Tales of the Parodyverse >> View Post
Post By
killer shrike

In Reply To
Manga Shoggoth

Subj: Good stuff
Posted: Sat Jan 26, 2008 at 08:53:21 pm EST
Reply Subj: The Moderator Saga: Visiting Time - Another little slice of fun from The Manga Shoggoth.
Posted: Sat Jan 26, 2008 at 06:29:23 pm EST


> The Moderator stormed through the cellars, kicking the assorted rodent vermin out of the way.
> If he had been paying more attention to the world around his feet this part of the story would have turned out differently. But then, that was just one of the differences between him and the Hooded Hood. In fact, when he felt a squelch under his foot he simply assumed that it was one of the vermin who didn't get out of the way in time.
> At length he reached his destination. The shadowy chamber in which his necromancers had sealed the Manga Shoggoth with Elder Symbols, (un)holy water, garic and anything else they could get their hands on.
> "Creature!" he yelled. "I require your services!"
> Do you mind? I was eternally lying! rumbled the Shoggoth from the middle of it's Elder Symbol. And my garlic needs changing. It's gone mouldy.
> "Silence! There is a temporal anomoly in the EEE Firehouse that my minions are too incompetent to remove. I order you to tell me how to remove it."
> There was a pause as the Moderator waited for the reply.
> A very long pause.
> "Speak, you damned creature!" he yelled.
> I prefer "loathsome blasphemous creature", responded the Shoggoth. And you did say "silence". Make up your mind.
> "Well?"
> You could always send me to deal with it... suggested the Shoggoth.
> "How foolish do you think I am, creature? You will stay within the confined of the seal. Now, answer me."
> Well, considered the Shoggoth. I am not really an expert on such things, but in human terms...
> "Yes?"
> ...I think you should be classed as an idiot rather than a fool. Besides, I don't think the pointy hat with the bells would suit you.
> At this, the Moderator lost his temper. He waved his hand in the general direction of the seal in the manner that the Necromancers had described. Immediately the Elder Symbol glowed with a dull, unholy light. The creature within the seal writhed, bubbled and howled in an alarming manner.
> After a few moments he waved his hand again, ahd the seal returned to its original state.
> "Remember the nature of your prison, creature. I could leave you in torment for weeks if you choose to be recaltrant. Now answer: How can I breach the temporal anomoly?"
> There was another pause as the creature settled its bulk. I understand very well what holds me in this cell, brief mortal. As to the anomoly... Well, I could explain, but the last time I explained something like that the physicist I was talking too had to go and have a lie down in one of those quaint little padded rooms you humans build for those who have developed a true understanding of reality.
> "I should sear you out of existance!" spat the Moderator.
> I think if you could do that you would have done so by now. retorted the Shoggoth.
> There was a sound from the corridor.
> "Excuse me, Moderator." said Link from the chamber entrance. "The next batch of ex-world leaders are in your throne room awaiting your judgement."
> "Very well. Link! Try to get some sense out of this creature while I deal with them."
> The Moderator stomped out of the chamber. The Link watched him leave.
> "If I asked why he had what appears to be strawberry yoghurt over his foot, would I regret it?"
> There are some things Man was not meant to know. declamed the Shoggoth.
> Cath Katz faced the unholy creature. "Well, is there a way of removing the anomoly? That doesn't involve being driven insane?" She paused, then added "In return I will forget to mention to the boss that there appears to be a team of mice carrying what appears to be a 5-pack of yoghurt into this chamber."
> There is no way for a normal human to remove it. replied the Shoggoth. But I expect it will go away by itself eventually.
> She smiled. "Thank you for your co-operation." she said, leaving the cellar.
> Yes, mused the Shoggoth. Universes tend not to last too long as a rule. You can come out now.
> The two children who had been hiding behind the biggest statue in the chamber quietly made their way into the middle of the chamber. Magweed immediately started scolding the mice for taking too many chances and being seen, while Griffin addressed the Shoggoth.
> "Doesn't that symbol thing hurt you? That sounded pretty bad from over there."
> It's all right. Those idiots only drew the symbol in the three dimensions that they know about. And that fool of a Moderator is too easily impressed by flashing lights. Magweed, what did you do with the cat?
> "Oh. Well, it's too damp down here, so I put him somewhere warm and dry." she replied. "He made himself a nice little nest in those cushions in the throne room."
> There was a scream in the distance as the Moderator found this out. And also found out that Lisa's cat was not particularly interested in being moderated either.
> "I didn't thing sound would carry that far." commented Griffin.
> I made arrangements. replied the Shoggoth. After all, some things were too good to miss. Now, you had better go back to Lemuria for now - The Dynamic Duo of Darkness and Dominator are coming down to make sure I am still tucked in nicely. I have to make sure that they don't work out that I am not constrained in the way that they think I am.
> "OK." said Magweed. "Thanks for letting us visit. We'll tell Mum that Dad is OK. Well, as OK as can be expected when someone is fiddling with reality. And that she isn't going to have to apply shock treatment."
> The Shoggoth washed over the two children. When Whitney Darkness and the Dominator walked into the chamber, it was all exactly as they expected to see it.