Previous Post Saving the Future – Part 6: Suspicious Behaviour To the story! (but make sure you’ve read the expanded completed Part 5 first) We’re attempting a little experiment in interactive narrative. Posters tell me what their character – or other non-poster characters, or even other poster characters – would likely do in this situation, then I write that into the story to show what happens. If your character has skills at tracking, for example, and you want to examine the cell, then tell me and I’ll write a response saying what you find. Eventually we’ll tie up all the little fragments into a coherent chapter (with as little editing as I can get away with). Who would you question? What would you ask? What specialist expertise might you call in? Where would you search? Who would you accuse? If you’d prefer to contribute a section all by yourself, either to slot between the scenes of the last chapter or this one, just post them. We’ll find a way to fit them in. And if you have “secret” actions you don’t want other posters to know about just yet in the story, you can e-mail me at iw at watsonhouse.freeserve.co.uk Just to reassure you, the culprit or culprits has/have appeared in more than one PV story in the last year, and a little investigation with the right questions should throw up enough clues to identify him/her/them/it. Proceed. Previously: Part One by Dancer Part Two by Visionary Part Three by the Hooded Hood Part Four by the Hooded Hood Part Five by the Hooded Hood, Visionary, Killer Shrike, and Jason ***     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Welcome to the Lair Mansion, Champagne,” Hallie said as the classically-beautiful blonde woman swept through the front door past the SPUD guards and handed her Italian-cut overcoat to the fawning Flapjack.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Thank you,” the international detective (and secret international jewel thief) replied. “Nice to see you again. Oh, Flapjack, I wouldn’t put your hand in my left hand coat pocket if I was you.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Why not?” puzzled the Legion’s hunchbacked major domo. “Ouch!”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Because there’s a mousetrap in there,” Champagne smiled. She turned back to Hallie. “I gather there’s in incident?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You could say that, yes,” the artificial intelligence replied. “We were warned by the Chronicler of Stories, who’s some kind of cosmic referee, that Kerry’s reality-denying boyfriend Danny Lyle would one day become a menace who would conquer all reality. While we could investigate we sedated Danny and kept him under surveillance in a maximum security cell.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“A little bit harsh, maybe?” Champagne suggested.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“It was a tense moment. Hatman made a tough call. That’s what he’s there for. Anyway, then the Chronicler alerted the world’s governments to the threat. Suddenly we’re bombarded with messages demanding that we transfer Danny to their ‘protective custody’, lots of them with menaces, and we have the SPUD helicarrier hovering over the island.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I did notice an aircraft-carrier-sized flying bathtub up there as I came in.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“While we were bickering with Colonel Drury of SPUD, Danny disappeared from his cell. My monitor feed was put into a five minute loop. Someone used the most secret of our over-ride codes to open the door. Sergeant MacHarridan, our chief of security, was slipped some drugged coffee. He’ll be waking up soon. And Danny vanished.”     Champagne considered this. “Except that this place is protected against people just vanishing, isn’t it? I heard that the Celestian Space Robots put some protections on the island.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“There are limits to teleporting and dimension travelling and things, yes,” agreed Hallie, “especially if cosmic powers are trying to do it. But there’s also a bunch of people we’ve convinced the Mansion not to restrict so much, like Goldeneyed and Liu Xi and Lara Night. We might have to rethink that after this.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“But there are ways of detecting where they’ve been?”     Hallie hesitated. “Usually, yes. Probably. But if someone can doctor my sensor logs they can also doctor our teleport tracking data. Al B’s trying to double check the records to verify they’ve not been tampered with, but…”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“But Dr Harper’s a suspect too,” Champagne understood. She smiled brightly. “I love a mystery!” *** [This section by Jason]     Liu Xi Xian entered Jay’s office, carrying a new backpack, and she was smiling. That seemed to cheer him up a little bit, seeing her again, but she could still tell that he was painfully stiff. She then noticed that Dan Drury was in his office as well.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Just who we were waiting for.” Drury growled as he munched his cigar.     She backed up against the door, keeping one hand on the handle in case.     Jay quickly reached out to her. “Don’t be afraid, Liu Xi, we just need your help. Danny Lyle disappeared without a trace, and we need to know how. You’re an elementalist, and have been reading about arcane magic.”     Liu Xi thought a moment and came up with one answer. “Maybe he woke up for a second and denied he was in jail.”     Jay and Dan Drury looked at each other. Jay then shook his head quickly.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Okay, I’ll look for you.” Liu Xi agreed. She took Jay’s hand gently, but then looked back at Drury with disdain. “But he has to wait here.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hell no, I’m not waiting here.” Drury insisted.     Just for a moment, Drury saw Liu Xi’s middle finger, before she and Jay vanished from sight. ***     Ã¢â‚¬Å“This is as far as I can take you,” the Abyssal Greye told Killer Shrike and the Night Nurse. The smooth grey walls of the ghoul-tunnels under Paradopolis had shifted first to the rougher chiselled passageways of the Morshlocks and now into a dark striated granite with perfectly smoothed surfaces that glinted oleaginously in the light of the travellers’ torches. “We’re at the start of the area protected by the Celestians’ ordaining. You’ll have to go on from here on your own.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You seem nervous for a dead corpse-eater,” Killer Shrike noticed. “You keep looking at these walls like something’s gonna jump out and bite you.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“No, everything’s fine,” the Abyssal assured the butcher bird. “Quite fine. Fine.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Were these carvings always scraped away like this?” Night Nurse wondered, looking at a section of wall that looked newly damaged.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Couldn’t say,” answered the Dean of the Scholar Ghouls. “Hurry along now.”     Night Nurse and Killer Shrike moved on up the shadowed passageway. ***     Ã¢â‚¬Å“We were only trying to help,” Magweed explained to her father. “We didn’t want anything bad to happen to Danny.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“We like Danny,” agreed Griffin, her twin brother. “He makes Kerry happy.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“That’s very… kind of you,” Visionary said, choosing his words carefully. “But this is an official investigation. It’s very serious. You can’t just send out the Mouse Guard to snuffle about and see what they can find.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Sorry, daddy.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Sorry dad.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“What did they find?” Vizh asked. “Just as a matter of interest.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Well, Danny didn’t disappear down the drains,” Magweed offered. “We can guarantee that.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Although the drains are blocked deep down,” Griffin added helpfully. “Some of the old water channels have crumbled. I told Flapjack so he can get the repair nanobots on it, although they do go kind of screwy down there sometimes.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“That was thoughtful of you,” approved Visionary. “But for now I’d appreciate it if you didn’t help any more. Drury’s getting tenser and tenser, Garrick’s just waiting for a chance to pull our charter and haul us off all to jail, the Chronicler’s threatening to disenfranchise us as a nexus planet, whatever that means, so the last thing we need are junior investigators getting underfoot. Okay?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Okay,” nodded Magweed obediently.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I guess Kerry’s older than us anyway,” added Griffin.     Vizh froze. “Kerry? Where is Kerry?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Like you told her,” Magweed smiled helpfully. “She’s gone to see Baroness Zemo. With the Juniors.”     Visionary’s jaw dropped. “I thought that was a joke.” Then he closed his eyes. “And as usual, it’s on me.” *** [This section by Jason]     Ã¢â‚¬Å“That wasn’t very polite.” Jay scolded Liu Xi when they appeared in the basement of the Lair Mansion. “You know he’s just going to come down here eventually.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yes, so I have to think quickly.” Liu Xi walked into the boring, small cell and paced around a bit. She looked at the I.V. that was keeping Danny sedated, and the bed he lied in as she was shaking her head slowly.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Is there a reason we ditched Dan Drury?” Jay asked as he followed her.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“He’s an ass.” she summarized as she continued circling the cell. “Did you know this room comes apart?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Comes apart?” Jay felt a chill as he asked that question. He was almost afraid of the answer.     She brushed one side of her hair behind her ear and began to think about how to rephrase that. “You know how you can build a model house, and make it so the roof comes off and the walls come out so you can reach things?”     Jay frowned, and nodded as he understood. “We should tell Yuki. How did you know that? And how would someone...take it apart?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“A lot of the basement rooms in here are like that.” Liu Xi informed him. “And...I don’t know how, I just know it can.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Like a movie set.” Yuki Shiro interrupted as she entered the cell as well. “This smells more and more like the a setup to me. A setup by some cosmic being.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Let’s not jump to conclusions just yet.” Jay suggested carefully.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I didn’t agree with Lara before.” Yuki continued on anyway, “But I’m starting to believe it. Looks like someone set up the dominoes and is waiting for someone to bump into the first one to start them all falling. Someone who really knows what they’re doing.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Like the Hooded Hood.” Liu Xi contributed.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Or his son.” Jay speculated. “Did it occur to anyone that Danny may have learned to set up contingencies on his own?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah.” Yuki replied softly. “But I hoped to god it wasn’t true.”     That’s when four SPUD soldiers quickly filed into the dungeon cell, their weapons trained on Liu Xi. Dan Drury pushed his way through them.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“What’s going on here?” Yuki asked angrily. “You have no right to bring your storm troopers in here!”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“The deadline hasn’t passed yet, Drury.” Jay tried to rephrase that more politely.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Maybe not.” Drury growled, “But hers sure has.”     Liu Xi looked shocked as Drury pointed directly at her.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“What are you talking about?” Jay asked, anger starting to creep into his voice.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Your Chinese friend just demonstrated that she can get in here, past all the defences.” Drury pointed out. “She just went right to the top of the suspect list. By the power vested in me by the U.S. Government, Liu Xi Xian, I place you under arrest.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“God dammit, don’t you listen?” Yuki yelled at him, “She wasn’t even here!”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Get out of my way!” Drury warned Yuki.     As they continued arguing, Liu Xi looked at Jay sadly. “Will you straighten this out for me?” she asked.     He nodded. Jay knew that meant she was going to flee. Under the circumstances he understood completely. He was dealing with irrationality here.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’ll be with the one person who made you feel safe.” Liu Xi whispered to him cryptically. She vanished from sight. Jay knew she meant the Psychic Samurai.     Drury cursed. He pointed at Jay and threatened, “That deadline’s coming up fast.” he said. “If it passes, and we don’t see either Danny Lyle or Liu Xi Xian...you’re going to jail.”     He then pointed at an open-mouthed Yuki Shiro. “And you’re going to jail!”     Yuki pushed through the soldiers, towing Hatman behind her. There was the sound of a door slamming. It took a few seconds for Drury and his troops to realize that they were now locked in the cell.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Now you’re in jail.” Yuki told them with a satisfied smile.     Jay put his face in his hands, and sighed.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I want to see if you can get out.” she went on. “If you can, it makes you a suspect, Drury. If you can’t...well...” She shrugged, and tugged Hatman along behind her as she left, ignoring Drury’s threats as she went. ***     Ã¢â‚¬Å“What are you hiding?” demanded Herbert P. Garrick, Presidential Advisor on Metahuman Activity.     CrazySugarFreakBoy! leaned casually with his back to a door. “Nothing,” he answered innocently.     The Manga Shoggoth quickly wound his bandaged back around his gelatinous biomass. “Nothing,” he bubbled in agreement.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Nothing” yipped Glory, trying not to look guilty.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“What’s in that room?” demanded Bad News Herb. “In fact what is that room? I’ve never seven seen that doorway before.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“This?” CSFB! said, turning as if he’d only just noticed the entrance. “It’s nothing.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Nothing,” agreed Glory nervously.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“For a given value of nothing,” rumbled the Shoggoth.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Out of the way,” demanded Garrick. “You’re all in enough trouble as it is. If you’re concealing Lyle behind that door…”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“We’re not,” Glory barked. Garrick didn’t understand her.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Lyle’s not in there,” CSFB! promised.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“We were merely checking a number of dimensional anomalies inside the Mansion structure,” the Shoggoth tried to explain. “This one has not been opened until now for a substantial amount of time as you humans quaintly measure it. Perhaps a hundred of your years?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Open it now,” Garrick insisted. “Now!” He pulled his sidearm and gestured the heroes away. “Lyle,” he shouted. “Lay on the floor and put your hands behind your neck.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I love how humans come with so many points of articulation,” admitted the Shoggoth. “Although their arms do tend to snap off very easily.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Garrick, I’m telling you, Danny’s not in there,” CrazySugarFreakBoy! insisted. “That’s just the Lair Mansion’s…”     Bad News herb flung the door open.     A wall of live turkeys tumbled out onto the surprised G-Man.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“…secret poultry room,” CSFB! concluded.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“They taste like chicken,” confided the Manga Shoggoth. ***     Champagne slipped off her designer shoes and passed them to Flapjack. “Hold these.”     The hunchback butler took the Gucci originals and waited hopefully in case Champagne wanted to hand him more of her clothing. Instead she just padded along the corridor in bare feet, stopping occasionally to scuffle the carpet a bit more.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“What are you doing?” wonder Marie Murcheson interestedly. “This is not where Danny disappeared from.”     Champagne touched the carpet with her fingers. “This is wet,” she noted. “There are damp patches, like somebody came through here with wet boots. Frozen wet boots.”     Flapjack hurried to check. “You’re right,” he frowned. “I’ll get the house nanobots to…”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“No,” Champagne said hurriedly. “Don’t do anything. This is evidence.” She spent more time locating the position of the wet patches; a trail of zig-zagging damp sports in the place where somebody would walk.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“What does this mean?” Marie ventured.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“We still don’t know where Danny went when the cell was opened,” the international jewel thief noted. “If we rule out teleportation and other exotic means, he was probably carried along the corridors while the monitors were spoofed in the same way as the ones in the cell were. He could have been taken out of the front door!”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“So what do we do now, mistress?” Flapjack wondered. He just liked saying ‘mistress’.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“We get the Lair Legion down here. Hatman with one of his tracker hats on. Glory to smell for a trail. Al B to do whatever the heck it is Al B. does.” She put her hand down to touch the cold wet carpet again.     The cold wet patches had gone. All of them.     It was as if someone had denied they were ever there.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“How can that be?” asked Marie, when Champagne showed the others. “How can…” Then she toppled over unconscious. ***     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I guess the house must be just up there,” Simon Maddicks guessed. “We need to find some other way up so we’re not butting into the physical and electronic security those do-gooders will have all over the stairs up to their headquarters.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“We could try some of the other caverns,” Grace O’Mercy suggested to Killer Shrike. “But be careful how you go. For some reason these caves down here seem to be covered with ice.” ***     Baroness Elizabeth Dewdrop Sweetwater von Zemo laid down her mai tai on the tray being held by a Filipino maid and looked up from her sun-lounger. “I knew they’d catch up with you eventually,” she told the Junior Lair Legion. “About time.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“We’re not in the Safe as prisoners,” snarled Kerry Shepherdson. She glared round the beautifully appointed room with the jacuzzi and entertainment centre. “Not that you seem to be suffering much hardship behind bars.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’m just quietly awaiting my day in court,” smirked the Baroness. “I’m eager to tell my side of the story.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“We hath questions, foul felon,” warned Harlagaz Donarson.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hmm,” mused Beth von Zemo. “Perhaps if you’d asked them when we were seeing each other you’d have kept my attention better, little one.”     Harlagaz flushed with rage. “Mine performance wast magnificent!” he argued. “And I art in no ways little.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Off topic,” snapped Kerry. “We have questions about Danny, von Zemo.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Well, I could stand to go a bit more off-topic, Kare,” offered Fashion Accessory. “In the interests of truth and justice and, y’know, gossip.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You wilt answer yon Kerry’s enquiries to the full and without thy usual venom,” Harlagaz threatened the Baroness. “What dost thou know of the disappearance of yon Denial? Didn’t thou plot his kidnapping?”     The Baroness sipped at her cocktail again. “Oh yes,” she answered. *** [This section by Hatman]     Hatman pulled his Communicard out from his pocket and thumbed the panel that would contact Hallie. A 3 inch high holographic projection of the Lair Legion's computer specialist materialized from the face of the card.     "Hallie, please release Drury from Danny's containment cell, then convene a meeting of the Lair Legion, all support staff and guests in the main conference room. Immediately." Normally Hallie would make a comment about Hatman being rude, but something in the Legionnaire's voice told her this was one time where it would fall on deaf ears.     He'd switched into full crisis mode. "I'll take care of it," she said before her image winked out.     "What do you mean you're letting Drury out!" Yuki exploded. "I was trying to prove a point!" Hatman stared down the cyborg P.I. for a moment before responding. "Meeting in the conference room," he replied coolly before storming back down the hall to the containment cell.     Yuki was about to follow when the projection of Hallie returned, this time projected from a small data emitter in Yuki's wrist. Yuki didn't need to carry an actual Communicard.     "Not a good idea Yuki," Hallie advised. "Let it go this time."     Yuki glared at Hatman's back before turning to stomp to the conference room. Hallie winked out to inform the other Legionnaires of the impromptu conference. *** [This section by CrazySugarFreakBoy!]     Ã¢â‚¬Å“… And you think I can find him,” concluded Gwendolyn “Wendy” Leslie, the Agent of Chaos of Destruction known as PsychoAcidPervGirl!     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I think you’re one possible path on the road toward finding him,” clarified Dreamcatcher Kokopelli Foxglove, the Agent of Chaos of Creation known as CrazySugarFreakBoy! “You’re the one member of the Globetrotting Gangbusters that nobody knows about. Everyone still thinks your alias is a supervillain.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“So, doors will open for me that won’t open for you,” Wendy deduced. “Is that it?”     Dream shook his head. “My name opens more doors than yours,” he chuckled, “even if I have to kick them down. But while I’m walking through the front door, you can break in through the back.” He cocked his head to one side in consideration. “In a weird sort of way, you have more stealth than I do … in certain situations.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And when I find him, or I find out something, then … what, I report my findings to the Lair Legion?” Wendy snarked with a smirk.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“No,” Dream declared decisively, “you report them to me. We’re … not involving the rest of the Lair Legion on this one just yet.”     Wendy arched her eyebrows. “Somebody’s got some steel in his balls,” she muttered. “You should kill cannon fodder more often –”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Stop right there,” Dream growled with a glare, “and think, very hard, about the next words that are about to come out of your mouth.”     Wendy blinked mutely before continuing. “Okay,” she finally ventured, “I’m guessing your session of rooftop bro-bonding with the Boy Scout didn’t do much to improve your mood.” Dream’s shoulders slumped. “I tried to explain it to him,” he sighed, “but I don’t think he understood where I was coming from.” He shrugged. “Maybe he just can’t understand –”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I bet I can,” Wendy beamed eagerly. “I bet I can understand better than anybody.”     Dream turned toward her, and squinted speculatively. “I bet you can,” he smiled sadly. “How much of our identities is just … the sum of our memories? How much of that is even more true for me, with my photographic memory?”      “No wonder the Moderator picked you to brainwash,” Wendy grinned with chagrin. “For all the bad noise you’ve had to navigate, even just growing up, you’ve actually had a decent life, with semi-functional friends and family, to draw strength from. Me? I’d sell my soul to Joephisto to forget my childhood.”      “Except that the Moderator couldn’t have chosen you, even if he’d wanted to,” Dream rubbed the back of his neck with his left hand, before pausing briefly to regard the artificial appendage. “You’re not the one who’s composed of Impossibilitium … and Imaginesium.” After a few silent seconds, he snapped out of his reverie. “But, yeah … the child I’d been, the things I’d changed … the beliefs and skills I’d developed, as a direct result of my experiences … everything I’d already done, and everything I could have done …”      “All of it was lost and gone,” Wendy recognized. “Your past was nothing but denials, and your future was nothing but dead-ends. You had nothing good to look back on, and nothing good to look forward to. Once the bad noise gets inside your head, all you know how to do is … lash out, and afterwards, all you can feel is -”      “Numb,” Dream nodded. “And that’s how it starts, isn’t it?” he studied his younger sister. “That’s how you can turn anyone down the wrong road.”      “You tell me,” Wendy confronted her older brother. “From where I’m standing, you’ve already started heading down a decently dark path yourself.”      “I can’t change what I’ve done,” Dream conceded, before a stray thought occurred to him, and he suddenly burst into a brief fit of laughter, startling Wendy. “In fact, it’s actually harder for me to change what I’ve done because it’s already been changed and undone. But I can always choose what I do next.” He breathed deeply. “And so can Danny.” ***     The conceptual plane hadn’t grown back yet. There were clumps of pseudo-reality accreting to the rim of the narrative, but only the Hall of Stories had survived from the before the Parody War. Lara Night had to strain to find a way to arrive there.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“This way, please,” a polite raven said to her. “The Chronicler of expecting you.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I bet he isn’t,” Lara breathed. She followed the raven of destiny.     The Chronicler of Stories resembled a serious young man in a dark business suit. Lara noted that his tie was rather sloppily knotted today. He gestured to a chair he’d had placed next to his for the purposes of the interview. “Please be seated.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’d prefer to stand,” Lara declared. “I want to know what you’re doing.”     The Chronicler regarded her. “So?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“So please tell me why you’re suddenly picking on Danny Lyle. And what comes next? Or should I say who?”     The Chronicler kept up his poker face. “Why should I tell you anything?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Because I won’t let you destroy an innocent boy,” Lara warned. “You had to know making this kind of demand would tear the Lair Legion apart. So I’m warning you…”     The Chronicler raised a cautionary finger. “Think carefully about your next words. You may believe yourself powerful, but you are a barely-tolerated visitor to my Parodyverse and you have no conception of what I can do to people who piss me off. You may believe you have cover from Shema or Faite or any number of cosmic wannabees but here I am the final arbiter.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I am warning you,” went on Lara, “that what you are doing is wrong and will not be tolerated.”     The Chronicler stared at her for a long time. Lara stated back.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Dilettante,” he said at last.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“What?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You are a dilettante. You travel to the Parodyverse like a tourist, you dabble when it amuses you or as a knee-jerk reaction to some situation you encounter, you dispense grace and favour on those who take your fancy. And then you come here, to my halls, to preach to me, who spends every moment of eternity serving his purpose, struggling and bleeding and skewering his own soul to maintain some semblance of hope in this dismal place? You pathetic, ridiculous child!”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Child? Well at least I still see the difference between right and wrong, and don’t hide behind so-called necessities…”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You speak as a fool who sees nothing and understands less! You have no conception…”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Don’t try to patronise me with your…”     The Chronicler swept his hand and Lara found she could no longer speak, no longer move. “Enough,” he said wrathfully. “I have no time for this. Lara Night, you are hereby…”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hello there,” said the Manga Shoggoth, bubbling from nowhere to spill on the Chronicler’s rug. “Did I call at a good time?” *** [This section by Hatman]     Hatman entered the conference room, his hands clasped behind his back under his cape. All residents of the mansion were present, some more impatient than others. When their leader entered the room exploded with questions and comments from those assembled.     "Hatty, I really need to get back to my analysis of-"     "You should've backed my play-"     "Garrick snooping around-"     "Did we check the phone lines for microscopic intruders like in Identity Crisis #-"     "I tasted a normal amount of purple but I admit the smell of 78 was more like a 37-"     "Enough!" roared Hatman. The Legion all fell silent. They had never heard their leader so angry before.     "I called this meeting to get a point across." Hatman paused for a moment before continuing. His tone switched from righteous anger to cool and eerily collected considering his prior outburst "This team elected me to act as the team leader. I did not force myself upon you, nor did I take the position by force. So why don't you all let me do my job?"     Hatman paced at the front of the room as he continued. "Danny Lyle has been accused of eventually trying to conquer the Parodyverse. He has disappeared from his cell, and we are trying to find him. The Chronicler has alerted the world's governments, and both the US Government and SPUD are investigating on behalf of the United Nations."     "To date, I think the government has been reasonable. They want an outside presence to have a hand in the investigation to eliminate bias. It makes sense, and is standard practice for other law enforcement agencies."     CSFB! piped up. "C'mon Hatty, you know we can't trust that jerk Garrick-" he began to rant.     "Dream, can it. Now." Hatman said dangerously. "For once, we are going to reverse roles. You are going to sit there quietly while I get to rant. Now cork it or get the hell out of my conference room."     Dream wasn't sure whether to be hurt or angry, but he settled back into his chair. The Legion was shocked; they had never seen Hatman act this way.     "Now then. SPUD has been authorized to head up the investigation into Danny's disappearance in conjunction with the US Government. I have been trying to cooperate, but every time I try someone steps out of line."     "They were going to arrest her!" Yuki shouted, rising to the defence of the absent Liu Xi.     "Well maybe if she hadn't pissed him off first he wouldn't have resorted to that!" Hatman exploded. "Drury was trying to work with us, and Liu Xi teleported us out of the room, flipping him the bird as we went. I don't blame him for being annoyed."     Hatman cut Yuki off before she could retort. "And then, while I'm trying to sort out the fact she bolted, you go and lock Drury in the containment cell! I get that you're a rebel Yuki, that you like to thumb your nose at the system, but dammit, you're part of something larger than yourself! Sometimes you have to think of the team before making some kind of immature point!"     There was a knock at the door, then Drury strode into the room. "What's he doing here?" accused Yuki, glaring at Drury.     Drury ignored her and addressed Hatman. "You about done?"     Hatman couldn't bring himself to look at the team. "Yeah, we're done."     CSFB! couldn't contain himself any longer. "What the hell is going on?" he demanded.     "I allowed Liu Xi to escape under my watch. A team member decided to incarcerate the head of SPUD while under my leadership. SPUD has agreed to allow the Lair Legion to continue to investigate Denial's disappearance, in conjunction with Drury. Yuki is not being arrested, nor is Liu Xi."     Hatman revealed the shackles binding his hands behind his back. "I am."     The room exploded in protest, and it was all Al B and Visionary could do to restrain CrazySugarFreakBoy! from leaping out of his seat.     "Quiet!" shouted Hatman. "As the leader of the team, I'm responsible for the conduct of the Lair Legion and all those who reside within the Mansion. SPUD has agreed to take only me into custody as a show of good faith until we can sort this all out."     "Nobody will attempt to break me out," Hatman looked squarely at CrazySugarFreakBoy! when he said that. "I'm putting Al B. in charge of the investigation of Danny's disappearance. CSFB! will be in charge of the field team should any emergencies arise. And Hallie will take over all of my administrative duties."     A pleading look broke through Hatman's expression of anger and frustration. "We need to prove we can work with the government. Please, for the good of the team, prove we can do that."     Hatman turned and left the room, the two SPUD agents waiting outside the door escorting him. Drury turned to address the assembled room before leaving. "I hope for all our sakes you listen to him. You don't want to know what Garrick's got planned if you step out of line on this one. For what it's worth, I don't like this anymore than you do." That being said, the SPUD commander left the room.     The assembled Legionnaires, Mansion guests, and support staff all sat there stunned by the recent turn of events. Nobody noticed a wisp of mist near the window waft down to ground level and solidify into Grace O'Mercy, the Night Nurse.     "We're a little late to break out Denial," she told Simon Maddicks. "And you're not going to believe what just happened." ***     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Dr Harper,” called the Librarian, entering the Lair Sanatorium.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Just a moment,” called back the archscientist. He finished running the monitor diagnostic on Marie Murcheson and frowned. “This is a bad day for her to start getting symptoms of her long-term degenerative illness. It’s half arcane too, so I’m not even sure how we can hold it in remission.”     Lee Bookman put down the files he was carrying and looked down at the former Lair Banshee. “She was resurrected from her banshee state by the Parody Master’s will as a way of weakening our house defences,” he remembered. “And now the Parody Master is gone his power is fading.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And fading at just the wrong time,” Al B. scowled. “I need to get back to picking apart those sensor logs to figure out if they have been overwritten and if so how and by who. I want to be present when SPUD interviews Anna. She’s nervous enough of them as it is, without Drury getting all riled by Liu Xi. I need to run some analysis on that carpet that Champagne found. I need…”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You need to listen to me,” Lee Bookman interrupted. He showed the archscientist the files he’d brought. “I got to thinking what would we have been doing today if Danny hadn’t vanished. So I checked the newsfeeds and referral banks and tried to evaluate what we might have flagged.”     Al B. looked at the documents more closely. “You’re saying all this might be a distraction?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Well, the world’s mightiest superheroes are all confined to their Mansion while Danny’s disappearance gets investigated,” the Librarian observed. “So we’re not checking these unexplained earthquakes in Australia, Canada, Bangladesh, and Mali. We’re not responding to this request for help from that archaeological team digging in Chile. We’re not investigating the alleged UFO kidnappings in Nevada. We’re not checking into these reports that someone’s been recruiting supervillains for a special mission through the underworld bars.”     Al B. looked down at the files worriedly. “Can we check up on some of these from the Mansion?” he asked the Librarian. “Quietly?”     Lee Bookman almost smiled. “I thought you would never ask.” ***     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Poor Danny Lyle,” the Baroness said, playing to her audience. “Assaulted without cause, imprisoned without trial, confined under cruel and unusual conditions, condemned for things he had not yet done. Of course I had to help him.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“What did you do?” demanded Kerry, her eyes flashing. “What have you done with him?”     The Baroness spread her hand apart. “I didn’t do anything, really. I passed on a few names to VelcroVixen, outlined a possible route into the Lair Mansion for the Purveyors of Peril to liberate him, put them in touch with a patron who would pay for the operation. Nothing else.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“So the Purveyors took Danny?” Fashion Accessory exclaimed. “Between them they’d probably have the skills – Dimensionweaver and Brass Monkey and Gromm…”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Where art he?” demanded Harlagaz. “I wilt smite yon Purveyors most wrothfully!”     Beth laughed. “Ah, but that’s the best bit. When the Purveyors found their way in, sneaked through a little backdoor I’d left in case I ever forgot my keys, dimension-rippled to his cell… he was already gone!”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Gone?” repeated Kerry. “Gone where?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I have no idea,” the Baroness replied with a happy smirk. “His mother still owes me a favour for trying, though.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“That’s it!” Kerry hissed. “Now you explode. I mean more than your usual boated self! Get ready to pop!”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Um, yeah, time we were going,” said FA hastily, gesturing for Harlagaz to haul the probability arsonist over his shoulder and heave her from the room. “Thanks for nothing, Baroness. Good luck getting the love handles removed.” ***     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You’re a good man, Boaz,” allowed Colonel Dan Drury. “Cigar?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I don’t,” Hatman replied. “You wouldn’t either if you worked around Dancer for long.”     The two of them sat in a holding cell on the SPUD helicarrier that hovered over Parody Island. The meeting was remarkably relaxed.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You took one fer your team. I gotta respect that,” Drury noted.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“They’re a good bunch,” Jay Boaz replied, “but sometimes they just need… a motivational kick in the pants.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“But one’a ‘em might have stabbed you all in the back,” the head honcho of SPUD warned him. “And that Anna android, there’s things you don’t know about her. Things I can’t tell you.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I don’t like to think that one of my own deceived me,” Hatman admitted. “I’m happier with the idea that somebody was able to breach our security – not much happier mind you. But if the Baroness can be believed then the Purveyors were too late.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I don’t like the possibility of Denial bein’ up and about now,” Drury noted. “But that retcon of the damp carpet is a bit worrying.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yuki was worried that us trying to contain Danny might be what sets him on the road to being the Moderator.”     Drury considered it. “Is that Chronicler guy really that dumb? Unless that’s what he really wants.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“We’re missing something,” agreed Hatman. “I just don’t know what.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Well, thanks fer what you did to keep a lid on things,” Drury acknowledged. “It’s shut Garrick up fer now anyhow, and that’s a blessing. And if you ever get tired of heading up that bunch of yahoos, you got my number.” He tossed Hatman a jaunty casual salute and left the holding cell. “Give that joe anything he needs, Murphy” he told the guard.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yes sir!”     Murphy settled back to his post. Drury headed for the bridge.     Doorman watched them go. “Showtime,” he grinned. *** Coming Next: Who stole Danny Lyle? What does Doorman have planned? What’s happening below the Mansion? Where did the Nevada abductees go? What does a Shoggoth have in common with a Chronicler? Why is Marie dying, and what happens if she does? And how is Al B. Harper responsible for the end of the universe? Plus whatever else folks throw in, of course. Oh, and some answers. *** Original concepts, characters, and situations copyright © 2008 reserved by Ian Watson. Other Parodyverse characters copyright © 2008 to their creators. The use of characters and situations reminiscent of other popular works do not constitute a challenge to the copyrights or trademarks of those works. The right of Ian Watson to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the UK Copyright, Designs & Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved.

We have a secret poultry room? Did the Shoggoth set up some kind of dimensional gate to bring that to the Mansion just to screw with Garrick, or do we seriously have one?

Bringing in Champagne has already proven to be great, and a move I wholeheartedly endorse. This is right up her alley.

I got a little confused during the Chronicler/Lara scene. I think it's because of this part.

"Dilettante," she said at last.

I think this was supposed to be the Chronicler speaking. If so it makes the rest of the dialogue more logical.

I particularly enjoyed the scene with Hatty and Drury at the end. Drury is one person in authority who thinks with his own head, and it shows here.

~Hat~