“GAHHH!!!†Visionary screamed in shock upon stepping out of his front door. It wasn’t the heat of the massive sun hanging in the sky that shocked him so, or the otherworldly architecture of the alien city that rose around him. No, this particular panicky scream was most likely due to the 300 ft. drop where his front doorstep should have been.
“Yikes†Joan Henry stated as she quickly clamped a huge metal hand onto his coat and hauled his teetering form back inside the doorway. The robotic bodyguard then leaned her steam-powered bulk over and surveyed the view downwards to the somewhat crumpled stone walls of a small Caphan palace on top of which Visionary’s charming little light house now nested. “Looks like Al’s equations are still a bit off, huh?â€Â
“Gah!†Visionary repeated.
“To be fair, this does seem to be Caph...†Fleabot noted from his customary sidekick spot on the hyperventilating Regular’s shoulder. “So considering the sheer number of lightyears and all, and the fact that the Emir’s Palace is within sight right over there across the city, I’d say the dimensional wheel in the basement turned us up fairly close.â€Â
“I nearly died walking out my front door!†Visionary argued. “I don’t think that’s quite close enough!â€Â
“Oh, like that’s the first time that’s happened†Joan noted. “Shake it off. Remember, on this planet you’re the great and terrible Master of the House of Visionary, the Terran Ambassador representing the entire Solar System. It doesn’t look good if you wet yourself before the scheduled meet and greets.â€Â
Visionary was not terribly reassured that the head of his household security and personal bodyguard for this excursion was quite so cavalier about him plummeting to an ignoble demise, but he supposed the huge robot had a point. He checked his watch. They were supposed to take part in an arrival ceremony in 5 minutes. “Right, so... now what?â€Â
“Is that one Odoona?†Joan asked, jerking a thumb downward.
Visionary carefully leaned over to peer down to the courtyard far below where a voluptuous green figure in a shimmering metal bikini top was jumping up and down and waving up at them. Odoona was always an impressive sight, but Visionary wasn’t sure if it was this particular viewing angle of her or simple vertigo that was making him dizzy. She was flanked by a scowling Caucasian man in a dark blue, conservative suit as well as a half-dozen other young Caphan women only moderately less impressively endowed than herself.
“See?†Fleabot said. “And you were worried you wouldn’t have anything soft to land on.â€Â
A quick search of the lighthouse interior found that the door to the basement utility room had somehow aligned with the door to a storage room in the palatial estate directly below the formerly-Earth-based structure. As they stumbled out through sacks of spun Eulav wool (already beginning to trigger Visionary’s allergies) they met up with Odoona’s party coming up from the courtyard.
“Lord Visionary!†Odoona gushed with a radiant smile, her chest heaving from the rush up the stairs to meet them. She bowed low which did little to take his attention off of her chest. “Welcome, Master Ambassador. It is an honor to have you in residence, and we hope that your Embassy meets with your approval.â€Â
Visionary blinked, looking down over the tower wall upon which his lighthouse perched and out across the lush courtyard and fountains below. “Wait... you mean, this whole palace is Earth’s Embassy?â€Â
“Guess we don’t need to worry about getting parking ticket for that thing†Joan noted, pointing a thumb above them.
“It is really quite ingenious of you to place your Lighthouse atop the Embassy walls†Odoona assured them. “Having one of the tallest spires of the city is a strong symbol of status here. We had not yet had time to erect one for you.â€Â
“An erection towering hundreds of feet into the air is a status symbol on a male-dominated planet?†Fleabot mused. “Who would have guessed?â€Â
Visionary was still trying to take in the opulent surroundings. “How did we afford all of this?†His eyes went to the grumpy looking man in the blue suit. “Did the US government pay for this?â€Â
“Yes, the State Department felt the best use of US taxpayer money was to build you a statuary fountain detailing 72 different sex acts†Chauncy Deveux answered with a scowl. “It’s all in my reports.â€Â
“Er... yes... your reports†Visionary said. “Quite extensive, as I recall. I may have missed that page.â€Â
“It was an entire subset of the housing provisions and expenditures section.â€Â
“Right†the Ambassador agreed. “Fascinating stuff. Uh... Perhaps we could give a brief summary for those members of the team that didn’t make it all the way through the fourteen-hundred page document?â€Â
“Of course, Master Ambassador†Odoona responded brightly. “Quite simply, in accordance with Caphan traditions, various lands and holdings of the traitorous houses were seized following Kiivan’s return to the throne, and these were then redistributed among those who stayed loyal to the Emir.â€Â
“Always good to be on the winning side of things†Fleabot noted. “But doesn’t that leave a fair amount of fallen houses sporting hefty grudges?â€Â
“As befits the leader of a great house, you have accumulated a great number of enemies who have sworn bloody vengeance upon you†Odoona assured the Ambassador, raising her perfect chin line smugly.
“If you think that’s good, just wait until more of them get a chance to know him†Fleabot noted.
“Well, um... I’m sure we can work it all out when we meet with the Emir†Visionary suggested hopefully, trying hard not to look too closely at the statuary fountain itself as they made their way across the courtyard. Even peripherally there were some puzzling bits of posture among the figures represented that suggested that Miiri had sheltered him from some of the more advanced sections of her particular art form. “We’re here to be diplomatic, after all.â€Â
“Diplomacy is Visionary’s middle name†Fleabot assured Chaucey.
Odoona’s perfect brow furrowed as an eyebrow raised. “I thought Lord Visionary only had one name?â€Â
“I lied†Fleabot answered. “As Vizh said, we’re here to be diplomatic... so we all should probably get used to doing that.â€Â
to be continued if people are interested...
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