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| Tales of the Parodyverse >> View Post |
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Parody Island had long been home to many dark secrets. The caverns beneath the surface ran deep and continued to be a source of mystery. The Mansion above with its cosmic connections was home to many other surprises. And on this day, on this Island, within the Mansion, a new secret is born. Simon Maddicks looked at the package on Hatman's desk. "You're joking, right?" In a former life Simon had been the mercenary for hire, Killer Shrike, but after a series of events involving the Hooded Hood and the Lair Legion he was currently out of work without the resources necessary to rebuild his equipment. "Do I look like I'm joking? It's all there." Boaz pushed the package and its contents forward. "The Legion needs Killer Shrike." Simon inspected the costume before him. It was all there; the electrified talons, the improbable molecule body suit with the titanium kevlar weave, even the cowl had his signature top knot. All of the gear he had used in his career as a villain and killer for hire. And the leader of the world's premiere superhero team was giving it to him. Simon didn't pride himself on his intellect, but he knew a con when he saw one. "This a frame-up?" "It's not a frame-up Simon. I said the Legion needs you, but not the Lair Legion." Jay indicated Simon should take a seat. "You're a man of the world, Simon. You live in the here and now, with your feet on the ground. You know the world isn't the neat and tidy place that the Lair Legion make it out to be." Simon allowed himself a wicked grin. "I always wondered if the boy scout routine was an act." Jay didn't smile back. "My job is to protect this world from all threats, big and small. The Lair Legion handle the big, public, galaxy-wide stuff. They're the shining heroes that inspire the populace. There is no one better in the world at their job." Boaz paused before continuing. "But part of being inspiring heroes is you can't be involved in the down and dirty stuff. It's just as important, but the Lair Legion can't be seen doing the job." Jay got up from behind the desk and paced slowly around the room. "This used to be the Dark Knight's area of expertise, but he's gone now and we need to be ready. That's why I'm assembling a new Abandoned Legion." Jay tossed a file folder at Simon, which he caught in one hand. Inside were pictures and files on the other potential candidates for the team. Simon flipped through the folder. The brunette was a looker, always a plus for any superteam. "Won't the Lair Legion come after me if they see Killer Shrike in the news?" checked Simon. He had enough poundings from the Legion in the past, he wasn't looking for another one. "The Abandoned Legion will only be called on for specific tasks at certain times. Due to the covert nature of the AL's activities, nobody will know that Killer Shrike was involved, provided you do you job properly. "I wish there wasn't a need for a group like this Simon, but it's a darker reality out there these days, and these jobs just need doing." Jay offered his hand to the butcher bird. "Can you help me make this world a safer place?" Had the offer come from anyone else, Simon would have walked away. But Hatman was one of the most respected heroes on the planet. If he was putting forth the plan, it had to be legitimate. Simon shook his hand. "Welcome to the Abandoned Legion Killer Shrike. I'll be in touch once I've assembled the rest of the team." Jay escorted Simon to the door and closed it behind the mercenary. After waiting a few moments, he opened it again and exited the office. * * * * * Killer Shrike took in his surroundings. The cramped room was poorly lit, with cracks running across the plaster on the walls. He was seated at a table with the rest of his new team, the chair beneath him creaking under his weight. The big man with the cape didn't even attempt the rickety furniture, he simply remained standing in the back of the room. "I'd like to thank you all for accepting my offer," began Jay, who was standing at the head of the table. Rather than wear his colourful Hatman costume he was clad in street clothes. "The world has need of you, even though they won't know it. Let me introduce the new Abandoned Legion." Jay gestured to his right. "This is Sersi, an Austernal with the ability to rearrange matter." The brunette woman blew a kiss at Killer Shrike. "Next, we have the last surviving science hero of the Technoverse, Premiere." Jay indicated the large man at the back of the room. "Weren't you dead?" asked Killer Shrike. He was sure Premiere was dead. "In this business, being dead is just a vacation darling," advised Sersi. Shrike had to admit, the times he had been dead were kind of restful. Jay nodded towards Simon. "And this is Killer Shrike, and yes, the top knot is on purpose." Sersi giggled, while Premiere seemed less than amused. "Always with the top knot," grumbled Simon. "So is this it? Just four of us?" "Three, actually," corrected Jay. "I was never here, and know nothing about this team. We want to keep our actions quiet, and the more members we add the more likely we are to be discovered. We keep the team small but powerful." It made sense to Simon. The Lair Legion's battles were certainly never quiet, and always made a huge spectacle. "So what is our first objective?" asked the no-nonsense Premiere. "With the imprisonment of the Lynchpin there has been a power vacuum created in Gothametropolis," Jay began to explain. "We want to keep the criminal families disorganized in GMY until we can come up with a plan for the Lair Legion to put them all behind bars." Jay passed a dossier around to each of the Abandoned Legion. "This is Sergio Argent, but he's known on the streets as Silvertop. He's been making a big push to take over control of the criminal underworld in Gothametropolis, and he's close to succeeding. We don't want a new Lynchpin on our hands, so it's your job to take him out." "So why do you need all of us?" asked Sersi. "Even Top Knot over there could handle this job on his own." "Hey!" objected Simon, even though he wasn't sure if he was being insulted or complimented. Jay passed around another dossier. "Because big time operators have big time hired help." Simon flipped through the file and winced. "This is going to hurt." Anvil Man's picture stared back at him. * * * * * "So here's the plan, Top Knot," explained Sersi. She was wearing a dark maroon bodysuit in an attempt to make herself less noticeable. The abundant cleavage the bodysuit exposed didn't help the effort. "Stop calling me Top Knot," growled Simon. He was back in his full uniform, and he had mixed feelings on the subject. He was glad to be needed by the Legion, but what was the point of doing good deeds if he wasn't going to get any credit? "Premiere and I will engage Anvil Man," Sersi continued. "Your job is to get past the building security and make the hit." Jay had been able to scare up blueprints of Silvertop's building, and being the professional that he was Simon had committed them to memory. He had been observing the building for the past three days, getting a feel for the security. He was ready to make his move. "Let's move," commanded Premiere. Killer Shrike took the lead, with his fellow Abandoned Legionaires bringing up the rear. They planned to stick together until circumstances dictated otherwise. As the trio crept through the building, Killer Shrike voiced a concern he'd had ever since Hatman had revealed the assignment. "Why can't the Legion proper do this job?" "What do you mean?" asked Premiere. The tall science hero kept a constant watch out for security with his enhanced vision while they talked. "This doesn't need to be a wet works job, and the Lair Legion take down organized crime all the time. Why us and why the secrecy?" Killer Shrike poked his head around a corner to check for guards before continuing on. "Because superhumans are outlawed in GMY," reasoned Sersi. "The Lair Legion sets foot here and they get arrested." Killer Shrike nodded his head, that much was true. And while he didn't have a problem with getting his hands dirty, it struck him as a little odd that Hatman would resort to such tactics. Simon kept that reservation to himself as the group moved on. "Okay, you two stay out here and watch for trouble," commanded the butcher bird as the trio paused outside Silvertop's office. The man liked to work late, which suited the Abandoned Legion just fine. Using a small attachment from his talons, Shrike expertly picked the lock to the office and sneaked inside. He wasn't prepared for what he found. Silvertop was already dead, and a lithe young woman in a purple bodysuit was standing over his body. She was one of the last people Simon expected to see, since the woman in front of him was supposed to be in prison. "Citizen Z?" * * * * * "He's taking too long," groused Sersi from outside the door. "I'm going to check on him." "Stay put," said Premiere. "If he was in trouble we would have heard something. Give him a few more minutes." "You don't have a few minutes," a voice rang out from behind the pair. They whirled around to find Anvil Man waiting for them. "Do we really have to do this?" complained Sersi as she squared off against the armored juggernaut. "Just make it look good," Premiere said. It wasn't clear which costumed character he was speaking to. * * * * * "Aren't you supposed to be in prison?" Simon asked the masked woman holding the saber. "I could say the same to you," replied Citizen Z. She calmly finished cleaning her blade on Silvertop's tie. "Is this the part where we fight? I have to admit, I was hoping to be home in time for 'So You Figure You Can Tango'."" Before Simon could press her further, the door shattered into splinters as Premiere was hurled through it by Anvil Man. Killer Shrike's instincts were to fall back and let the more powerful Abandoned Legionnaires handle the problem, but since Anvil Man had his meaty hand wrapped around Sersi's head he didn't have much choice to get involved. Shrike leaped forward, energy crackling from his talons. He let loose a flurry of slashes designed to score damage to Anvil Man's body, but his mystical armour protected him from the assault. Shrike ducked beneath a swing from Anvil Man's massive arm, and was about to renew his assault when Citizen Z scored too glancing blows upon the behemoth's helmet. "We need to remove his helmet!" Citizen Z commanded as she nimbly avoided Anvil Man's arms. "Consider it done," growled Premiere as he stormed back into the fight, tackling Anvil Man and forcing him to drop Sersi. Energy poured from Premiere's eyes as he focused his gaze on one of the buckles holding the helmet in place. Anvil Man roared in defiance as Premiere managed to hold him down. Citizen Z and Killer Shrike hacked away at the other buckle. "What's the point of removing his helmet?" asked Shrike as Citizen Z was swatted away. The last flick of her sabre had been enough to loosen the buckle. As Premiere tore the helmet off of the villain, Sersi rose to her feet, energy crackling from her eyes. "Because nowthat he's no longer protected, I can do this." Using her powers to manipulate matter, Sersi transformed the air around Anvil Man's head into adametheum, one of the strongest metals on the planet. Anvil Man struggled to rip the obstruction from his head, but with Premiere wrestling with him he could not. His body finally went limp, and Sersi removed the block. "So now what do we do? I don't think we're powerful enough to actually kill him," commented Killer Shrike. "Now Sersi uses her powers to fix the damage done to this building, Premiere drops Anvil Man off at the SAFE, and we all escape into the night with nobody the wiser we were here, am I right?" asked Citizen Z as she brushed herself off. "Who's the purple chick?" asked Sersi. "Citizen Z," answered Killer Shrike. Then, almost without thinking, he then added, "I recruited her for the team." "Isn't that Hatman's call?" asked Premiere as he held up Anvil Man for Sersi to restrain. "Hatman's not here in the field, is he? Citizen Z did the job he wasn't here to do, she's on the team," Simon barked. Sersi had already begun repairing the damage done during the battle. "Let's just get out of here and we'll discuss this later." She nodded to Premiere. "We'll handle the clean-up, you two can get out of here." Killer Shrike and Citizen Z disappeared into the night as Premiere hefted Anvil Man over his shoulder. "So now what do we do?" he asked his companion. "Beats me. We'll have to ask the boss." * * * * * "He did what?" Jay Boaz slammed his beer down on the table. "He recruited Citizen Z for the team," repeated the blonde mistress of matter. "Do we even know who she is?" checked Jay. "Last I checked Beth Zemo was still behind bars." The time displaced superman shrugged. "He was adamant we take her on. We didn't really have a reason to say no; don't you super types recruit new members like this all the time?" Jay was off his feet in a flash and in the big man's face. "You know I'm not one of those Lair Legion super wimps!" he shouted in his face. "He was just making a point, Doorman," the Suicide Blonde tried to calm him as she shifted her costume back from her Sersi outfit. "We gave Anvil Man his payment and sent him on his way, nobody knew we were involved. The plan is still good." "Yeah, it's not a big deal," smiled Quake, who had divested himself of Premiere's cape. "She just won't make it through the next mission." Doorman relaxed and returned to his seat. He raised his glass to his compatriots. "Excellent point. To the Abandoned Legion!" NEXT: Who is the new Citizen Z? Why did Killer Shrike recruit her? And what is Doorman's evil plan? Find out the answers, or maybe just some possible clues, next time! | |||
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