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Subj: Your attempts at mocking my country are weak, bitch. Posted: Sat May 24, 2008 at 03:17:57 am EDT (Viewed 437 times) | Reply Subj: Ugly Americans Posted: Fri May 23, 2008 at 09:27:33 am EDT (Viewed 3 times) | ||||||
Here's how you do it, with a team of REAL American stereotype super-types: Talking Point - Bill O'Reilly as Hawkeye. A mouthy right-wing pundit who's an expert marksman, and uses his patently inaccurate, needlessly outraged commentary (and ventriloquism) to draw out, distract and disorient his targets, making them easier kills for his sniper-fire. Firecrotch - A spoiled, slutty, substance-abusing red-haired celebutante whose venereal diseases are literally scalding, and whose party-girl lifestyle has given her Wolverine healing factor levels of immunity to toxins. And just as Chunk in The Flash could get rid of people or objects by eating them, so too can Firecrotch dispose of such things by shoving them in her Twat of Holding. Fast Foodie - The world's fastest fat-ass, he can only survive on a steady stream of drive-thru meals and junk food, and his extra mass combined with his speed give his blows enormous force. Unfortunately, his diet has left his skin a ghastly pale white, except for his lips and nose, which are now the same unnatural shade of red as his curly, poofy hair, thanks to malnutrition on a massive scale. Blue Collar and Red Neck - Brothers with psychic powers that balance each other out. Blue Collar can project "blue collars" of psychic energy that render their victims ignorant, non-inquisitive and easily manipulated by their own sloth and gluttony, while Red Neck projects an infectious intolerance, signified by a reddening of the neck, which preys upon its victims' fears and hatreds. The easily distracted Blue Collar's Kryptonite is Satellite TV (he's incapable of rolling saving throws against NASCAR), while Red Neck flees in terror from any sign of homosexuality. The Wigger - With his arsenal of specially designed ethnic wigs, this sheltered suburban white boy can appropriate any non-Caucasian culture as his own! In spite of his acts being patently transparent, he somehow has the power to pass himself off as a racial minority, while still enjoying all the privileges of an entitled white male. The Springer - A daytime talk-show host whose name has a dual meaning, both for his ability to spring emotionally devastating surprises on his targets, including unsuspecting guests on his show, as well as his spring-loaded limbs, which allow him to leap clear of danger when his emotionally devastated targets turn their outrage against him. See, THIS is how you dissect a nation's trends.  | |||||||
