Previous Post Saving the Future 10th Parodyverse Anniversary Conclusion Special – Part 28: Making the Future Go Straight To Act Two: Away Previously: The Void Scholar has kidnapped the population of Earth and replaced them with Space Fandoms. The Lair Legion has dealt with the Space Fandoms but hasn’t rescued the missing people. The Void Scholar has captured the Juniors, to torture Harlagaz and Ham-Boy, dispose of Kerry, and wed Fashion Accessory. He has also manipulated Liu Xi and Danny Lyle to the point where they will breed to spawn the ultimate generation of the Scholar’s millennia-long campaign to use the powers of the offspring of the Celestian Madonna. The Lair Legion have travelled to his trans-temporal fastness to confront him. Yo has rescued the Land That Common Sense Forgot from Comic-Book Limbo but has nowhere to put it. Lara Night has investigated the destruction of the Shee-Yar Imperium with Captain Shen-Rae of the Intergalactic Trading Alliance. Now they have the problem of defending an emptied Earth. The Void Scholar seems to have won. Nothing can stop him now. Right? Previous Chapters The Hooded Hood's Homepage of Doom Who's Who in the Parodyverse *** ACT ONE: Home     Teresa pelted up the wet slope behind her house, making for the trees. Things in the shape of her family ran after her, hunting her.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“This way!” shouted something with the voice of her mother. The tones sounded different, harsher, raspier, without any trace of love. “An actual mortal that somehow avoided the shift! It’s all ours!”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Too late to transfer it now,” agreed her father. “That means we can kill it.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Slowly,” agreed her brother.     Teresa scrambled into cover, trying to lose them in the trees. She needed somewhere to hide, somewhere she could catch her breath. She needed somewhere that she could summon up her gifts.     A great horde of birds gathered overhead; but they weren’t birds. They were looking for her.     There were animals in the woods, fieldmice and hedgehogs and rabbits and voles and all kinds of life. So many of them were no longer what they seemed. They had been replaced.     A fox leaped out at Teresa’s throat. She repelled it with her umbrella. It bounced back, yelping in surprise, and lost its stolen shape.     Now Teresa could see the enemy close up: wrinkled grey humanoids with great bat-wing flaps joining their arms and sides. They felt to be ancient, almost so old to be erased from existence. They had no real form of their own any more. They stole that of others.     She half-climbed half-slithered down an embankment, tearing her flesh on brambles, splashing into the cold wet brook. Evil fish watched her. She ran on, splashing through the ankle-deep water, knowing that if she stopped she would die.     The whole world was hunting her now.     They were closing on her. Every creature was a spy. Small birds flew at her eyes, slowing her. Rats lunged beneath her feet. The things in the semblance of her family caught up.     Teresa tried to call upon her gifts, but the panic got in the way. She knew that if she didn’t calm down she would die. That knowledge just made her panic worse. She sheltered behind her umbrella and tried to think.     The Space Fandoms closed in around her.     And screamed.     And exploded.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“What?” gasped Teresa, her eyebrows high. “I mean… what? Did I do that?”     Nobody answered. The Space Fandoms had gone.     She was one of the last girls on Earth. ***     The population of the Earth was gone, the people, the animals, the larger fish of the sea. Across the world machines ground to a halt, driverless vehicles crashed fires went unchecked. And then silence.     In Paradopolis, ghost taxis shimmered through deserted streets. Automated systems changed traffic lights and ran the monorail and lit the streets at dusk. In the tunnels below, the ancient undead Vrykoulakas hissed with rage as his hunger mounted.     In the Mythlands the fey folk felt suddenly weak and could not say why, as if the source of belief in them had been suddenly mined away. The gateways back to the mundane lands were closed.     In the psychic realms the poltergeists and grues and emotion-feeders panicked, falling upon each other in cannibalistic rage now they were denied their grazing grounds.     Far lower than Vrykoulakas’ lair, and through many dimensions best not described, the sleeping Shabba’Dhabba’Dhu, Groper Out of Grossness, stirred uneasily in his eternal sleep.     And out in space this world was being watched keenly and closely by intelligences greater than man's… ***     The Trading Alliance starship Heart of Light hovered in near-Earth orbit. Its captain Shen Rae was waiting impatiently for a biological analysis of some anomalies the ship had picked up.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Did the S’Sox do something during their attack?” Lara Night asked worriedly. “Some kind of biological warfare on Earth?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“It wasn’t them,” the technician at the sensor array replied. “We’re picking up something else. Something odd. Hold on please.”     Suddenly the entire array of warning lights flared red. Lara instinctively turned in a combat crouch, and realised that Shen Rae had done the same.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Report,” the Capain ordered.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“The… the biosignatures on the planet…” the technician stammered. “I’ve just lost pretty much everything with a mass of over three kilos.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Dead?” gasped Lara, straining with her own senses to verify things.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Gone,” replied Shen Rae, reading data over the tech’s shoulder. “The entire population of Earth has disappeared.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Well now,” said the Carnifex, coming up to stand beside her, “I wouldn’t say everybody.” ***     Ã¢â‚¬Å“So our father has gone through an unstable dimensional portal to a place that doesn’t exist on the edge of oblivion to battle an all-powerful Lord of Comic-Book Limbo who draws power from every change to history that doesn’t make sense,” Griffin summarised as Hallie explained what was happening to the children who’d just emerged from their hidden Lair Mansion garret.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Well, essentially, yes,” agreed the Legion’s resident A.I. “But I don’t want you to w…”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Cool,” admired Griffin.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And tactically sound,” agreed Samantha Featherstone. “The Lair Legion has always been proficient at wreaking havoc on a villain’s homeground, and with CSFB!, the Shoggoth, and Dancer on the current roster, plus Yo somewhere in the background that’s one big payload of havoc. Have you heard from my grandfather at all?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“We got a brief message from Asil via the Intergalactic Order of Libraries,” Hallie revealed. “It seems that he’s on Plxtragar.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“That makes sense,” nodded Magweed. “Yo would be looking for somewhere to put those Lands That Common Sense Forgot. That’s a good choice.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Er, yes,” agreed Hallie, slightly disconcerted by how well informed a trio of children could be when one read hearts, one read computers, and one read Lair Legion tactics manuals. “Anyway, that leaves us to protect the Mansion and to defend the empty Earth.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Defend it from what?” questioned Samantha.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Well, there are still undead out there,” Marie Murcheson revealed. “I’ve been discouraging them from approaching. I scare them.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And all the lesser undead are simply staying away in the first place,” Grace O’Mercy added disingenuously.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And Salieri Meng?” Sam asked casually. “I heard he was at home when the Space Fandoms revealed themselves.”     Flapjack has gone to fetch him in a LairJet,” Hallie assured her. “He said it was a pleasure to hunch for an upcoming mad scientist of his calibre.”     Samantha’s lips pursed in disapproval. “Well, I suppose he has to be stored somewhere,” she frowned.     Magweed watched her friend and exchanged a glance with Griffin.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“What about the space attacks?” Griff demanded, changing the subject. “I thought the LairSats had picked up some Z’Sox activity out past the moon.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“They seem to have changed their minds,” Hallie reported. “In any case, they’re off the grid for now.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And those dimensional ripples from the Negativity Zone?” Magweed wondered. “This would be a bad time for Annihilatus to come calling.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“EEE have gone to poke wires at it,” Hallie promised. “I expect we’ll hear an explosion shortly. So there’s nothing to worry about… except the Lair Legion fighting to save the future against impossible odds beyond the boundaries of reality.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Can we have dinner then?” asked Griffin. “Pizza?”      ***     Ã¢â‚¬Å“The Carnifex!” gasped Shen Rae as she realised there was a tall handsome rugged stranger beside her on the bridge. “Thank goodness!”     Lara frowned. “You know the Carnifex?” she demanded. The strange visitor from another reality had met the Parodyverse’s supposed greatest hero before and she found him rather scary.     Shen Rae shrugged ruefully. “Everyone knows the Carnifex. We’ve not met, of course, but he’s a hero of renown even in our distant Trade Alliance. Now he’s here we’re very probably saved.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“What’s happened to Earth?” demanded Lara. “What the hell is going on?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hello again, Lara,” the Carnifex smiled. “So nice to see you again.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“What’s going on?” persisted Lara.     The Carnifex gestured to the blue orb on the main monitor. “Well, Lara, it looks like a villain called the Void Scholar has kidnapped the entire population of the planet and replaced them with spectral shapestealers called Space Fandoms. Some say they’re hybrid Hero Feeders. Others say they’re what’s left after a Hero Feeder has feasted. I think it’s worse than that.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“What could be worse than that?” demanded Shen Rae.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I think they’re actually what became of the stolen population of Earth, a billion years after they were taken,” the Carnifex confided. “Spooky, eh?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And what are you doing about it?” Lara challenged. “You’re supposed to be so mighty, so…”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“But it’s not all about me, is it, Lara? There are other heroes too. Right now the Lair Legion has found a way to commit genocide on the Space Fandoms. Now all they have to do is save the future so the stolen population doesn’t become those monsters in the future.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“But that would be a paradox!” objected Shen Rae.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And that would make the Void Scholar more powerful yet, since he draws his power from discontinuities,” agreed the Carnifex. “Bummer, eh? The Legion might be playing right into his hands.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“We detected a very odd holographic display earlier,” Shen Rae noted.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Good, wasn’t it?” the Carnifex grinned. “Had me fooled for a minute. I thought the Legion really had been wiped out in a nuclear inferno. I was gutted.”     Another thought came to Lara. “Carnifex, before we came to Earth…”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Mark, please. We’re old friends now, Lara. It’s best if we’re friends.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Mark. We were in the Shee-Yar galaxy. Everything was dead. Every living thing.”     The Carnifex nodded. “That’s right.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You knew about that?” Shen Rae realised. “You had something to do with that?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You defended the Earth when the Shee-Yar Imperium Guard attacked!” Lara remembered.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yes,” agreed the Carnifex. “Then I destroyed the Empire that had dispatched them. To send a message.”     Shen Rae swallowed hard. “Message received and understood.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You killed all those billions?” Lara said.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I defended Earth. Next time I might have to go to extremes.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“But Earth’s being attacked right now,” objected Lara.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And I’m keeping careful watch,” promised the Carnifex. “I’ll leave you to deal with the incoming S’Zox invasion. I’m going to rescue Zdenka Zarazoza, the Rabid Wolf, and see if she wants to go out for a drink sometime. Or a hunt. I’ve got to be off.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You killed them all…” Shen Rae seemed to be having trouble with the casual way her guest dealt mass murder. But then the Carnifex glanced at her and something clicked and it all seemed perfectly normal. “Well, that’s that mystery cleared up, I guess. What a hero. Thanks, Carnifex.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Call me Mark, Shen Rae. No need for thanks. I was just doing my job. Salvage what you want from the Shee-Yar. I’m not interested in them any more.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And this Void Scholar?” demanded Lara.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Don’t worry,” the Carnifex told her, so she didn’t. “Listen, I need to be going. Take care so nothing bad happens to you now.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Bye, Mark!” Shen Rae called. “And thanks again for the Shee-Yar thing!”     Lara almost didn’t join in with the praise. ***     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hey!”, shrieked Asil Ashling at the top of her voice, “Time Out!”     The Hooded hood and Sir Mumphrey Wilton paused in mid tirade and looked at the angry young woman who glared at them with her hands on her hips.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Let me summarise,” the Lisa-clone insisted. “Sir Mumphrey thinks you’re an interfering, maundering, manipulative rotter not fit to be wiped from humanity’s shoes, Hood. And HH thinks you’re a blinkered venomous narrow-minded old relic whose days are long past and who should shrivel up and die, Sir Mumphrey. I don’t subscribe to those viewpoints, by the way. But the point is you have to put your differences aside for the good of the Parodyverse.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And give this blaggard another chance to use people’s misfortunes for his personal agenda?” thundered Mumphrey.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Because the Parodyverse is always so grateful for my sacrifices while they laud murderous bigot empire-builders like this blowhard here?” demanded the Hooded Hood.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Because I’m asking,” Asil answered. “No, I’m telling. I know you hate each other. I know you have your reasons. But right now the Void Scholar is winning and he’s laughing at you both. Are you really going to let him win?”     The Hooded Hood and Sir Mumphrey fell silent.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I thought not,” Asil continued. “Now you’re both very clever, very schemy, very resourceful men. The Hood’s probably foreseen all this years ago and put things in place to call on if it happens. Sir Mumphrey’s probably thought of a dozen cunning ways to pot the bounder into the pocket. So let’s sit down and decide what we need to do and then let’s go save the future. Please?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I think not,” replied the Hooded Hood.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Why not?” demanded Asil. “You have to…”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Because we already know what the plan has to be, m’dear,” Mumph told his amanuensis. “We just don’t want to do it.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“But we shall,” announced the cowled crime czar. “It begins now.” *** ACT TWO: Away     Danny Lyle and Liu Xi Xian rumbled at ever increasing velocity into the black soup that was the first barrier between matter, energy and life and the eternal depths of true void. They clung to each other as they fell, because that near to oblivion you hold on to anything that reminds you of existence.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“He’s trying to pull us back!” Liu Xi gasped, sensing her grandfather’s will reaching out to the escaping youngsters. “He won’t let us escape! He’s practised this more than he let on. He’s stronger than me!”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“No he’s not,” denied Danny. “Keep going. There’s a plan.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“The plan you cooked up when you knew the Void Scholar was trying to rewrite the whole of history, to alter the future forever?” Liu Xi questioned; anything to prevent the darkness clawing at her soul from devouring her whole. Here on the borders of everlasting void being was entirely dependent upon belief and will.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“The plan I had to resort to when the Void Scholar attacked my friends and hurt Kerry,” hissed Denial. “Why do you think I’ve let myself get this beaten up if not to make the Void Scholar wish he’d never existed?”     The numbness and the chill drew the strength out of the refugees. They clung together still as the spiralled down towards the final barrier. It was that wall that the Void Scholar had bred Liu Xi’s line to breach, a grand experiment stretched over thousands of years to reach its current conclusion. Either Liu Xi could open the way for the Void Scholar to conquer what lay beyond, or else her future child by Danny Lyle would do it.     Old fears from previous experiences welled in the young elementalist’s battered heart. “Are we doing just what grandfather wants, fleeing here?” Liu Xi worried. “Are you working with him after all to deceive me?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“We’re doing just what your grandfather expects, Denial clarified. “but we’re working with far more dangerous allies than him.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I don’t know how much longer I can hold us together, Danny.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“We’re not going to fade,” Denial replied, gritting his teeth.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Grandfather’s pulling us back!”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“No he’s not. He’s due for a distraction!”     And they fell. ***     Ã¢â‚¬Å“The Lair Legion!” smirked the Void Scholar as he was ringed by heroes in his oriental pavilion in his gardens beyond time, hanging on the cusp above eternal void. “Yesterday’s heroes.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Today’s problem,” Yuki promised, jumping in to take the Scholar down. Banter could come after battering. CSFB! and Glory leaped in after the cyborg P.I.     The Void Scholar’s personal shields bounced them away. “A problem? I hardly think so.” He waved spindly hands in the air. “I am prepared.”     The garden shimmered as more figures appeared.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Uh oh,” breathed Dancer, her eyes widening.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Boaz,” said Mr Epitome, stepping forward. “Stand down.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Space Fandom,” snorted Nats, unimpressed. “I thought we’d taken all these guys out.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Not a Space Fandom,” said Fin Fang Foom, rising up beside the paragon of power. “The real deal.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Um, is that Fin Fang Foom?” worried Silicone Sally. She nervously checked behind her in case the Dark Knight was about to kill her.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“It can’t be,” Al B. Harper answered, “but… the readings are right. Not a Space Fandom. A Makluan.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Don’t make us fight, dammit,” Pegasus added. “We did enough of that when I was alive.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Besides,” warned Jarvis, “You’re kind of outnumbered here, folks. You’ve got a roster of, what, eight? And one of them is Visionary. The Lost Legion has got, well, pretty much everyone else that’s ever been a member.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Except Magnetic Techbird,” added Baroness von Zemo. “There have to be limits.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Why did those limits have to include Rocket Racoon?” demanded Sersi.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hold it!” demanded Dancer. “Finny? G-Eyed? thuddy? Everybody? You’re saying you’re the real thing?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“It’s your standard change-history-then-reuse-the-heroes-as-your-personal-army thing,” CrazySugarFreakBoy! explained. “We already did that plot with the Moderator.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Dominic is not himself,” barked Glory. “They all smell aggressive.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Guys like that,” smirked Lisa. “But first, the beatings.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Take them down, my Lost Legion,” the Void Scholar commanded his minions. He had always admired the Lair Legion. Now he could collect the set.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Let’s doeth it,” agreed Donar. “Let the smitings begin for the nonce.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Um, is this a good time to remind you of all those happy times you spent leaving empty ale flagons around the Condo?” Vizh asked the Ausgardian nervously.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Never happened now,” NTU-150 told him, charging up his repulsors.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Guys,” Banjooo warned the Lair Legion, “you’re screwed. You’re up against the King of the Sea Monkeys and his allies and servants.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“First we beat up the LL,” announced Troia. “Then Banjooo.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“But we looove Banjoooo,” came a slurred voice from behind a low ornamental wall.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Us vs all the old LL’ers?” frowned CSFB! “Is this an anniversary issue?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“We already did this too,” Dancer noted. “Against the Nu-LL ages ago. The Void Scholar’s recyling old plots. Green but unoriginal.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You have one chance to surrender,” Amazing Guy told the Legion. “Otherwise you’re going down.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hatty?” Yuki checked with the team’s leader.     Jay Boaz glared at Finny, at Jarvis, at Lisa, and then at the Void Scholar himself. “I so don’t want to do this,” Hatman admitted. “Guys, we fight.” ***     Champagne picked the lock into the dungeons and replaced the designer jewelled hairpin back into her coiffured blonde hair. “These very powerful villains always make the same mistakes,” noted the international jewel thief. “Massive cosmic defences, skimping on the ironmongery budget.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Interesting,” replied the Librarian. “There may be a paper in that. If you ever write it could I get a copy for the moon Public Library please?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I don’t really do monographs,” Champagne admitted. “Or anything that looks like some kind of written confession. Anyway, here’s the prison. And look over there!”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“The… the Librarian?” Ham-Boy gasped, looking up from his chains. He couldn’t place Champagne just now, but given the beatings he’d taken he wasn’t really at his best.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Tis good,” admitted Harlagaz Donarson, equally battered but completely uncompromising in his defiance. “I wast getting bored with yon torments.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Where are the guards?” demanded Champagne, getting to work on Ham-Boy’s fetters.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“They didst explode when I glarethed at them,” Gaz boasted. “Like unto overfilled bladders.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Thank you for that image,” shuddered the Librarian. “Actually the Legion managed some kind of feedback loop via Al’s machines and a lump of Shoggoth mucus. It caused all the Space Fandoms to recurse upon themselves.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Ours didn’t recurse,” Ham-Boy insisted. He rubbed his freed wrists. “They exploded. I have the goo on my cowl.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Miss Framlicker was a little more hardcore and unforgiving than perhaps we’d expected,” Champagne admitted. “That’s definitely a discussion for another day. For now we’re on a schedule. Are you boys able to come with us?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I art fine,” wobbled Gaz. “Let the vengeance begin.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hatman’s in charge of the vengeance,” Lee Bookman explained. “Champagne and I are Plan B, while the Void Scholar’s occupied.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“There are plans now?” Ham-Boy asked. “Does one of them involve rescuing Samantha and Kerry and stopping the future where Gaz and I get tortured into being the same Space Fandoms that tortured us and then explode because Miss F has bad PMT?”          Ã¢â‚¬Å“We don’t discuss Plan B in the middle of the enemy’s undoubtedly monitored dungeon,” the Librarian suggested. “But if it helps, I do have the ability to detect the location of nearby libraries. And our enemy calls himself a Void Scholar.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“So we want to see his office,” smiled Champagne. “Lead on, Mr Bookman!” ***     Ã¢â‚¬Å“It’s g-getting worse,” Liu Xi shivered. She could hardly even feel Danny’s warmth pressed against her now.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“It’s n-not,” Denial attempted, but his knew he was at the limits of what he could deny. The fugitives were at the very threshold now, the skin between what was and what was not, the barrier Liu Xi had been bred to breach.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“What’s the plan now, Danny?” Liu Xi demanded. “You asked me to trust you all those weeks ago – and trust is so hard for me. You asked me to follow you to destruction to help the world, the whole Parodyverse. Is this is? Do we die here?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Maybe,” Danny answered. “See, in the end it all comes down to something that’s hard for me too. Love.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’m close to you, Danny. Closer than… well, close. But I don’t know if I truly…”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Not you, Liu Xi. I’m sorry, but it’s always been Kerry. Always and forever. I don’t care what other me’s have done in other timelines. For me me it’s always about Kerry Shepherdson. And it’s about how much I love her… and whether she loves me. And it’s about trust.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“What d-do you mean?” Liu Xi tried not to tremble as the life drained from her.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“The Void Scholar is a planner. He took you into account. He took me. He was prepared for the Triumvirate. He was prepared for the Keeper of the Chronometer of Infinity. He was even prepared for the Hooded Hood. But he’s got one fatal flaw, naturally.”     Liu Xi thought about her grandfather. She knew him now. “He is alone,” she realised. “He is the only living resident of a place beyond time and space. He never trusts, never co-operates. He only manipulates.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah. So what if Sir Mumphrey Wilton and the Hooded Hood worked together?” demanded Denial.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“They’d never trust each other,” Liu Xi scorned. “Never. They hate each other.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah, but what if they delegated their powers?” Danny asked. “What if each of them called in help from a pure thought being like Yo, with help from the Destroyer of Tales to waive a few office-holder regulations for Mumph, and what if they both leant their powers to somebody they both trust? Say Asil Ashling?”     Liu Xi’s mouth fell open. “The Void Scholar’s power is all about bending time and altering the past. Mumphrey’s office is to prevent time being altered and the Hood’s ability is to control retcons. If one person combined those two skills…”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Could be a fun moment, yeah,” Danny agreed.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“But where do your feelings for Kerry come into this?”     Danny closed his eyes and shuddered. “It’s really about where Asil channels that combined power when she’s got it,” he answered at last. “About which one person gets cut free from the Void Scholar’s schemes. And about just how pissed my Firecracker is by now.” ***     Ã¢â‚¬Å“This is certainly an interesting battle from a technical viewpoint,” she Shoggoth admitted as he tried to generate biomass to imprison Starseed while the Gah! wielder tried to burn his way free. “It is very confusing how you mortals insist on defining yourselves in discrete biological packets then clashing with each other in complicated widescreen confrontations.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“It has to be widescreen,” CSFB! pointed out. “You know how many Legionnaires there have been?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Thirty-one,” answered Nats promptly. “Plus eight probationaries who never made it to full membership. And two honoraries.” He hammered Goldeneyed into the ground with some satisfaction.     ~~Flight into plight~~ decided Cressida, the matter-altering telepathic tapeworm in dull thud’s intestine, and the flying phenomenon suddenly lost control of his movements and slammed down hard into an ornamental topiary display.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“See I’d have gone for flight to…” began thuddy before Cressida cut him off.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Great!” snarled Silicone Sally wrapping Ziles in her pliable form but blistering from a fire burst summoned by Sorceress. “We’re getting creamed by a cast of thousands.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Don’t mention cream,” Vizh warned. “We’re up against Lisa, you know!”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Get it yourself!” shouted Jarvis, hammering Glory to the ground.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hey, gently with my dog,” Epitome warned the butler. “Remember these guys will be joining us soon. Pound CSFB! all you want, but go easy on Glory.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Dominic? Is that the real you?” Glory yelped hopefully; just before Premiere pounded her into the soil.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“We don’t go easy,” hissed Messenger, going for Yuki with a razor-letter and parcel bomb. “We take them down whatever it takes. However we have to. That’s the job.”     Al B. dodged aside as the DarkHwk armour he’d just disabled ploughed into Rocket Racoon and Falcon, but was taken down by Trickshot’s glue arrow. “Forget it, big brain,” the arrogant archer told him. “You’re up against me now.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Damn, I’ll just invent a universal dissolver and I’ll be right back,” the archscientist promised.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“DBS, take down Dancer,” Finny called. “DBS?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“So yeah, I see myself as a patron of the arts,” Josh Clement told Sarah Shepherdson. “I’m thinking maybe I could call you and…”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Take her down, not out,” the long-suffering dragon clarified.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hatty, we’re not winning here,” CSFB! called to his glorious leader. “We’ve done what we can to give you prep time. Whatever you’re gonna do, Jay, it’s now.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah,” agreed Hatman. He reached into his Hatility belt and pulled out… his generic Hatman cap.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“That has no powers,” objected Exile.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“It has one just now,” Jay Boaz replied, putting the plain blue baseball hat with the white H on it onto his head. “It’s the hat of the leader of the Lair Legion.”     The Void Scholar looked up sharply.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Lair Legion,” called out Hatman. “Line up!”     And the spirit of the Lair Legion washed out over the combatants, those that had come with Jay from the current roster, those who were temporal ghosts from grim changed timelines.     Jarvis looked up. “When that call comes…”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“When that call comes,” Lisa grinned, “we all get to revert to type.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“To what we’re really about,” agreed Enty.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“To what we’re there to do,” added spiffy from somewhere beneath Silcone Sally (possibly by choice).     Ã¢â‚¬Å“To party?” ventured Space Ghost.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“To fight for justice,” proclaimed Fin Fang Foom.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“To stop the baddies and save the world,” noted Visionary. “Looks like you made a little error, Void Scholar. You called your Legion to stop us. But once a Legionnaire always a Legionnaire. Or Regular.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“What?” said the Scholar just before Donar hit his force field with a force of around five megatons.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And can I just point out that we actually used my battlecry to save the day…?” ventured spiffy before the Legion piled in. ***     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Is to be okay?” demanded Yo as Asil stood between Sir Mumphrey and the Hooded Hood and their power flowed through her.     Asil pursed her lips tighter so as not to scream and nodded.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I wonder if this is why Asil’s always been able to change her age at will?” speculated Lisa thoughtfully.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’ll think about it,” promised the Chronicler of Stories. “These little revelations always seem clever at the moment, but sometimes they can screw things up in the larger continuity.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“In the meantime, just keep doing what you’re doing,” Madame Symmetry of Synchronicity advised Mumph and the Hood. “However painful it might be.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I don’t need advice from you, madam,” the eccentric Englishman spat at his old foe.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Still practising pushing the buttons then, Symmetry?” the Hooded Hood asked dryly. “Proceed.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I don’t think Asil can hold onto much more of what you’re passing into her,” Anna the android admitted at last. She was carefully monitoring the Lisa-clone’s lifesigns and could tell when they were about to peak. “It’s now or never.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hey,” snarled Kerry Shepherdson. “That’s pretty much my motto. That and ‘When can I have a car, fake man?’ So hit me with the time-juice.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Channelling all the potential into the probability arsonist,” Asil said through gritted teeth. “Now.” *** [CSFB! dialogue in this section supplied by CSFB!]     Wild energies splashed over the Void Scholar’s barrier: the Jarvis cosmic, Pegasus’ starblasts, NTU-150 repulsors, DarkHwk’s purple beam, Space Ghost’s Spank Ray, Finny’s nuclear breath, Sorceress’ magics. It was scarred and damaged by Mjalcolm and Knifey and Troia’s spear and Lisa’s whip and Citizen Z’s sword. It was conceptually attacked by The Man Who Wasn’t There and the Manga Shoggoth who mostly was. It was hammered by Premiere and Epitome and Starseed and Avatar. It shivered and cracked.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Keep it up, guys,” Hatman called. “He’s weakening.”     The Void Scholar gestured, dismissing his Lost Legion out of existence with a hiss or irritation. They represented the work of millennia to have brought to that point, and his enemies had turned them in less than two minutes.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah, we can be really annoying, can’t we?” grinned Yuki.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“There is nothing you can do,” sneered the master of Comic-Book Limbo. “For all your ingenuity and effort, I have already won?”     CrazySugarFreakBoy! was pressed with his nose up against the barrier protecting the Scholar from the Legion. “How many times do we have to go through this with you people? The Resolution Prophecy, the Gamesmaster, the Hellraisers, the Parody Master ... every single time, every single one of you gets your asses handed to you, by us. We don't just defeat you ... we humiliate you. We disassemble you like Duplo blocks ... and, see, that's the real irony, because all that any of you care about is destroying everything that we've ever cared about, but because you're dumb enough to push us in the first place, that's exactly what we wind up doing to you instead.”     Vizh’s comm-card bleeped and he answered it surreptitiously. Champagne told him what the Librarian had found in the Void Scholar’s journals in his hidden study, and where Fashion Accessory was held. Visionary gestured quietly to Dancer and the two of them slipped away across the misty garden.     CSFB! continued to hold the villain’s attention. “When this is all done, and all your precious plans are shot to hell? I'm gonna be there, standing right beside with you, with a big ol' grin on my face, and I'm gonna ask you what it feels like, to see everything that's ever mattered to you broken and ruined beyond any hope of repair. And in spite of having zero compassion for anyone else, to whom you did the same, you're gonna try and play on my pity or guilt ... but I'm not gonna have any.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Uh-oh,” breathed Nats. “Are we doing a dark-CSFB! cycle next?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You know the real reason why worthless whores like you swear vengeance on us, when we deny you all that you were wrong for wanting in the first place? It's because, if you didn't think you could maybe one day revenge yourselves against us, you'd realize how failed and wasted your entire lives were, and you'd kill yourselves. And see, when you're beaten, I'm gonna remind you of all of us, so that you won't even have that meagre scrap of purpose to sustain you. Oh, it's gonna hurt ... and I'm gonna laugh so damn hard, without any shred of sympathy or remorse whatsoever, because you and I will both know that, whatever happens to you next, it's all gonna be 100-percent your fault, because you did it all to yourself, you stupid son of a bitch.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Enough,” sighed the Void Scholar, freezing the ranting wired wonder in place.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Oh yeah!” Al B. Harper punched the air and looked up from his monitor. “You just made the big mistake, Voidy. You just opened up your power to manipulate local spacetime.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“English translation?” demanded Silicone Sally. “American, even better?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Before he opened a chink in his defences that let us in,” the Shoggoth replied. “Now he has opened a way to allow in that which he previously cast out.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Which is?” demanded Sally.     The Void Scholar’s pagoda had withstood all the attacks of the Legion so far. Now it exploded into charred fragments burning like phosphorous.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Kerry,” guessed Nats, ducking.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You!” screamed the probability arsonist, closing on the Scholar. “You set me up with that love-whammy! You hurt my best friends! You messed with my boyfriend!”     Ancient Celestian devices that the Scholar had salvaged to kidnap the population of Earth smouldered then burned. On the near-abandoned Earth five vast pits welled with sudden lava.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“No!” shouted the Void Scholar, finally losing his temper. “The resources required to transport sufficient people to create my empire of Space Fandoms is extensive. Have you any idea how long I must labour to correct what your delinquent has just done?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah, I get letters like that about Kerry every day,” Hatman agreed, pounding at the Scholar’s wavering force field with his Torpedoes hat. “I usually just pass them to Vizh.”     Mile high plumes rose from the ancient dimension-pits, searing them to gaseous metal. The flashes could be seen from Jupiter.     The Hero Feeders shifted uneasily then howled in anger as the comatose population of Earth melted away from their grasp, returning to their proper times and places.     The Void Scholar’s face hardened. It was parchment pale and showed no compassion at all. “Very well then. You sought the master of the Void. Now reap the vengeance you deserve.”     He withdrew his will from maintaining his gardens. Chunks detached and toppled into oblivion in the swirling void below. The ground began to turn translucent and become insubstantial.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Uh oh,” breathed Silicone Sally.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hey, where did the ground go?” objected Yuki.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Farewell,” mocked the Void Scholar. “All my endeavours I can rebuild. But there will be no more Legion to stop me again. Ever.” ***     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’m bound by some kind of weird mental over-ride that the Void Creep used on me,” Samantha Bonnington explained to her rescuers. “I can’t use my powers or resist him or anything. I’ve been wearing this dress for almost a day now.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I approve of you wearing your dress,” Visionary answered firmly. “Are you okay?”     Fashion Accessory bit her lip then flew into his arms. That was a first.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I think the bad guy used the Resolution genetics mind-command stuff on you,” Dancer told Samantha. “It can be nasty, but there’s just a chance it might not work on the Celestian Madonna.” She worked to make that tiny chance prevail.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“The Void Scholar wants to breed with me,” FA shuddered. “I thought… Well, it was going to be gross. I wasn’t liking my career choices for a while there.”     Vizh held her. “Listen, Samantha, it doesn’t matter what happens, whatever the bad guys try. We will always be there for you, got it? I heard what you and the other Juniors did while we were missing. You’re Legion, and we take care of our own.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Except for Jarv, Pegasus, and Premiere,” added Dancer a little unhelpfully.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Er, yes. But we’re here for you, Samantha. That’s the point.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Is it me?” asked Dancer, “Or is the ground of this bedroom getting a little bit squishy?”     Vizh’s comm-card went off again. “The Void Scholar’s having a snit,” the Librarian summarised. “He’s cancelling his entire fortress so we’ve nothing to stand on. We’ll tumble into the void.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Can Al invent a clever way to get us home now?” Dancer asked eagerly. “Only I’m feeling the probabilities stacking against us here.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Even the Shoggoth’s having trouble holding us together,” Yuki chipped in. “Ideas?”     Visionary looked down at the girl bundled in his arms. “Samantha?” he prompted. “What we really need right now is a matter transmuter on a cosmic scale.”     FA looked up. “Me? I only do fabrics.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You can do more, Samantha,” Ham-Boy encouraged her over the comm. “You always could.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Tis sooth we need thy aid now, milady,” Gaz agreed.     Dancer looked around her. “This place would be nice in silks.”     Samantha suddenly stared up with inspiration. “This place is grim, isn’t it? It has no taste. No style. But I can remake it!”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“No leopardskin,” warned Vizh. “And don’t overstretch yourself.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“No problem, teach” Fashion Accessory replied. “I have a whole Celestian Madonna destiny to burn off as fuel for the changes.” She knelt to the ground, laid her hands on the vanishing matter, and closed her eyes. ***     The Void Scholar tried to hold Hatman and Nats and CSFB! as he had before, but now they’d got the trick of slipping past his voidlocks and it was more difficult to keep them back. He barely had time for then now, though, as he sensed what his intended bride was doing.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Samantha, do not!” he called across the diminishing distance of his shrinking home. “I forbid it.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah, well why should I listen to an ex?” shouted back Fashion Accessory as she channelled cosmic destiny into a décor makeover. “BTW, you’re dumped.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Ooh, burn!” smirked Yuki, then dodged aside as Kerry Shepherdson took the instruction literally and turned her combined pyrokinetic temporal destiny-blast back to the Scholar’s personal defences.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“No more Madonna!” announced FA as she transformed the Scholar’s gardens into a tasteful penthouse flat with built-in jacuzzi. “I’m free!”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Wow, is that a mini-bar by the antique juke-box?” Nats admired.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You fool!” the Void Scholar hissed to Samantha. “In escaping your future you have doomed Liu Xi Xian to never have existed!”     FA faltered. “Oops.” ***     Ã¢â‚¬Å“It’s changed,” Liu Xi said, still clinging to Danny on the edge of oblivion. “My past is gone. I don’t exist any more. It’s over.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“It’s really not,” denied Denial. “Liu Xi, remember how the Void Scholar got his power over void? He carved himself out of his own origins. Became a paradox. He said that was the only way. And you told me that of all your family line you’re the only one that could manipulate void. Why do you think that is?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Because… because my origin is in oblivion too?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah. Only way you could ever get past this barrier, kiddo. Only way you could ever be who you should be in the future was to ditch the past. Good lesson for us both.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And now?” Liu Xi asked.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Now you do what you came for,” Danny replied.     Liu Xi nodded, and dived into the heart of the void. ***     Ã¢â‚¬Å“How long do we have to whale on this dude?” objected Silicone Sally. “Only I thought when his force field went pop he’d crumple like a… um, thing that crumples.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Still need to work on the superhero dialogue, Sally,” Nats advised her.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Says the guy who shouts ‘Lair Legion Line Up!’ as his main contribution to the battle,” scorned Yuki.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hey, Hatty just saved the day by shouting that,” Bill Reed objected.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah, Hatty did,” agreed Yuki.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Can we just take the Void Scholar down, please?” asked Al B. “Before he works out everything that’s happening right now?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Working on it,” agreed Hatman, smashing into the enemy, using his Bulls hat. “Really working on it.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Earth’s population restored, check,” noted Champagne, making sure nothing was being forgotten. “Space Fandoms neutralised, check. Juniors rescued, check. Celestian Madonna breeding programme averted, check. I’d say that just leaves Danny and Liu Xi.”     Vizh hadn’t read the Void Scholar’s notes. “Danny and Liu Xi?”     The void above the battlefield opened up like the petals of a terrible beautiful flower. Liu Xi Xian stepped from inside.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yes,” she said. “I’m back. Hello grandfather.” ***     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’m getting a signal through from Al!” Amy Aston called out at the Lair Mansion Operations Room. “Via Plxtrazar for some reason.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Don’t ask,” Miss Framlicker sighed. “What does he want?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Emergency portal out of there,” Salieri Meng replied, amplifying and cleaning up the signal from dimensions away.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Okay,” Hallie agreed. “Spin the machine up. Oh, and by the way, Earth’s population just rose by about six billion while we were talking.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“So traffic’s going to be a problem again then,” sighed Vinnie de Soth. ***     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Liu Xi Xian,” the Void Scholar recognised. “So you have unlocked the heart of the void for me after all.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I have unlocked the heart of the void,” agreed the elementalist. “But it is not for you.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You will obey me, child,” her grandfather warned. “You were bred for this. You must obey me.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“She doesn’t have to,” Danny pointed out. “That past is gone now.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Danny!” shrieked Kerry, racing over to him.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Firecracker! I felt your heat right through the eternal void!”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Awww,” said FA.     Liu Xi hung, poised between existence and oblivion like a ballet dancer on beam. “It is over, grandfather. Your attempts to hold the void have failed. Comic-Book Limbo rejects you, and you have already been denied time and space. The future is not yours to save. It belongs to us all, and all of us together must save it.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I am the essence of paradox, child. Limbo is mine to command. Every discontinuity merely makes me stronger.” The Void Scholar reached out to tear control of the void from Liu Xi.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You can’t,” said Danny.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“He can’t,” agreed Liu Xi. “I am stronger than him.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“He is not the only paradox in town any more,” noted the Shoggoth.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“No!” snarled the void Scholar. “My will is supreme! My will!”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Loser,” CSFB! told him.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You have to close that void now, Liu Xi,” Yuki Shiro warned her. “While you still control it, before it swallows the Parodyverse.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I do not believe it would swallow more than four fifths of the Parodyverse,” the Shoggoth comforted her.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You have to close it,” Hatman agreed. “Please.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“No!” The Void Scholar lurched forward.     Liu Xi Xian cast him from the void. ***     The Void Scholar rose painfully to his feet. He was scorched, bleeding, an exhausted, emaciated wreck. But he had survived.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And I am not defeated,” he spat. “I shall return. I shall plan, prepare, and next time…”     Then he looked at his surroundings. The walls were blood red and hung with chains. The chamber smelled of blood and fear.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’m afraid you had your turn,” said the Carnifex. The Scholar was in the Esqualine Tower. Where else was there for him to exist now? “The forces of cosmic order will be hunting for you. Sir Mumphrey Wilton is the keeper of time, and he will track you down for your crimes. All that’s left now is to clear you from the game.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“C-carnifex?” the Void Scholar recognised the one who had encouraged him on his course. “I did my part.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You did,” agreed the Carnifex, reaching for a nine-lashed iron whip. “Now I do mine. It won’t be quick.”     And then there were screams. *** EPILOGUE: Home Again     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Okay,” Hallie sighed, “I have around three hundred world leaders on the phone all demanding to know what happened just now and what we intend to do about it.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Put them on hold then randomly connect them to each other,” advised Salieri Meng. It might even do them some good.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Everybody really is back,” confirmed Vinnie de Soth, getting off his cellphone to Urthula Underess. “Somehow the Legion did it.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah, we’re getting some major league celebrations starting off down in the city,” noted Dan Drury over the Helicarrier comms feed. “Now if we can just go five seconds without another crisis and… Hey, Agent Beesleyhuxtoy, don’t touch that…” ***     Ã¢â‚¬Å“We’re back!” Ham-Boy gasped as the heroes reappeared on Parody Island to find Sir Mumphrey Wilton and the mansion staff waiting for them.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“We’re back,” agreed FA. “I so need a bath.”     Kerry couldn’t have been peeled off Danny with industrial equipment. “Did we just save the world then? Did we?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’d have to say it was a team effort,” said Hatman. “Which is the point, really, isn’t it?”     Silicone Sally pointed to Denial. “He was on the team, then,” she argued. “What happens to him?” ***     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I understand that of late you have been interpreted advice from the Chronicler of Stories as grounds to take ill-considered action against Danny Lyle,” the Hooded hood told the leaders of the world. “I can assure you now that the Chronicler’s comments were part of a device to avert the crisis which this Earth has recently survived. There is now no further need to persecute my son.” The cowled crime czar leaned forwards. “Are we clear?” ***     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I trust you’ve had time to redecorate my suite,” Baroness Elizabeth von Zemo told Warden Westwood as she demanded re-entry to the Safe Metahuman Penitentiary. “I sent specifications through to your contractors about how I wanted the bathroom panelling.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You’re back?” No other inmates of the prison had voluntarily returned.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’m waiting my day in court,” the Baroness told him sweetly. “Just as any falsely-accused innocent would.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“But you were behind that fake Lair Legion.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I was only seeking to help. Others might misinterpret my motives. But now the actual Lair Legion is back so we can all sleep safe in our beds, can we not?” The Baroness’ lip curled up. “It’s not like anything bad is going to happen to them.” ***     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Nice job defending Earth,” Lisa told Lara Night, passing a cream éclair. “Good use of guest aliens, I thought.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Thank you,” answered Lara. “I suppose you heard about what really happened in the Shee-Yar Imperium?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Mark Carnifex?” the Destroyer of Tales asked. “Yes. A bit harsh, I thought, but if he did it then I guess it must be fair. And you know that Greg wasn’t really out to get you now, don’t you? Or Danny.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“The Chronicler of Stories?” Lara frowned. “He’s arrogant, unpredictable, unstable, and unscrupulous.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“That’s why we love him.” ***     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Things are slowly getting back to normal, Commish,” Deputy Police Commissioner Hogglet reported. “Crime’s way down after the…. Whatever the hell that was, and the Legion’s on patrol. Most a’ the crashed vehicles are cleared and the city’s cleaning up.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And SPUD picked up quite a few of the Purveyors in the Arctic,” noted Commissioner Don Graham. “There’s still one big loose end though. Who destroyed the Safe and loosed a hundred lethal metahuman convicts onto the world just when we could least deal with them?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You making a case, boss?”     Graham frowned. “I don’t want to, but it’s my job.” He handed a document over to Hogglet. “I want an APB on Chiaki Bushido, the Psychic Samurai.” **     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Vinnie.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Kerry.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yes.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Danny.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“De Soth.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Listen, about what happened…”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah, I know. Danny, we never meant to…”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I know all about it. I saw more in the Portal than just your fling.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You saw that?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Pervert.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Look, I love Kes. Whatever bad stuff is done to her. That’s what matters.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Bad? I was bad?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You were, um, can we discuss this another time? I’m trying to balance two male egos here.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Anyhow, I’m sorry you two. I’m not normally that guy.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah. Don’t be again. Next time you die.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Danny!”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Kerry.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Sigh.” ***     Ã¢â‚¬Å“So now you’re not the Celestian Madonna?” Samantha Featherstone asked Samantha Bonnington. “That plot’s done?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Or passed on,” confirmed Magweed, staring intently at Fashion Accessory. “I don’t know to who.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“To Bev Campbell,” answered Griffin absently without even thinking about it. “in Badripoor.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“spiffy’s girlfriend?” FA blinked. She slowly smiled. “Ooh, is Hopkins in trouble now!” ***     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Is to be all of Land That Common Sense Forgot save on Plxtrazaring,” Yo reported. “Now is Yo to be visiting Yo-Planet to be seeing of Ella, Tu, La, El, Nosotros and everybody. But Yo will be to be coming back.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You see that you do,” Dancer told the pure thought being. “We’ll miss you till then.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Is to be okay,” Yo assured the Legion. “Yo is leaving of presents in all of your rooms. Lots and lots of presents.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Launching Operation ASPCA Relocation,” Yuki sighed as the thought being departed. ***     Ã¢â‚¬Å“It’s great to be back,” Nats admitted to Uhuna.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Then what’s wrong, Bill?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“It feels like… like I’m waiting for something. Something to happen.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Like what?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I don’t know. Something major.”     The princess of the Abhumans shrugged. “Let’s wait and see.” ***     Ã¢â‚¬Å“So you have your memory back properly now?” Vizh checked.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And the rest,” sighed Hallie. “Are Kerry and the Juniors okay?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I hate to say it but they’re pretty darned impressive. I’ve had to green light the college plan for them. They’re getting loosed on the world.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Well, we haven’t had a crisis for nearly a day now.”     Vizh and Hallie looked at each other.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“So?” asked the A.I.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“So,” said the possibly-fake man, swallowing hard. “Hallie, I was wondering if you would like to…” ***     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hatman,” Glory said via her translator device. “Could I speak to the Lair Legion please? I have an announcement to make.” ***     Ã¢â‚¬Å“So Sally,” CSFB! challenged as he found Ms Rezilyant in the Lair Kitchen arm-wrestling Flapjack for money. “I’m heading to a Legion meeting. You in or out?” ***     Marie Murcheson glided over to sit next to Liu Xi as the elementalist stared over the Mansion’s formal gardens. “How are you feeling, Miss Xian? You have undergone quite a trauma.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Well, I didn’t get murdered and come back as a banshee,” Liu Xi pointed out. “You seem to be coping okay with that.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I can think and communicate,” Marie pointed out. “Those are blessings I have learned to appreciate. For the rest I am content to serve as a guardian of this domicile, to protect those who protect the world.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I don’t know what I’ll do now,” Liu Xi admitted. “Everything’s different from how it was before. I don’t think I’ll stay here. I don’t want to keep bumping into Danny every day. Him and Kerry.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“So your feelings for Mister Lyle…?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I don’t know. But the future has changed. Everyone knows that. It’s an open page again.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I think it is,” agreed Marie. “And that is good.”     Liu Xi Xian managed a smile. “And I’m going to write on it.” ***     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And as the crowds gather at the bridge to Parody Island to welcome back their Lair Legion we celebrate another close shave for the world and can’t help but wonder… what comes next?”     Hatman shut off the radio. “Next?” he said. “Coming up we look at some repairs to the Mansion, a roster change, tracking down the rest of the escaped Safe prisoners, upgrading our weird science detectors, looking into Marie’s condition, getting a handle on what’s happening at a galactic political level, and maybe even getting some down time.” He pulled out his Rockets cap and stepped outdoors. “But first,” he decided, “fighting some crime.”     And he soared off over the city, over the cheering crowds.     Saving the future. ***     The Carnifex licked the Void Scholar’s blood off his fingers and stared out over the city. More red oozed from his naked body. “So much for Saving the Future, then,” he mused with mild interest. “Next thing.” *** The End? *** Previous Chapters: #1: “And just when did Danny find time to take over the Parodyverse?” by Dancer #2: "Sometime you have to turn flammable again!" by Visionary #3: That’s the Way the Story Goes by the Hooded Hood #4: See No Evil by the Hooded Hood #5: Whodunnit by the Hooded Hood, Visionary, Killer Shrike, and Jason #6: Suspicious Behaviour by the Hooded Hood, Jason, Hatman, and CrazySugarFreakBoy! #7: Accusation and Denial by the Hooded Hood, JJJ, Jason and L! #8: The Final Solution by the Hooded Hood and Dancer #9: The Land That Common Sense Forgot by the Hooded Hood #9.1: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason #9.2: Chad and Ronnie by L! #9.3: “In addition to cappuccino and personal hygiene these tribespeople have not yet invented underwear.” by Dancer #9.4: Lone Lost Boy & Heroines Hanging Together by CrazySugarFreakBoy! #9.5: From Dross into Gold by Killer Shrike #9.6: Old Friends and New Allies by Visionary #9.7: Taking a Swim by L! #9.8: A Post-Swim Chat by L! #9.9: Champagne and the Land That Common Sense Forgot by Champagne #10: The Age of Villains by the Hooded Hood #10.1: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason #10.2: The Baroness #55 by JJJ #10.3: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason #10.4: Ewe Gotta Have Hart 1 by Killer Shrike #10.5: Ewe Gotta Have Hart 2 by Killer Shrike #11: An Age Undreamed Of by the Hooded Hood #12: The New Lair Legions (And Other Heroes) by the Hooded Hood #12.1: I Hate You by Visionary #12.2: Champagne and the Tower of Laments by Champagne #12.3: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason #12.4: The Hearing by Visionary #12.5: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason #13: Exploring the Forbidden Valley, or Samantha Featherstone and the Crystal Goddess by the Hooded Hood #14: Real Heroes by the Hooded Hood #14.1: “I’d like to be clear that I’m a no-skewer zone, and have been since college.” by Dancer #14.2: Catherine & the Danger Zone by L! #14.3: “Do you know how much shaving I had to do to put this thing on?” by Visionary #14.4: “Well we can’t just wait here till we find a use for Visionary. We’ll starve to death.” by Dancer #15: Change and Decay by the Hooded Hood #15.1: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason #15.2: Hazardous Chemicals by Killer Shrike #16: One Moment In Time by the Hooded Hood #17: Slaves of the Brain Eaters, Thralls of the Blood-Drinkers by the Hooded Hood #18: Now Get Out Of That by the Hooded Hood #18.1: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason #18.2: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason #18.3 Crossing Lines by CrazySugarFreakBoy! #18.4 Shooting You With My Smile by CrazySugarFreakBoy! #18.5: Funeral For a Friend by L! #18.6: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason #18.7 Playing Both Ends by CrazySugarFreakBoy! #18.8: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason #18.9: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason #18.10: Valued Employee by Visionary #19: Probable Cause by the Hooded Hood #20: Good Intentions by the Hooded Hood #20.1: Very Special Guest Star by Hatman #21: Points of View by the Hooded Hood #22: Plot Points by the Hooded Hood #22.1: Potholes In Memory Lane by Visionary #22.2: Dancer’s Saving the Future Amnesiac Hallie Tie-in Special: “I’m pretty sure there’s two tongues involved in that. That is serious stunt kissing.” by Dancer #22.3: Amnesiac Hallie Tie-in Special #2: "Don't get me started on how recursive the title and storyline is getting". by the Manga Shoggoth #22.4: Potholes In Memory Lane Continues by Visionary #22.5: Potholes In Memory Lane: You Can Call Him Al by Visionary #22.7: Bridging the Gap by Jason #22.8: Oh That Joey Z! parts 1-3 by Spaztic Child and the Hooded Hood #22.9: Oh That Joey Z! part 4 by L! #22.10: Oh That Joey Z! part 5 by the Hooded Hood #22.11: Shining by Dancer #22.12: Hard Knocks by Killer Shrike #22.13 A Groovy Gal’s Upcoming Upgrade by CrazySugarFreakBoy! #23: Don’t Give Up Now, It’s the Blockbuster Summer Action Episode by the Hooded Hood #24: There Can Be Only One by the Hooded Hood #24.1: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason #24.2: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason #24.3: Chad & Ronnie vs the World by L! #24.5: Le Voyage dans la Lune Bibliothèque publique, Part 1 by L! #24.6: Le Voyage dans la Lune Bibliothèque publique, Part 2 by L! #24.7: Le Voyage dans la Lune Bibliothèque publique, Part 3 by L! #24.8: Le Voyage dans la Lune Bibliothèque publique, Conclusion by L! #24.9: Locks by Rhiannon #25: Invasion of the Booty Snatchers by the Hooded Hood #25.1: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason #25.2: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason #26: The Long and Winding Gloat by the Hooded Hood #27: Working Plans by the Hooded Hood #27.1: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason #28: Making the Future by the Hooded Hood *** Original concepts, characters, and situations copyright © 2008 reserved by Ian Watson. Other Parodyverse characters copyright © 2008 to their creators. The use of characters and situations reminiscent of other popular works do not constitute a challenge to the copyrights or trademarks of those works. The right of Ian Watson to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the UK Copyright, Designs & Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved.

I think I now have figured out how to place that scene I was talking about in the chat yesterday.