Tales of the Parodyverse >> View Post
Post By
Jack

Subj: Igloos, Ice Trolls, and 42-inch plasma screen TVs
Posted: Thu Dec 18, 2008 at 09:30:54 pm EST


Igloos, Ice Trolls and 42-inch plasma
Screen TVs.
By
Jack L Bryson.

Icy was busy making an igloo. He stood on the immense front law of the Lair Legion mansion. Two feet of snow covered the front lawn. Icy reached down and grabbed two huge handfuls of snow. Then he shaped the snow into a brick and breathed on it. His breath turned the snow into ice. He repeated the process of making ice bricks and stacked them on top of each other.
Glory jumped up and down and barked excitedly at the process. She wanted to be the first one to enter the igloo. Icy was making the igloo for the children of the Lair Legion. They were now outgrowing this sort of thing, so he sighed, knowing that his ice slides, sculptures and igloos would outlive their usefulness.

“Hey are you building an igloo?” CSFB asked.

“Yes, yes I am,” Icy replied.

“That’s awesome. Can I be the first one in?”

“Well, that right is reserved for Glory, but you can try it out after her.”

“Right on.” CSFB left, making his way up the front walk and into the mansion.

After a couple of hours, Icy finished positioning the last bricks, making a perfect dome with an ice awning entrance. Glory looked up at Icy, pleading.

“Go on, try it out,” Icy said. Glory raced inside the igloo, barking estatically. Icy smiled at the super dog’s enthusiasm. Then, Icy noticed something strange. Glory’s bark echoed as if she were on the other side of a canyon. Just as Icy bent down to look inside the igloo, Mageweed and Griffin showed up.

“Hey an igloo! Can we go inside?” Magweed asked.

“Well, Gloy raced in there, but I’m not sure it’s safe.”

“I’m sure it’s safe,” Magweed said. She crawled inside with Griffen before Icy could protest. Icy could hear the children express their amazment from inside.

“This is amazing,” Icy heard Magweed declare. “It’s huge in here. There’s bearskin rugs and a kitchen and there’s a table with candy on it.”

“What?” Icy said. Before he could enter the igloo to investigate, Samantha Featherstone appeared.

“Icy! You finished the igloo.” Samantha got down on all fours and crawled inside. Icy stood outside the entrance of the igloo. He leaned over and put one hand to his ear to listen for the children. Samantha Featherstone expressed the same amazement as Magweed. Then she remarked, “There’s a Jacuzzi in here!”

“Any chance you see Glory?” Icy shouted in the igloo. He got down and was ready to enter the igloo when CSFB tapped him on the shoulder.

“Hey! You said I could be the first one in.” CSFB protested.

“Well…I…” Icy wanted to explain the phenomenon, but CSFB cut him off and entered the igloo. “Nice. Hey Icy, how did you get a 42 inch plasma screen T.V. in here?”

This is ridiculous Icy thought. “Listen everyone, don’t move; I’m coming in to investigate. Icy got on the ground and crawled into the igloo. Magweed and Griffen were sitting at a kitchen counter eating M&Ms. Samantha Featherstone and CSFB were sitting on a couch watching Dr. Phil on a plasma screen TV. Glory was playing in a Jacuzzi. How the hell did this happen? Icy wondered. Before he could speculate outloud someone from behind said, “What are all of you doing in my house?”
Everyone turned around. There was a pale blue creature. He wore rags and had a long monstrous face for lack of a better adjective. In one hand he held a long wooden staff. “All of you get out of my house.” The creature waved his staff around and fired sparks from the end of it. He shot out icicles from his free hand and the icicles stung everyone. CSFB, Samantha Featherstone, Glory, Icy, Magweed and Griffen fled from the Igloo.

When everyone was outside, and calm down enough, Icy bent down and shouted in the igloo, “Excuse me sir, what are you doing in this igloo?”

“Go away, this is my home.”

“Is there any chance we could discuss this?” Icy asked.

“There’ s nothing to discuss. Get away from my home.”

CSFB touched Icy on the shoulder. Icy turned around and CSFB said, “Let’s get the kids inside and see Hatman. Moments later, when the kids were inside, CSFB and Icy were in Hatman’s office discussing what had happened.

“So let’s assess the situation,” Hatman said. “Icy, you built an igloo for the kids.”

“Correct.”

“Then they, Glory and CSFB crawled inside and found a well furnished interior that was larger on the inside than the out.”
“Correct.”

“Now, there’s a creature of some sort who got in the igloo and doesn’t want to come out?”

“Yep, that’s the scope of it,” Icy said.

“I think we’ll have to come up with a plan.”

To be continued?