Adventures in Parodyverse: Bathtubs and Ninjas, Part 1


    The Psychic Samurai lifted up the ninja sword handed to her by Hatman, and she read the inscription on its handle.  She held it for a few seconds, trying to concentrate, and he wondered why.  Vinnie De Soth, Lara Night, and Yuki Shiro  stood by and watched.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“This is Chinese.”  Chiaki indicated.  Then she alleviated his worries by added, “Don’t worry, I can still read it.  But there is some significance to it being Chinese.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Which is?”  Vinnie De Soth asked.

    Chiaki looked at him and lowered the sword.  “You should know.  Where do you shop for many of the ingredients for your spell packets?”

    Vinnie sheepishly replied, “Chinatown.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“That’s where we go, then.”  Hatman concluded.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“That’s where Vinnie goes.”  Lara corrected.  “People who sell that stuff are very secretive.  They won’t even talk to you unless you have a connection to them.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“She’s right,”  Vinnie agreed.  “They only sell to me because I had this letter from Xander that I gave them.  They start getting silent and suspicious if I even have Liu Xi with me.”

    Chiaki continued on.  “The sword itself was hand made in China to imitate a Japanese sword, except the text is in Chinese and the metal is not the same as the kind used in Japan.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Can we go there and find out who commissioned it?”  Hatman asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“It’s hundreds of years old,”  Chiaki replied.  “The maker is likely dead.  However, because it’s so old, it was probably recently stolen from a collection.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“We’ll check the police reports,”  Yuki suggested to Hatman.  

    Then the purple-haired Legionnaire turned her attention to another topic.  Faite had finally arrived, so Yuki pulled a small tub out of a cooler full of dry ice.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“This is the frozen yogurt?”  Faite asked.  She looked into the tub.  “And you wanted me to taste it?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I thought if you did you might be able to tell us what kind of curse is on it,”  Yuki said.  “It turns people into demons after a while.”

    Faite nodded.  “I don’t need to taste it to figure that part out.  Someone put demon blood in the mix.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“That’s so gross.”  Lara Night commented.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Just a tiny drop.”  Faite failed to reassure her.  “Demons were human once, their souls succumbed to a curse.  Through their blood, the curse can be passed on.  But only if it’s fresh.  Someone figured out that freezing a drop into a frozen yogurt mix keeps it from drying.  Pretty clever, really.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I guess all we need to know is the who and the why.”  Yuki noted.  “We’re going to the police station anyhow, so we can interrogate the yogurt vendor.  Lara, we’re going to need you for that.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Me?  Why?”  Lara asked.

    Yuki smirked.  “Because I liked your interrogation method.”

    
---


    Lara Night strolled into the police station a short while after Yuki Shiro and Hatman.  The blonde was dressed in civilian street clothes - jeans, short boots, and a tee-shirt.  There was some strategy in that - in case the police decided to stonewall the well-known and uniformed Lair Legion, a semi-anonymous blonde requesting help might get further.  If there was cooperation, and the split plan was no longer necessary, Lara could rejoin the other two.

    Yuki Shiro wore a leather jacket, boots, and leather pants that let everyone know she arrived on a motorcycle.  Hatman’s costume looked simplistic by comparison.
    
    Chiaki wasn’t present, she chose to begin her own investigation elsewhere to cover as much ground as possible.  Vinnie was on his way to Chinatown.

    When Lara arrived, she discovered that the elaborate planning wasn’t really necessary.  Detective Vicky Cameron was speaking with Hatman and Yuki, and showing them a file about a break-in at a traveling Asian exhibit at the local museum.  She was curious, too, why it was stolen, because the sword was relatively not very old - only a hundred years or so compared to items thousands of years old - and therefore comparatively not very valuable.

    And they also learned that the yogurt vendor that had been arrested earlier had vanished from custody.  Unfortunately that meant the interrogation was a bust for now.
    
    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Oh well,”  Yuki suggested with a sigh.  She was looking forward to that interrogation.  “Let’s go to the museum.”


---


    Vinnie De Soth opened the door to a smoky eating establishment in Chinatown, carrying a package.  He wore the suede jacket given to him by Liu Xi Xian.  Just behind him was Liu Xi, in jeans, and a sweatshirt with the hood pulled over her head.  

    Usually bringing someone along raised suspicion among his spell material suppliers, and made them resist questioning.  This time, however, it was a calculated risk - he was deep in Chinatown, where all the signs were only in Chinese, and very few of the residents and shop owners spoke English.  Plus Liu Xi’s elemental power came in handy if he needed to make subtle threats.

    And finally, while his usual purchases were fairly simple to ask for - he knew the recipe, and just needed ingredients - this time, he had to actually had to explain something intangible.  That made things difficult with the language barrier.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Ni Hao,”  Vinnie presented his usual greeting to an elderly, graying Chinese man sitting casually at one of the tables, appearing to be a customer.  He bowed, and then politely sat down in one of the chairs across from him.  Liu Xi copied him, bowing and then sitting down without speaking.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I brought my friend here because I have some questions to ask, if you wouldn’t mind answering.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Tea?”  the old man offered him.

    He nodded.  “Yes, please.”

    Liu Xi nodded too, and the old man poured her cup of tea first, and then Vinnie’s.  Without hesitation, she picked up the cup and tasted the tea.  It was a matter of tradition and trust to do so.

    Once the old man was satisfied that both of them tasted the tea, he looked at Vinnie.  “Your question?”

    Vinnie carefully unwrapped the package, wrapped in black felt fabric.  Inside was the sword the ninja who tried to assassinate Hatman left behind.  “There is a spell attached to this sword--”  He realized the old man didn’t understand, so he looked at Liu Xi.

    The Chinese girl, in a whisper, translated what Vinnie meant to say into flowing, flowery Chinese, prefixed by a pleading for the man to offer his vast knowledge on the subject and assist them.  And then she smiled, and waited for an answer.

    Just as Vinnie expected, the old man looked nervous, and reluctant to answer.  But he had a secret weapon.  He brought a beautiful girl with a beautiful smile with him.  Before he answered, Liu Xi took the sword from Vinnie with two hands, and passed it to the old man.

    Since he was a little shaken by now, the old man couldn’t figure out the right words in English.  Instead he spoke to Liu Xi quickly in Chinese.  Vinnie waited patiently for her to translate.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“He says this is a very rare spell,”  Liu Xi told Vinnie, while keeping her eyes on the old man in case he spoke again.  “He says it can only be done by a...um...sorcerer?  I think.  A man who has power...magic...in his soul.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Someone who’s born into it.”  Vinnie guessed.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yes,”  the old man confirmed.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“So there are no ingredients?”

    The old man shook his head.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Do you know who might be able to cast a spell like this?”

    Liu Xi quickly translated.  The old man responded, and Liu Xi almost laughed when she translated his response.  “He said...the Sorcerer Supreme would know.”


---


    Yuki Shiro, Hatman, and Lara Night crammed into the back seat of a taxi together, on their way to the museum.  They were sitting close together, so Hatman sat in the center, closer to Lara.  He was more used to being in close quarters with her.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You liked her, didn’t you?”  Lara asked him.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Who?”  Hatman responded.

    Lara ignored his attempt at pretending not to know what she was talking about.  “Vicky, the cop.  You were listening so intently to her.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I was conducting an investigation, of course I was listening.”

    Lara shoved him into Yuki gently.  “Oh stop it, I know the difference.”

    Hatman turned to Yuki, who was clearly amused at the antics but wasn’t saying anything.  “What?  You agree with her?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah, you were kind of...flirty back there.”  Yuki admitted.

    Hatman sighed and shook his head.  “She was smart...kind of cute,”  he admitted.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I knew it.”  Lara teased him.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“But,” he quickly interrupted, “She also has quite a potty mouth.  It’s really a turnoff.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Whatever.”  Yuki randomly spoke up.

    Hatman leaned toward the front seat and asked the cab driver, “Are we almost there?”


TO BE CONTINUED...


Story written and copyrighted (C) 2011 by Jason Froikin, and may not be reprinted without permission.  Yuki Shiro designed by Jason Froikin, based on designs by Masamune Shirow.  Liu Xi Xian and the Psychic Samurai are original design by Jason Froikin.  Lara Night is an original creation by Jason Froikin