a scrap of clothing to protect her. “B-b-but, you’re H-H-Hatman!†she cried in protest. “Don’t ever call me that!†he roared. He slammed the door shut, leaving Jessica to her fate. “The name’s Doorman,†he said to himself. He opened the door again, Jessica’s kitchen restored. He grabbed a beer from the fridge, plopped himself down on the couch, and turned on the television. When Jessica had landed in the snowbank, she had felt something lumpy and solid. On the off chance it was something she could use to survive, she began digging. Her hands were already numb, and she feared her lifespan could now be measured in minutes, let alone hours. Her tears froze upon contact with the air, coating her cheeks in ice. She pulled the object from the drift, and then screamed. Foggy hadn’t fared well in the arctic environment either. | |||
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