EPITOME COMICS #5 “A Boy and His Dog and the Girl Next Door”


Dominic Clancy could hear the knocking on the garage door before he exited the subterranean tunnel. A quick peek with his X-Ray vision made it clear who was looking for him. Quickly, he shucked his mask, jacket, boots, and jeans and went to greet his visitor.

“Hi, Dominic, oh!” the young woman in the wheelchair was taken aback by the sight of her neighbor clad in just a sleeveless tee and gym shorts. She had always assumed his physique a bit more doughy.

“Hello, Haley. Sorry. You caught me in the middle of my workout. I apologize if you were waiting long,” he removed his iPod’s earbuds.

“Its no problem. I- hello, Gloria!” Haley Light stroked the significant skull of the bulldog as she bounded up and nuzzled her lap, “How are you?”

“Give Haley her space,” Dominic told the pup, who quickly obliged, moving to sit at her master’s side.

“How can we help you this evening?”

“Well, Mom and I wanted to return this,” she produced an envelope from her bag, “We appreciate the offer, really, but its unnecessary.”

“Its the least I can do after forcing your family to get a parking spot on the street,” Dominic answered.

“Dom, there’s $3500 in here.”

“Well, that’s about how much you paid me over the years to garage the van.”

She shook her head, “There’s no need to refund us the money.”

“I know,” the big man smiled, “but I wanted to.”

“Did you do the same for the Kurtzburgs and Mr. Olin?”

“Sure.”

Haley contemplated, studying him for a long while, the envelope still in her proferred hand, “Fact checking for Mort Granderson must pay really well.”

Dominic hooked his thumbs in the straps of his wifebeater and gave them a tug, “I’m not one to brag.”

“But?!”

“But, yeah, I have no complaints,” Dominic squatted down obstensively to give Glory a scratch on her snout, but to also move to eye level with his guest, “Haley, you and your mom keep the money. Its yours. We’ve been neighbors so long we’re nearly family. And, to be blunt, making you move your van out of Dad’s garage felt like I was letting my family down.”

“So you threw money at the problem?” the brunette teased, “Some conservative.”

“Hah! Funny. I’ll have you know we conservatives are far more apt to give money to charity than liberals.”

It took Dominic Clancy less than a second to realize the gaffe. Haley’s shoulders tensed slightly, though she was able to maintain her congenial expression, “Thanks for the info, Dom. It certainly is appreciated. I’ll let you get back to your work out,” she pivoted her wheelchair and rolled her way back down the drive, “Have a good night.”

“You too, Haley,” Dominic called before closing the door. Slumping against the wall, he muttered, “Damn it.”

Glory flicked her ears up and cocked her head at her master.

“I insulted Haley without meaning too,” he explained.

The white and brindle bulldog scurried off to the back of the garage, returning moments later with a jerry-rigged Speak and Spell toy in her jaws. She set it down and began punching letters with a dowel,”HOW?”

“I implied she was a charity case, which given her disability hurt her feelings.”

“HALEY CANNOT USE HER LEGS.”

“No.”

“YOU STILL WANT TO BREED WITH HER.”

“Glory.”

“YOU PRESENT YOURSELF TO HER. AND SHE TO YOU.”

“Wait, what?” Dominic shook his head, “Listen, Glory: this is one of those topics a man doesn’t discuss with his dog.”

“IT IS INAPPROPRIATE.”

“Yes.”

“YOU GAVE HALEY MONEY FOR GUILT?”

The Exemplary Man considered the question, “I guess I did. And to answer your next question, it is the same reason I gave money to those women we rescued from Tony Porpoise. They had to go back to the country they came from since they were here illegally. Still, I didn’t want them to return empty handed. Though in all honesty they’ll probably just use that money to try and sneak into America again.”

“WHY NOT KILL TONY PORPOISE?”

There was a longer pause, “I’m not ready to do that. It is a big decision to kill someone. Not just for legal decisions, but moral ones.”

“HUMANS MAKE LIFE COMPLICATED,” Glory observed before lifting her neck up in anticipation of a good skritch.

Dominic obliged her, “Original Sin, Glory. Once we got ourselves thrown out of the Garden of Eden we messed up everything for everybody.”



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