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Post By
HH
In Reply To
"The Natural Boy" Dick Spark

Subj: * Tunes in *
Posted: Mon Apr 19, 2010 at 04:13:55 am EDT
Reply Subj: WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Posted: Sun Apr 18, 2010 at 04:22:12 pm EDT (Viewed 6 times)



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        Commentary by Judge Nancy Connor

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              July 4th, 1776, was one of the most frightening days in U.S. History.  It was the day our Declaration of Independence was adopted by our original thirteen colonies, asserting our independence from the exploitative regime of the British Empire.



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    Lemme tell you something, Judge Nancy, that day wasn't half as scary as October 12, 1982, when I faced Big Chief Thunderhead for the EWA Heavyweight Title. It was a sixty minute Iron Man No Holds Barred Steel Cage Match, and halfway through I was so covered in blood you would have thought I was the red man in the ring. WOOOOOOO!!



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        It was frightening, because it meant war with the world’s most powerful entity at the time.  It placed our United States of America in danger of being wiped out before it even began.  But we declared our independence anyhow, and we fought, and we persevered, and then thrived, eventually becoming one of the world’s premier powers.

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    That's right! God bless the old US of A. Without her we couldn't have had two hundred plus years of freedom, liberty, and the right to waffle a person with a steel chair for the entertainment of others.



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    Note "The Natural Boy" said "person", not "robo sapien". You can't waffle a robot with a steel chair because THEY'RE MADE OF STEEL TOO! You need to hit them with something heavy, like the twin sledgehammers I use in my matches at the Robot Rumble every time I'm booked, which isn't often, BECAUSE THOSE CLICKING KLANKING COWARDS know if a real man like "The Natural Boy" Dick Spark got to compete on a regular basis he's make those ROBOT WRASSLERS obsolete. WOOOOOOOO!!!!!!



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      Without that Declaration, we would all still be subjects of the British Empire.  We would be unable to determine our own destinies, and be subject to laws of a foreign land.  Our trade, our work, our very lives molded by people who live far from us, don’t truly understand us, possibly don’t care.  



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    Wait, the British Empire still exists? I thought they folded in 1982 when I teamed up with El Hombre Giganto to defeat them for the EWA Tag Team Titles! The sun had to have set on the Britsh Empire: I went to Union Jack Dandy's funeral! He looked like a shriveled up apple doll in his casket. *sniffs* No one cares what happens to us old warriors when we leave the ring. No one at all. Woo.



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        It’s quite possible, even, that we would be living in fear.  Long before the Declaration of Independence, the British were afraid of us, of our power.  They passed laws to suppress us, to make sure we would never become powerful.  Those laws would no doubt still be in effect today, keeping us under the thumb of Great Britain, keeping us frightened and weak.



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    You know what those robots should be afraid of? Me! I've wrestled on every continent on this planet, even the Lost One! That's right, I once held the Atlantis Heavyweight Championship back in 1979! Made King Mako submit to a Triple Hitch Leg Lock, which was amazing, BECAUSE KING MAKO DIDN'T HAVE ANY LEGS! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! So what do you think's going to happen when I put it on one of you fancy "robo sapiens"? You'll tap out quicker than Tommy Tune on speed!



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        The Declaration of Independence wasn’t a miracle, it was a first step.  The easiest step, in actuality, on a hard road to greatness.



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    You know what brings greatness, Judge Nancy? Training twelve hours a day, seven days a week, fifty two weeks a year for thirty four years like the "Natural Boy"! WOOOOOOO!!!! What "robo sapien" does that? If they want muscles, they just weld them on! If they want to learn a new move, like my dreaded Overhead Double Underhook Gutbuster, they can just download it off the Interweb. Robots don't know what it means to train, to strain, to hone the brain. They want everything handed to them. Just like The Tungsten Kid was handed the Robot Rumble Unreinforced Chassis Belt. IT WAS ALL POLITICS, TUNGSTEN KID, AND YOU KNOW IT! BUT THIS SUNDAY, I WILL GET IT BACK!



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        Granting an android citizenship was not intended as a revolution; it was intended as a protection, and to open discussion on a subject.  It was a first step.  I hoped that it would be met with intellectual curiosity, and thoughtfulness rather than fear.  It’s not a perfect solution; but neither is the U.S. Constitution.  Instead, it’s a decision that opens doors, and paves the way for us to live harmoniously with the technology developing all around us.



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    "The Natural Boy" Dick Spark has no problem living with technology, baby! I'm a toaster using, Camero driving, online shopping Sonuvagun! WOOOOOOO!!!!! But the "Natural Boy" don't open doors for anybody, least of all robots! Robots open doors for me! Every time I go to the Sprawlmart their electric eyes go WHOOOOOSSSHHHH! and I am given access to 45,000 square feet of low, low prices. Just the way our Creator intended. WOOOOOOO!!!!!!



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        Laws are being proposed in the U.S. at this very moment, to control and to suppress artificial Americans, to mute and bind them, so that they will never feel powerful.  The people sponsoring those laws are using fear to promote them.  



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    And all "The Natural Boy" has to say to that is THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! Do we really want our vending machines and ATMs moving around and talking to us?!?! If I want a bag of Chipotle Flavored Cheese-Os I shouldn't have to hunt down and then ask some smarty pants contraption permission to get it. Keep robots where they belong! ESPECIALLY OUT OF THE WRESTLING RING! THE SQAURED CIRCLE IS A HOLY PLACE WHERE MEN PROVE THEMSELVES TO BE MEN! NOT MACHINES!!!



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        Some of which are based on legitimate concerns that, by all means, should definitely be a topic of discussion - but others are simply designed to promote a reactionary removal of artificials’ privileges for the sole purpose of exerting absolute legal control over them.



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    The only right a machine should have is what its warranty gives it. So says "The Natural Bo" Dick Spark. WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!



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        My answer to those proposing such laws is the following:  There should not be widespread granting of citizenship to all artificials; it should be handled on a case by case basis, starting with the ones who request it.  This one particular artificial who appeared in my courtroom appeared before me polite, well behaved, and articulate, as well as meeting all the legal requirements for citizenship.



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    So just because this little robot gal minded her Ps and Qs you gave her citizenship?! Lady, that kind of thinking is so flawed it makes "The Natural Boy" want to vomit! Its worse than when Referee Wink Montosori disqualified me in my match against The Masked Monster back in 1978! That fool's judgement cost me a shot at the PNWWA Heavyweight championship! Wait, no, NOTHING WAS WORSE THAN THAT!! THE MASKED MONSTER WAS A STIFF WHO COULDN'T DRAW FLIES IF HE WAS COVERED IN HORSE PUCKY, AND THEY GAVE HIM A TITLE SHOT?! OUTRAGEOUS!



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        Should artificials be allowed to vote?  Another topic open for debate, and a topic I believe would have come up eventually anyhow.



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    Here's "The Natural Boy's" contribution to that debate: PPPPPPBBBBBTTTTT!!!



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        I believe this is an opportunity for Americans to be progressive and thoughtful; it disappoints me to see the recent backlash.  I ask only that you set aside your fears, open your minds, and see what happens.  The future is on its way whether we like it or not.  It’s up to each of us to choose whether to reject it fearfully, or embrace it heartily.



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    Darling, this is what I think you need to do: shuck that robe, put on your best dress, and join me, "The Natural Boy" Dick Spark for a night on the town! Let me show you how a real man lives his life, before you try to give the same privliges to some transitor-brained junkpile. "Gone With the Wind" may be an old movie, but they still make Hallmark ornaments for it every Christmas! WOOOOOOO!!!!!