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Reply Subj: Re: All the best stories do! Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2016 at 02:02:33 am EST (Viewed 525 times) | |||||||
Quote: Quote: What other corrections?Quote: Besides A.L.F.RED's name being spelled wrong:- The "full name" for D.D.: I Don't really like it. Yes, D.D. is the only name she's ever been given but it's most likely a nickname & not her actual designation. The IOL database is an official piece of IOL Tech, like XJ-8. A.L.F.RED on the other hand is not. D.D. herself falls in between. The whole form/personality/name of D.D. was most likely something created by Lee to "personalize" the Library going experience. If anything her full name would be Dewey Decimal because that's what Lee most likely called her. D.D. is also probably based somewhat on based off of former Assistant Librarian Amy. - I'm pretty sure I said that the MPL is in Sector 2875. It's a common 4 digit number that pops up in my stories so if they were in any sector with a 4 digit number it would most likely be 2875. - The "modified Librarian’s jacket". There is no such thing. The trench coat worn by Lee was against the dress code set forth by the IOL. He was allowed to keep wearing it since he was good at his job. He also wore it because it was cold in the Library & could be quite cold on fact finding missions. - David wouldn't refer to his father as "Lee Bookman", he's call him his father, his dad, something of that sort. Even in the instance you used it in, it seems off. - "Dr Blargelslarch and the Board of Trustees agreed that you were the best candidate to hold the position of Acting Librarian, David" NOPE! David was designated as Back Up Librarian before The MPL broke away from the IOL. Even if the Board of Trustees wanted to put in someone else they'd probably have been stopped in doing so by D.D. & A.L.F.RED. - The Widgets: I have no idea where those came from or why they are there at the MPL. It had been stated (by me) that they aren't IOL tech & no one who works there knows what they are. The way you describe the Widgets is what the IOL/Lee would be using XJ-8 & other machines like it to do. - David seems a bit too much "in charge" in your story. He is not on equal standings with D.D. or A.L.F.RED. David doesn't even actually have an actual job any the Library other then to exist so the IOL can't take the place from them. He is a place holder to be protected at all costs. - The "super power" that David uses in your story is not something that he has access to. It's something his Dad had & only his Dad. It's not a genetically past down trait from Father to Son. It's not a power bestowed on to you for being a Librarian. It's not something you can learn. Lee has it because of things he had done. - Calling David "Librarian" seems off. The Librarian is his Father. It's also thousands of other IOL employees. David is not "The Librarian". David would be one of the first people to tell you that. - Not sure how Nats would know about David. - Not sure why Nats has XJ-8. As stated in my story & in at least one other place, A.L.F.RED had made a trip (his first & maybe last trip) to the Lair Mansion & collected all personal effects of Lee Bookman, that included XJ-8, shortly after his death. I'll take a look back at my story and made a few amendments when time allows, although keeping getting new bits done has to be a priority. I've modified the future bits of the story to minimise any mention of the MPL and it's cast to avoid more difficulties. EDIT: I've now modifed portions of my story to address the issues you've listed. Sector 7272 was how the address was given for the Moon Public Library in Untold Tales #258, 262, 265, 278, 322, and 336 amongst others, but I have omitted it from the current story. | |||||||
