Adventures in Parodyverse: The Trial of Liu Xi Xian, Part 1


    There is a certain perverse fascination people have for watching celebrities, politicians, heroes - anyone in the public spotlight, held above the average - meet their destruction.  Not to watch them die, but to watch them become fallible, flawed, and perhaps beneath the average.

    The Lair Legion was filled with super-heroes, held in a higher regard and to a higher standard.  It was a place constantly in the public eye, as fans and foes alike waited for its supposedly inevitable crumbling and collapse.

    When the android Anna was placed on very public trial and ultimately granted all the same rights as a citizen of the United States by a court, the world watched.  But it wasn’t enough - with success, fame is fleeting and blows away like a wisp in the wind.

    But then U.S. Government agents showed up early one morning at the Lair Mansion armed with an arrest warrant.  They were met by none other than Sir Mumphrey Wilton, one of the few early risers, who greeted them rather ill-temperedly as he hadn’t yet had his morning coffee.

    He patiently read the warrant.  It was well written, and stated exactly who they planned to arrest and why.  He had no choice but to let them by to perform their duty.

    Resident Legionnaire Yuki Shiro was less impressed by the paperwork.  Wearing only shorts and a cut-off tee-shirt, and no shoes, she shredded the warrant and ordered the agents out.  They called for backup, and soon she was surrounded by a sufficient number of large men to pin her cybernetic body and arrest her for obstructing justice.

    The agents didn’t realize that Yuki’s epic struggle was more than an act of desperation.  She was also delaying them long enough for a very tired young Asian woman to arrive.  Only the Psychic Samurai didn’t arrive alone.  

    She brought with her a hung-over-looking man in a rumpled suit, and she stood cross-armed while he handed the government agents two orders from a judge.  One of them prevented them from executing the arrest; the other acknowledged the government warrant, and ordered Liu Xi Xian to house arrest.

    The dozen or so government agents had no choice but to leave empty handed, feeling ashamed at being beaten so handily, and without so much as a single fight.  But by then, though, it was clearly inescapable that Liu Xi Xian would be put on trial.

     “Good show, Ms Chiaki,”  Sir Mumphrey told her.  He shook her hand, then each of the two men she arrived with.  “Your solicitor, I presume?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“More or less,”  Chiaki replied tiredly.  She turned waved an open palm in the man’s direction.  “This is Arnold J. Armbruster.  He expanded his practice a bit since defending Anna.  Try to greet him quietly, he’s a little hung over.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hrrmph.”  Sir Mumphrey made a sound indicating he didn’t approve of that last part.  He looked around when he noticed the entry hall of the Lair Mansion started to get a little eerily foggy.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“He’ll be defending Liu Xi,”  Chiaki continued, ignoring the darkening hall.  “With some help from the world’s greatest legal mind.”

    The Abyssal Greye seemed to appear from within the sudden mists, and he bowed politely to Chiaki.  “I wouldn’t say the greatest,”  he said in a slow, monotonous voice.  “Perhaps the most experienced.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“This seems like an awful lot of counsel for a simple matter,”  Yuki Shiro pointed out.  “What the heck is she being charged with, anyway?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You shredded the warrant without reading it, didn’t you?”  Chiaki asked.

    Yuki shrugged, and rolled her eyes.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Murder,”  Chiaki told her.  “She has been charged with murder.”


---


    The courtroom was crowded, even though the judge restricted spectators to the press and those directly related to the case.  As she exited her chambers and looked over the courtroom, there were two things that disturbed her immediately.

    One of which was the noise level in the courtroom.  She looked at her gavel and knew she would have to use it to silence them.  Then, to the right of the front of the desk sat Arnold J. Armbruster.  She looked at her gavel again, wishing she could use it on his head.

    She managed to fulfill at least one of those wishes.  As she sat down, she slammed the gavel down twice and ordered everyone to be quiet or she would empty the courtroom.  Finally, peace and quiet presided.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Mr. Armbruster, would you approach the bench please?”  she ordered.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Huh?”  he looked up from something he was sketching on a legal pad.  Then he noticed the nameplate on the bench - it said ‘Judge Anna Marie Lewis’.  

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Oh, crap,”  he mumbled to himself as he stood and shuffled over to the bench.  As he arrived, he put on his best fake smile.  “How can I help you?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Wipe that smirk of your face,”  Judge Lewis ordered him.

    His smile disappeared quickly, to be replaced by a worried look.

    The judge glanced at his client.  A dejected-looking young Chinese girl dressed in an obviously borrowed, slightly oversized suit.  She was a pitiful sight indeed, clinging to the hand of a young man sitting behind her.

    Judge Lewis’ heart sank at the sight of that.  She looked at Arnie, and whispered harshly, “Look, just because you’re a jerk, I’m not going to take it out on your client.  She deserves fairness.  You don’t.  If you so much as do or say anything stupid, I’ll replace you in a heartbeat, and throw your ass in jail!  Is that clear?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yes, Anna.  I mean, your honor.”  Arnie compliantly replied.  He then shuffled back to the defense desk, and looked embarrassed as he shoved the sketch he made into his briefcase quickly, and then slouched in his seat.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Are you certain this was a good idea?”  Sir Mumphrey whispered to Chiaki, as the jury began to file in.

    Chiaki nodded.  “Just watch,”  she said.

    Sir Mumphrey wanted to argue more, but the Judge had sat down already.  Besides, Chiaki had that reputation for always being prepared for everything, and he was curious to see it in action.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Let’s hear some opening statements.”  the Judge announced.

    The prosecutor the government appointed to make its case was one of those high-priced, slick lawyers in Paradopolis.  He was the kind on television in a suit that costs thousands of dollars, asking you if you’ve been hurt, or fired, or poisoned.  Apparently he knew someone that got him assigned the case.

    He stood and frowned at Arnie, and then turned to address the court, in a loud voice.  “I have convincing evidence that this woman, shortly after entering the country illegally, murdered a man using her elemental gifts.”

    Arnie chuckled a little bit quietly at the defense table.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Around the same time she arrived in this country, there was an arson.  It was known that a man was burned alive in his bedroom, and that the entire room spontaneously combusted.  What was not known, until now, was who caused it and how.”

    Arnie laughed again, covering his mouth this time.  It was becoming infectious, as some of the jury started to laugh too, though they didn’t know why.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Her recent induction into the Lair Legion made investigators take a closer look at her powers, and start to link it to--”  He turned to Arnie finally and said, “What the hell is so funny?”

    Arnie stifled a laugh.  “Sorry, when you talk like that it reminds me of those commercials.  ‘I WANT TO BELIEVE YOU!’.”  He did his best loud impression.

    There was more laughing from the jury, until the judge banged the gavel loudly on her desk.  “All right, that’ll be enough of that.”

    The prosecutor sighed, and continued.  “The investigators started to link that spontaneously combusted room with this young woman’s fire handling ability.  The way the fire seemed to have no ignition point, no accelerant, no cause.  The way it just came out of nowhere.  The defendant is a master of fire...the only possible culprit is her.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Objection!”  Arnie called out as he stood quickly.  “He’s steering the jury.”

    The judge raised her gavel and nearly scolded Arnie, but then she realized he actually did have a point.  “Um...sustained.  That last sentence will be disregarded by the jury and stricken from the record.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Seriously?”  the prosecutor asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’m as surprised as you are.”  The judge shrugged as she watched Arnie quietly sit down again.  “You don’t plan on offering an opening statement?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Oh.  Right.”  Arnie rose again and went straight to the point.  “If this beautiful young woman is such a dangerous murderer, why is she patiently sitting here standing trial?  This whole courtroom is flammable.  Most of us are wearing flammable clothing.  She should have no trouble escaping.  But she’s sitting here because she believes you all know she did nothing wrong.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“That’s it?”  the judge asked.  When Arnie didn’t continue, she sighed and whacked her desk with the gavel.  “Very well, we’ll break for today then, and tomorrow we’ll resume with witness testimony.”

    Sir Mumphrey glanced at Chiaki as he stood, and he nodded.  He was starting to approve of her strategy.


---


    A few hours later, there was a gentle tap at the door of Liu Xi Xian’s tower quarters at the Lair Mansion.

    Before being assigned to house arrest at the Lair Mansion, Liu Xi gave up her old quarters to other Lair Legion members.  Since she had her own place now, near the University, she needed only the lounge she carefully built in one of the mansion’s towers when she visited.  Now, she called it home.

    Liu Xi opened the door and let in the Psychic Samurai, who brought her a snack.  While the Chinese girl was allowed to wander the entire mansion, including the kitchen, Chiaki nonetheless brought her the food as a gift.  She also figured by now Liu Xi wanted to talk to her.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Why didn’t you make this all go away?”  the new Legionnaire asked the Samurai as she placed the bag of take-out and the drink on her small dining table.  “I thought you had all kind of connections?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“We tried.  Yuki and I both.  But sometimes--”  Chiaki sighed.  “--there is someone very determined, who won’t be swayed.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I see.”  Liu Xi sighed and fell back into one of the dining chairs.  “What happens if--”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“No.”  Chiaki stopped her.  “We must not doubt.  We must be successful.”

    Liu Xi thought about commenting more, but then she stopped, and smiled weakly.  “I really like your Samurai philosophy.”

    Chiaki smiled to.  “I do too.  It’s reassuring.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’ll miss Vinnie,”  Liu Xi added.  “I wish I could go and work with him.  I worry he’ll get himself in trouble.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Don’t worry, Liu Xi.  I arranged for someone very lucky to keep him company.”

    Somewhere else in the mansion, Visionary looked up at Anna, who stopped by to deliver the news.  “Wait...what?”


-- Story written and copyrighted (C) 2011 by Jason Froikin, and may not be 
--    reprinted without permission.  
-- Yuki Shiro designed by Jason Froikin, based on designs by Masamune Shirow
--  Liu Xi Xian and the Psychic Samurai are original design by Jason Froikin
--  Lara Night is an original creation by Jason Froikin