Adventures in Parodyverse: Universal Joint, Part 1


    Shen Rae walked onto the bridge of the Heart of Light.  It was haunting, terrible, being in that dark, dead place with cobwebs hanging from every rounded corner.  It was a metaphor for her former life - a prestigious space trader mothballed into idleness and decay, just like her ship.

    Even now, aboard her old ship, Shen Rae shunned her blue Trading Alliance uniform.  She wore a body hugging muted silver and blue outfit that resembled her old uniform a bit - especially the short boots - but had more Caphan influence.

    Today was a step into the past, and also the future.  Once she touched a panel in front of the pilot’s chair, she felt the dark, cold Heart of Light vibrate ever so slightly as it came to life for the first time in months.  The darkened glass panels on the bridge began to give off warm, flickering light, and then the overhead lights flickered on.

    The ventilation system switched on silently, quickly breezing away the settled dust that had been kicked up into the air.  A knee-high robot, one of many all over the ship, came out of a panel in the wall - the small army began cleaning the entire ship until it was spotless.

    Her ship had been sequestered quietly inside a mountain far from civilization somewhere on Caph.  It was stored there both to hide her people’s presence on Caph, and to protect it from damage from sandstorms during its long slumber.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“This is exciting.”  Shen Rae’s guest exclaimed.  Kiivan, the Emir of Caph, had been aboard space craft before, even one designed to travel among galaxies.  But he hadn’t seen this particular kind before.  It was far more advanced.

    He thought of space travel as something rough, and difficult, as he had previously been aboard utilitarian military built craft.  This was different.  Shen Rae’s Heart of Light was nearly as comfortable as his palace, albeit much smaller, and a lot more interesting.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Where will we go, now that you’re outcasts among the Trading Alliance?”  Kiivan asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“It’s a big universe.”  Shen Rae replied.  She spent the last few days painting a gigantic Caphan symbol across the nose of the ship, in honor of her new ‘family’, and removing its I.D. beacon.  The Trading Alliance may recognize the ship’s configuration, but they wouldn’t be able to identify it from afar anymore.

    She elaborated, “This galaxy alone is full of neutral outposts, wonderful things to see, pirates--”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Pirates?”  Kiivan asked.

    The ship’s captain nodded.  “Pirate ships probably outnumber legitimate traders.  They’re not all violent, the term just refers to ships of private ownership whose captains don’t obey laws or customs.  They’re difficult to trust, but fiercely loyal.  Exactly the kind of people we should be trading with.”

    Kiivan looked at her, confused.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Because as long as we make them money,”  Shen Rae explained, “They won’t care if someone’s looking for me, or this ship.  They won’t ask questions.”

    Finally, Kiivan slowly smirked.  “We’re going to a pirate base.”

    Shen Rae nodded, and smiled slyly.

    She was going to pilot the ship alone.  Her crew and her people had adapted well to the simple life in Ke’Tan, a small settlement outside of the Caphan capital.  Shen Rae didn’t wish to tear them away from it, and uproot them once again.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Are we ready to leave?”  Shen Rae asked Kiivan.

    He nodded, so she took a seat at the pilot’s console.  It felt strange to her, being a pilot instead of a Captain.  But the ship was designed to work almost entirely autonomously.

    The Heart of Light shuddered gently as it left behind the ground it had been tied to for so long, and retracted its landing pads so they were flush with the sleek, aerodynamic hull of the ship.  

    It then noiselessly moved forward through the mouth of a huge cave which was carved into the mountain, kicking up desert sand as it emerged into the bright sunshine, which glinted off the shiny metal of the outer panels.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I don’t feel the inertia of movement in here.”  Kiivan noted.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You won’t.”  Shen Rae told him.  “This ship has a counterbalance mechanism to filter out the feeling of acceleration.  That’s especially important when we accelerate very rapidly.”

    And accelerate rapidly they did.  They crossed over the Caphan capital city in seconds, and it seemed like a blur as it went by beneath them.  It got smaller, and farther into the distance, until nothing was visible in the viewscreen but the sky...and then that darkened, until it was only blackness, and distant stars.

    The ship made another inertialess turn, and faced a Caphan sun.  The glare filled the entire view, until the computer automatically muted the brightness.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“It looks beautiful from here.”  Kiivan commented.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“We’re going into pirate territory, so let’s go silent.”  Shen Rae noted.  “Lots of them would be eager to stop us and strip this ship for parts.”

    They were using the Captain star’s gravity to slingshot out of the system without using much energy.  Once they were on course to pass that sun, Shen Rae paused in her command to speak to Kiivan.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“This is a talk that’s long overdue.”  Shen Rae went straight to the point.  “I thought...I could let Caph adopt the technology I have gradually, but--”

    She remembered the reason why she took this trip with Kiivan, instead of forcing him to take it alone.  She visited his palace, only days ago, when one of his aides alerted him to several new recent scientific discoveries.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“--the Caphans, they’re learning so fast.”  she finished.

    Kiivan laughed.  “You forget again, Shen Rae...Caphan people have chosen not to embrace your technology.  We learn and adapt quickly, but we enjoy the simplicity of what we have.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I know,”  Shen Rae agreed.  “But I’m finding it harder and harder to deny you, and Caph, access to it.”

    Kiivan, with his trademark calm and disarming smile, replied.  “There’s no jealousy here.  No urgent need.  We’ve existed here for thousands of years without it.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You’re the ruler of all Caph,”  Shen Rae teased.  “I’m supposed to trust your judgement.”

    Kiivan clasped his hands together and nodded.  “Show me the universe, Shen Rae.  That’s all I desire right now.  The rest we’ll figure out when we come to it.”


---


    The Heart of Light approached what could only be described as an artificial asteroid.  It was a trading base that had been constructed starting from a simple deep space station, and added on to, and shored up, and added on to again until it was about a fifth the size of an average moon.  Which was huge, by the standards of an artificially created station.

    But the fact that it had so many angles and wings made it easy to defend.  No hostiles dared approach, because there were gun turrets mounted to cover just about every conceivable angle.

    Kiivan was completely hypnotized by it.  He stood just in front of the viewscreen on the Heart of Light, watching it get closer and closer.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Someone built this thing?”  he asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Mmmhm.”  Shen Rae replied.  “Caph has those neutral trading posts.  This is just like one of them.  The pirates don’t trust each other, so they establish neutral ground to buy and sell.”

    As they moved closer to dock, Kiivan began to notice that the Heart of Light wasn’t by far one of the largest ships in the galaxy.  It was actually one of the smallest by far.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Most of those are cargo ships,”  she explained.  “The Heart of Light was administrative, mostly handling negotiations and such, so we never needed that much space.”

    Kiivan suddenly had a worry.  “Won’t they recognize this ship as Trading Alliance and fight us?”

    She shook her head and smiled.  “That’s who they do most of their business with, though illegally.”  She then looked at a very confused Kiivan and added, “No comment on your next question.”

    Shen Rae was so well practiced at docking procedures that the approach to the station wasn’t gradual at all.  It seemed to approach almost dangerously fast, and then slow down at the last second.  The Heart of Light touched the docking arm with just a slight bump.  Then the docking tunnel slid along below the arm like a curtain, until it suctioned against the hull, providing an airtight seal.

    She led Kiivan through a doorway from the bridge that led them down white-walled a gentle slope lit from above, which had multiple sealed doorways along its route.  At the end of the long slope was a transparent sliding glass door, which opened sideways as they approached.  It sealed behind them - and then the opposite wall sounded a large ‘clunk’, and then a hiss as it popped open.  Then it moved outward and upward until it was retracted completely into the hull.

    The docking tunnel didn’t seem very safe.  It was essentially large metal rings supporting a thin plastic-like material, and a vacuum seal at the ship’s end.  There was no floor, and no gravity - Shen Rae and Kiivan had to launch themselves from the ship, and sail across until they collided with the door to the space station.  It hissed and popped open as they approached.

    Once they were on solid metal ground again, they had to cross through an airlock before entering the station.  Just inside that door...

    ...were two armed Frammistations wearing dark leather clothing.  They looked like giant toads.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“This is pretty standard.”  Shen Rae told Kiivan.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“The armed guards?  You mean they’re here to protect us?”

    Shen Rae shook her head.  “Having to fight your way in the first time.”

    Then she punched one of the toads.  It tumbled down the hallway, and didn’t stop until it hit the elevator door.

    Before the second one readied its weapon, Kiivan had a dagger to its throat.  

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“That’s it,”  he coaxed the toad’s weapon away.  “Just hand it over quietly and you’re free to go.”

    Once he had the weapon, though, he whacked the toad on the back of the head with it, knocking it out.  Then Kiivan looked at the crumpled, unconscious toad near the elevator as they passed.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I forget how strong you are sometimes,”  he teased Shen Rae.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“We have to make it to the center of the station,”  Shen Rae said.  “Like most pirate outposts, it has a governor.  We must speak with him.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“That’s why you brought me.”  Kiivan guessed.  “Because I’m an expert in diplomacy.”

    The huge elevator door slid open suddenly, in the blink of an eye, with a loud ‘clunk’.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Diplomacy?”  a tall Skunk who was standing in the elevator replied.  He wore a long, heavy robe, and he was surrounded by disciples of Dark Thugos, and they were all well armed.  “There is no room for diplomacy here.”


TO BE CONTINUED


-- Story written and copyrighted (C) 2010 by Jason Froikin, and may not be 
--    reprinted without permission.  
-- Yuki Shiro designed by Jason Froikin, based on designs by Masamune Shirow
--  Liu Xi Xian and the Psychic Samurai are original design by Jason Froikin
--  Lara Night is an original creation by Jason Froikin