Tales of the Parodyverse >> View Post
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The Hooded Hood doesn't see why Rhiannon shouldn't get two stories, and the Pv shouldn't get a new complication

In Reply To
Hatman

Subj: An Icy Welcome
Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2008 at 10:27:11 pm EST
Reply Subj: "Stick Shift", a tie-in to "Icy"
Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2008 at 01:12:30 pm EST (Viewed 607 times)

Previous Post


Icy

Icy the snowman stepped off the bus in downtown. The snowman had a broom, a scarf and two black coals for eyes. He wandered around the block looking at a map of Parodiopolis. Then, he stopped off at a stationary store and purchased a postcard.

After he purchased the postcard, he scribbled a message on the back. “Dear mom, I’m fine. I’m in the city now.” Then, Icy dropped the postcard in a mailbox.

Icy looked at his map once again as he walked around town. He hailed a cab and got in. He wanted to be taken to the Lair Legion. The cab drove to the Lair Legion. Icy got out and looked up at the mansion.

The cab driver stuck out his hand. Icy dug into his wallet and found a twenty. The cab drove away and Icy walked up to the Lair Legion mansion. When Icy knocked on the door a Hippo opened it.

“Um, I’m looking for Mr. Hatman,” Icy said.

“One moment.” The hippo turned and closed the door. After a few moments the hippo returned.

“He’ll see you now.” Icy walked to Hatman’s office. He opened the door and Hatman waved him in.

“So good to see you uh, Mr. Icy?”

“Yes.”

“I found your ad online.”

“Alright.”

“The kids need a new snowman. Someone crashed their jeep in their old one.”

“I’ll stay through mid-January.”

“That’s great,” Hatman said. He and Icy made their way to the front lawn. “Sometimes the kids like hide and seek.”

Hatman left Icy on the front lawn. Icy stood there and waved at Legionares as they entered the mansion.

***

Maggie and Griffin wandered around the corner of the LL Mansion. Maggie saw Icy and said to Griffin, “It’s a Snowman!”

“Hello,” Icy said.

“Hatman said he got us a new snowman. CSFB crashed into our old one.”

“That’s horrible,” Icy said.

“Do you want to play a game?” Maggie asked.

“Sure.”

“Ok, tag your it.” Maggie tagged Icy. Then she and Griffin ran into the Mansion. Icy followed them. Maggie and Griffin ran into the living room. There was a large Christmas tree still set up.

Icy tagged Griffin. Griffin chased Icy and Maggie out the door and onto the front lawn. Just when they called it quits, Samantha Featherstone walked up the driveway.

“Hey, what are you guys doing?”

“We’re playing tag,” Icy said.

“Oh.” Samantha said.

“Why don’t we play hide and seek?” Maggie suggested.

“Good idea,” Icy said.

“I’ll count to ten and everyone hide.” Maggie closed her eyes and began counting. Griffin ran into the mansion and hid in a closet. Icy hid behind some hedges. Samantha ran into the LL garage.

When Samantha was inside the garage, she climbed into a jeep. There were keys in the ignition. There was a garage door opener on the visor. Samantha pressed the button on the garage door opener. The doors opened. Then, she turned the keys and started the jeep. She put the jeep in reverse and backed out of the garage. She couldn’t change gears, so she kept going in reverse.

Maggie opened her eyes. She saw Samantha backing out of the garage in reverse. She ran towards Samantha.

“Icy, Griffin! Samantha is in a jeep.” Icy came out of hiding and watched Samantha back out of the driveway. He chased after her. He caught up with the jeep and jumped in.

“Can you stop it?” Samantha asked.

“Hold on.” Icy took his broomstick and depressed the brakes. The jeep stopped. Samantha got out. Icy couldn’t drive stick, so he shot out snow from his hand over the brake. Then, he coughed on the snow. The snow turned into dry ice.

After the jeep was stuck there, Icy got out. He went into the LL mansion and told Hatman about the jeep. Hatman took care of the jeep. Icy found a driver’s manual. He gave the manual to Samantha. Then, all of them went into the mansion and drank hot chocolate.

* * * * *


"You guys go ahead, I'll catch up!" Hatman called to the children and the animated snowman as they made their way into the Mansion. He looked at the jeep in the driveway and assessed the problem.

The first part was easy. Using his Miami Heat cap, Hatman slowly melted the dry ice from the brake pedal. He was careful to go slowly as he didn't want to melt any of the jeep's components.

With that taken care of, Hatman replaced the Miami Heat cap with his regular black Hatman cap. He hopped into the driver's seat and did up his seatbelt; even though he was only moving the car 20 feet or so he felt he should set a good example for the kids.

Hatman started the Jeep and put it in gear. He made it about a foot before he stalled out. "No problem, just working out the kinks," he told himself as he started the jeep again.

Hatman tried again, and promptly stalled out again.

"Gah!" he cried in frustration. He undid his seatbelt and exited the jeep. Looking around to make sure nobody was watching, he put on his Pittsburgh Steelers cap and quickly pushed the car into the garage.

Hatman quickly removed his cap, hoping nobody had seen him. "Nice day for a walk, isn't it?" came a voice from behind him.

Hatman whirled around to see Visionary, who had presumably just walked over from his lighthouse. "Uh, hey Vizh."

"Don't mind me. Wouldn't want to stall any of your plans for the day," he chuckled. "I'll just be on my way."

Hatman looked past Visionary at the possibly fake Legionnaire's car. "Umm, Vizh?"

Visionary turned back to Hatman. "Yeah?"

"Is that your car rolling towards the bay?"

Visionary turned to see his prized Pinto rolling down the bank and into the bay.

Hatman couldn't help but grin a little. "Weren't you supposed to get the parking brake checked last week?"

Visionary grumbled an answer in the affirmative.

"Well, I'll leave you to your walk then. Seems like you'll need the practice," Hatman couldn't help but take a little potshot back at his teammate.

Vizh continued to stare at his car sinking in the cold water. Hatman slapped him on the back and pulled his Steelers cap back out. "C'mon Vizh, let's pull it out and we'll get Al to fix it up."

The duo walked towards the car, and Vizh couldn't help but think that wherever Kerry was she was laughing.

~Hat~


An Icy Welcome

Previously:
Icy by Jack; Stick Shift by Hatman




    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Um daddy,” ventured Magweed, peering round the edge of the door to the Lair Office where Visionary was staring vacantly at a pile of Junior Lair Legion application folders. “You know how it’s a well-known fact that griffins are expert at tunnelling through snow…?”

    Vizh’s coffee mug froze half way to his lips. “What?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Sure. Everyone knows that. So if somebody who was really a griffin but was somehow trapped in the form of an eleven year old boy happened to, say, build a tunnel in the snow and then it kind of collapsed on him…”

    Visionary didn’t wait for the rest of the question. He rushed outside to see what was going on.

    Magweed turned to Samantha Featherstone, the girl lurking in the shadows behind her. “How was that?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Very convincing,” approved Sir Mumphrey Wilton’s grand-daughter. “It’s not as if you lied. It was a hypothetical question.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Griffin wouldn’t be in any danger in the snow today anyhow,” Magweed noted earnestly. “Icy would keep him safe. Icy has a good heart.”

    Samantha was already in the Lair Office checking through Icy’s security file and the sensor readings the Legion had taken on the animated snowman while he’d been at the Lair Mansion today. “According to this Icy hasn’t got a heart at all. He’s pure snow all the way through.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I can read hearts,” Magweed insisted. “It was a present from one of my godmothers. I know what people are really like. Icy’s got a heart. It might not be all… meaty and stuff, but it’s big and warm. Not warm to melt Icy. Just warm. Good.”

    Samantha continued speed-reading. “Okay, according to this he’s exactly what he seems to be. Not a Skunk shapeshifter or a Hero Feeder or a rogue elemental or a dark faerie. Not even a mutate supervillain. He’s a snowman. His coal and carrot are part of him.”

    Magweed had already reached this conclusion hours ago, but she knew Sam liked to be methodical. She had to work things through to her own satisfaction. “Daddy and Hatty and the others wouldn’t have invited him to play with us if he was dangerous,” she pointed out. “That analysis stuff is just because Al B. Harper is hiding from Miss Framlicker again.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Could be,” admitted Sam, still flicking through pages. “According to this nobody had heard of Icy until just a few weeks ago.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“He’s new in town,” Magweed answered. “He’s come to the Big Banana to make his fortune.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“By making a career as a jobbing snowman?” Samantha asked. “That’s a bit seasonal. According to this Icy could survive even when the weather turns hot, because he’s manipulating temperature around himself to generate cold weather. He could probably do all kinds of stuff with snow and ice, freeze things, rebuild himself…”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Samantha, he’s not a superhero. He’s a snowman. A good one. Why can’t he just be a snowman who stays to play with us?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You want Icy to stay and play with us?” Sam asked thoughtfully. “Okay. Griffin!”

    Magweed’s brother phased through the wall and became visible, shaking a mound of snow off his anorak. “Yep?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You remember how your Aunt Kerry showed you how to forge your father’s signature? Just put his name here, will you, on the bottom of this file.”

    Griffin obliged. “I’d better get back out there,” he suggested. “I think they’re about to get Glory to sniff the snow-pack for me.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Phase deep,” Magweed advised him.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“And if they ask why you didn’t go intangible and get out, just tell them you weren’t sure which way was up,” Samantha coached him.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“So how do we get to keep Icy?” Mags asked as Samantha left the Lair Office.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Is Hatty still fixing that jeep we messed up?” Sam checked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I think so.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Great,” smiled the English girl. “In that case…” She slipped into Hatman’s office, found his in-tray and located the file she was looking for. “I knew Hallie was putting this together for Mr Boaz.” She slotted Icy’s dossier at the top of the pile, next to Vizh’s statement of nomination.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Now Icy gets to stay and play with us?” Magweed checked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“If we play this right,” answered Samantha with a little smirk. She placed the Candidates for New Legion Membership file back where she’d found it, and the girls crept away.


Original concepts, characters, and situations copyright © 2007 reserved by Ian Watson. Other Parodyverse characters copyright © 2007 to their creators. The use of characters and situations reminiscent of other popular works do not constitute a challenge to the copyrights or trademarks of those works. The right of Ian Watson to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the UK Copyright, Designs & Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved.