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Post By
CrazySugarFreakBoy!

Member Since: Sun Jan 04, 2004
Posts: 1,235
In Reply To
Anime Jason 
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Location: Here
Member Since: Sun Sep 12, 2004
Posts: 2,834
Subj: Let me put it more plainly:
Posted: Fri Feb 01, 2008 at 09:13:51 pm EST (Viewed 465 times)
Reply Subj: It's not over till it's over?
Posted: Fri Feb 01, 2008 at 07:57:58 pm EST (Viewed 492 times)


I apologize in advance for how harsh this will sound.

> That's why I chose it, because it was unexpected.

"Unexpected" does not necessarily equal "good" or "satisfying."

> Most people here were expecting the Lair Legion to come out of its slumber and re-assemble, me included.

I would argue that we weren't just expecting it, we wanted it. Without that element, I have very little interest in taking any part in this story anymore.

> It was unexpected, though, which is the effect I was going for.

Again, I don't care, because it wasn't what I (and I'd wager most other posters) wanted to see.

> People were curious about what Faite can do, and this is the first time anyone's really seen what she's capable of.

As long as you brought it up, I really disliked Faite taking a more active role here, not only because she's precisely the sort of character who should almost never be actively involved in such a story, but also because, once again, it totally invalidates all of the other characters' involvement. She's a walking deus ex machina, and those make for the least satisfying types of stories.

> In the interest of fairness (if anyone noticed) I purposely sidelined Lara Night in favor of using the most subtle, complementary, and unlikely sub-group so they'd have to do things the hard way.

Again, it doesn't matter, because you basically shunted everyone else's characters to the side, and declared everything that they'd done completely irrelevant, which leaves me with zero desire to write any more of the tie-ins I was considering, because nothing that those characters do will matter.

> I tried to supply hidden gems and a lesson in it, too.  Like maybe the new Hacker Nine (Software Engineer) purposely sabotaged Anna so she would turn on the Moderator and kill him.  The lesson in that is not to assume those you force into compliance will protect your life.

It's a pity that you couldn't have spared a fraction as much concern for the subplots of the poster characters. Both Shrike and Vizh quite obviously had left off in the middle of cliffhangers, which you nullified without even bothering to mention them. This story is about ALL of our characters, and not just YOURS, so if you're going to end a story that affects ALL of us, it is not an option to include more than just YOUR characters. You have all of our e-mail addresses; it wouldn't even have taken five seconds to run your ideas by us.

> Also the slotting Jay into an archvillain role was Hatman-poster's idea.  I expected that was just something he was doing to seed the possibility because he doesn't usually post that often.  I took the bait because it looked like an interesting idea.

Is this coming directly from an e-mail or reply post by Jay himself, or are you simply assuming it based on his story? Because if it's the latter, I think you're entirely wrong, since my reading of it was that Jay wanted his character to be a villain, but not the archvillain. This story already has an archvillain, and once he's defeated, that story is done.

> Anna as Shaper of Worlds isn't permanent by a long shot.

It doesn't matter, because it never should have happened in the first place. When you're telling a story in which the cosmic offices are meant to matter as much as they do here, you totally devalue those same offices by having them passing like a hot potato into a random character's hands, who made no active effort to obtain them.

> Meanwhile though, because Anna isn't well-defined, nobody is sure what she'd do with such an office.  Most likely she'd hand it to someone better qualified - but no one knows who either.

To be blunt, nothing about this interests me, because your story idea simply emphasizes the trait that makes her the least interesting character possible to have such a cosmic office, which is her blank-slate personality. And since you're saying that she'd simply hand it over to someone else, that means that we don't learn anything about Anna in the process, which renders it entirely pointless for her to have that office in the first place.

> There's also still the question of what evil-Jay would do, how the Lair Legion gets reassembled from here, etc.  Even if the Moderator is permanently dead (in this universe, who knows?) his legacy lives on and there's a whole story in what happens to it.

A story which I don't care about, because evil-Jay is vastly less developed as an antagonist than the Moderator, which basically means we're starting from scratch in the final act.

> Most of the character arcs I've seen before have to do with reassembling the Lair Legion.  Since that hasn't happened yet, and they're still who they think they are when the Moderator "fixed" them, the paths of those stories hasn't changed.  Only the distant promise of an ass-kicking has.  And if evil Jay takes the dictator role, that could be an interesting new promise of an ass-kicking.

An absolutely essential part of this story arc is the Lair Legion rising up against the one who put them down in the first place, which is the Moderator. There is no dramatic impact whatsoever if it's against any other villain in this arc. A final conflict between the Legion and the Moderator is not now, nor was it ever, an option.

> As I said, keep in mind that the story is far from over (and Ian has taken dibs on the next part).

Except that everything you've said about the story to come, as you want to write it, is completely unsatisfactory to me. Every single part of it is the exact opposite of what I want to see, and if it goes in that direction, I'll not only drop out, but I'll sincerely regret all of the time that I've spent reading and writing the story so far.

> But if I get a pile of complaints in the next day or so I may just delete the whole story and toss it in the bit bucket.

I hate to be this critical of a friend's writing, but please do.



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