Tales of the Parodyverse >> View Post
Post By
Visionary

In Reply To
Silver Aegis notes this could pass as a Halloween story if you squint at it

Subj: She seems larger. Must have been well fed. Er... Ramona, not the Baroness.
Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 at 09:41:15 pm EDT
Reply Subj: "Sic Semper Baroness!" Part Four
Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 at 12:39:56 pm EDT

Previous Post

"Sic Semper Baroness!" Part Four






Part One

Part Two

Part Three





In the deepest bowels of Schloss Schreckhausen sits a dark, dank hole. Named the Pit of Peril, it has been a scene of innumerable atrocities. It is where man has been set against his fellow man in contests that served no other purpose than the amusement of the monstrous master of the house.

"Yesssss," Baron Ottokar Zemo wrung his gloved hands in exultation, "Break the seals, minions, and cast the gate doors wide! Let that impertinent fool gaze into the abyss, look upon my works.... and despair!!!"

The fool in question, a bound and bruised Silver Aegis, was dragged to the edge and forced to look down into the pit, "A very impressive hole, Zemo, though I doubt its any darker than the one where your Nationalist Socialist heart should be."

"You find it dark, Aegis? Allow me," Otto clapped twice, triggering the cantrip that would cause the torches that ringed the pit's walls to alight.

Baroness Elizabeth Sweetwater Dewdrop Von Zemo stifled a yawn, "Could we forgo the theatrics this one time, Grandfather? I have a virtual world to run."

While Silicone Sally agreed, she kept her own counsel. The pliable personal assistant, having been on the receiving end of Otto's ire once before, and found his method of chastisement exceptionally baroque. So instead she hugged the cerulean shield the Aegis used in his campaign against villainy tighter to her bosom and merely watched as the second actor in the imminent Grand Guignol was brought forth.

Ramona the Tiger Woman had been a attempt by the Baroness to create a felonious feline flunky, an attempt that had missed the mark due to Elizabeth's own inexperience in the Dark Arts. Not so, Otto. Under the Necromantic Nazi's ministrations, Ramona had been transformed into a tawny terror of ochre and onyx striations, so much so that it took Hans, Hrolf, Dolf, and Dolf and four sets of osmium steel nose poles to safely drag her to the pit.

"Ah, Sehr Gűt," the Baron clucked as he admired his handiwork, "It took weeks of undomestication to transform her to this, this savage beauty. Time well spent, wouldn't you say, Silver Aegis?"

Scott Scoggins took note of how the formerly feral Ramona became cowed in the presence of Otto, and the thick spiked collar that seemed embedded in her neck, "You don't want to know what I think, you twisted sadist."

"This is true," Otto snapped his fingers, and Hans dutifully turned over the control module he had been carrying, "though I am surprised you are denying yourself the opportunity for some bold last words."

PUNT!

SHOVE!

Both superhero and tiger woman were cast into the pit. As the Shield Flinger fell he could here Baron Otto say, "Best be ready when you hit bottom, Sergeant. Ramona is genetically disposed to land on her feet. AHAHAHAHA!"

The Nazi's words rang true: Ramona was indeed poised and ready to lunge when the Star Spangled Sensation tumbled to the floor beside her. Her eyes burned with a predator's inclination, and a harsh growl was crescendoing in her throat. But she did not yet strike. Silver Aegis saw a glimmer of hope in her recalcitrance.

"At ease, Ramona. I don't want to fight you."

The tigress blinked, and hesitantly leaned forward to sniff the Aegis's outstretched hand....

KKKRRRRKKKZZZAAACCKKKTTT!!!! Electricity arced through the collar causing Ramona to yowl with agony. All vestiges of composure were gone from the cat woman, and with a snarl she pounced.

"Rolling caissons! If I hadn't dodged, she would have shredded me to ribbons. Wha-Uff!"

WHUD! Ramona's powerful, prehensile tail snaked around Silver Aegis's ankle and tripped him. Again she charged, aiming for the hero's face with her razor sharp claws.

POW! The Argent Avenger knocked Ramona back with a double-handed uppercut to the jaw, but she recovered quickly, "She's too strong, too fast, too consumed with rage," he panted, "Perhaps if I wasn't wounded myself I could end this brawl without hurting her- "

SLASH! Her talons found their mark, gouging livid scars across the Aegis's already scratched chest. He stumbled backwards into the wall of the pit, one arm held protectively across his midsection while the other was raised to defend himself against further assault.

Above, each criminal watched the melee, lost in their own contemplation:



Baron Otto: 'Yes, yes, meine Mörderkatze, flay that insolent do-gooder alive! For once he has passed, I will take his immortal soul and subject it to a battery of torments that would make Torquemada swoon!'

Silicone Sally: 'I don't know if I can stand this.... taking over the world for grins and giggles is one thing, but to watch as Otto's pet commits wholesale slaughter.... is that the type of bad guy I want to be?!?!'

The Baroness: 'dun dun DA DA DA DA DA DA dun dun DA dun....



THWAP! WHACK! SLAM!

"Ramona is toying with me now, batting my body around like a cat does with its wounded prey!" Silver Aegis observed as he caromed from one side of the pit to the other, "If I can't think of some way to subdue her fast I may have no choice but to use lethal force! But she's an innocent pawn in all this; do I have it in my heart to kill her???"

KLONK! was the sound the Aegis's shield made when it landed atop Ramona's head.

"Whoops!" a sheepish Sally blurted, before explaining to the dour looking Zemos, "It slipped."

The Silver Aegis ducked under another strike from Ramona before rolling to gather up his weapon.

SKRIEKT! The tiger woman's claws caused sparks as they glanced off the shield. SKRIEKT! SKRIEKT! SKRIEKT! It's presence protected the hero and afforded him an opportunity to gain a second wind, which he used.

"Even if your creation could defeat me, Zemo, you'll never win. America is used to defeating tyrants like you. Our spirit is too strong!"

BASH!

"It was felt by the frost-bitten fingers of those men and women making camp at Valley Forge!"

SMASH!

"It could be heard at the gates of the Alamo over the thousands of footfalls of Santa Anna's approaching army!"

THOOM!

"It was carried in the winds over Normandy, a mixture of salt air, gunpowder, and human endeavour!"

WHACK!

"It could be seen in the resolve of those who stood up to domestic tyranny in places like Montgomery and Selma, when citizens forced this country to own up to its obligations for all her fellow men!"

KACHUNK! Silver Aegis's final shield strike found its mark on the wobbly Ramona, cracking her collar. The Star Spangled Sensation reached down and pried the bond from the tigress's neck with his bare hands.

KKKRRRRKKKZZZAAACCKKKTTT!!!! "ARRGGHH!" The lightning scoured across the Silver Aegis, and with a THUD! he collapsed, next to his unconscious opponent.

"Nein!" Baron Otto spat! "It cannot be! What will it take to break the man?"

Next to him the Baroness shook her head and opened her cell phone, "I suppose we will never know, Grandfather. It's over. You've had your fun, but I'm afraid the time has come to destroy the Silver Aegis my way."





To Be Concluded!






Glad to see more of the Aegis! A rollicking fight scene in a Nazi death trap is just what the board needed, I think. Ravening tiger women certainly don't hurt either. Well, okay... I'm not the one who was getting clawed up.

It's good to have a raving Zemo now and again, and Otto was in fine form. I also quite enjoyed Sally's second thoughts... we need to see more of her sometime.

I look forward to seeing the conclusion, and Beth's diabolical plan!