I think Michael Bay is one of the worst things to happen to movie-making since Jack Valenti, and both in my head and in my heart, I know that both of Bay's Transformers movies are terrible, terrible pieces of shit, even by the standards of mindless summer action flicks.

And yet, in spite of all that, I did indeed pay money to see the first Bay Transformers film in a theater, and even now, when I stumbled across this clip from it on YouTube ...

"Autobots, roll out!"

... I literally WEPT.

Three and a half decades of living under my belt, and the closest I've ever come to harboring anything even approaching religious faith is fandom.

My parents were both raised Catholic, but the only way I can even attempt to comprehend how Christians feel about Jesus is by comparing it to how I feel about Optimus Prime.