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[The Scene: The kitchen door of the Lair Mansion, where Kerry and Danny are sneaking in to borrow some Kool Whip from Lisa’s 40 gallon storage tank]
Kerry: See, I don’t need my powers to get you hot in your pants.
Danny: I’d say the same if it turned out you were wearing any, but…
[The Lair Legion jump out on Danny from ambush. *Crunch*]
Kerry: Uh oh. I knew even Vizh couldn’t be that dumb forever. I meant to put on underwear but…
Hatman: Stay calm, Kerry. The situation is under control. We just need to contain Danny Lyle.
Kerry: This is very extreme birth control. Um, Yuki, why are you tasering my boyfriend? That’s kind of my job.
Yuki: You’re okay, Kerry? Did he hurt you in any way? Has he abused you?
Kerry, sulkily: Well not yet. You guys are really putting a dampener on my evening.
CrazySugarFreakBoy!: Okay, Danny’s down. Where are the power-draining shackles?
Kerry: Wow, you guys really go for the kinky stuff don’t you? Did FA set this up?
Hatman: We don’t want you to panic, Kerry. We just need you to step away from Lyle. You’ll be quite safe.
Kerry: Which is more than I can say for you if you don’t explain why the whole field team of the Lair Legion is beating up my boyfriend. Before I ask them to.
The Manga Shoggoth: I was not beating up your boyfriend, Kerry. I was zapping myself with this interesting taser. It tastes like boysenberry.
Yuki: Um, we’re gonna need that taser back in case Lyle wakes up. [Sees the slime all over it] Er, maybe you can keep that one. I have a sonic cannon somewhere that could do just as well.
Kerry: Okay, just warning you all that there’s only so far anger management classes can go.
CSFB!: New Jersey was where the last one you attended finally landed, wasn’t it? But look, we need to talk to Danny about some serious stuff, like where he sent Mr Epitome and why it isn’t my fault.
Hatman: And we need to check you out, Kerry, to see that you’re okay.
Kerry: Hey, if you’re looking for someone to check out, Samantha’s been wanting to give you her phone number for…
Yuki: There’s a queue. No, this is all about your little friend here trying to take over the Parodyverse in a recent crossover. Or did he just think we’d forget about all those worlds he destroyed and those lives he ruined just because his dad pulled a clever retcon?
[Kerry snarls. The refrigerator explodes. Fortunately all the fragments embed themselves in the Shoggoth.]
Shoggoth: Mmm. Salsa flavoured. With a hint of daffodil.
Hatman: Keep calm, Kerry. Whatever Danny’s done to you it can be fixed.
Kerry: Not without extensive and very specialised surgery, I’m thinking. And just when did Danny find time to take over the Parodyverse? I’ve been keeping him pretty busy doing things to me that can’t be fixed.
CSFB!: When he took on the villainous identity of the Moderator, reshaped reality for him to be King of the World, and made innocent happy-go-lucky swashbuckling superheroes into gritty revenge-crazed mass murderers, that’s when!
Kerry: Danny took over the planet? Did he get me a present?
Shoggoth: Technically it may not have been this Danny. But it was a Danny. Maybe more than one Danny. Dannii.
Yuki: You have to trust us on this one, Kerry. As the Moderator Danny was collecting up different reality versions of you and torturing them to death to drain their probability powers to maintain his altered Parodyverse. You should have seen that room of yous all pegged out there, bleeding and weeping. It was like a Goth Emo support group.
Kerry: Well this Danny collected up this reality’s me and took me to dinner and a movie. Okay, the movie was 21 but still it wasn’t actual torture, and the only blood came when that popcorn guy looked at me a bit funny.
Hatman: We can’t take any chances, Kerry. The Moderator was a deadly threat, and now the reality ripple is over we can’t find Mr Epitome.
Kerry: And the downside? I suppose we don’t want Glory upset.
Yuki: It gets worse. Kerry, did you know that Daniel Lyle is the son of… the Hooded Hood!
Kerry: Sure. He told me he was the son of… the Hooded Hood. You didn’t know he was the son of… the Hooded Hood? Because it’s not like it was a big secret he was the son of… the Hooded Hood. Or do you just like saying… the Hooded Hood?
CSFB!: We’re not saying this Danny is definitely the Moderator. But he might become the Moderator we fought. Or he might become like the Moderator we fought. Or worse.
Kerry: Hey, if you try massacring him I’m going to tell my sister.
Hatman: We don’t want to be unfair to Danny but we also have to react to a clear and present danger. We need to find out what happened to Clancy. We need to discover how some version of Danny became the Moderator. Now that we know what Danny can do we need to make sure he never has a chance to do something like that again.
Kerry: That’s still on the supervillain front, right, not the dating? Just checking.
Shoggoth: I’d just like to say… the Hooded Hood. Thank you.
CSFB!: I know this sucks, Kare. We’re gonna have to keep Danny sedated while we figure this out. We’re gonna need to figure out what to do with him, and whether he’s any part of what just happened with Epitome and the alternate realities. We’re gonna need to stop him ever hurting my mom, er, anyone ever again.
Kerry: You want to stop him becoming a big-time world threatening archvillain?
Hatman: Exactly.
Kerry: By jumping him, tasering him, then locking him away in an enforced coma. You think that’s going to stop him turning to the dark side? Really?
Yuki: Depends on the voltage of the taser.
CSFB!: You have to understand, Kerry… some of us remember that other reality. It was brutal.
Shoggoth: And very multi-parted.
Kerry, balling her fists: You know, Danny becoming an archvillain shouldn’t really be your biggest worry.
Hatman: I’m sorry, Kerry. We can’t let Danny just walk about free. Not now we know what he’s capable of, both his powers and his personality. We’re taking him in. You know we have to. We’ll see he gets a fair deal, but the world’s safety comes first.
Kerry: You think? Really? [She flares, as does the Lair Kitchen gas main]
Shoggoth, swallowing her: Ouch. She tastes like overcooked chicken.
Hatman: You know, on the whole this could have gone better.
Yuki: It has to be done. It’s done. Now the worst is over.
Visionary, arriving to borrow a jug of milk: Hey, what’s going on?
Continued?
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