> Hey, kids. Wrote this thing a month or two back for a class and stuff, thought you might like to read it. It's mostly an extended experiment with one speaker and me playing around with what speech looks like on the page. I'm not a big fan of it, but some other folks liked it, so... Here it is. A monologue about a decalogue. Enjoy:
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> Josh closed the door of the confessional behind him and sat down the same way he would on a toilet. “Bless me father, for I have sinned. It’s beenâ€â€oh Godâ€â€I mean, gosh. I, uh, can I start again?â€Â
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> He made the sign of the cross this time, just in case he was supposed to. “Bless me father, for I have sinned. It has been years since my last confession. I have to admit, I don’t remember. I, uh, I guess I’ve committed a lot of sins in that time, but there’s really just a few I want to talk about. I mean, it’s not like the other ones aren’t important too, or anything. I don’t want to give the wrong impression. It’s just, like, I don’t remember all of them, and I don’t want to take up your whole day, or anything. I’m sure there’s other people who want to come in here and get their confessin’ on and stuff. So, yeah.
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> “Should we go down the list? I guess we shouldâ€â€well, I should. The commandments are the big ones, right? Well, it’s not like I have any gods before the Big Gâ€â€but there was a time that I didn’t believe in Him. I guess that means I wasn’t remembering the Sabbath. Not that I forgot the Sabbath, but I guess you figured that much out. Uh… What else. Graven images? Does that one still matter anymore? Iâ€â€oh God, what else? Wait! Right. Name in vain. Oh God, I saidâ€â€oh, Gâ€â€I mean, shit! I meanâ€â€hold on.â€Â
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> Josh wrung his hands and leaned forward, elbows on knees. “Next one down’s parents, right? Great. You’re supposed to honor your parents, and I haven’t. No. Why is it only the parents, though? Can’t you honor your other relatives? Take my uncleâ€â€actually, he’s a priest, too, but you wouldn’t know it from looking at him. My dad always said that Uncle Frank just joined the priesthood to get out of the draft. Maybe that’s true, I dunno, but he’s always been in my corner. I envy him, really. That’s one of the seven deadly sins, envy. Are they part of theâ€â€? Well, whatever. Maybe it’s coveting, too, but that’s skipping ahead. I just wish I had the kind of faith Uncle Frank does. Just to believe in something so completely like that. It’sâ€â€I’ve never had that.†He pretended to scratch his nose in order to give his hands something else to do. “Okay, no. I had that once.
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> “My father was a bastard, and I mean that in the sense that he was a jerk, not an illegitimate child. And I’m not sure how cursing factors into the sin thingâ€â€I mean, it’s taboo or something, but I never really paid much attention to Church law. But more to the point, my dad and I never got along. Sometimes we’d pretend that everything was just peachy, but we were just biding time until one of us exploded again. And I got the hell out of there as soon as I could, and I never saw him again. Uh, he’s dead now, and I didn’t go to the funeral. I felt like I should, but I justâ€â€I couldn’t do it. And I haven’t talked to my mom since. I miss her, but I don’t think I could handle the conversation. I don’t know if she’d even want to talk to me, and it doesn’t matter.†He bit at his right thumbnail. “I don’t want to be my dad. I can see him in me, and it makes me sick.â€Â
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> Josh shifted his weight on the seat. “So that’s that one down, I guess. Um… I haven’t killed anyone. I haven’t committed adultery. I haven’t stolen, either. Not even a pack of gum, I wouldn’t do that. I can’t. Unless it’s a file on the internet or something, but that’sâ€â€I mean, they’re ephemeral, right? It’s notâ€â€I’m not taking things from anybody. Well, okay, I am. But no one gets hurt.
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> “And I don’t lie, or bear false witness, or whatever it’s called. I try to be as honest as possible. Sometimes I don’t bring things up or I talk around things or I stretch the truthâ€â€but I don’t lie. Unless I have to. But I don’t like it. I just don’t want to cause trouble. I don’t want to see anybody hurt.â€Â
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> He took a deep breath. “I hurt someone, though.†He swallowed. “It’sâ€â€I didn’t physically hurt them, or anything. I just hurt them. It was, um. Hrrm.†He cleared his throat. “My heart started beating funny, there. I don’t feel comfortable talking about this kinda thing. But, yeah. So. I suppose this one falls under coveting. It’s my friend’s girlfriend, not my neighbor’s wife, but that’s basically the same thing. She’sâ€â€her name’s Adeline, and she’s the only thing I’ve ever been sure about, even for a second. I didn’t want to hurt my friend, but that’s what happened. I tried to tell her, andâ€â€well, like everything, it came out wrongâ€â€and she told him, and I blew up at them. I saw it coming, and I did it anyway. God put the apple there because he knew they’d take a bite out of it. And I did, and I became my dad. The sins of the father are the sins of the son, huh? Yeah.†He patted his knees. “I guess that’s it, then. Um… in the name of the father, and the son, and the holy spirit.â€Â
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> Josh stood up and pushed his way out of the confessional. On his way out he passed the resident pastor, heading to his first confession of the day.
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> Bill Reed
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