From the Parodiopolis Daily Trombone :

An Editorial
By J. Jonah Jerkson, Editor and Publisher

Lair Legion: Hand Over De Nile and Leave Our City

As our page one, exclusive story discloses, responsible authorities worldwide are demanding that the preposterous collection of lunatics and super-maniacs calling themselves the "Lair Legion" surrender the mysterious, world-destroying alien who is running free on Lair Island under the protection of those costumed clowns. According to our highly placed confidential sources, an ancient alien shapeshifting being called "De Nile" for some inscrutible reason (with no relationship to the noble river by which a spanking-new Slopp-Burger franchise stands) has been given refuge in a secret private lodging in the Lair Mansion. The loathesome being, described by one knowledgeable source as a mucoid terrorist entity whose one purpose is to strike madness and devastation on an interplanetary scale, is said to be gathering strength to commit unthinkable destruction whenever it may be triggered again.

Leaving for now the question of whether tolerating the presence of these alleged "superheroes" attracts and provokes the depredations of cosmic vermin such as De Nile, it is fundamental that they cannot resist the duly constituted authorities charged with protecting citizens and extraditing galactic malefactors. Yet even with a SPUD carrier ready to devastate the island (with likely unfortunate collateral damage to our already battered city), the under-staffed, erratically led and headstrong Lair Legion wastes its time and resources resisting SPUD instead of securing our frayed peace of mind.

Worse, our fragile security may be evanescent. We have received indications that a very high level Presidential adviser is concerned that De Nile may not be contained on Lair Island and could flow anywhere. Who knows what catastrophes could result?

For the sake of this vital but victimized city, for the sake of the planet, and most of all, for the sake of our children menaced by this monster and the Lair Legion's irresponsibility, De Nile must be delivered to the Safe immediately. Then SPUD should mobilize and enlist any remaining Sentinoids and evict the Lair Legion forthwith from mansion, island, city, state, and, if possible, planet.

J. JONAH JERKSON