Tales of the Parodyverse >> View Post
Post By
HH
In Reply To
Visionary

Subj: What this storyline really needs is sheepdogs. More sheepdogs, that is.
Posted: Thu Jun 05, 2008 at 06:07:10 am EDT
Reply Subj: Some of this cast go from found to lost again pretty quickly...
Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 at 11:40:36 pm EDT


> A big twist there at the end... that daughter of yours has a devious mind. You must be very proud.

I am.

> Continuity note: Dancer is still in one line of the first, altered scene.

Ack! I'd better go revise that.

> Lots of fun and excitement this chapter, as the bad guys get a little more organized in coming after our scattered heroes. Luckily, for the most part, the heroes were becoming less scattered just enough to keep up with the threats... minus those that became threats themselves, that is.

One theme I wanted to cover here was that of change. The appearance of the LL has itself become the driver of events in the thirty-two realms, with causes and effects cascading on from that.

> Fun "300" moment with Yo. I wonder why the villains would specifically want Magweed. Of course, they might have simply seen delivering the demand as a way to create discord, knowing Yo wouldn't agree to it in any event.

More precisely, Cromlyn wants Magweed. She and Griffin are still young enough to be made useful to him.

> The Legion's efforts to defend the civilians were appropriately heroic, and led to some really fun action scenes. That group makes a nice line up, including shrike with a bazooka. Sally and CSFB could have made for quite a dynamic duo had he not already been spoken for twice over now. And Yuki's duel with the Apokoliptian Pirate was some more good action.

I wanted to try and get some swashbuckling in here to keep the feel of the story.

> I enjoyed the defense of the Helicarrier, although even I picked up Al's insistence that he could have it under *his* control in no time. Following what he did to Anna, I had a sinking feeling about things.

Nice to know that people picked up when things were wrong.

> Vizh was rather blasé about Hallie's memory loss or the whereabouts of his two children, I thought... but it doesn't seem that he had anything more controlling his thoughts than crullers. They are quite good, so perhaps its understandable. Poor Amber, being mentally enslaved again is not going to go over well with her, I'd think (especially after her line in this story showed she's far from over her past experiences.)

You might notice that everybody in that group was really "reverting to type", almost being cliches of themselves. It's almost as if someone amongst them was amplifying certain typical quirks and traits to prevent them from being their most effective.

> A chilling ending... Looking forward to more!

Now I need to work out a way to resolve the situation.