Previous Post     Ã¢â‚¬Å“How does this work again?” asked Lisa Waltz. She didn’t often sound nervous but today there was a little catch in her voice.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Don’t you even read the manuals for your Office?” snarled Madame Symmetry of Synchronicity. The Shaper of Worlds was just as nervous as the Destroyer of Tales and she manifested it by being acerbic.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“The Negotiation Room is an interface between the Parodyverse and… elsewhere,” the Chronicler of Stories summarised. “It can only be manifested when the three senior cosmic office holders in the Parodyverse agree on it and combine their powers. That’s us. We’d better get to it.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“If anyone needs the bathroom they’d better go now,” Symmetry cautioned.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Um, can you wait just a mo, then,” asked Visionary. ***     The Negotiation Room wasn’t exactly a room, although if you looked at it in a certain light it resembled a sleek modern boardroom; or a medieval hall, or an ancient stone circle. It was a place between realities. It was a plank.     As the oldest of the existing Triumvirate, the Chronicler of Stories made the introductions. “Lisa Waltz, Destroyer. Madame Symmetry, Shaper.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“My card,” Lisa offered the visitors. “My personal number’s on the back, starting with 1-900.”     The Chronicler continued. “Faite, set over interfaces and subtleties. Nosotros, ruler of the Yo-Beings. Sage Grimpenghast representing the Lower Planes. Dark Thugos for the Metaphysical Powers. Mr Grey, Senior Auditor.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And I’m a herald of Galactivac,” Dancer waved. “Hiya!”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yes,” sighed the Chronicler. “She really is.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Deuced good thing, too,” muttered Sir Mumphrey Wilton, Keeper of the Chronometer of Infinity.     The beings with the briefcases glided forward. There were three of them, identical in neat corporate suits and roll-round shades. When they moved to the table they glided rather than walked. “We’ll take the other introductions as read,” said Number One.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“There’s a pretty long list of apologies too,” Faite admitted. “It’s been a turbulent few years on the cosmic level.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“The Family of the Pointless are in hiding, for example,” Symmetry illustrated.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Which is a damn shame,” noted CrazySugarFreakBoy!, avatar of chaos, “because a Spank Ray always perks up a boring business meeting.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Please,” winced the Librarian. “This is a moment of history for the Parodyverse. The Observers are recording every moment of it for the eternal archive. You’re speaking to posterity.”     Hatman clapped his hand to his forehead. “You had to say it…”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Well they can kiss my posterity!” CSFB! called gleefully.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You insisted on bringing him,” hissed Yuki Shiro to the leader of the Lair Legion.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You have a very disparate collection of negotiators,” noted Number Two. The Chronicler’s only comfort was that CSFB! hadn’t discovered the visitor’s name yet. “Why is there a minion of the Outer Gods present?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I don’t minion for the Fairly Great Old Ones any more,” rumbled the Manga Shoggoth dangerously. “I am nonminioned. Nine hundred and sixty-three straight epochs without a minion.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“There’s no denying we have an elder god infestation in the Parodyverse,” Lisa admitted. “We’ve got an infestation of pretty much everything.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Perhaps we should move on to the agenda,” suggested Number Three. “I’m sure you’ve heard about our recent acquisition?”     The Chronicler nodded. “We’ve had a crossover event with the heroes from that multiverse. The Avengers.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And not your rubbish post-Bendis Avengers either,” CSFB! put in fiercely.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Verily was I whompethed by Thor,” noted Donar happily. “Upside mine head.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And Cap spoke to me,” added Vizh. “He said ‘Get out of the way. I’ll handle this.’”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Well, we have recently acquired the multiverse of which you speak,” explained Number One. “It offers opportunities to offer a multi-platform reality experience that will maximise the concepts exposure to target demographics.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’m getting the translators online now,” called Al B. Harper. “Keep him talking rubbish for a while longer.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Given that we now have proprietary domain over the concepts and characters of that multiverse we are looking to consolidate and further diversify our portfolio of metahuman narratives,” explained Number Two. “We can offer excellent stock options.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Wait a minute,” frowned Vizh. “You want to buy out the Parodyverse?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“What did you think this meeting was about, brief mortal?” demanded Grimenghast.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“There’s more yet,” judged Dark Thugos. “The stick.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“There are fiscal and legal downsides to resisting a planned merger,” admitted Number Three. “Your… ‘Parodyverse’ as you call it does seem to consist of an amalgam of derivative concepts which could be seen as trademark and copyright infringement.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Is this feckless bloodless lawyer tryin’ to threaten us?” demanded Sir Mumphrey Wilton, reddening. “Well, sirrah? Speak up?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“At this stage in our preliminary negotiations we are merely flagging up potential litigious possibilities and reserving our position,” noted Number One. “However, with the acquisition of a multiverse so close to yours…”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You think you can just sweep in here and mop us up or shut us down?” Hatman challenged. “You want to see the list of folks who’ve tried?”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You want to see the size of their legal team, Hatster?” Lisa shuddered.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I say bring ‘em on,” said CSFB! “I say it to posterity.” He fumbled with his pants but Nats and the Librarian were able to tackle him to the ground.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“There are great benefits in becoming part of our corporation,” Number Two pointed out. “Franchise exploitation. Multi-media merchandising. Asset development. Trans-platform concept shaping.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Any luck with that translator yet, Al?” Vizh wondered.     Number Three’s briefcase opened and a series of documents appeared on the desk. “These represent the first stage agreement to scope and deliver a phased buyout of Parodyverse stock and contents. We’ll get your signatures on them and then we can move on to discussing rationalisation and transfer of core key assets.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And if we refuse?” asked the Chronicler of Stories.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You won’t,” said Number One. “You can’t.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Indeed?” asked the grey-mantled archvillain at the back of the room.     The three corporate representatives looked over at the cowled crime-czar. “And you are…?” asked Number Two.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“I am… the Hooded Hood.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Well, Mister Hood,” said Number Three, “I think you’ll find…”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Fair usage,” said the Hood. “Hustler Magazine, Inc. et al. v. Jerry Falwell. Tom Forsythe vs Mattel and Barbie. Campbell v. Acuff-Rose Music, Inc. Leibovitz v. Paramount Pictures Corp.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Ooh, yes,” grinned Lisa. “Precedents.” She smiled wider. “Litigation fees.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“You tell him, Hoody!” called out CSFB! “I want to be there when they try and serve Baroness Zemo or Finny.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Or when they try to spell Mr Papadapopolis,” added Dancer.     The Chronicler looked over the paperwork. “I don’t think so,” he said. “We don’t need restructuring. We don’t need exploiting. And Lisa really is exposed enough.”     Symmetry agreed. “If you want to take over the Parodyverse you’ll have to do it the old-fashioned way, with a Byzantine multi-part masterplan.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“And join the queue,” added Vizh.     The corporate visitors looked at each other. “Mr M won’t like this,” said Number One.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Jolly good,” harrumphed Sir Mumphrey.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Mister M can go and…” began CrazySugarFreakBoy!     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Is to be lovely to be hearing from him,” broke in Nosotros diplomatically. “Do be giving him of our best wishes.”     The Chronicler looked around the Negotiation Room. “Does anyone here think we should go for the deal?” he asked the representatives and powers. “Nobody? Well then, I guess that’s your answer, gentlemen.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“That’s not an answer,” hissed Number Two. “Nobody says no to…”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“One more thing,” interrupted the Hooded Hood. “There’s one more thing you should know about the Parodyverse before you press your suit.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Really? And what’s that?” sneered Number Three.     The Hooded Hood approached them and leaned close. His eyes flashed green as he spoke, as he used his retconning powers so that nobody else there, for all their massive cosmic awarenesses, knew what he whispered.     The visitors exchanged nervous glances. “Well,” swallowed Number One. “We’d better be going.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“We’ll leave these papers here in case you, um, change your minds,” added Number Two. “But don’t worry if you don’t. Really.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Got to go. We have a 4.30 meeting with Resources,” said Number Three.     The suits folded up and vanished up their own backsides.     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Thank you for your attendance,” the Chronicler announced. “This meeting is dismissed.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Not you, Ioldabaoth!” called Lisa Waltz as the cowled crime czar turned away. “You don’t get to go until you spill what you said to the boys from the House of M to send them running.”     Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yes I do,” replied the Hooded Hood. “Good evening.”     He couldn’t reveal his words. Not yet. Not without destroying the Parodyverse – or getting it destroyed.     What he’d said was: The Carnifex is here.     The Parodyverse continued under fair usage.     For now. The Hooded Hood's Homepage of Doom Who's Who in the Parodyverse Where's Where in the Parodyverse Original concepts, characters, and situations copyright © 2009 reserved by Ian Watson. Other Parodyverse characters copyright © 2009 to their creators. The use of characters and situations reminiscent of other popular works do not constitute a challenge to the copyrights or trademarks of those works. The right of Ian Watson to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the UK Copyright, Designs & Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved.

...brought Liu Xi with them. Her language surely would have offended them.