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Piney Oaks, Iowa.
In the town square among the the various shops, City Hall & a few vacant buildings is the small museum devoted to the Town's most famous former resident: Ham-Boy. It's free to public but donations are gladly excepted. At the front desk sits Mary Jones, she is watching TV & waiting for patrons. Shirley Johnson is in the adjoining Museum gift shop, she is also waiting for patrons. The Museum doesn't see a lot of traffic but they keep it open partly because of civic pride. Shirley was leafing through that week's edition of the Piney Oak Post where she heard Mary exclaim "Hey!"
She quickly hurried over to see what is a matter. When she got there nothing seem to be wrong so she asked. "What is it Mary?"
"The News is cutting into Ellen!" Mary replied.
Shirley looked at the small TV & one of the news anchors from their studio in Des Moines is on the screen yammering on about something. She was only catching a few words here & there, the reception can be a bit spotty depending on where you are in Town. She did catch a few words which peaked her interest.
"Did you hear that?"
"What?"
"I think they just said Ham-Boy has joined the Lair Legion."
"Wasn't he already a member?"
"No. He was a member of their youngster team."
Shirley looked at her fellow co-worker for a moment & then asked. "Didn't you know that?"
There was a short pause, then Mary said sadly with a solum look on her face. "No. Most of my Ham-Boy knowledge stops when he left town."
"Well, you need to catch up. But I will have to bring this up at the next Trustees' meeting. That along with Ham-Boy's promotion. We might even be able to get a grant or two to spruce up the place." Shirley said as she looked over the somewhat dated displays.
"Why?"
"Well, I was reading about the Jet Starscream Experience. That half museum, half amusement park monstrosity over in Goth Haven. The City gets quarterly & yearly checks from the State to help maintain that… thing." Shirley said with some disgust. Then a smile started to spread across her face & she said. "So, I think we could petition to get some Government money given to us because we are the hometown of a Super Hero who is part of the Lair Legion now."
"Interesting. Maybe we could also fix up the sign into town, the paint has been chipping off that thing for years."
"Yes!" Shirley said excitedly. "It would have to be repainted anyways: Piney Oaks, Iowa. Hometown of Lair Legion member Ham-Boy!"
As Shirley thought about how this currently imaginary money could be spent, Al Harris walks into the Museum.
"Morning Ladies. How's Business?" He said with a chuckle. Al was covering for his daughter-in-law as she & her second husband were on vacation. He was handling her duties as the Curator/Head of the Board of Trustees for the Museum.
"Slow but is bound to pick up if we play our cards right." Mary said.
"How so?"
"It was just announced that Ham-Boy is becoming a member of the Lair Legion."
"Good for him."
"Yeah. Shirley is already thinking of how we could get money from the State to how to improve the Museum & maybe the Town."
Shirley broke out of her daydream when she saw Al.
"Al!"
"Shirley!" He replied with a chuckle.
"Do you know how to reach Janis while she's on her trip?"
"No. I've tried getting hold of her but nothing seems to go through. It's almost like she picked the one country in the world that doesn't have Phones."
"Hmmmm…." Shirley said & thought for a moment. "As acting Head of Trustee Board what powers do you have?"
"Not much. I'm only here to keep the day to day stuff going. I don't think I have any really power to approve, veto, divert funds, etc."
"You know when Janis will be back?"
"She said the 25th, I think."
Shirley looks over at the Ham-Boy calendar on the wall (This month has a picture of Ham-Boy facing off against To-Fu). "That's in two weeks."
"Why did she have to go now? We couldn't she have waited a bit." Shirley said to herself but loud enough to be heard by Al & Mary.
"They had been." Al interjected. "Janis & Jordan had been planing this trip for some time & thought that now was best time to go. I think they said it was the Republic of Spango's off season. But if you ask me a whole lot more seems off in that country if you ask me."
The two women & Al laughed.
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Goth Haven's City Hall.
The Mayor's Office.
The Honorable J. Thomas Macklinberg was at his desk going over some paper work when his assistant Mary Alice came in.
"Sir?"
He raises his eyes from the paperwork & says "Yes?"
"There is something happening over on Parody Island that I think you need to see." She said as turned on the TV that was next to the Mayor's Desk. On the screen was a press conference, CrazySugarFreakBoy! was standing at a pulpit.
"What? Is he on trial for something?"
"No. He is having a press conference."
"Is this one going to end as badly as the last one did?"
"I don't think so, Sir."
They watch a bit of the Conference before Macklinberg asks "Mary Alice, I'm a busy man so why am I watching this?"
"Well, Sir. You know how much the City is getting from the Jet Starscream Experience?"
"Yes. With that revenue stream we've cut the city's debt down by a… uh.." He was stumbling for the figure.
"A third, sir."
"Ok. But what does that have to do with the Legion? Do they want to built a similar thing here in Goth Haven?"
"No, sir. But one of our City's other Super Heroes is joining the team."
"Who?" He asked since the city is seemingly overrun by Super Heroes & Villains alike, none all that memorable.
"Ham-Boy, sir."
"He's from here?"
"Yes, sir. It's not a extremely well known fact but he has been fighting crime here in Goth Haven for going on 5 years now."
"So, what your telling me is that we might be able to make some money off of him?"
"Yes, Sir. After a quick internet search, he doesn't have a Museum devoted to him as of yet so I think we could easily put together a Ham-Boy Museum in a few days & charge about half what the JSX is charging. Plus, since we came up with the Idea & not the Hero we wouldn't have to share any profit with the 'Meaty Might'." Mary Alice said with a sly smile.
"Who?"
"Ham-Boy." She said with a sigh.
"Oh. Good. Write up the Proposal & have it on my desk by this afternoon so we can get this thing going."
"Yes, Sir." Mary Alice said & then left the office.
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Mid-Town Goth Haven.
The Leiber Building.
The Office of The Goth Haven Times.
Reporter Rolland Stone slinks into the Newsroom. He has had a bad night, a tip went bad. He spent the entire night in his car & didn't get anything for his story.
"Hey, Stone!"
Rolland stopped & turned towards where the voice was coming from. It belonged to fellow reporter Benjy "Mad Dog" Currick.
"Yeah, Currick."
"You hear about the Legion?"
"No. Why are they finally on trial?" Rolland said. He's never been a real fan of Legion or any so called 'Super Heroes' really.
"No. They are shaking up their line-up. When I saw a list of who was on the team, I knew one name would interesting you."
"Yeah, who?"
Currick didn't respond verbally, he just pointed to a near by TV screen. Rolland turned to see the news anchor going over who has been revealed as the Team's new members. As the anchor spoke, pictures of the line-up's members were shown & one picture was of Ham-Boy. It was cropped photo of him from when he posed with the Lair Legion Juniors a few years back.
"Him?" He said as he turned back to Currick.
"Yup. He's moving up in the world."
"Who else is on the team now?"
Currick handed him a list. "These are who is reportedly on the team now."
As Rolland looked over of the list, Currick said. "They have done worse. You remember ManMan, spiffy or dull thud."
"True. But with who they have I'm not surprised Spam-Boy now numbers among their ranks."
Rolland hands back the list to Currick & walks off to his desk. He has an Editorial to write.
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In Goth Haven's business district in the headquarters of internet security company iLOCE, which is really just corporate front for the evil techno-cult known only by their acronym E.C.O.L.I.
Their leader known only by the title The Patriarch was in his dimly lit office, he had also been watching the press conference & the press coverage about the new Legion line-up. Only one new Legionnaire really interested him. The Meaty Might had opposed one to many times. Now if he could take down him & the Legion that would make his revenge all that much sweeter. He pressed a button on his intercom & said. "Joan. Get me The Grave Diggers & Dr. Mangalur!"
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In his penthouse suite within The Jet Starscream Experience, Jet was sitting on his couch. He had also seen the news coverage regarding the Legion's line-up change up. A few thoughts ran though his mind but the one that most frequently came up was why didn't he get asked to join the group?
He got up from the couch & opened the curtains in one swift motion, he was blinded by the sudden flash of bright light. Once his eyes adjusted, he saw the backside of his cape, brightly light by a few spotlights. This was one of his few regrets of how the Museum was made: the windows of his penthouse suite looks directly out of the massive statue of himself in front of the Museum. If his cape wasn't there, he'd be looking out on to his butt. Now he doesn't think he has that bad looking of a rear end but he could have a different view out his window.
As the news anchor spoke, pictures of who the new line-up were shown & one picture was of Ham-Boy. It was the same cropped photo of him from Juniors' group shot. Jet thought about his this run in with Ham-Boy a few weeks back & then made a mental note to invite him to the JSX Gala.
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Elsewhere in Goth Haven in a secret location, Robert Crunch, who is otherwise known as The Evil Captain Crunch & the leader of super villain organization known as The Disgruntles had also seen the press coverage.
"Oh crap."
"What?" Dr. Peter Cox, D.D.S., who is otherwise known as Dr. Peacock said. Robert's comment had startled him & caused his plumage to become unfurled.
"Ham-Boy has reportedly joined the Lair Legion."
"That could be bad for us."
"Heck yeah! You, Me, Auntie Freeze, Kitty Boom Boom & Grammar all originally banded together to give Ham-Boy a good beating for defeating us all those times. Well, Kitty joined since her dad is in jail… But now that Ham-Boy is with the Lair Legion & say we do beat him up, we could have the Lair Legion on our collective asses."
"The Ass Collective isn't a member of the team." Dr. Cox interjected.
Robert choose to let that comment pass & said. "I don't think we could handle people like Hatman, The Manga Shoggoth or Fin Fang Foom coming after us."
"True. But I doubt Foom would come after us. He hasn't been with the Legion for awhile."
"ok."
There were a moment of silence. Then, Robert said. "We need to get on our game because our window of success is closing. Call the rest of the Group, we need to strategize!"
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In yet another secret location but one not in Goth Haven, K'Abin Von Khul sat on his throne in his ancestral home. He too had been watching the Conference. He, like The Patriarch, had been opposed by the Earth's Meatiest Hero for too long. He also had plans of how he would take down The Lair Legion. Now if Baron Wasteland could accomplish both of these goals at the same time all the better.
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Out in the Hollywood Hills, in a condo two other people have seen the press coverage but they hadn't see it on the news. They had been watching the various celebrity gossip "news" shows. One a tall slender stick of a man wearing a black suit stood beside a bed where his client laid. She was recovering from multiple elective surgeries & was under the influence of various drugs.
"My dear. I think I've just found you your new Boyfriend." He said as he turned off a massive flat screen TV. "And your way back into the spotlight."
"Really?" She said. "Who?"
"Ham-Boy."
"Good. I like Ham."
"Yes. Yes, you do. That's partly why we had to have the Doctors do some major liposuction around your mid section."
His client was clearly not paying attention to his last comment because she then asked "Do you think I'm pretty?"
"You will be, my dear." He said as he upped her morphine dosage. "You will be."
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TO BE CONTINUED….
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What is Ham-Boy getting into with him joining the Lair Legion? What are are his various Foes planning? What is Jet Starscream planning? What is the JSX Gala? 2 Ham-Boy Museums? Who are those people in Hollywood & what are they planning? How mean will Roland Stone's Editorial be? Why did HB's Mom & Step-Father go to the Republic of Spango for vacation? Will they return?
All these questions & more will be answered in the further Ham-Tastic Adventures of Ham-Boy!
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