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Minions for the Moderator!!!
"So are you going to tell us how you got past our security systems?" Mr. Epitome, the Exemplary Man, loomed over the captive he had set up in the interrogation room, "You obviously didn't will them away, because they're still on line."
From his chair the Moderator cocked his head, "How very observant, cretin. Would only that you and your comrades also have the assiduousness to realize that is only through my command that the Lair Legion, and thus the Parodyverse, can be saved."
"Where have I heard that line before?" the team's deputy leader, CrazySugarFreakBoy! commented as he spun his Wowie-Zowie Yo Yo, "Oh, yeah, from The Hooded Hood, the Parody Master, Pierson's Porter, old Flag Britches over here...."
"Shut up," Dominic Clancy grunted before jamming a finger into the Moderator's chest, "You don't seem to realize how much trouble you're in. We have enough to put you away for a long time."
The man in the purple cowl and black fedora stifled a yawn, "Am I under arrest? If I'm under arrest I'd like to make a phone call."
After several moments of glaring into where he imagined the Moderator's eyes would be, the Paragon of Power flipped open his cellphone, "Tell me the number."
*****
The young woman in the green pastel bodysuit jumped when the phone on the command console began beeping. She put her videogame on pause and answered, "Yes?"
"Link: Plan B," was all the Moderator could say before the line went dead.
"Oh, fudge!" the girl rocketed from her chair and began fumbling to affix her domino mask, "Fudgefudgedoublefudge! Hey, Sig! The Moderator needs us!"
Sigmund the Superlative Simulacrum looked up from his bonsai garden. Using his ham-sized hands to twist the knobs on his chest, he wrote /Which plan?/ onto his flat, featureless face.
"Plan B," she replied, "You ready?"
After shaking his earlier query clear he wrote, /Yes. Wish me luck./
"Good luck," said Link, and she touched the giant, activating her power to teleport others anywhere she had never been to.
Then she started counting.
*****
Mr. Epitome had grabbed Moderator by the lapels and slammed him up against the wall, "Stupid move, scumbag."
"And why was that?" the man asked nonchalantly.
"Who were you calling, and what is Plan B?"
Moderator's voice became even more smug, "I'm not about to start doing your job for you, you hyper-aggressive neanderthal."
"Look, buddy, no one appreciates the old school hero/villain banter more than me, but if you don't tell us what we- Holy Kirby Dots!" CSFB! exclaimed.
There was a flash of light and a pop of onrushing air, and a golem-like creature appeared. It twisted the dials on its torso to write the word /"Yurt"/, on its face, and it instantly transformed into a perfect duplicate of the twenty foot tall radioactive peasant hut. With one sweep of its arms it knocked both heroes through eight walls of reinforced concrete.
"Fine work, Sig," Moderator willed his power restraints to vanish, "Liberating you from the Mad Tinkerer was time well spent."
The android shook itself bodily, returning to its original form. /What should we do about the Legion?/
"For the moment, nothing. I will delete our home phone number from Epitome's cellular phone, in addition to its presence in his own memory. After the trouble started with our visit I have no interest in giving them the opportunity to return the favor. Any future meetings will be done only on my terms."
The was a commotion outside the room as both Yuki Shiro and Hatman arrived to investigate the source of the melee. They found the Moderator and his assistant teleporting away.
"On my terms, Hatman," the villain repeated, and then he was gone.
*****
"Oh my gosh, we beat the Lair Legion!" Link said later, "I can't believe it! Nobody beats the Legion! Not the Scourge, not Proctology, not even the Purveyors of Freakin' Peril! But we did!"
Sig was enthused as well, /We're AWESOME!/
"High five!" the girl slapped hands with the oversized android.
"Such jubilation reveals your simplicities," the Moderator opined from his command chair, "My genius may have salvaged this opening gambit, but our overall goal is still not achieved. The Legion must follow me, worship me. Only then will victory be achieved."
"And how do you plan on doing that, uh, master?"
The Moderator mused for several moments, then commanded, "Search Engineer!"
There was the smell of soot and sulphur as the man with the soiled overalls and conductor's cap sauntered into view. He carried a rusted brakeman's switch in one gloved hand and a lantern in the other, "Yeah, boss?"
"I want you to use all of your powers, all of your skills, to learn the location of that which will allow me to break the Lair Legion. Find it, and I shall be unstoppable."
"OK," the Search Engineer waited for several beats, "Ahm, what is it?"
The Moderator rose dramatically and threw his shoulders back so his coat would unfurl, "I want.... the diaries of Ioldabaoth Winkleweald!!!"
To Be Continued, by anyone other than me, preferably
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