Tales of the Parodyverse >> View Post
Post By
Al B. Harper
In Reply To
Visionary

Subj: That Xena DVD sure does get around....
Posted: Sat Sep 29, 2007 at 07:48:55 pm EDT
Reply Subj: Ashes... Another lost passage from the hard drive.
Posted: Fri Sep 28, 2007 at 11:42:45 pm EDT


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> Okay, so this one's not so much "lost" as "rejected". It was started as a follow up to the Hellraisers story, taking place in the days after the funerals for the mansion staff that were killed but before the team headed to Mumphrey's for Christmas. You'll also note that it held the beginnings of the "Vizh loses guardianship of Kerry" subplot that ultimately happened during the "Heart of Darkness" story.
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> In any event, these bits cover Vizh dealing with the loss of his condo. They weren't all that much fun, so I dropped 'em. Of course, I decided to post them here now because, um...
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> Well, let's try not to worry about that too much. It's not like you're paying for this entertainment. Think of it as a fascinating look behind the scenes. Or a look, at least.
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> “I think I found something!” Asil called out helpfully, shifting a blackened and crumbling ceiling joist out of the way. She pulled a wad of twisted plastic out of the ash and soot at her feet and squinted to make out the warped writing on it. “Looks like… ‘Xena: Warrior Princess’, the complete series…”
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> Donar strode over to accept the lump of former DVDs from her, and solemnly removed his helm. “Verily, she didst fight most bravely, with and against warriors with ample cleavage. May she findeth her place amongst the fabled boxed sets of Valhalla.” He tossed the remains into the air and launched it out of site with a swing of Mjalcom.
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> “Touching” Fleabot noted. “Shall we do the same with ‘Baywatch’, or can it be buried in the dumpster behind the 7-11?”
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> Donar considered it. “David Hasselhoff dost make mine teeth itch, yet the buxom Yasmine Bleeth dost seem worthy of an epic poem or two. It be a tough call.”
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> Visionary smiled wryly and turned his attention back to digging through the remains of his life’s possessions. He didn’t begrudge the others their moment of levity… He knew he wasn’t the only one feeling the loss this morning. The condo had been more than just his house… it had been home away from home to the entire League of Regulars, and they had all come here one last time to sift through the remains for whatever recognizable little pieces of the past they could find to cling to and remember.
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> After recent events, he didn’t really expect this to be hitting him as hard as it was. Once the Hellraisers had finally been defeated, Lisa, Dancer and Asil had been rescued (or rather, had suddenly shown up to rescue him) and the Juniors had been returned safe and sound from Ausgard (and Visionary had been convinced to stop hugging Kerry before she died from either asphyxiation or embarrassment), he couldn’t have cared less that everything he owned had been reduced to ash. And as he held Dancer’s hand and looked across at Hallie during the funerals that followed on the heels of his own personal relief, he knew how blessed he really had been.
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> “You’re insured…” Sarah had asked when they first pulled up that morning, surveying the remains of the condo, “…right?”
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> Fleabot snorted. “After the first dozen major catastrophes to befall this place, not to mention the fact that it’s bounced around the Parodyverse more than most Boeing 747s, well… the legal expenses to keep Lisa fighting the insurance companies to prevent them from canceling the policy would have cost more than most 3rd world countries’ yearly budgets.”
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> “Oh” Dancer noted, biting her lower lip and glancing at her sister.
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> “She did really well” Visionary quietly assured both Shepherdson women to head off any guilt pangs. “Kerry saved the entire team… I couldn’t be more proud. Or thankful.”
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> Sarah nodded, but neither of them would match his gaze.
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> “We can always rebuild” NTU assured them. “Why, I have some theoretical ideas for flame suppression systems that I’ve been dying to put to practical use…”
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> That’s when Lisa had started swearing vehemently. Visionary glanced over to where the team lawyer had just finished with a cel phone call. Immediately upon hanging up, she quickly started jabbing the keys, all while keeping up the steady stream of profanity.
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> “Huh” Fleabot noted. “Usually I thought guys had to call her 1-900 number to get that kind of talk.” When Lisa shot a dark glare in his direction, Asil helpfully stomped on the little robot. She rarely needed encouragement anyway.
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> "Ow" the micro flea noted woozily, half buried in the ash and dirt when she removed her foot. "On the plus side, I think the remains of your toaster are down here."
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> Visionary sat on the thick brick wall running along the edge of the Lair Mansion’s east patio and looked down the sloping hillside to waves crashing against the moonlit beach below. The view was deceptively peaceful, and belied the ravages the old building behind him had suffered in the last week.
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> “Not thinking of jumping, are you?” Lisa’s voice rang out in the chilly night air as she strode out to join him.
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> Visionary gave a tired glance down the outside of the wall. “It’s only about a ten foot drop, and these are my sole remaining pair of pants. I don’t need the grass stains, thanks.”
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> She hopped up on the wall, her back to the ocean, and nodded. “Want to talk about it?”
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> “My pants?”
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> “Losing everything you own.”
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> Visionary rubbed his hands together, and slowly kicked a heel against the exterior of the wall. “I didn’t lose everything… Well, maybe what I own, but not what’s important. When I thought… When you and Dancer were taken… and I saw that nightmare where Kerry and the kids were all slaughtered, and then came back to find what had happened to Hallie and Asil…” He sighed and took a deep breath. “After the services for Uhuna and Mindy, Art and Randy… I know I’m lucky. I know it.”
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> “No doubt. Only maybe if you were luckier you’d have a change of pants to your name.”
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> Visionary looked out to the ocean sadly and shook his head. “What kind of sniveling, self-involved little weasel would worry about something like that with what others have gone through? What kind of pathetic, worthless mercenary individual would feel sorry for himself?”
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> “The human kind” Lisa suggested. “The kind that has had a few days to reassure himself that life is indeed going on for him, and that providing for food, shelter and all of that is a part of it. You need to want more than that to be mercenary and self-involved. Trust me, I know the qualifications. I'm a lawyer.”
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> He gave her a weary smile. “I suppose so. It’s… a lot to take in. What comes next in moving on, I mean. When I try to think about it, it gets a little overwhelming. I just want to crawl into bed and forget about it.”
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> “You don’t have a bed anymore.”
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> “Yeah. That would seem to be the flaw in my otherwise cunning plan.”
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> “So leaving aside what comes next, how are you dealing with what came before?” Lisa prodded softly. “With losing everything you had gathered?”
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> “It’s just stuff” Visionary sniffed dismissively. “I’d burn it all again myself to protect the Juniors.”
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> “I know. Doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to miss it when it’s gone.”
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> He fretted a bit with his coat sleeve before answering. ““I had this box of stuff… little things I had set aside from Jarvis, Carrington, Pegasus…” he admitted finally. “NTU scanned the site in more ways than I could count, but it was a longshot definitely…” He looked down at his hands for a moment. “We couldn’t find the wedding album.”
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> The two of them stood there in silence and listened to the surf.
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> "You know..." Visionary said eventually. "You're supposed to be the one to drag me out of wallowing in self pity."
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> "Am I?" Lisa asked. "Why is that? Wallowing in self-pity is a big part of the holidays for a lot of people. Hell, it's even in the Christmas caroles... Here we come a-wallowing, among the leaves so green..."
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> "Was... was that a pun? Did you just try to cheer me up with a pun?" Visionary asked, slightly offended.
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> "What... you want I should waste A-list material when you're going to be all mopey anyway?" Lisa argued. She sniffed. "Now suddenly Mr. Nothing-To-His-Name demands the very best."
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> "That's not true... I still have 18 years of mortgage payments to my name. Then I'm out of debt with a clear credit record.”
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> “Yeah, I think the clear credit ship sailed a while ago, Vizh" Lisa noted critically. "I wouldn’t expect any free calanders from Parodiopolis National for a good long while, and Glory gets more credit card applications than you do.”
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> “She’s very frugal” he agreed. “Alright, so I have no insurance, I have to default on my loan, and my credit is pretty much ruined.”
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> “Plus you’re losing your hair.”
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> The Regular scowled. “What does that have to do with what happened to the condo?”
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> “Hmmm? Oh, nothing. Nevermind. I thought we were playing a different game.”
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> Visionary shot her a dark glance, then went back to studying the shoreline. “So what’s left to drop on me?" He noted shrewdly. "You’re leading up to something else, I can tell. Is it good news or bad?”
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> “Well... that's... It's a tough call, actually…” Lisa joked half-heartedly. She pulled an opened envelope out of her jacket pocket. “A friend of mine at the courthouse gave me the heads up on this… it’s a summons from Family Court. I made some calls to check up on it, and it seems…” she scowled and continued, “It seems Social Services is challenging your guardianship of Kerry.”
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> Visionary’s head snapped up. “Wait… what?”
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> Lisa’s face was impassive, but her eyes were burning as she looked back towards the mansion. “They’re putting forward the case that you are incapable of providing a proper environment for the young Ms. Shepherdson...”
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> “How so?”
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> “The details aren’t really important at this point…”
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> “But you know them” he snapped. “So tell me.”
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> Lisa sighed. “They intend to argue that through a pattern of neglect, financial mismanagement, and “questionable lifestyle choices” you have not only negatively affected Kerry’s development, but outright endangered her health, wellbeing and very life.”
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> Visionary went very pale.
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> “It’s bullshit, Vizh” Lisa whispered fiercely. “Absolute bullshit, and politically motivated by someone up the food chain. And when I find out who it is, I’m going to shred them down to the marrow in their bones. They picked the wrong front to attack us on, I can promise you that.”
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> “What will happen?” he asked quietly.
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> Lisa shook her head in weary frustration. “If I’m wrong… if this is all the result of some overeager public busybody, then I should be able to contain it and straighten it out with a minimum of fuss. If it’s not… If the motivation is less than honest… It’s going to get worse before it gets better. A lot worse.” She looked like she could spit. “That “questionable lifestyle choices” bit sends up all sorts of red flags. Things could get very public, and very brutal. I’m not sure how far it could go.”
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> “…To Kerry” Visionary clarified. “What will happen to Kerry?”
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> Lisa looked at him apologetically. “They would have moved to remove her from your home first, if it wasn’t already a smoking crater. Since she’s already there, she’ll be temporarily confined to living with her sister… at least through the initial court appearances. There’ll… probably be a restraining order limiting contact between you two.”
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> “And if we lose?”
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> “I… can’t say for certain. Deportation, most likely.” She put a hand on his shoulder and leaned against him. “It won’t come to that. Ever. I can keep the government’s hands off of mutant terrorist speedsters and ferny dictators of rogue nations. Don’t lose one wink of sleep thinking I can’t keep a single troublemaking teen from being shipped back to Ireland.”
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> Visionary nodded. "Do you really think Kerry is less trouble than mutant terrorists or rogue nations?"
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> Lisa chewed her lip for a long while. "I should probably get some better puns prepared."
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