Adventures in Parodyverse: Adventure in Babysitting Part 1


    Faite was surprised when she left her private school to see a bright yellow Lamborghini waiting outside. It stood out spectacularly even among the other expensive cars owned by parents of other students, so she already knew who it was before she even approached.

    Half-amused, Faite opened the passenger side scissor door upward and climbed downward into the seat, holding her backpack on her lap. There wasn’t much in the way of storage in there. The driver’s samurai sword was wedged in between her seat and the center console.

    Chiaki Bushido looked at her. “I assume you knew it was me, you would definitely know better than to climb into a car with a stranger.”

    Faite smiled and shut the door.

    The Asian then started up the engine with a roar, then revved it high and left the school behind with smoking tires.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I didn’t know you had one of these,” Faite noted.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I don’t.” The Samurai smirked. “I just picked it up today for Akiko. Tomorrow I drop it off at the paint shop. She wants it pink.”

    Chiaki was careful not to breach the latest painful subject for Faite. She lived at either the school’s dorm or the Lair Mansion now. The reason why was beyond Chiaki’s human abilities to solve; it was in the realm of cosmic beings.

    Dark Thugos, the Destroyer of Tales, had the job to put an end to things that were aberrations in the Parodyverse. He did that job well, because he refused to allow petty things like emotional attachments to affect his judgement. And with that cold efficiency he removed the family that Faite had carefully engineered for herself from existence.

    Faite was livid. She cried, and swore revenge against Dark Thugos. It was Lara Night who convinced her that was a useless course of action. Being someone who faced Dark Thugos herself, she warned Faite that he would not feel her outrage or anger. He would instead revel in it. If she went for revenge, he would welcome it, and thrive upon it.

    So she swallowed that anger, and found fortune in the fact that the school she chose was also an orphanage; it so was now her legal residence. She did, of course, spend nights and days at the Lair Mansion when she could. While normal students weren’t allowed that luxury, Chiaki Bushido being a trusted member of the school’s staff and Faite’s mentor and guidance counselor afforded her much more flexibility.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“How come you offered to pick me up?” Faite asked, sensing that the Samurai had an alternate motive.

    And a slight laugh told her she was correct. “Yuki has something for you to do,” was all Chiaki said.

    Then they were at the Lair Mansion. Chiaki stepped out of the car. Faite followed suit, and just then looked at the door - Yuki was in the doorway, waiting.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“What’s with the Lamborghini?” Yuki asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“It’s Akiko’s,” Chiaki replied quickly. “I’m taking it to the paint shop straight from here.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Pink. Right.” Yuki guessed with a nod. Not being Hatman, she didn’t even flinch at the idea that Chiaki still associated with a known gangster. Hatman was worried about that kind of evil being a bad influence on someone like Chiaki; Yuki suspected much the opposite, and she respected that.

    Faite looked back to see Chiaki climb back into the car. Then she looked at Yuki. “What did you need me for?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“The perfect rite of passage for any teenage girl.” Yuki explained. “You’re going to babysit.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Babysit who?” Faite looked confused. “There aren’t many children here. Dream’s kids? Al B Harper’s?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Visionary’s.” Yuki told her. Before Faite asked the next question, she explained further. “Visionary has to go and straighten out a diplomatic mixup. Anna is going with him in case someone tries to kill him.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“On a diplomatic mission? Why would anyone do that?” Faite asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Because he’s negotiating with the Z’Sox.” Yuki replied. “Actually, they threatened to kill him the last time he was there, and also his children. He’s going there to negotiate a settlement.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“His children?” Faite caught on to.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah.” Yuki sighed. “See, that’s why you’re the ideal babysitter. The Z’Sox are the best intergalactic giant spider assassins there are. I promised Visionary I’d find the most powerful being I can to watch them.”

    Faite smiled. “You really do have confidence in me.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Mmmhmm.” The purple-haired Legionnaire nodded, but she didn’t say that both Lara Night and Lisa already turned her down, and Nanny Greenwood was busy with Samantha Featherstone. “You’re perfect. Cosmic being, and also a teenager. Follow me, they’re inside.”


---


    On the way through the Lair Mansion, Faite realized just how serious the situation was that Yuki seemed so calm about. There were two unusual things to tip her off.

    On the way in, Sir Mumphrey’s office was occupied by a green skinned woman she’d seen before, but wasn’t familiar at first. Then she realized that she didn’t recognize the woman because she was fully clothed, in a sweatshirt and jeans, and she seemed miserable in them.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“What are you doing here, Gamona?” Faite asked her.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I owed Chiaki a favor,” the professional assassin grumbled. “Almost turned it down, but the Z’Sox sound like a challenge.”

    Yuki whispered to Faite, “I didn’t like the idea much either, but Chiaki begged me to let her prove herself. Something about forming a relationship of trust.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Oh, stop whining, nobody paid me to kill any of you.” Gamona rolled her eyes and sat back down on Sir Mumphrey’s couch.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Whatever.” Yuki commented.

    Just as they started walking again, Faite looked out a window into the courtyard and recognized the silvery shuttle owned by Shen Rae parked there.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Visionary’s ride to visit the Z’Sox,” Yuki explained. “We asked a favor of Shen Rae in case the whole negotiation is a trap. Parked it there so it can’t be seen from outside the mansion. If something goes wrong, that’s his escape plan.”

    Faite then stopped. “What about Vinnie’s exiled family, and the demon they summoned? What if they have the bad timing to come back in the middle of all this?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“That’s why we called in all these guys, because it’s not our usual thing.” Yuki replied. “The Lair Legion are standing by for that and all the usual emergencies, like returning evil family, and demons. We’re trying to handle as much as we can without being spread too thin.”

    Finally, Yuki arrived at a door which Faite remembered was the Lair Mansion’s living room. It was a large, carpeted room with a television, its own bathroom, games, and lots of seating. It was perfect for keeping two children busy.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I guess there’s a reason you’re in charge of strategy,” Faite noted as she entered.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Faite’s watching us?” Magweed asked as Visionary entered the room with her, Griffin, and Anna. Visionary was dressed formally in a suit. Anna was dressed entirely in a black track suit - Yuki apparently decided that made her look more mysterious and threatening.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Why, don’t you like her?” Visionary asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“We like her.” Griffin replied. He smiled and looked at Magweed, sharing between the two of them that they liked better than Faite let them get away with all sorts of things.

    Visionary started to become wise to that. He eyed them both and said, “Wait a minute, why do you like her so much?”

    Shen Rae chose that moment to lean into the doorway, implying it was time to go. “Are you ready Visionary?”

    His train of thought was broken, because the short space alien Captain was in a white body-hugging flight uniform that looked like leather, but was instead some kind of exotic synthetic. She even wore gloves, and of course, that usual handy silvery bracelet that could possibly be turned into anything. Her red hair and eyes really stood out against the suit.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I asked if you were ready,” Shen Rae repeated.

    Then Anna poked him hard in the shoulder.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Ouch! Oh...yes, I’m ready. Let’s go and get this over with. I hate spiders.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Don’t say that anywhere near the Z’Sox.” Anna scolded him.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I won’t,” he agreed sheepishly.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Wait, wait, I have a gift for their leader.” Yuki called after him as he started following Shen Rae down the hall.

    Visionary turned around, and Yuki offered him a huge fly swatter.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Very funny,” Visionary mumbled as he continued on behind a giggling Shen Rae and Anna.

    As soon as they were gone, Faite shut the door and picked up a magazine. Then she paused, and turned around to see the two kids staring at her. “You two want to explore under the mansion, don’t you?”

    They both nodded.

    And with a mischievous smile, Faite answered, “Okay.”


TO BE CONTINUED...


Story written and copyrighted (C) 2011 by Jason Froikin, and may not be reprinted without permission. Yuki Shiro designed by Jason Froikin, based on designs by Masamune Shirow. Liu Xi Xian and the Psychic Samurai are original design by Jason Froikin. Lara Night is an original creation by Jason Froikin