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Post By
L!

Location: Seattle, Washington
Member Since: Sun Jan 04, 2004
Posts: 1,038
Subj: The Ham-Tastic Adventures of Ham-Boy #11
Posted: Wed Nov 24, 2010 at 03:17:46 pm EST (Viewed 546 times)


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At the top of one of Goth Haven's highest skyscrapers is the former headquarters of their most famous resident Super Hero teams: The Wonderful Seven. But when the Government deemed the team a group of terrorist that sort of breaks up a team. Now the top floors of the tower mostly remain empty, there is no one there to use except for the Team's former leader: Jet Starscream. But this is because he built the floors in the government buy out of the team's property & holdings. It was on the few things he kept.

Today, the penthouse is hosting auditions. It's not for a new version of the Wonderful Seven, it's for Dancers!

In a large room, at one end were a few tables. At the Tables were Jet, a few people from his Museum (The Jet Starscream Experience) & a few people from the JSX Gala planning committee.

The short, balding gentlemen seated next to Jet leaned over to Jet as a small group of women in unitards all danced before them & said. "Now Jet: We not here to audition for your next sexual conquest. He are here to find dancers for the Gala. Ok?"

Jet smiled & replied. "Why can't it be both?"

The man lean down back & groaned a bit. After the dancing had stopped, Jet stood up & clapped.

"Nice work, ladies." He said. "You all did great. Now if you'll just wait in next door while go through the rest of the applicants. We've got water & other refreshments laid out for you there."

The gaggle of ladies all ran of the room. Once they had left, another person at the table asked a question. "Uh... Jet?"

He turned toward the voice to see who it was. It was a member of the JSX Gala committee. "Yes?"

"We've been at this for sometime & there is other stuff that needs to done for the Gala. It's in a few days."

"Yes. I know that." Jet said with a hint of anger in his voice. "If you need to go off & do other things: ok. Go do them. But this is important. These dancers are a major part of the opening of the Gala. They have to be perfect."

The short, balding man (who happened to be Jet's manager) loosened his tie a bit & wiped his forehead with his handkerchief. He pattered Jet on the shoulder as he sat down.

This caused Jet to whip his head around & looked at the man with a look of death. Jet's eyes wearing glowing red, just like they do before he uses his heat vision.

"What?" He asked angrily.

"Jet. It's me, Marty. Calm down. We're all under a bit of stress."

The red glow faded from Jet's eyes. "I know. It's just that this years has to be the best year."

"It always does & always is." Marty said with smiled.

"Thanks." Jet said & then motioned for the next group of dancers to come in.

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Elsewhere in Goth Haven, down in the waterfront in one of the various warehouses there is a meeting of the Disgruntles.

"Ok, to go over this once more: At the JSX Gala, we will be Waitstaff." Robert Crunch (The Evil Captain Crunch), leader of the group said.

"What about Auntie Freeze & Grammar?" Amy Leonard (Kitty Boom Boom) asked.

"What about them?"

"Well... Auntie won't make that great of a waiter since she'd spend most of her time asleep & Grammar doesn't look human so... uh.."Amy said as she stumbled over her words looking for the right ones.

"That is already. Ms. Poliduski & I will not be attending this activity." said the humanoid mass of letters & words.

"Yes. I never expected them to come with us. It's just you, me & Dr. Cox who are going out on this mission."

"Isn't Ham-Boy also going to be there?" Amy asked.

"Yes. Yes, he is." Crunch said with a smile on his face.

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In the basement of the Ballard Community Center, there was another gathering taking place. It was not one of villains but of heroes. Every third thursday of the week, a few of the Super Heroes around Goth Haven get together to hang out for a few hours. They might go on patrol afterwards or might just go out to local bar afterwards (The bar option is more often the case).

There came a knock on the door & from inside the room came a slightly annoyed voice. "Occupied! I think there is an empty room down the hall."

When the door opened, the person was taken back at who was there.

"Ham-Boy? What are you doing here?"

"It's the third thursday of the month."

"Yeah but your member of the Lair Legion. I thought you'd be hanging out with them & not us losers. No offense guys."

There were nods around the room that no offense was taken.

"I was a member of the Lair Legion Junior & I still with you guys. So what makes you think just changing team is going to make me stopping coming here?"

"Well, personally if I made it on the Legion I'd never step foot in the building ever again."

Some of the replied in similar fashion.

Ham-Boy was speaking to the de facto leader of the group known as The Good Humor Man. He was clean shaven man, his sensibly black hair was slicked. He had a white dress long sleeved shirt on with a black bow tie, white dress pants & black patten dress shoes on. He had a black leather belt on with a shiny metal belt buckle it was of his initials (GHM).

Ham-Boy had seen his Ice Cream Truck parked outside. GHM was one of the first Super Heroes he meet when he came to Goth Haven & he was the one who invited him to these meetings.

"Well, personally I feel better here then at the Mansion half of the time." Ham-Boy said.

"I guess I can see that." GHM said as he looked around the room.

Ham-Boy took a sit on one of the grey metal folding chairs.

GHM looked at his watch & then around the room. "I think this about who'll we'll get. I got word that Hill Billy & Milky are out of town, last I heard they were out on I-666 near the radioactive wasteland fighting off some type of Grass Monster. I'm not exactly sure where Purple Sunshine & his girlfriend Mary Jane are, probably got high & forgot. So this is about everyone for tonight."

Ham-Boy looked around there was other five people in room.

"So, it's that time of the year again. Anyone get invited to the JSX Gala?" GHM asked.

There were shakes of the heads no. Ham-Boy slowly raised his hand.

"You got invited to the Gala?" voice said from behind Ham-Boy. He wasn't expecting that & it kind of scared him.

Behind him was a person, they had come down from the ceiling & were sticking to the wall.

"Jimmy! Stop doing that." Ham-Boy scolded him.

"Sorry." Jimmy said as he unstuck himself from the wall & took a sit in a chair near.

Jimmy's recently acquired lizard powers are still freaking HB out.

"So, you got an invite to the party?" Jimmy asked.

"Yes."

"Of course you did!" Good Humor Man said angrily. "I bet the entire Lair Legion is going."

"Hey! As far as I know I'm the only one of the Legion who got invited. I'm not even sure I'll go."

"What?" said Lee, the only non-super hero there. He's the sidekick/helper for a super hero: TroutTrout. He was next to Lee, he was in a bowl of water wearing his typical Elvis inspired jumpsuit.

"Me & TroutTrout have tried to get into that thing ever since Starscream started up that thing. I have a tux just hanging in my closet & if I don't wear it soon: it'll be too small."

"I didn't ask to be invited. I think the only reason I got asked was that a bumped into Starscream while out on patrol."

There wasn't any responses to that comment. So, Ham-Boy asked another. "When was the last time any of you went out on patrol?"

"My Mom doesn't let me go out late on school nights." Jimmy said.

"Ok. What about you, Lee? When was the last time you & TroutTrout faced off against Shakeweight?"

"A few months. He's been unusually quite recently."

"Then shouldn't you guys be out find out why? Because didn't the last him he was quite He blew up a piece of Detroit?"

"Yeah!"

TroutTrout started to gurgle in his bowl.

"GHM, when I came to Goth Haven you were out all the time. Now I hardly ever see you. What happened?"

"My Hip. I broke it when I was chasing down a punk."

"What about the Popsicle Kid?"

"He's off at College & we don't really talk anymore. The only time he does call is when he needs some money."

"ok. Is your hip fixed?"

"No. Got it replaced." GHM said with a smile.

"Cool. What do say we end the meeting early & go out on patrol?"

The group all gave a resounding yes.

"Jimmy, is that ok with your Mom?" Ham-Boy asked.

"She's out of town this week!" Jimmy said.

"TO THE ICE CREAM TRUCK!" The Good Humor Man yelled & the group all ran out of the room.

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At the Airport, a flight from Los Angles has just arrived & one of the passengers is on the phone.

"No, Keeley. You can't leave the condo. I don't care what reason you have: You can't leave! No, you can't have someone over! You can leave the house is a week. The Doctors' said it would be ok in a week. Ok? Good. See you went I get back." the passenger said.

He hung up & sighed. He has a mission to accomplish & it starts with getting an invite to one of the most exclusive parties of the year.

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TO BE CONTINUED IN THE HAM-TASTIC ADVENTURES OF HAM-BOY #12 "GALA-VANTING"!

COMING SOON!


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FOOTNOTES:


At the Skyscaper: The Wonderful Seven were the super hero team based out of Goth Haven & were lead by Jet Starscream. They made most if not all their appearance in the Semi-Transparent Lad series. They were disbanded during the SR1066 event a few years back.

At The Warehouse: The Disgruntles, one of the various villainous organizations that oppose Ham-Boy. The membership is as follows:
- Robert Crunch, a.k.a. The Evil Captain Crunch, has no known powers but claims to be the evil brother of the breakfest cereal icon & team leader.
- Doctor Peter Cox D.D.S., a.k.a. Dr. Peacock, is a Dentist with the tailfeathers of a peacock & the deputy leader of the team.
- Amantha "Amy" Leonard, a.k.a. Kitty Boom Boom, is Dr. Cox's receptionist & the weilder of the Atomic Exploding Cats which she flings at people using her Catapult.
- Ivana Poliduski, a.k.a Auntie Freeze, is an eldery Polish woman with Ice based powers.
- Grammar is a free form poem given life during a science experiment gone wrong. He looks like humanoid jumble of letters & words.

At the Community Center: The Ballard part of Goth Haven was first introduced in the Semi-Transparent Lad series since that is where the main character lived & worked. All the heroes mentioned/presented here are all character I created years ago but never really did anything with. Most of them had mad background appearance in my stories but that was about it. The Good Humor Man was a character I created & in an early draft of the Ham-Boy character they were to have worked together but I didn't do that. The Popsicle Kid was a character I just created & thought It would work with the story. Hill Billy & Milky are a dynamic duo of a super powered Hillbilly & his cow sidekick. Purple Sunshine & Mary Jane are Hippie with light based super powers & his non-powered girlfriend. "Jimmy" is Jimmy The Lizard Boy who when he was created was a kid who really like Lizards & didn't have any powers. In thinking about reintroducing him I've aged him a few years & gave him lizard based powers. TroutTrout is the ManMan of the Fish world & Lee is his Knifey. This story make the first mention of their foe The Shakeweight!

The Ham-Boy/Jet Starscream Connection: the meeting HB keeps referring to happened in the story entitled "Hometown Heroes".

At the Airport: This makes the 3rd appearance of Jerry, the agent for Keeley Montgomery. She was the person on the other end of his phone call. The flight was mentioned last issue. The first appearances of both of them was in Ham-Boy #8.




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