It was Tara Kerylak’s first day of work at Jim Henry’s coffee shop. The young brunette from Demoine had moved to Gothametropolis to pursue an economics degree at the University of Gothametropolis.

    She didn’t have to worry about paying rent in GMY as she had an aunt who was putting her up free of charge. Still, Tara had taken a barista position at the coffee shop to have some spending money and to help defray student loans. She had experience as a waitress working in a café back home that had helped her to get the job at Jim Henry’s.

    As emergency workers zipped up the body bag Tara had been placed in the manager of Jim Henry’s realized he didn’t even have Tara’s aunt’s name or number to give her the news of her niece’s death. The paperwork still sat on his desk waiting for Tara to fill it in on her lunch break.

    The front end of a Toyota Camry had smashed through the front window of the shop, kicked aside by the Obliterator robot as it rampaged through GMY. The vehicle had struck Tara even as she shoved an elderly customer to the ground, saving her life.

    The manager sat at the counter in shock as a paramedic looked him over. He didn’t need the television in the corner to tell him the scene in his shop was being repeated throughout GMY’s Market District.

* * * * *

    Citizen Z looked at the destruction around her. She had been a part of many battles in her time, but when going up against a threat of the Obliterator’s magnitude she was used to it being with allies in the Lair Legion.

    She knew the Abandoned Legion was not what they appeared to be. She had infiltrated the group at the request of Akiko Masamune, disguised as Citizen Z to protect her real identity and Akiko’s interest.

    The difference between a team of, if somewhat unorthodox, professionals like the Lair Legion and a group of villains masquerading as heroes was evident in the carnage that encompassed the Market District. Had she known the team was going to be dealing with threats like this she might not have agreed to Akiko’s request.

    The puple-clad adventurer ducked into an alley and lifted her full face mask to vomit. The stench of death was starting to overtake Miller street and it, along with the magnitude of the situation she now found herself in, was too much.

    Out on the street she heard Hatman begin a press conference. She had long suspected that Hatman was not truly the one behind the Abandoned Legion, and the fact the man in the ball cap and cape was stopping to address the press when work remained to be done confirmed it.

    Chiaki Bushido wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and pulled her mask down. She swore to herself she would see the imposter exposed, but for now people needed her help.

* * * * *

    Dave Small had been a paramedic for twenty four years, and there was very little he hadn’t seen during his time on the job. He could still remember the chaos of the Parody War; he had been on scene during several skirmishes involving the Lair Legion and the Parody Master’s forces.

    The Obliterator’s rampage was rather small in comparison to the planet-wide siege that Earth had gone through at the hands of the Parody Master, but the destruction was similar. Over his radio he had been informed that this was not the Lair Legion battling the Obliterator, but rather a new team calling them selves the Abandoned Legion, as declared by a burly blonde woman with a ponytail.

    Having seen both teams in action, Dave couldn’t help but notice this Abandoned Legion did not take the steps to protect the public that the Lair Legion always did. If he didn’t know better, he’d think they didn’t really have the public’s best interest at heart.

    He knew that was ridiculous though; why would a group of superhumans put their lives on the line against a cosmically powered robot if they weren’t out to protect the public?

* * * * *

    Hacker Nine didn’t stick around for the clean-up. The Obliterator had been stopped, and he wanted to be sure that Galactivac, the Cosmic Death That Sucks, could be diverted from Earth to another planet.

    He felt uneasy about leaving so quickly, especially after Premiere and Sersi had taken off in the middle of the fight. He didn’t even know Premiere was alive again.

    Zach Zelnitz made a note in his datapad that after he had found a suitable snack for Galactivac that he would have to take a look for the supposed Legionnaire’s who had escaped into the blackness of space.

* * * * *

    Tiberius Strongman didn’t live in Gothametropolis. The ten year old boy, who hated his name and went by ‘Ty’ instead, had traveled into the city with his mother for an orthodontist appointment. He hated going to the orthodontist, but he did look forward to getting lunch at Burger Clown afterwards.

    That plan had gone out the window when a man in purple and white had slammed into the front end of their mini-van. The muscular man had pried himself loose as his mother screamed, then lifted the vehicle with his bare hands and hurled it at a building. It was only then that Ty realized it was not a building, but rather a giant robot; it was so big they couldn’t tell what it was until they saw it move.

    The van crumpled against the nearly impenetrable shell of the robot, and fell unnoticed to the ground. The robot had moved on, with the superhumans battling it not noticing, or caring, about the occupants of the van.

When Ty had regained consciousness later, he managed to wriggle free of his seatbelt and scrambled out through the shattered passenger side window.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Mom!” he cried out, hoping his mother had freed herself as well. He couldn’t bring himself to look into the van, so he just stood next to it crying out for his mother. “Moooommm!!!”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’ve got you son,” said a strong voice as a set of weathered hands embraced the boy. The man could see through the window that the boy’s mother was dead.

    Ty’s rescuer reached into the van to pluck the woman’s purse from where it had landed on the dash, slung it over his shoulder, then picked up the boy. He would need the identification inside to find the boy’s living relatives.
    
    As Ty continued to cry for his mother Reverend Mac Fleetwood picked him up and hurried him towards one of the makeshift medical camps that had been set up. Tears streamed down the Reverend’s face as he swore to himself he’d see Ty looked after.

* * * * *

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Please, one at a time,” Doorman smiled a charming smile. “Let me explain everything.”

    Inwardly Doorman was very pleased. The Obliterator had caused more damage than he could have hoped, and the death toll was very pleasing. He hadn’t expected Harvester or Anvil Man to get involved, but he could turn that to his advantage.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hatman, one of your teammates referred to the team that stopped the Obliterator as the Abandoned Legion. Is this the first step in CrazySugarFreakBoy!’s announced Lair Legion expansion?” asked reporter Tyanna Wain, who was at the head of the media scrum.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“An experimental expansion, yes,” agreed Doorman.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Experimental?” noted George Carson of PTV. “Does that explain the presence of known supervillains Anvil Man and Killer Shrike here today?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yes, it does. CrazySugarFreakBoy!’s plan is an ambitious one that will require many, many superheroes. Unfortunately that many superheroes do not exist, so the Legion has begun to look at utilizing supervillains with service in the Parody War as potential recruits,” explained Doorman.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hatman, can you comment on the massive property damage and loss of life here today? Why didn’t the Lair Legion respond?” prompted Julia Plummer from GMChannel.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“The Lair Legion cannot always be in two places at once,” said Doorman. “The presence of Premiere and Sersi was considered to be sufficient Lair Legion representation on the team.” He looked around with a thoughtful look on his face. “Obviously we were wrong.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Why was Killer Shrike seen on television demanding help? Why didn’t the Legion step in then?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Killer Shrike was training to be the field leader of the new team,” said Doorman. “Unfortunately he panicked and rather than consult with the Legion directly he made his impassioned plea over the television. I am currently on leave from the Lair Legion’s field team, but I got here as soon as I heard about the Obliterator’s rampage on the television.”

    Doorman could see Tyanna Wain on a cellphone, and the shocked look on her face confirmed that her station manager had received the package he had sent. He could barely contain his grin as Wain quickly shoved back to the front of the scrum.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hatman, I have just received a tip that the Abandoned Legion has been identified as the perpetrators of the recent rash of gangland murders in Gothametropolis. Were you aware of this?” she asked as the other reporters reacted with a mix of shock and anger at being scooped.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“This is the first I’ve heard of it, “ Doorman said with a grim look on his face. “Obviously Killer Shrike and Citizen Z need to be detained and questioned about this immediately. “ He scanned the crowd and saw Killer Shrike prying loose a crushed car door to free the occupants inside.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Oh look, there he is now.”

* * * * *

    [This section by J. Jonah Jerkson]

From the Parodiopolis Daily Trombone:

An Editorial

By J. Jonah Jerkson, Editor and Publisher

Sinister Tidings from Gothametropolis York

The campaign of Mayor Velma Klein of Gothametropolis York against the mutant menace continues to lose ground. After an initial legal success in barring the assortment of spies, drones and ne’er-do-wells known as the Lair Legion from GMY’s struggling precincts, Mayor Klein has found that exiling one group of superpowered menaces only allows others to establish themselves. Thus it was that the “Abandoned Legion” has taken root in GMY, composed of evil mutants supposedly rehabilitated by their questionable service in the Parody War.

After a few initial forays calculated to make casual observers believe that this Abandoned Legion was battling GMY’s resurgent racketeers, the inevitable occurred: like iron filings to a magnet, a cosmic evil was drawn to battle the posturing “heroes.” This time, it was the Obliterator, who promptly decided to stomp out the super-parvenus and, in the process, do a backhanded obliteration of GMY along the way.

Worse, a pair of former Lair Legionnaires seized the opportunity to sneak back into GMY and display their indifference to its difficulties by adding to the devastation. We had thought we had seen the last of Premiere and Sersi. But no, they celebrated their return by joining in the wrecking of seven city blocks, two schools and a hospital. Not to mention the bones and flesh of 82 GMY civilians, 42 of GMY’s Finest and 39 other first responders that were torn apart by the “superheroes” incompetence and lethal indifference.

The destruction was ended only by the surprise return of Hatman, believed to be depowered. With his usual decisiveness and efficiency he dispatched the Obliterator, who supposedly was preparing a blast that would have leveled all of GMY State, into space.

One competent and generally trustworthy Lair Legionnaire, however, does not make up for the folly and danger of his fellows. Mutants apparently are some sort of kudzu weed; get rid of one group and another seeds and multiplies, and soon we are overwhelmed with incomprehensible dangers again. This is why Mayor Klein’s well-intentioned initiative has not only failed, but exposed GMY and we Parodipolitans across the river to even greater risks. Only the complete suppression of all superheroes and supervillains alike can return us to a semblance of safety and order. The federal government has repeatedly ignored our needs or has fecklessly devoted inadequate resources to exterminating this danger. Now, with the replacement of the well-intentioned but serial failure, Herbert Garrick, with General Terrence Hodgekiss as Presidential Special Advisor on Metahuman Affairs, there is again an opportunity for Washington to grapple with our number one public safety priority: eradicating the super-menace. Let us hope that finally our government acts – and soon.

J. Jonah Jerkson

VOICE OF THE PEOPLE

    To be continued…