I'm pretty sure I must have cut and pasted most of Mumphrey's lines from somewhere, because I still have no idea what he's saying. It's a shame this one doesn't go anywhere, because it's a classic premise... but at least it's one that other people have covered with their own versions.

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“Right…” Sir Mumphrey stated, looking over the assembled Legion and Juniors and guests on the warm, sunny fields of the Lair island. “It’s really quite simple… The fielding team disperses around the field. One fielder is the bowler. He takes the ball and stands some distance behind one of the wickets. Another fielder is the wicket-keeper… He squats behind the opposite wicket. One batsman stands behind each popping crease. The batsman farthest from the bowler is the striker, the other is the non-striker. The striker stands before his wicket, on or near the popping crease, in the batting stance. The non-striker simply stands behind the other popping crease, waiting to run if necessary. The bowler takes a run-up from behind the non-striker's wicket and when he reaches the non-striker's popping crease he bowls the ball towards the striker. The striker may then attempt to hit the ball with his bat. If he misses it, the wicket-keeper will catch it and the ball is completed. If he hits it, the two batsmen may score runs. The ball is considered to be in play from the moment the bowler begins his run-up until it is dead. When one bowler has completed six balls, that constitutes an over. A different member of the fielding team is given the ball and bowls the next over - from the opposite end of the pitch. The batsmen do not change ends, so the roles of striker and non-striker swap after each over. Any member of the fielding team may bowl, so long as no bowler delivers two consecutive overs. Once a bowler begins an over, he must complete it, unless injured or suspended during the over. Clear as day so far, right? Now, another possibility during a ball is that a batsman may get out. There are ten different methods of being out…”

“Er…” Visionary interrupted. “What was that middle part again?”

“So…” Hatman noted casually. “Softball?”

“Softball” Epitome agreed.

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Later…

“We’ll take Donar” Hatman chose. “He comes with his own bat.”

“Fine… Dancer” Epitome countered. “Hello, batting averages.”

Later still…

“Fleabot” Hatman said. “Good luck finding the strike zone.”

“Knifey” Epitome decided.

“Aw, c’mon!” Visionary complained. “Knifey doesn’t even have any arms!”

“Never underestimate the importance of infield chatter” the sentient blade suggested.

“I knew it… I’m gonna be picked last…” Visionary grumbled. “It’s gym class all over again… only without any towering 5th graders to steal my lunch money.”

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