Adventures in Parodyverse:  Falling On Hard Times, Part 2


    Jay Boaz was a little surprised when Liu Xi Xian opened the door to her apartment, and Vinnie De Soth was standing behind her.  Liu Xi, on the other hand, wasn’t shocked at all that Lara Night was with Jay.  She just quietly invited them both in.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I heard all about it.”  Liu Xi said before Jay managed to get a single word out.  She looked at Lara, and added, “Nice jacket!”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Thanks.”  Lara smiled.  “Want to try it?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Sure.”  Liu Xi took the jacket from Lara and tried it on.  She was a little shorter than Lara, so the jacket went to her hips instead of just below the waist.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Not bad, I’ll bring you back one next time.”  Lara commended.

    Jay looked at Vinnie, who shrugged, to comment on the conversation without saying anything.

    Finally, Jay spoke up as he handed the piece of paper from Chiaki to Liu Xi.  “What do you think?”

    Vinnie looked over Liu Xi’s shoulder as she read the text on the paper.  

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Isn’t this Chiaki’s?”  the Chinese girl asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah.”  Jay replied.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“It’s great then.”  Liu Xi passed back the paper.  “She takes very good care of her buildings.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I mean, she wanted to give it to me.  I’m not sure if it’s right--”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Take it!”  Liu Xi insisted.

    Vinnie was laughing by that point.  He already knew about Liu Xi’s decisive nature.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hmm.”  Jay stared at the picture of the building.  “Everyone says I should take it.  I’m the only one who’s not sure.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“What does that tell you, Jay?”  Lara said.  She poked him in the arm gently to emphasize her point.  He noticed that her fingernails were painted pink too.

    He continued to ponder out loud.  “It might need some remodeling.  I guess I could do the work by hand.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I could help you.”  Lara contributed.  “I totally remodeled my own house back home.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You did?”  he asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“What?  You think a girl with painted fingernails can’t do a little construction?”  she asked with a smile.  After that, she headed to the kitchen to look for some water.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You should let her help.”  Vinnie whispered to Jay a little too loudly.  “You’d be crazy to turn down help from that kind of hotness.”

    Liu Xi punched Vinnie hard in the arm, and he whimpered.  Then she told Jay, “If you need somewhere to sleep while you remodel I have a second room.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I don’t know how well you’ll actually sleep here though.”  Vinnie said.  He got punched again.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Where would Lara stay then?”  Jay asked.

    Vinnie opened his mouth with an idea, but Liu Xi punched him pre-emptively that time.

    Liu Xi replied, “Well...I could put two beds in that second room.  Or I also have a fold-out couch.  I can also add a third room temporarily.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I don’t mind staying in an extra-dimensional magic bedroom.”  Lara chimed in.

    Liu Xi punched Vinnie again.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Ow!  What was that for?”  he asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I knew what you were thinking about ‘magic bedroom’.”  Liu Xi explained.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Oh.  I deserved it then.”  Vinnie shrugged, and rubbed his shoulder.

    Jay nodded, and stuffed the paper back into his jacket pocket.  “Lara, let’s go talk to Chiaki.  I’d like to see this place at least.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Okay.”  Lara waved at Liu Xi and Vinnie with her free hand - the other was holding a bottle of water.  “See you guys later.”  She followed Jay out of the apartment, closing the door behind her.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“That kind of hotness?”  Liu Xi asked Vinnie.

    Vinnie covered his shoulder arm with his other hand to block any more punches.  “Blondes are hot, okay?  Your friend Lara is a particularly sexy blonde.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yes, she is.”  Liu Xi agreed with a shrug.  “But I bet I can give you something she won’t.”  She whispered something in his ear.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You wha...?”  he asked in a breathless whisper.  “You can do that?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Maybe.”  she teased him as she walked past the kitchen.

    Vinnie would never tell her that he tripped and fell flat on his face trying to catch up to her.


---


    Anna was completely silent as she carried two heavy bags with all of her things from the Lair Mansion up the winding staircase of Visionary’s lighthouse home.  That was in contrast to Visionary and Hallie, who were talking excitedly about Hallie’s new body.

    Finally, Hallie stopped and narrowed her eyes, and looked down the stairs at Anna.  “Hang on, what’s this, Anna?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“What?”  the android asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“There’s another processor in this thing, it’s turned off.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Turn it on and play with it.”  Anna suggested.  “It’s my special gift to you.  It speaks a different language than you do, though, so you’ll have to learn it.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“She put something to hack in your own body?”  Visionary asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah!”  Hallie replied excitedly.  “It’s perfect, Anna, thanks.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Just not while you’re, you know, driving or something.”  Visionary suggested.  “Or flying.  Or while we’re--”  He turned red when he realized Anna was standing right next to him and figured out what he was about to say.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Which room is mine?”  Anna asked calmly, ignoring Visionary’s embarrassment.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Oh um...top of the stairs.”  he said.  “You didn’t put lasers in Hallie’s eyes too did you?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“No, holographic projectors.”  Anna replied.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Oh.  Great.”  Visionary mumbled.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“At Yuki’s suggestion she’s also made of heavier duty materials.”  Anna added.  “I’m made of very expensive composites, Hallie contains more metal.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’m heavier than you?”  Hallie protested.

    Anna paused, trying to think of a non-offensive way to explain the situation to her new hosts.  “I...was designed to be very lightweight.  So much so that I’m severely underweight by human standards.  Your weight is approximated more to human standards.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You lost me.”  Visionary said.

    Instead, Anna summarized with, “You’re lighter than Yuki.”  She then decided to drag Visionary into it by saying, “Why don’t you be the judge?”

    Visionary looked nervously from Hallie to Anna and back.  He then moved closer to Anna and asked, “Can I, um...pick you up?  I mean, lift you, not like pick you up for a date.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Okay.”  Anna agreed.  She carefully placed the two large cases she brought on the stairs.

    He picked up Anna first.  She was light enough that he wasn’t prepared, and he lifted her high enough that she hit her head on the ceiling.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Ow!”  Anna protested.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Sorry!  Sorry.  I thought you’d be heavier.”  He put her down quickly.  “You really are light.  It’s a little weird, actually.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I’m not weird!”  Anna complained.

    Visionary wasn’t listening, he was lifting Hallie.  “This is much better, you weigh about what Chiaki does.”

    Both women stared at Visionary coldly.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“What?”  he said as he put Hallie down.  “She was unconscious, I had to move her and...oh, I’ll be up on my room!”  He stormed off, up the stairs.

    Anna and Hallie looked at each other and laughed.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Need any help with the cases?”  Hallie asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Nah, I’m fine.”  Anna said.  “Get used to your body slowly, don’t push it.”

    Anna was in for a surprise when she reached the top of the stairs.  The room assigned to her was actually bigger than the one in the Lair Mansion, and was carpeted.  It had two small windows, and both had an amazing view of the island and the bay.

    She decided race back down the steps, and figure out which room was Visionary’s, and knock on the door.  Visionary opened the door, looking confused as usual.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Thank you!  I love the room.”  Anna hugged him tightly.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“What’s going on in here?”  Hallie asked, as she appeared from around the corner.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Thank you too.”  Anna hugged Hallie also.

    Then the android raced back upstairs to unpack her stuff.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I think she likes her room.”  Hallie said with a smile.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah.”  Visionary agreed.  “She’s still kind of a kid herself, isn’t she?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“She’s only what, three years old?”  Hallie explained.  “Even with a rapid data download, there are certain things you can only learn from experience.  But she’s a great babysitter and bodyguard.  And friend.  She’ll work very hard to be a friend.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I guess it’s ironic that I was against her moving into the Lair Mansion at first.  Now I have her living in my home.”  He laughed.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“If only other stuff on you were as big as your heart, Visionary.”  Hallie said.  She smiled and headed to the living room to visit the kids.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Hey!  That’s not a nice thing to say!  It’s plenty big!”  Visionary complained.  He saw a confused Anna standing a few feet away, and he turned beet red.

    Anna raised an eyebrow and tilted her head sideways.  “It’s better than average.”  she said.  She walked away without explaining further.


---


    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Wow, this place is cool.”  Lara Night noted as she stood at the base of the stairway in a four story apartment building near the Zero Street Mission.  

    Antique tiles had been restored, repaired, and polished so they shined.  Same was true for the perfectly clean skylight at the top of the stairway.  Lighting fixtures had been replaced with new fluorescent ones that matched the character of the original building.  And all the paint was fresh.

     The door they entered the building through had a double door security system.  They used a key card to open the outside steel door, and inside was a small foyer and then a wooden door that could self-lock if the security system was triggered.  There were also cameras everywhere.  Chiaki took a page from her own home to secure this building.

    Even parking was secure.  The building next to the apartment contained an enclosed garage with a steel rolled-up door guarding it.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Your apartment would be at the top.”  Chiaki Bushido told Jay Boaz.  “You can take the stairs or the elevator.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Elevator?”  Jay asked.

    Chiaki opened a door that looked like a maintenance closet.  Inside was a steel elevator door, and a set of two buttons next to it.  She pressed the Up button.  “I’ll be up in a bit.”  she said.  “Take your time.”

    Lara and Jay rode the elevator up to the top floor.  When they arrived, the found a setup much like what was at Chiaki’s home - an elevator landing, a small foyer, and another door that secured the top floor apartment.  Jay took his key card and swiped it to open the door.

    Inside, the apartment was larger than it looked from the outside.  It was essentially a sprawled two bedroom unit with an open kitchen and a large living room and dining room.  The living room, bedrooms, and hallway parts were carpeted, and the dining room and kitchen had wood planks.

    It was also fully furnished, matching the look of the apartment itself.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Chiaki is totally an artist.”  Lara observed in quiet awe.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Yeah, really.”  Jay laughed.  He looked out the row of wooden windows, made to look ancient but as insulated as the modern kind.  “Its so easy to forget in here what’s still out there.”

    Chiaki entered just then.  “In case you’re wondering, the rest of the  units look similar to this one, only in a smaller scale.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“It’s...great.”  Jay said.  “It’s really great.  Why can’t you make a profit on it?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“People my agent has shown apartments to are terrified of the neighborhood.”  Chiaki said.  “That’s why this is perfect for you.  You’ll have a mission that’s all your own, and help Reverend Fleetwood two doors down at the same time.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Is there a catch?”  Lara asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Just one.”  Chiaki admitted.  “Don’t sell it right away.  Let’s just say that’s my repayment terms.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Have a little side bet going with someone?”  Lara asked.

    Chiaki smiled and nodded.  “Something like that.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Chiaki, can I spend tonight here while I think about it?”  Jay asked.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Of course.”  she nodded.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Very well.”  he said.  “I’ll decide by tomorrow morning.”

    Chiaki nodded again.  “If I may ask, since you’ll be the last resident to move out of the Lair Mansion...what will happen to it?”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“It’s property of a trust.”  Jay replied.  “There are several liens against it thanks to overdue bills.  Some lawyer named Armbruster is handling that.”

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“I see.”  Chiaki said.

    Meanwhile, a man in a cloak stood at the end of the causeway bridge, on the soil of Lair Island.  He shook the hand of Arnie J. Armbruster.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“Are you sure I haven’t met you before?”  Arnie asked the cloaked man.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“No.”  he truthfully replied.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“And this check won’t bounce?”  Arnie asked for the fifth time.

    Ã¢â‚¬Å“You have my word.”  the cloaked man responded.  “My word as...The Hooded Hood.”


TO BE CONTINUED?
    

-- Story written and copyrighted (C) 2009 by Jason Froikin, and may not be 
--    reprinted without permission.  
-- Yuki Shiro designed by Jason Froikin, based on designs by Masamune Shirow
--  Liu Xi Xian and the Psychic Samurai are original design by Jason Froikin
--  Lara Night is an original creation by Jason Froikin