Tales of the Parodyverse >> View Post
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Post By
HH
In Reply To
killer shrike

Subj: That one was hilarious.
Posted: Mon Oct 01, 2007 at 11:07:37 pm EDT
Reply Subj: "That's right! Masamune calls in the pros for the tough stuff!"
Posted: Sun Sep 30, 2007 at 01:38:34 pm EDT


> Case in point:
>
> [And at the same time, aboard this futuristic stolen hover-flyer heading through the stratosphere towards Manga-Hong Kong…]
>
> Sarah Shepherdson, conversationally: So what do you use to keep that pony tail so glossy? I mean, my hair's a real nightmare to wash, and it only comes down to my waist, but your fun fur headpiece must be…
>
> Killer Shrike: Shut up! Shutupshutupshutup! You have been chatting non-stop ever since I kidnapped you! Tremble in fear for a while, can't you?
>
> Sarah: No need to be rude. I was just passing the time. You didn't want to play I-spy.
>
> Killer Shrike: Look, I'm a lethal assassin, right? I don't do I-spy.
>
> Sarah: Even lethal assassins can have good manners. It costs nothing, you know. And you haven't even apologised for rudely kidnapping me and dragging me halfway across the country to that motel where my little sister was supposed to have been.
>
> Killer Shrike: Look, I had enough trouble getting out of there alive. Every damn bounty-hunter on the planet was converging on that place, all working for a different criminal mastermind, all trying to get the metagenic weapons your sister and spiffy smuggled out of Gothametropolis. And as soon as I left you in the flyer and went to find this Kerry girl, the flaming Probability Dancer showed up as well!
>
> Sarah: What are the chances? Anyway, back to our conversation on hair care products…
>
> Killer Shrike: We were NOT having a conversation about hair care products. I am a supervillain. I strike terror into the hearts of my enemies, shortly before I rip them out and… *sighs* Oh, alright. Pantene. I use Pantene, okay. Pro-V. Keeps it nice and slippy so my adversaries can't grab it.
>
> [It occurs that this whole passage will be a lot funnier if you know that Killer Shrike;'s costume as a really long green topknot on the helmet. So maybe I'd better explain that much ]
>
> Sarah: It really shows. It's nice to see a villain paying attention to the details. So many baddies these days just rely on black leather, not shaving, and infrequent baths.
>
> Killer Shrike: Yeah, I blew an audition with Magenta St Evil by shaving.
>
> Sarah: So where am I being kidnapped to? You never mentioned. You seemed more interested in stanching your wounds and swearing about Dancer.
>
> Killer Shrike: I am _not_ going to tell you the whole damn plot, sweetheart. Do I look like the information booth?
>
> Sarah: You sort of look like a cross between Gay Bondage Action Man and Hair-Grow Barbie, really. Not that there's anything wrong with that as a personal lifestyle choice. But surely you should gloat a little about my horrible fate? It might help me tremble with fear better.
>
> Killer Shrike, banging head on cockpit: Right. We're going to Akiko Masamune. She wants to question you about your sister's association with teenage international arms terrorist Roddy O'Brady, and where's she's meeting up with him to hand over the stolen munitions.
>
> Sarah: Aha! The plot progresses! Who'd have thought that Kerry's ex-boyfriend was a teenage international arms terrorist?
>
> Killer Shrike: When we get to Manga-Hong Kong you'll spill everything you know. Already Akiko Masamune is gathering a hostage to torture if you don't co-operate.
>
> Sarah: A hostage? Who?
>
> [And in Manga-Hong Kong…]
>
> Akiko Masamune, pink-suited anime crimelord: Can anybody tell me why is the prisoner wearing a toaster on his right hand?
>
>
>





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