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Anime Jason 
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Visionary 
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Subj: Of course that depends if anyone reads it.  :)
Posted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 at 01:41:14 am EDT (Viewed 493 times)
Reply Subj: Yeah, this one could cause some trouble...  ;-)
Posted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 at 12:53:36 am EDT (Viewed 493 times)


> Off the top of my head, I don't see an easy way to reconcile the Graham/Masamune stuff...   I mean, the commissioner knows who abducted him and assaulted him.  It makes him entirely too weak if he does not arrest Akiko.  And it was far more of a direct move than Akiko tends to make because of exactly that...  she's very hard to pin an actual crime upon because she's smart and subtle.  Attacking and dumping the head of the police department doesn't really fit the bill.  Personally, I can simply overlook the whole thing, and I really don't want Akiko to be tangled up in her own "consequences of her actions" storyline as a result of this, but I know that the heavier continuity fans will find it harder to overlook.

There's one tiny piece that's easy to miss, that clues everyone in on why Graham's wrath may not be aimed at Akiko, at least right away.  After all, it was a corrupt Mayor that got him into this mess.  The second clue to that was the small bit on the Times website about the Mayor being investigated.


> I'd also suggest that you need to give Hatty a better showing... he's not exactly coming across at his best in this storyline.  It's usually better to have your guest stars dispensing the good advice, rather than receiving it, and better to give them the stronger arguments.  Chiaki's attempt to martyr herself, only to be saved by Yuki, made this an extra rough treatment of Jay.  You're painting him as someone who is unbending and hard to reason with, to the point where it leads to the near deaths of his friends...  that's a pretty tough indictment.   He's going to have to come across as ultra-heroic and wise to even things out in a future installment.

Hatty's responses have two stages.  Yuki's last few words to him were the clue to the 2nd stage.  The first stage is practically a lover's spat between Jay and Chiaki - each believes that the other is being unreasonable, stubborn, and selfish.

Chiaki's latest reaction, though, was pretty well detailed herself.  She foresaw herself being arrested, and then subsequently killed in the Safe - unless she could change her future somehow.  She did exactly that.  Maybe she also got Hatman to listen to her too.

 
> That said, I think there are good elements to this, and some interesting fertile ground to work with.   I think it just requires some very careful tending.

I'm working on it.  I just hope it works.