The Baroness, Part 61a.


It started as a typical morning at Schloss Schreckhausen. The Baroness was lounging in the solarium, sipping Blue Mountain coffee and nibbling on Frau Zuckerwolken’s apricot strudel. To her right and slightly behind her, an orange and black-furred cat girl sat at a small table with a glass of water and a laptop.

“Ramona,” the Baroness intoned, “stop fussing with your fur and give me my appointments for today.“

“Yes, Your Excellency. But do you remember that question I asked you yesterday? Please?”

Beth thought for a moment, and drawing a blank, took another bit of apricot strudel. When the pastry gave her no clues as to what Ramona had had in mind, she upped the ante and took a large sip of the Blue Mountain. “Ouch!” She turned to her new assistant. “I’m sorry, it slipped my mind. What did you want to bother me about?

The cat girl leaned forward and a pleading look spread across her furred face. “It’s just that, I mean I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but this internship, it’s not, well, it’s not your fault, but it’s not very educational. I mean, I’m really just your secretary. And I realize unpaid internships are the only way to get noticed for a job nowadays, but I get the feeling . . . .”

“Yes?” the Baroness leaned toward Ramona with a touch of tacit menace.
“Well, Your Excellency, it’s just that, it seems, well, the only things I’m learning is how to order people around when you have lots of money and power. And how to send them to the dungeon. I suppose those are useful skills when you are a supervillain, but they don’t really look good on an entry-level resume.”

Baroness Zemo lifted her eyebrows a tad and cocked her head. “But this is fantastic experience. Byrne Community College says so. They’ll put it on your transcript.”

Ramona looked dubious. “They’ll put anything on a transcript. My best friend Ronnie is working at Starblecks as a barista and they’re putting it on her transcript as an applied chemistry internship. But the important thing is she’s at least getting paid for it. I know this, you were very clear about it, is an unpaid internship, but wouldn’t it be better for me and you if you paid me? Then I wouldn’t be wasting time looking for your leftovers and sneaking into the kitchen for milk.”

“Nonsense,” the Baroness riposted. “Internships are a way to show how resourceful you are. If anything, I should take that water glass away to see how much you really want this job.”

“So,” the tiger-striped cat girl almost mewed, “you still aren’t going to pay me?”

“Of course not,” Elizabeth huffed. “This experience is priceless. And you have to admit you have no work experience at all, except for those three weeks at the Slopp-Burger place. You should be grateful that I’m willing to let you intern for me at all. After all, think of all the other college students and graduates that would love to have this internship."

Ramona cringed. “Yes, of course, that’s right, Your Worship, er, Highness, er, Imperiousness. And I really appreciate the opportunity you are giving me. I mean, I’d work even more hours, if you wanted me to.”

“Not just yet,” the Baroness intoned in a haughty voice. “If you want to work more for me, even for free, you have to prove that you are really qualified. And stop licking your paw, I mean, your hand. You have no reason to be nervous, so long as you please me.”

Ramona jerked her head away from her left hand and looked pleadingly at her employer. “Yes, ma’am. It’s just that, well, aside from that stupid question I had, that I’ll never ask you again, I’m just – I know I shouldn’t be, but I’m a little hungry. I only had cereal for dinner last night and the box was empty this morning.”

“You should plan better,” the Baroness chided.

“I realize I don’t deserve to be paid, but could I have some of the extra pastry and coffee? It would really help me concentrate on my work.”

The Baroness feigned consideration for a moment, and then sorrowfully replied, “But then you wouldn’t have the full educational experience of learning to budget your money and plan your meals. I couldn’t undermine you that way, Ramona. You should use this to learn to rise above that kind of petty problem.”

“Yes, Your Excellency,” moaned Ramona.

Playing the part of Baroness Elizabeth Zemo von Saxe-Lurkburg-Schreckhausen as Scrooge:

J. Jonah Jerkson
VOICE OF THE PEOPLE