Previous Post This story was originally supposed to be a 3-parter.  Unfortunately, as much as I wanted to try and save it, it looks like the entire thing is flawed.  Part 2 is now removed, and Part 1 will be deleted separately.  I don't think there's any way I can salvage it aside from a complete rewrite from Part 1, and I have no clue how to approach the core story now.  So as far as I can tell at this point, the whole story and its core concept are no longer salvageable and are dead. I started writing it two Untold Tales ago.  That means even if I manage to find inspiration it's going to take me a couple more weeks to catch up now.  I'm sorry to say that I'll have nothing to post until then besides one lone World Class chapter.  Which is not nearly as popular, but it's all I have right now. On a personal note it's both depressing and discouraging.  Yes, I know it's my own fault, and that's exactly why it awakens doubts about my ability to write in a shared environment, or at all for that matter.   Maybe I don't have the rhythm or understanding to do it anymore, or maybe I should expand my own cast and concentrate on that and the occasional tie-ins (which admittedly aren't doing too well either).  I like writing, but when things don't go smoothly I have to wonder if I've "lost the touch" and I'm just stretching to avoid going idle.  Maybe I like what I write because of the human tendency to prefer your own work out of pride even if it's drastically inferior.   I'll still be around, but I'm not sure how much or if I'll be writing, depending on whether I can find the inspiration and cast to work with. P.S.  I'm leaving this here for commentary for a couple of days before I remove the thread entirely.

Having opened the window for this story before you erased it, I had a chance to read it. I thought that both chapters of this story had some very good stuff in it, especially in the interplay between Yuki and Chiaki, and some obviously problematic stuff.

One was the past continuity... It was established long ago that Visionary is tied into Akiko's crime family, and as recently as Naari's abduction as an infant (before anyone even knew Griffin existed), Vizh and Akiko were allies in fighting Camellia and trying to get her back. Vizh has called on Akiko's help, and vice versa, multiple times throughout the years. Add to that the fact that targetting the children is a hugely provocative act, one that the LL cast isn't likely to forgive and let go, and Akiko kidnapping his children for any reason raises a number of questions.

Being continuity issues, however, this isn't as hard to overcome. It simply means that there is a need for a stronger explanation behind the actions, and is something that could have easily been incorporated into part 3 if you wanted the story to stand within continuity more firmly.


As for how Akiko was portrayed, I tend to agree that she didn't seem like the dangerously intelligent leader of a criminal underworld. The feedback you have gotten in this regard seems to have rattled you the most, making you question whether you should continue to write with other people's characters. Certainly you should. If you're concerned about how you treat other characters, then the simplest rule to follow is to treat guest stars like guests... As their "host", you should try to make them come off as well as possible. The easiest way to do this is to reinforce their established "role" in the Parodyverse, and to have the character provide significant aid to your own. If the guest star is a villain, then the point should be to reinforce the threat that this character poses.

Finally, the story raised some red flags because, at the end of Chapter 2, it seemed to make a rather large change in the status quo (although this is something that could quite easily have been reversed in Chapter 3). The general rule here is pretty simple... If you're going to use someone else's concept, you simply need to put it back the way you found it when you're done with it. If you'd really like to make a lasting change, then you should run it by the character's creator beforehand. This is just a common courtesy to avoid derailing anyone else's long-term plans. I happen to have some for Akiko, and shrike was currently in the middle of a story about underworld figures grouping together to take her on. Obviously, if Akiko had already been taken down in this story it would seem to cause some conflicts in how those other stories would have to unfold.

While these guidelines may at first seem somewhat limiting, I'd say they're really not too terrible... Especially if you look at the sheer amount of lasting change Vizh and my cast have gone through in stories that included other people's characters.


I can understand if the feedback you've gotten on this one has killed off your enthusiasm for finishing it, although I think that's a shame. I definitely, however, think you shouldn't give up on writing in shared continuity or in mixing your cast with others. I also encourage you to collaborate outright with your fellow writers more... It's very rewarding, and does not lessen your co-plotter's enthusiasm to read the final result when the story is complete and posted. Some of my favorite Untold Tales plots involved some level of participation on my part beforehand.