"I feel really good" Hallie yelled, leaning in towards Tandi as they danced (though the A.I. was less than rhythmic at this point.) "I mean, like... really good."
"See? I told you we should do this more often!" the robosapien said, shimmying to the music.
"Maybe... but I have responsibilities" she noted. "Lair work... s'important. Saves the world. Sooooooo much to do behind the scenes to keep everything running smooth...ish."
"I'm not saying you need to go get hammered every Wednesday night..." Tandi argued as the song ended and the two headed back across the dancefloor. "Just that letting your hair down once in a while can't hurt."
"Hang on a sec'..." Hallie said as they passed the bar. She unsteadily pushed her way through a small gang of men to hop up into the lap of a surprised undergrad on a bar stool. Putting her arms around his neck, she hugged him tenderly, then whispered something in his ear, patted his cheek, and hopped down to rejoin her friend.
"What was that all about?" Tandi asked, looking back at the men who were laughing and congratulating their friend uproariously, though he was watching the two women with a strange look in his eyes.
"Jeremy there didn't want to come out to th' bar tonight" Hallie explained. "His parents called to tell him that his grandma passed away this afternoon."
"That's so sad!" Tandi blinked in surprise. "How do you know that? Is he a friend of yours?"
"He blogged about it on LiveJournal" Hallie noted. She tapped her chest. "World-class facial recognition software and the rise of social networking sites means I know just about everyone on campus..." She sighed, taking a fair sized pull off of another drink she had just materialized. "Nobody knows me, though" she added sadly.
"Wow" Tandi said. "And here I just get alerts when someone Twitters about my ass."
"Back booth, by the jukebox."
"Thanks!" Tandi said, turning to give her admirer a double thumbs-up. "Ooh, he's sexy..."
"You know what's sexy?" Hallie countered. "Secrets. Nobody appreciates the allure of a good secret any more. Everybody knows what everybody else is doing. Or who they're doing. Or what they think of... of... Diet Orange Crush. It's all blogged, tweeted, surveyed and logged. There's less mystery to the world than there used to be." She paused, her eyes going wide, and then turned and clung to Tandi for comfort. "Oh god..." she moaned. "I just gave a "kids these days" speech! Kerry was right... I'm ancient!"
Tandi pulled her close. "How many horny college guys are taking and uploading camera phone pictures of us embracing tenderly because we're two hot chicks?"
"Three" Hallie sniffed.
"Well then..." the former sexbot noted, "You've still got that going for you, don't cha?"
"Did I just get fired?" Visionary asked, standing outside of the new Dean's office at Parodiopolis University.
"Sure seemed that way" Fleabot replied.
"Okay, but... was I even still working for the University?" the Regular asked as they headed down the hall. "Because I don't remember having any contact with them for the last few years or so."
Fleabot nodded. "Well, if you were, then that little fact might solve the mystery as to why you were canned. Did the Regulars ever get around to teaching any of those classes that were printed up in that course guide years ago?"
"I remember a big increase in lawsuits a while back that might have correlated..." he shook his head. "Well, whatever... I wasn't really keen on starting a whole new Juniors program anyway, now that the first class has graduated."
"Nice of you to remind the Dean that the Junior pilot program was done in conjunction with P.U., and that the kids are his problem now. Although he might call in some of the law professors to discuss your legal motion of "no backsies"..."
"Lisa assures me that that kind of argument holds up more often than you'd think" Visionary sniffed. "Still, either way, I'm going to miss wearing my coat with the suede patches on the sleeves."
"When was the last time you even wore it?" Fleabot asked.
"Well..." the Regular noted as they left the administration building, "It turns out that suede gets badly discolored when you turn chemical fire extinguishers on it..."
"See?" Al B. Harper stated, raising a drink. "Isn't this fun? Doesn't this remind you of when we were in college?"
Muffy Framlicker shot him an incredulous look. "You want to remind me of when you cheated on me with my roommate Helen McAllistair and I wanted nothing to do with you for a decade?"
"Well, no... but we did find out that none of that really happened, that Helen was murdered and I was given false memories of having that affair with her to cover it up, and that she actually had a crush on you instead, and..."
"And yes, Al... So far, this evening out is just as much fun as those memories" Muffy muttered. "Perhaps we can not talk about Helen, and focus on the present instead..?" She paused. "We could start with the sexbot trying to get your attention."
"What?" Al asked, his head snapping around.
"Um... excuse me? Mr. Harper?" Tandi said, "I hate to interrupt, but I'm a little bit worried and wanted to talk to you about Hallie."
Muffy smiled thinly. "Oh, how perfect."
"Oh?" Al stammered, "Ah... What's wrong? Where is she?"
"She's at the table in the corner, telling her professor what she thought of his last art exhibition."
"So?" Muffy asked.
"Er... she's telling him what she really thought. I don't think she has complete recall of her entire thesaurus program, but she definitely remembers the word pretentious because she's using it enough."
Al chewed on his bubble pipe. (No bubbles came out, as this was a non-smoking bar.) "Ouch. How many has she had?"
"It's kind of hard to say..." Tandi fretted. "I wanted her to catch up to me, so I suggested a Long Island Iced Tea, but since she's generating them holographically, they never really run out."
Muffy choked. "A bottomless Long Island Iced Tea? Isn't that equal parts gin, vodka, rum and tequila?"
Al B. nodded. "Yes, well... I think I might see the problem."
"They call him a genius for just that kind of insight" Muffy said.
Al ignored her. "This drinking subroutine... did it make you have to gradually build up a tolerance to alcohol before you could hold your liquor? How about taking into account factors such as the time period over which you ingest the alcohol, or whether you have an empty stomach or not?"
"Oh, yes..." the former sexbot assured him. "It's really nuanced and... Oh! Oh no!"
"I think she's catching on" Muffy noted.
Tandi's eyes went wide. "As far as the program's concerned, Hallie's never had a drink before, has no food in her, and hasn't even slowed down for a refill!" She wrung her hands. "So... what do we do?
"I'm sure we can contain the damage" Muffy assured the robot. "Did you take her cel phone away from her?"
"Um..." Tandi grimaced, "She kinda is her cel phone."
"Hello, Garrick speaking."
"D'ya know what your problem is? Do you? You make me sick, Mr. High-and-Mighty, with your... your... bristle-headed, pasty-faced little... face... and... and head..."
Catbot lazily twitched his tail as he watched the rowdy students from the rafters of the bar. Despite the holiday, the activities below had been fairly routine since his arrival. College kids needed little pretense for drunken revelry, and they weren't especially known for moderation at the best of times, so the nature of this holiday made things only slightly more intense than the usual night.
However, there had undeniably been something brewing in the charged atmosphere. At first, he thought it was perhaps due to the arrival of the probability manipulator and her retconning boyfriend, but the air didn't quite taste right for that. Rather than the cause, they were most likely drawn here as another symptom.
It had taken him very little time to sniff out the real culprit. Leprechauns were notorious for their over-use of bad cologne, and so tracking the wee little man to a crawlspace above the bar was child's play.
The cat looked down to where he had the tiny man pinned under one blue, clawed foot. As far as playthings go, it had entertained... making acceptable squeaking noises and protestations as he batted it about. It could speak the language, and made quite a big deal about a pot of gold awaiting if he would but let it free. Being a cat, however, he was content to leave the gold wherever it currently was so long as it was clearly understood who it belonged to now.
When the Leprechaun changed tactics, it was quite the obvious ruse, playing on the cat's territoriality. It really would have been insulting, except that the tiny man had a point... there was a bigger violation to avenge, and the stench of it was all over the young man making his way across the bar.
And so Catbot trained his goggle-clad eye sensors on his new target, releasing the faerie creature to go make more mischief. "For the honor of Anastasia!" he thought grandly as he dropped from the ceiling, all claws extended, down towards the unsuspecting spiky-haired transgressor in the red shirt and flip-flops below.
"Just keep an eye on her... I'm pretty sure she's winding down. Maybe." Sam pleaded with Vespiir. "I got her away from the art-school set before she got herself completely expelled, I think. Tandi is trying to find Fleabot and hopefully he can keep her out of trouble in the ways we can't until she sobers up."
The young Caphan looked trapped in the corner booth as the great and terrible Hallie, subject of song and story in Lemuria, sang to herself drunkenly while slumped onto the green woman's shoulder.
"And don't let her summon up anything stronger than virtual coffee!" Sam ordered as she disappeared into the throng of bar goers.
The seeress chewed her lip uncertainly.
"Your hair smells so nice" the A.I. woman sniffed from her shoulder. "I always hated how disgustingly nice Caphan hair smells."
"Thank you?" Vespiir ventured.
Hallie patted the girl's knee appreciatively. "Sorry" she noted. "I might be a little drunk."
"Hello ladies..." an upperclassman said as if on cue, taking in the vulnerable targets of the half-naked green beauty and the obviously inebriated brunette woman. He slid onto their side of the booth, putting his arm along the back. "I want to thank you for saving me a seat..."
Vespiir's houri dagger stabbed down into the wooden tabletop between the fingers of his hand as he reached towards the nut bowl.
"Oh look..." he said, much less smoothly and in a significantly higher pitch. "I think a table just opened up across the way instead."
Hallie chuckled when he was gone. "Nuts... That's a fun word. Nuts Nuts Nuts."
Vespiir noted too late that Sam had not said when Tandi might return with Fleabot, nor where she herself was going.
"Want to know a secret?" Hallie said in a sleepy voice, her eyes closed as she nestled further into the seats of vinyl booth. "I'm gonna be a Legionnaire. An actual, full-blown Legionnaire." A contented smile crossed her peaceful face. "They're gonna ask me again, and I'm gonna say yes, and then I'll be the first artificial person in the Legion and people will see we can be heroic too." She sighed, her breath deep and regular. "Maybe I'll get to be in a parade... I would love to be in a parade, people cheering, crowds waving tiny flags... and the various government types outside the Legion will start treating me like a person... and I won't have to hear anyone call me a glorified answering machine ever again... and..." She swallowed hard and her voice grew tiny. "... and other artificials will stop hating me for what happened to the interned robosapiens, and for poor Mindy and... and I won't fail this time... even if I'm scared..." She paused. "...even as scared as I am."
Vespiir watched over her peaceful form with sad eyes.
After a few moments of silence the A.I inhaled sharply and sat up, blinking and wiping some drool from the corner of her mouth. "Whoa... was I dreaming?" she asked, looking around with unfocused eyes.
"I... It is not my place..." Vespiir hesitated, a stricken look on her face. "Yes" the seeress finally answered glumly.
Oblivious, Hallie smiled and laid her head on the table. "Well, as long as it was a nice one..."
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