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Adventures in Parodyverse: Universal Joint, Part 4
Shen Rae left her hotel room dressed in earth clothing she’d seen on their television broadcasts - an sleeveless shirt, dark blue jeans, and short suede boots. She had transformed her hair and eyes to brown, in order to blend in as much as possible.
She was quite surprised at how this city of Paradopolis looked from the ground. Tall glass buildings, cars and buses, noise and people everywhere. It was eerily similar to the city she came from, before this all started - only everything was more rough, dirty, and primitive.
The second stop she made was what Earth people called a gold broker. At first she tried a pawn shop because the sign said ‘we buy gold’ - but the owner was actually honest enough to tell her the truth: That she would only get a small portion of the gold bars she brought if she sold them to him. He suggested she try a broker - and then he helped her look up a nearby one.
She was fortunate again when the broker suggested a bank to put the money in. Partly because at the time, he didn’t have that much cash on hand, and instead offered to give her a cashier’s check. Then he had to explain what that was, and where to bring it.
She was learning Earth customs quickly. Pretty soon, she had a savings account, a checking account, and a debit card - along with a card from an investment broker at the bank, who seemed pretty eager to get her interested in higher-return investments.
In the mean time, though, she needed more clothing. That was the primary purpose for all of those stops. Not all stores would be able to make change for gold bars, so she needed currency.
It wasn’t long before she found a clothing shop. They were everywhere in Paradopolis; this was a society very much into commercialism, just like back home. And just like back home, that commercialism fed directly into the people working into those shops via a little something known as commission sales.
That seemed to create a false sort of friendly behavior, which was a little disconcerting, but made Shen Rae’s next chore a little easier. Even if the woman offering to help in that overly polished and clean clothing display shop her was phony, she was also helpful.
It didn’t take long before she had a few days’ worth of clothing. Stopping at a couple more such shops, all located in the same block for some reason - she presumed it was some sort of clothing district - she finally felt she had enough to last her quite a while, even in a variety of styles and formality.
Shen Rae then left the clothing at the desk of the hotel to pick up later - they allowed her to hold items there - and then she went back out to explore. She stopped at another clothing store window, not because she needed more, but because they had an interesting display. In fact, everything they had was strange - it was Caphan. She had to go in and look.
“Where do you get this merchandise?†Shen Rae asked when she entered.
The smiling woman there, who looked much like the one at the first shop, answered, “We have our own designer named Miiri.â€Â
“Is she from--†Shen Rae shook her head. The people of this planet most likely didn’t know what Caph was, no sense in asking a question like that. “Never mind. They’re nice designs.â€Â
“Would you be interested in trying some of them?†the saleswoman asked.
Shen Rae smiled. “Believe it or not, I’ve worn quite a few similar ones already.â€Â
That woman’s smile disappeared. She’d never seen this stranger before.
The alien turned suddenly when she heard a strange noise from just outside the shop. She stepped aside, pushing the saleswoman as she went, just as a car crashed through the window and embedded itself in the display.
“Oh my god!†the saleswoman screeched in an earsplitting voice. She dove behind the desk.
Shen Rae went outside to see what was going on. Without warning, a large hand grabbed her by her long hair, and flung her high into the air, where she crashed through the upper windows of the building across the street, and tumbled into an empty office.
“Hahaha! Serves you right!†a deep male voice bellowed from below.
He was surprised when a similar looking woman, only with bright red hair and eyes, plummeted back to the ground, and landed in a kneeling position in front of him.
“What the hell?†he asked.
“That hurt, you jerk!†Shen Rae drew back and punched him as hard as she could.
There was a horrible crash as the man sailed through the Caphan clothing shop, out the back of the building, and through the next. When he sat up dizzily, she was baring down on him again.
“You can’t--†he started to say.
This time, she punched him upward, and he crashed through several floors before getting stuck in the seventh. He started to struggle to get free.
“Give up yet?†she asked.
About that time, Hatman arrived after hearing about trouble downtown. The only thing the Legionnaire saw right away was lots of damage, and he followed the path of it, where he discovered a near unconscious man, and a red-haired woman who had just leapt up seven floors hanging over him.
He did the first thing to mind, and charged to tackle the woman, wearing his steelers cap.
She crashed through the seventh floor outside wall, and fell to the street below, tumbling into a storefront on the next block. She then stood, and punched Hatman hard in the stomach, throwing him back into the building she had just exited.
After having nearly the entire lower floor destroyed, the seven-story building collapsed down in a roar of dust and smoke.
Hatman was missing his cap. He crawled out of the rubble coughing, and looked up to see the same red-haired woman standing above him.
“The...Lair Legion...will be here soon.†he panted. “Surrender...now.â€Â
“The Lair Legion?†Shen Rae asked. “Are you...Hatman?â€Â
He meant to answer her, but the dizziness of having a building fall on him overcame him, and he lost consciousness.
Shen Rae dug into the rubble quickly to recover his Steelers cap. She was surprised when a hand grabbed her arm. A muffled, angry bellow came from the rubble beneath her.
“I’m going to get you!†the voice threatened. “I’m going to kill you for this!â€Â
While Shen Rae could handle a threat from him, this Hatman who just arrived was in no shape to deal with it. She picked him up very carefully, and hopped up to the roof to try and locate a hospital emergency room.
As she made her way to a second roof, and then a third, Hatman started to awaken. She had to stop, because if he panicked, he’d fall to his death.
“Stay still,†she told him. “I need to get you to a hospital.â€Â
“I’m...okay,†he said. “I...just had the wind knocked out of me by that building falling on me.â€Â
She put him down on his feet carefully, but didn’t let him go, allowing him time to regain his balance slowly.
“You have to turn yourself in to me,†he insisted. “You have to answer for destroying these buildings.â€Â
“It wasn’t me!†Shen Rae replied. “Okay, maybe some of it was, but this man threw a car at me, and then he threw me. I didn’t realize there were such powerful criminals on this planet.â€Â
“This planet?†Hatman picked up on.
Her mouth hung open for a moment. She should never have said that. Now, however, it was too late - as strong as she was, as technologically advanced as the society she was from had become, there was still no way to take back two words.
“Yes,†she admitted quietly, fearing that she was digging herself in deeper. “I’m not from around here.â€Â
Back home on Reyas, she would have never admitted to something like that. The laws were very strict, and its enforcers even more strict. There was something about Hatman’s voice and demeanor though that told her he wasn’t the typical enforcer of the law. She worried a little bit about what he would do, but she didn’t feel she had to feel for her life, safety, or freedom.
Then again, that could have been because she already knocked him unconscious once by accident, and figured she had a chance to do it again purposely if he became belligerent.
“Have you been here before?†he asked calmly.
Shen Rae nodded. “I met a blonde who could control energy, and teleport across the galaxy, Lara, I think her name was. I also met this very advanced android who said she lives in the Lair Mansion.â€Â
“Anna.†Hatman guessed. “Neither of them told me about you.â€Â
“I asked them not to,†she replied. “But I suppose if I’m going to be staying here I can’t hide from you forever. I’m Shen Rae.â€Â
“Pleased to meet you.†Hatman extended his hand.
She hesitated at first - she’d seen this greeting before on Earth television, but she had no practice with it, and was afraid she would do it wrong. She gently took his hand and followed along as he completed the handshake.
“Do you still want me to turn myself in to you?†she asked.
Hatman thought some more about that. Finally, he shook his head. “No,†he replied. “But I’d like to know where you’re staying, in case I need to talk to you about it some more later.â€Â
“Penthouse, at a hotel that’s very close to here.â€Â
“Ah, the Granite Hotel.†Hatman knew the place. “The penthouse? Isn’t that expensive?â€Â
Shen Rae shrugged. “I don’t know your currency system yet, but I suppose it may be.â€Â
“I could get a place ready for you at the Foundation, in Gothametropolis†he offered. “The price would be more reasonable.â€Â
“Thank you, but I think I’d rather find my own place,†she said. “I think I like being in the city center. Reminds me of a place I used to live.â€Â
He laughed. “I’m going to go and see if the Lair Legion captured the guy who tossed a car at you. Good luck with your stay here, and try to keep out of trouble.â€Â
“I’ll do my best.†Shen Rae smiled. “Good luck.â€Â
Hatman turned to leave, but he stopped to add something. “Oh, one more thing,†he said. “Don’t leave town.â€Â
Shen Rae didn’t understand the reference for that joke, but she knew it was humor because of his demeanor when he said it. She just nodded and smiled, and worked her way back down through the broken building to return to her hotel.
TO BE CONTINUED
-- Story written and copyrighted (C) 2010 by Jason Froikin, and may not be
-- reprinted without permission.
-- Yuki Shiro designed by Jason Froikin, based on designs by Masamune Shirow
-- Liu Xi Xian and the Psychic Samurai are original design by Jason Froikin
-- Lara Night is an original creation by Jason Froikin
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I liked Shen Rae's worlds-weary tone here - "rough, dirty and primitive." I suppose even Parodopolis would seem a bit humdrum to someone who's travelled so widely and had such experiences.
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