> > 
> >
> > Liu Xi Xian always felt slightly uncomfortable walking into Alto Tumour’s occult bookshop. Perhaps it was the musty smell of the rotting paperbacks that haphazardly lined the shelves. Perhaps it was the musty smell of the customers. Whatever it was the young elementalist quickly slipped into the back of the shop, past the rack of tarot decks and behind the cabinet of plastic-sealed tantric volumes.
> >
> > Vinnie De Soth, exorcist for hire and outcast white sheep of the De Soth sorcerer clan, was waiting nervously at his tiny desk under the staircase. He jumped up hurriedly when he saw his visitor had arrived, thumped his head on the low slope of the steps above him, and managed to scatter his pile of paperwork all across the floor then spill his coffee over it.
> >
> > “Sorry,†he apologised as he mopped up the mess with a pile of bills. “It’s turning into a difficult evening, that’s all. Sorry, Liu Xi.â€Â
> >
> > Liu Xi sighed and used her elemental gifts to separate out the caffeine from the invoices then helped Vinnie stack them back on his cheap old desk. “What did you call me for, Vinnie? It’s two in the morning. You said it was urgent.â€Â
> >
> > Vinnie nodded. “Um, yeah. I have, um, there’s this favour I need to ask you for. But it’s kind of personal.â€Â
> >
> > Liu Xi’s eyebrow flickered a little. “Personal?â€Â
> >
> > “Er, yeah. It’s not the sort of thing a guy asks a girl to do for him when they’re not even officially dating. Or dating at all. I didn’t mean to imply that the time we spend together counts as… I mean I don’t think of you as… well, if I do it’s not because I…â€Â
> >
> > “What do you want, Vinnie?â€Â
> >
> > The young occultist swallowed. “Would you like to sit down?†He offered her his rickety typist’s swivel chair. “Only mind because there’s a castor loose.â€Â
> >
> > “I just want to know what you’re after,†Liu Xi told him a bit impatiently. “This is way past my bedtime.â€Â
> >
> > Vinnie looked even more uncomfortable at the word ‘bedtime’. “Well,†he babbled, “you remember that time we looked at the ruins of Ys and that seagull nearly crapped on me and then you said never mind because my jacket could only be improved by it and…?â€Â
> >
> > “I remember,†Liu Xi cut him short. “It was an interesting day.â€Â
> >
> > “Yeah. And you told me some things about… about you. Secrets. About how you, um, discovered your elemental powers.â€Â
> >
> > Now it was Liu Xi’s turn to swallow hard. “How I was sold as a supposed bride to a man who decided I was not good enough and cast me aside, and how in my shame and rage I manifested my gifts and destroyed him by fire,†she summarised. “I have not spoken to many people about that, even now.â€Â
> >
> > “Well, you wouldn’t. It’s private. I wouldn’t bring it up, only, well, that’s why I want you to do something for me.â€Â
> >
> > Liu Xi blinked. “You want me to… cook you a good supper? Or sleep with you? Or marry you? Or burn you to ashes?â€Â
> >
> > Vinnie’s face went back to panic. “None of those!†he yelped. “Well, some maybe, but not right now. I’ve got a case. And I need your help.â€Â
> >
> > “Vinnie, could you possibly start at the beginning, explain the situation, and clearly and concisely tell me what it is you need?â€Â
> >
> > Vinnie considered this. “No,†he despaired. “Better I show you. Do you mind coming into my back room?â€Â
> > He opened a small low panel at the back of his office alcove and pushed it open. “In here.â€Â
> >
> > It was dark beyond the low doorway. Liu Xi instinctively cupped her hand to summon some light in it but Vinnie’s hand closed over hers to stop her. “No,†he said. “It has to be dark.â€Â
> >
> > Liu Xi allowed herself to be led through the wall panel into a cramped storage area beyond. It was windowless and could have benefited from a new coat of plaster. It contained a rumpled bed, a wash-stand, an old trunk, and a very large amount of books.
> >
> > “Vinnie?†Liu Xi asked, horrified and fascinated in equal parts. “Do you sleep here?â€Â
> >
> > “Sure,†Vinnie answered cheerfully. “It’s included in the rent. Now I’m going to shut the door. Don’t let the darkness bother you. It’s needed.â€Â
> >
> > Liu Xi was slightly worried that she was now in the dark with a young man who’d called her up at two in the morning because she’d previously been trained to pleasure a prospective husband.
> >
> > Vinnie’s fingertips brushed her temples then smoothed his palms down to near the corners of her eyes. “Just relax,†he told her. “This is going to be fine. Trust me.â€Â
> >
> > “What are you doing?†Liu Xi realised her voice sounded a bit breathless. She could sense something shifting somewhere on the edge of her perception; too far for her elemental sensitivity to discern.
> >
> > “I’m attuning your senses to what they need to see,†the exorcist for hire told her. “Open your eyes now.â€Â
> >
> > “My eyes are open.â€Â
> >
> > “Open your inner eyes.â€Â
> >
> > Vinnie’s fingers felt very warm on her face. Liu Xi tried to do what he asked. She staggered back in surprise as she saw the stranger in the room. She bumped into Vinnie and he caught her from stumbling.
> >
> > “It’s okay,†Vinnie told her. “She’s only a ghost.â€Â
> >
> > Liu Xi could see nothing in the darkness except the pale nude form of an Oriental girl, standing quietly a few feet away from her. The phantom stood humbly, her hands clasped together in front of her, her eyes cast down, her hair loose and wild.
> >
> > In accordance with what she’s been taught, Liu Xi moved forward and bowed to the spirit. The ghost girl bowed back.
> >
> > “This is Pak Min-Jee,†Vinnie introduced the phantasm. “She’s my client. Min-Jee, this is Liu Xi Xian.â€Â
> >
> > The ghost bowed again. She touched her lips and shook her head, indicating that she could not speak.
> >
> > “What’s this about?†Liu Xi demanded. “Why do you have a ghost in your bedroom?†She wondered why the bedroom part mattered to her.
> >
> > “Min-Jee’s a very new ghost,†Vinnie explained. “New spirits that manifest in the material world tend to have very limited capabilities. She’s burning off the remains of her life essence so we can see her, although she couldn’t appear to people who didn’t know what they were looking for or weren’t naturally sensitive. But she hasn’t got a voice because it’s been taken from her and she hasn’t got clothes because they haven’t been given to her.â€Â
> >
> > “How do you know about her then?†Liu Xi wondered. “How do you know who she is?â€Â
> >
> > “There are other ways of communicating. Cards, ouija boards, medium states, a particularly spooky text messaging provider. I’m supposed to know this stuff. It’s my job. It’s on the business cards.â€Â
> >
> > “Okay,†conceded Liu Xi. “And the rest? Who is she – was she? And why does she need your help?â€Â
> >
> > “Min-Jee’s family came to America four months ago, from Korea. Min-Jee died of complications related to diabetes shortly afterwards. She was seventeen.â€Â
> >
> > “I’m sorry,†Liu Xi told the ghost girl. And to Vinnie she asked, “I don’t see where I come into this. I can’t bring people back from the dead. I made myself a new body once, but that was kind of… a special case.â€Â
> >
> > “There’s a custom amongst some Oriental families,†Vinnie explained. “If a son or daughter dies unmarried then they believe that child will remain unmarried in the afterlife, for all eternity.â€Â
> >
> > “I know the custom,†Liu Xi admitted. “Sometimes to comfort the family who are left behind they arrange a wedding contract for the deceased. They have a marriage ceremony between a young man and a young woman who have recently died so that they can be united forever in the afterlife. It’s the ultimate form of arranged marriage.â€Â
> >
> > “I knew you’d understand. I needed you here for Min-Jee because you know what it’s like to be sold off to a husband you don’t know without any choice in the matter. Like she has been.â€Â
> >
> > Liu Xi looked back at the spectral girl. “A ghost bride?â€Â
> >
> > “You got it,†Vinnie agreed. “Min-Jee’s parents have received a substantial payment from the family of Ree Dong-Yul, a young man who died in a bike crash a couple of weeks ago. The Ree family hired a powerful conjurer to perform the wedding. The only problem is that nobody bothered to ask Min-Jee whether she wanted to spend eternity with a stranger husband.â€Â
> >
> > “And you don’t?†Liu Xi asked her. The ghost girl shook her head. As her ethereal vision improved the elementalist could see tears quietly tricking down the spectre’s face.
> >
> > “Min-Jee doesn’t even like boys,†Vinnie explained. “Also, I looked into this Dong-Yul guy and he’s not coming across as a particularly good marriage prospect. The police report says he was high on drugs when he drove his motorbike through a schoolyard, narrowly missing three kindergarten children before impacting with a wall at high speed. But his family are rich.â€Â
> >
> > Liu Xi couldn’t ignore the misery in Min-Jee’s face. “What so you need me to do?†she asked.
> >
> > “Ah,†said Vinnie. “Yes. Um. That’s kind of the tricky part. You see, now they’re bound together Dong-Yul kind of has a right to Min-Jee. Or at least she believes he does, which makes it so in the place where she is now. And Dong-Yul is hunting for her. Once he catches her and takes her as his wife, she’s his for eternity.â€Â
> >
> > “So she came to you?â€Â
> >
> > “So she came to me. But the problem is I can’t intervene to keep Dong-Yul off his bride. I’m not an Oriental specialist who understands the nuances of the culture and I’m not dead. Min-Jee’s slipping further away from this plane all the time, and even if I protect her now it won’t last when she’s dropped fully into the afterworld.â€Â
> >
> > “I’m not dead either,†Liu Xi pointed out.
> >
> > “That’s what I meant by tricky,†Vinnie answered. “But I’ve bought in some really good poison for you.â€Â
> >
> > Liu Xi stopped short. “Wait a minute. You want to kill me. You want to poison me so I can deal with this Ree Dong-Yul?â€Â
> >
> > “Yes please,†Vinnie answered. “I know it’s a lot to ask, but I do have an antidote and I think I can get your heart started again as long as it’s only a couple of minutes and you could use your elemental powers to prevent your body and brain deteriorating for that long, so if you…â€Â
> >
> > “I get it,†Liu Xi cut him short. “You’re asking me to trust you with my life, in a very literal sense.â€Â
> >
> > “There’s nobody else better suited to do this,†Vinny De Soth confessed. “I hate asking, but… she’s all alone and nobody cares, and she’s facing an eternity of a fate she doesn’t deserve. Somebody has to do something.â€Â
> >
> > “I agree,†Liu Xi told him. “Give me the poison.â€Â
> >
> > Min-Jee bowed to her again.
> >
> > “You could, um, lay down on my, on my bed,†Vinnie suggested nervously. “Watch that spring there.â€Â
> >
> > Liu Xi settled herself and looked at the tiny phial. She could see it with the arcane vision Vinnie had provoked in her; that meant there was some kind of magic in addition to the chemical toxins. “If I stay dead after this I’m going to haunt you,†she warned him.
> >
> > “That would be fine, really,†Vinnie told her. “I’d totally deserve it.â€Â
> >
> > Liu Xi swallowed the bitter liquid. It worked fast.
> >
> > “Oh,†she said, but her lips didn’t move.
> >
> > Her vision had changed. Before she had seen very dimly, like a miner groping by the glimmer of a fading candle. Now she saw swirling strings of silver and white, cascading around in all directions, the weft and warp of life and death.
> >
> > Another person might have been overwhelmed, but Vinnie had chosen well. Liu Xi already saw the world as an interlaced tapestry of elemental strands. This was just another way of looking at the universe again.
> >
> > And in her improved vision she could clearly see Ree Dong-Yuk creeping up on his bride from the mists.
> >
> > “Look out!†Liu Xi called, pointing at the incoming spirit. Min-Jee turned, saw her husband, and screamed.
> >
> > “What is it?†Vinnie asked, his own vision still bound to the material world. Then he too perceived the incoming threat. “Ah. Right. Some ghost manifestations take on the appearance of the person’s true soul,†he noted. “Looks like I was right about Dong-Yuk not being a very nice man.â€Â
> >
> > Dong-Yuk towered over Liu Xi and the cowering Min-Jee. His entrails bulged and flexed as he dragged them behind him. His male member trailed along the floor. His grotesquely overmuscled body had split in places where his tendons had torn loose of his skin. “Bride,†he called the Min-Jee, “come to me.â€Â
> >
> > “Stay where you are,†ordered Liu Xi Xian to the terrified ghost girl. “And you, Dong-Yuk, get away from her. She doesn’t want this marriage. She never consented. So leave her in peace.â€Â
> >
> > “You cannot stand between me and my property,†Dong-Yuk boasted. “The contract has been signed.â€Â
> >
> > “Has it? Well I’m the codicil.†Liu Xi spread out her fingers and unleashed her elemental power. “Burn!â€Â
> >
> > Dong-Yuk didn’t burn. Ice didn’t harm him. Wind and lightning and stone and wood could not keep him from his bride.
> >
> > “Vinnie…?†Liu Xo called over her shoulder.
> >
> > “Thinking,†the occultist replied.
> >
> > “She is mine,†Dong-Yuk said, pointing to Min-Jee. “We are one.â€Â
> >
> > He gestured with his fingertips. Helplessly, Min-Jee began to crawl to her husband on her hands and knees.
> >
> > “Hey, buddy!†called Vinnie De Soth. “Got a question for you.â€Â
> >
> > Dong-Yuk squinted to see the living human. “What do you want?†he asked roughly. “Can’t you see I’m breaking in a wife?â€Â
> >
> > “Yeah, I noticed,†Vinnie agreed. “But my question is why break in one when you could break in two?â€Â
> >
> > “What?†the ghost groom frowned.
> >
> > “What?†asked Liu Xi Xian.
> >
> > “Sure,†Vinnie went on. “Think about it. Double the fun. Why have one bride when you could have more?†He gestured to the spirit form and then to the corpse of Liu Xi Xian. “What about this one, for example? She’s pretty cute. Useful. Trained. And since she’s willingly placed her life and death in my hands I think that means I can do a deal to hand her over to you.â€Â
> >
> > “Vinnie De Soth!†Liu Xi cried out, stricken. Betrayed?
> >
> > Dong-Yuk looked the elementalist up and down, then leered.
> >
> > “What do you want for her?†he asked.
> >
> > Vinnie considered. “Three questions answered from the other side, when I call on you. Answered truthfully and completely.â€Â
> >
> > “One question,†Dong-Yuk answered. “One only.â€Â
> >
> > “Vinnie, my powers aren’t affecting him and you’re about to sell me to him!†Liu Xi shouted.
> >
> > “Well, it’s not like we were really going out, is it?†shrugged the young occultist. “Okay Dong-Yuk, if you’ll agree to it by a formal pact of binding then we’ve got a deal.â€Â
> >
> > “Vinnie, I’m going to get you for this!†warned Liu Xi Xian
> >
> > “Deal,†said Dong-Yuk. His intangible hand passed through Vinnie’s for a moment, and there seemed to be some kind of spark between their palms.
> >
> > “And now I have two women to entertain me for eternity,†gloated Ree Dong-Yuk, preening as he admired his rippling muscles where his rotting skin had suppurated.
> >
> > “Well then,†Vinnie shrugged, “I’ll ask my question and let you get on. And my question is this: How thick would you have to be to let me trick you into binding Liu Xi as your ghost bride?â€Â
> >
> > Dong-Yuk’s rotting face folded into an angry scowl.
> >
> > Liu Xi was way ahead of him. “You said it yourself, Dong-Yuk. You and Min-Jee were bound by contract which made you one. Now so are we. And I’m guessing that means that now my powers will affect you as they’d affect me if I willed them to.â€Â
> >
> > “Yep, that’s the plan,†agreed Vinnie, folding his arms and leaning back against the wall. “Kick his ass, Liu Xi Xian.â€Â
> >
> > “Stupid bitch,†snarled Dong-Yuk, reaching for her. “Come here.â€Â
> >
> > The elementalist couldn’t decide between earth, water, wood, and fire so she unleashed all of them.
> >
> > “Has to hurt,†flinched Vinnie, watching as Ree Dong-Yuk was destroyed.
> >
> > Min-Jee rose from where she’d been cowering on the floor. “Thank you,†she said to Liu Xi. “And you, sir,†she said to Vinnie de Soth. She had her voice now. She was free.
> >
> > She turned to go but Liu Xi stopped her. “Take this too,†she said, slipping off the jacket her ghost form wore.
> >
> > Min-Jee bowed her head and accepted the gift. As she pulled it on it changed into a traditional gown of black and white, transforming the shivering naked waif into someone special and beautiful. She walked towards the glowing mists, and suddenly her eyes filled with wonder. “Oh….!â€Â
> >
> > And then Min-Jee was gone.
> >
> > Vinnie fumbled with the antidote and massaged Liu Xi’s chest until her heart started. He leaned down to perform the kiss of life but Liu Xi’s fingers came up and caught his mouth. “I’m back,†she told him. “You can take you hands off my breasts now.â€Â
> >
> > “Are you okay?†Vinnie asked anxiously as she willed the room to be lit.
> >
> > “More okay than you’ll be after I’ve pounded you for that ghost marriage stunt,†she warned him. “Had you planned that all along?â€Â
> >
> > “That was kind of an improvisation. Sorry.â€Â
> >
> > Liu Xi sat up on Vinnie’s bed and realised that her jacket was rotting away around her. She’d given it to another world. “And you owe me a jacket from your fee,†she told him.
> >
> > Vinnie looked uncomfortable. “Um… do you accept instalments?â€Â
> >
> > A thought occurred to Liu Xi. “How could Min-Jee pay you anyhow? She was a tiny ghost and she’s gone from this world forever now, at peace.â€Â
> >
> > “Er, yes,†admitted Vinnie. “You’re starting to see the flaws in my business plan, aren’t you?â€Â
> >
> > “You didn’t take a fee.â€Â
> >
> > “She needed help, Liu Xi.â€Â
> >
> > “These cases of yours, how many people do actually pay you for your efforts?â€Â
> >
> > “Er… some?â€Â
> >
> > Liu Xi stood up stiffly. The poison was mostly out of her system and would all be gone after a good sleep. “I’m going home now. I’ll be back tomorrow to shout at you some more.â€Â
> >
> > “Okay.â€Â
> >
> > “And then you can take me to dinner.â€Â
> >
> > “Okay.â€Â
> >
> > “And you should get a new mattress, for goodness sake! That one’s lethal.â€Â
> >
> > “Okay. Um, what?â€Â
> >
> > Liu Xi smirked at him. “Live in hope, Mr De Soth. You never know.â€Â
> >
> > And then she too was gone.
> >
> > ***
> >
> > Original concepts, characters, and situations copyright © 2008 reserved by Ian Watson. Other Parodyverse characters copyright © 2008 to their creators. The use of characters and situations reminiscent of other popular works do not constitute a challenge to the copyrights or trademarks of those works. The right of Ian Watson to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the UK Copyright, Designs & Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved. |
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