“Divine Write”


I am Prosody, and I exist to understand. From my Cosmic High Backed Writing Armchair I observe the Parodyverse; studying the patterns and patter that make up its Narrative. From first word to last, it is my goal to know it all.

Throughout my being there have been two worlds that dominate my attention: the halcyon New Eden and its dark nemesis Apocalyspe. Both planets were ruled by those who call themselves Fairly Recent Gods, but by my studies have been revealed to be much more. They are archetypes. Anthropomorphic manifestations of every character in the Parodyverse, representing the most important protagonists all the way down the playbill to the slightest extras.

This is interesting, because of the fact that the “good” Fairly Recent Gods were presumably exterminated eons ago by their rivals of Apocalyspe. Perhaps this explains the significance of the heroes of Parody Earth, who are archetypes themselves. Perhaps not. What it could possibly mean is that evil has been triumphant in the Parodyverse, and has been some time. Why then, has the absolute master of Apocalyspe, the omnicidal maniacal Dark Thugos, taken so long to capitalize on this victory?

I go to find the answer.

*****

Atop the highest tower in GolGotham, the capital city of Apocalyspe is where I find Dark Thugos. He is not surprised to see me, “Prosody. You are just in time. What are your thoughts on this? Stuart’s propagandists put it together.”

I examine the banner being held by a pair of Grovelly servants. On it is the dour countenance of their master, where underneath it reads the ominous declarative

THUGOS
WILL

“You plan on extending your influence throughout the Parodyverse. Your fleet’s actions in Shee-Yar space, this promulgation, these are means to that end.”

“Which in turn is a means to an even greater end,” the granite faced despot explained, “The End.”

“Impossible,” I say.

“Just because dilettantes like the Parody Master have failed to destroy the Parodyverse does not mean it can’t be done. I learned one thing from my tenure as part of the Triumvirate, when I held the title of Destroyer of Tales: every doomsday myth is real. Reality can be murdered if the killer is resolved. And there is none more resolute than Thugos.”

“If your theory is true, then the Anti Plot Expression exists,” I say, not quite willing to believe yet.

Thugos willed a Zoom Tube aperture into being and stepped through it, “It does. Join me, scholar, if you wish to learn more.”

*****

We travel to the Other Center of the Parodyverse (the one where the Fairly Great Old One Azafroth does not lurk) in the Higher Conceptual Plane (which survived the Parody War) to the most hallowed site of the Fairly Recent Gods. To the Font.

I have come here numerous times, to study the nigh indecipherable runes that are etched across the construct, in hopes to learn more about what Thugos now tells me to be true. The Anti Plot Expression. The words that, when uttered, make its speaker the absolute master of the Parodyverse. It is an exercise made doubly difficult with the presence of the Silver Armada. A fleet of warships that guards the Font from those who which to exploit it, and keeps even the most benign observer at bay.

“Something is wrong,” I say as I scan the massive flotilla.

Thugos sneered, “Yes, the infinite Armada doesn’t seem quite so infinite now, does it? Oh, it’s still vast, but there are limits. Never before in the history of the Fairly Recent Gods has this been the case. Why have things changed?”

Because, I realize, the Parodyverse is no longer growing. My senses note the flow of Narrative Energy from the Font. At times this raw Story Stuff has been a geyser of ideas, at this moment it is merely a trickle.

“The Parodyverse is in stasis, not growing, but not receding. However, such a condition is not sustainable. Soon it will begin to atrophy and, then, collapse. Its defenders will weaken. Meanwhile I create a force that will obliterate the Silver Armada and allow me entrance to the Font. Then I will speak the Dark Shibboleth, the Anti Plot Expression.”

I understand now, “You desire to assume the powers of the Font! The Source of All that Has Been and Ever Will Be!”

“Yes, Prosody. Then, my reign begins: a near eternal final act for Reality. I will direct a Grand Guignol whose atrocities will echo back to the birth of the Parodyverse. Relentless, inescapable. There will be no heroes, only victims. Then, after I have crushed every free spirit, after I corrupt every noble thought, after I extinguish every good- greater, lesser, and all those inbetween-THUGOS WILL.”

I study the eyes of the Sol Tyrant, looking for any hint of braggadocio. I find none, “It is ambitious, but I doubt even you posses the power to accomplish these things, Dark Thugos. Creating your army, finding the Anti Plot Expression-“

Thugos raised a finger to quiet me, “I do not need to find that which I myself have hidden.”

“What?”

“When I was Destroyer of Tales, I had access to the Anti Plot Expression. I was barred from using it because of the conditions of my office, but I could put it within a vessel where it would be safe until I needed it,” Thugos chuckled, “How galling this must be for you, Prosody, to search for an eternity for something I could discover and retrieve at my leisure.”

“You possess the Anti-Plot Expression?! You must tell me where it is immediately!”

The Unenlightened Despot begged to differ, “No, I do not. You cannot be trusted, scholar. You claim to be beyond sentiment, but there is always the chance you have grown too fond of this place to let me end it. You may try to do something selfless and stupid if I told you where the Anti Plot Expression rests. However, I will allow you to monitor my progress though, and my eventual triumph, before oblivion claims us all.”

I am not satisfied with those conditions, and I doubt Thugos expects me to be. But he is clearly confident, and motivated. How far along is this gambit for apotheosis? Is he right that the Parodyverse has reached its apogee and is now primed for destruction? And where are the keywords that can herald his scheme? Where is the Anti-Plot Expression?

*****

“Shrike!” the high, piercing voice of Professor Vulcan reverberated trough the tiles and porcelain of the upstairs bathroom, “I have fallen in the shower! Attend me!!”

Simon Maddicks threw down the magazine he was reading, “Christ, Vulcan, what do you do before getting in the tub? Drink a six pack and put on roller skates?”

“Spare me your jibes, cretin! It was your poorly installed appliqués that have resulted in my current predicament!”

“Yeah, yeah,” the Butcher Bird grumbled as he rose from the couch to aid his charge, “As if I didn’t have enough on my mind already.”

To Be Continued, in the stories of “Kambyon the Kruel”!

Footnotes:

Prosody: A Fairly Recent God who claims to come from neither New Eden nor Apocalyspe, this powerful entity travels the Parodyverse in his Cosmic High-backed Writing Armchair in search of the Ultimate Truth, which he finds out in this story may in fact be relative. A creature of pure logic, his actions can easily be seen by many to be cold and amoral.


Dark Thugos, Ruler of Apoclayspe, Tyrant of the Sol Empire, master of the Entropy Eyebeams, a the craggy-countanced alternate-reality son of the Hooded Hood and brother to the equally-sinister Kumari. After being forced from his original reality, Thugos conquered a sizeable portion of the prime Parodyverse, including the Skree Empire (q.v.) before being killed and recruited as the new Destroyer of Tales. After rejecting his office he returned to rule his brutal homeworld Apocalyspe. He is served by a cast of thousands of undead, necro-priests, and stormtroopers. He is has also persued Death (q.v.) (who doesn't fancy him).

Professor Vulcan: a Golden Age era supervillain, part of a trio assisted in retirement by Simon Maddicks, aka Killer Shrike, at the request of Sarah Shepherdson. It would seem he is in need of a great deal of assistance.