Adventures in Parodyverse: Snowed In Part 1


    Yuki Shiro passed by a tall window on the way to a meeting she organized at the Lair Mansion.  It was snowing hard and fast out there as one of the northeast winter storms blew into town, darkening what was left of the afternoon daylight so it looked like night.  She sighed, and turned the corner.

    She strolled silently but confidently into the windowless, wood furnished and carpeted, Lair Legion meeting room.  Unusually, she was dressed in a purple and black full motorcycle racing outfit and boots, because it was warm, and she had hoped to go out before the storm, to no avail.  She glanced around at the attendants, her purple hair displacing slightly with each quick turn of her head.

    She invited everyone, and the room was very full.  So much so, that each of the attendants sat close together.  This meeting, she told them, was urgent.  And in case that wasn’t enough incentive, she threatened to hunt each of them down and bring them to the meeting if they tried to dodge it.

    Nevertheless, there was one notable absence - Hatman.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Where’s Hatty?”  CrazySugarFreakBoy! asked right away.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’ll get to that in a minute.”  Yuki promised.  She leaned over the table and began skidding small cards across the smooth tabletop at each one of the attendants.  Each was roughly the size of half a business card.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“These are our new Lair Legion Comm-Cards,”  she announced loudly, getting the attention of anyone who was playing with cell phones or talking.  “I’d like you to note the size, or lack thereof, and the quantity.”

    There was some looking around the table, and murmuring as it was realized there were way more cards than actual current Lair Legion members.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“What’s going on, Yuki?”  CSFB! asked, his usual excitement muted with a little worry.  “And where’s Hatty?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“We’re restructuring.”  Yuki glanced to her left, where Al B Harper and Hallie were sitting beside each other.  “I’ve discussed this with Al, Sir Mumphrey, and Hallie.  Sorry you weren’t involved, Dream, but we had to do this fast, and we couldn’t reach you at the time.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“S’Ok, but the curiosity is killing me,”  he said.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Current Lair Legion members will now be founding members, according to the original charter of representation from unique families.  Sir Mumphrey, Al B Harper, Hallie, CSFB!, Donar, Dancer, Vinnie, Liu Xi, and Manga Shoggoth.”

    The amorphous blob lying atop the table bubbled approval.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“But as you can see, everyone in this room has been issued a card.”

    Lara Night looked up from her slouched seating position and took her suede strapped boots off the edge of the table long enough to snatch the card right beside her.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You’re all members now.  There are no reservists or associates.  Sir Mumphrey?”  She then sat down.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Right.”  Sir Mumphrey stood, and held his smoking pipe as he started to stroll around the room.  “It’s quite simple, really.  I’ve been pondering this a long time.  Mr. Foxglove had a strong point when he briefly considered open enrollment.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Woohoo, I was right!”  CSFB! reflexively announced.

    Mumph loudly cleared his throat, and then continued.  “Some of our reservists and associates have proven to be even more capable, or more powerful than our core members.”

    He looked directly at Lara for a moment when he said that, raising an eyebrow as he did.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“So it simply seemed ridiculous to continue on with a method where there is a favored core of regular members, and a staged response, where alternates would only be called in the case of a particularly grievous threat.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“The short version,”  Yuki stood and continued, “Is we’ve adopted a first responder system, similar to the way police and fire crews operate.  Hallie will be able to determine your locations, and weigh your capabilities in an emergency, and dispatch according to distance, travel speed, and need.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“That sounds great and all, but where’s Hatty?”  CSFB! repeated.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hatty--”  Yuki sighed, and sat back down.  “He was running himself to an early grave, between this and the Foundation.  I confronted him about it early this morning, and I asked him to make a choice before he kills himself.  He chose a life of charity and faith.  He wants to become a pacifist, and...I gave him the excuse.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“A pacifist?”  CSFB! sighed and shrugged.  “I guess that sounds like him.”

    Yuki nodded sadly.  “Maybe he’ll...change his mind later,”  she added with a shrug.  “In the meantime he left me in charge.  If there are no objections?”  She looked around the table warily, hoping she wouldn’t have to fight for it.

    CSFB! shook his head.  “I had my fill of leading,”  he said.

    Sir Mumphrey simply leaned back and smiled.  Al B Harper was nodding slowly and doodling, and the Manga Shoggoth bubbled some more.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“It’s partly my fault,”  Lara Night finally piped up.  “Because of what happened last night at the prison.”

    She thought she was making an offhand comment that nobody was really listening to.  But the reality was, everyone had heard rumors about it, and they were all eager to hear more.  When she looked up from playing with her Comm Card, everyone was staring at her, waiting.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I did something necessary,”  she began.  “Awful, but necessary.”


---


    Last Night

    Lara Night was thankful she wore her black costume with white stripes as she strolled down a hallway at the most dangerous prison in Paradopolis.  The lights were out in that wing, and her costume’s muted colors didn’t add any of its own.  Her boots were soft, and flat-soled, and didn’t create any noise above that which the prison generated itself.

    The alarm that announced the initial escape attempt had ceased sounding almost as soon as she arrived.  Combined with a lack of activity in the extreme-security wing, it meant a prison-wide lockdown.  No guards were permitted there during a lockdown, to avoid hostage-taking from occurring.

    She walked past many cells, taking note of which ones were locked.  That was most of them...which meant that the entire jailbreak alert was due to one, single, very dangerous prisoner.  And she was alone there, the only one summoned, due to the fact that the emergency had been downplayed as minor.

    Lara felt thankful that Yuki Shiro, the Lair Legion strategist, was suspicious about the information given during the call.  The purple-haired cyborg sent Lara knowing full well that there was extreme danger, and that the blonde may be the only one powerful enough to handle it.

    As she rounded a corner, there were bodies.  Guards, prisoners, several of them killed indiscriminately.  She knew she was close.  It was so creepy, because they were killed bloodlessly.  Instinctively, she raised a bubble of energy around herself, sealing out any dangers that might come.

    Another corner, and there were holes in the wall and floor.  Very large holes.  Even creepier, because those holes led to nowhere.  Not a dead end, but a blackness so pure that it was as if the sparse lighting in the hallway stopped at the hole’s edge.

    Then she was suddenly face to face with death.  Or that was the best way to describe the one person she hoped would never escape from this labyrinth of dungeons.

    She narrowed her eyes and frowned, steeling herself as she saw the man turn around.  Someone I should have killed the last time, she thought to herself.

    Lara learned to do that long ago, when she was a teenage superhero.  To kill when necessary.  Not without thinking about it, so much, but she was not prone to hesitating to the point of placing herself and others in mortal danger.

    And that was her one advantage.  This man knew her affiliation with the Lair Legion.  He took advantage of it last time, appealing to them not to let her kill him...because he saw the look in her eyes, and he knew she would.  She would, because she knew what was in his mind, and that was one thing: extermination.  To toy with his victims, and then kill them horribly, one by one.  Because she was not afraid, she was the one person he feared.  

    Doorman turned around, and his face drained of all color.  He said just one word:  “Shit.”

    And then he raised his hand in a desperate attempt to open a ‘door’ in Lara’s heart, to kill her before she could turn on him.

    The energy shield around Lara fizzled and sparkled with tiny lightning bolts, but it would not break.  She felt a ghostly hand trying to reach into her rib cage though, and that focused all of her anger, as she clasped her hands together.

    She wanted to say something clever, something like, no one will save you this time.  But she was completely enraged at the deaths of dozens of prison guards and prisoners, and she could not separate her clenched teeth to speak.  Instead, soundlessly, she pointed her tightly clasped hands at the center of his chest.

    The hallway lit up with a brightness and sound that sounded less like intangible energy than a chorus of cannons going off all at once.

    Doorman looked down, through the hole in his own chest where his heart was a moment ago, and saw it smoking on the ground in front of him.  He did something unexpected then...he smiled, and gave a half-chuckle before flopping over on his back.

    Once the guards realized that it was all over, a big, heavy metal door at the end of the hall slid upward.  That metal door had been protected ages ago by Xander to prevent prisoners from teleporting through it.  Lara was only able to enter because the door was made of metal.  She became energy and simply conducted through it to the other side.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“What did you do?”  the Warden asked.  “You weren’t authorized to assassinate him.  You were supposed to neutralize him and lock him back up.”

    Lara sighed, and started walking away.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hold on there,”  the Warden pushed further as he moved toward her.  “I can’t let you go, Miss Night.  I’m sorry, I’m afraid I have to take you into custody, and charge you for the murder of Doorman.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Don’t touch me,”  Lara warned angrily as she wheeled around.  Then she calmed herself a little.  “You want to charge me?  Look around you, all these people dead.  How are you going to explain it to their families?  You called me to do what you’re afraid to do, and now you want to charge me?  You’re a coward.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Listen, lady, you can’t call me a coward in my own prison.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I just did,”  she growled at him.  “You’re a coward.  I’m leaving, go be a coward by yourself.”

    He stepped toward her again, but it was too late.  She vanished in a bright flash of light.


---

    
    Now

    As Lara completed her story, Sir Mumphrey had a knowing glint in his eye.  This was more than a logistical excersize, bringing all these people into the fold of the Lair Legion.  It was protection, for the present, and for the future.

    Yuki spoke again before anyone had a chance to comment.  “Look, guys, I know you have varying thoughts about what Lara did and how it affected Hatman’s decision.  For now I’m going to ask you to keep them to yourselves.  Lara was kind enough to attend this meeting even though she was too depressed to get out of bed this morning.  So let her work through it, and we’ll deal with it again when she’s ready.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I agree,”  Sir Mumphrey agreed.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Me too,”  CSFB! added.

    Al B Harper simply shrugged.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“See, the founding members thing is working already,”  Yuki commented happily.  “Enjoy your new cards and status, everyone.  Meeting adjourned.”

    There was a mass shuffling and murmuring as people began to stand and leave the room.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Oh, one more thing,”  Yuki called out as they were leaving.  “There’s a pretty dangerous storm out there, there’s a city curfew for a reason.  So stay in the mansion if you can.  We will help with emergencies in the city, of course, but if we try to patrol the streets in this weather, we’ll just be creating more emergencies of our own.  Stay safe, let the civvies work if we can.”

    Once she had stopped talking, the only ones left in the room were Yuki, Lara, and Sir Mumphrey.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I...guess I should go talk to Hatty,”  Lara admitted quietly, still seated and fidgeting with her Comm Card.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“He’s not mad at you,”  Yuki told her softly, and sympathetically.  “More like you shocked him into deciding something he’d been thinking about for a while.  And maybe my little speech to him gave him a little nudge, too.  Maybe you...and me...changed him for the better.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“A beautiful woman has a way of doing that to a man,”  Sir Mumphrey added a comment.

    Lara flickered a weak smile briefly, and finally stood.  She looked down at the Comm Card.  “Thanks for this, by the way.  I know I turned down membership a few times, but that’s because I didn’t want to be promoted alone.  I didn’t want all the pressure on me.”

    With that, Lara vanished in a flash of light, her unique transportation ability sending her to speak to Hatman without tangling up the city’s strained transportation.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yes, thanks for this, indeed,”  Samantha Featherstone chimed in.  She had been hiding behind Sir Mumphrey, unnoticed.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Don’t get too happy,”  Yuki told her, “Hallie still has to get Mumph’s approval before sending you off anywhere.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I know.  Still cool though,”  the young girl gushed as she raced out of the room.

    Now the room was down to just Yuki and Sir Mumphrey, and Yuki sighed like she had been trying hard to put up a front and stay brave.  “You really think I’m ready to do this leadership thing, Mumph?”

    He raised an eyebrow, and fidgeted with his smoking pipe.  “I believe you already have.”  He winked at her, and then strolled slowly out of the room.

    Yuki looked around the empty meeting room, and smiled to herself.  He was right.  Her first meeting was a success, and everyone left happy.  Except for poor Lara, maybe, but she had some things to work out that the purple-haired new leader could not help her with.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hey, um,”  CSFB! asked, sticking his head over the edge of the doorway, “What’re you planning to do since we’re all stranded here for a while?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I dunno,”  Yuki shrugged.  “Kill time, I guess.  Storms like this kind of suck when you’re single.  They’re boring.  Why, you have any ideas?”

    Dream entered the room quickly, moved very close to Yuki, and whispered something in Yuki’s ear that would have surely gotten him in trouble with Sir Mumphrey if Samantha Featherstone had even been in the next room.

    Her response initially was to lean back away from him, and give him a really cold stare.  “Seriously?”  she asked him.

    He shrugged.  “It was worth a shot,”  he sighed.

    She sighed, and remembered what she said about storms being really boring.  Lowering her voice, she whisper, “Yeah, okay, but not that last part.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Cool,”  he beamed, and marched out of the room ahead of her.


TO BE CONTINUED?
    


-- Story written and copyrighted (C) 2013 by Jason Froikin, and may not be 
--    reprinted without permission.